I Need Somehow To Believe
I was only a kid,
when I said goodbye to you.
Ten summers ago,
but it feels like yesterday.
*.*.*
Tears spilling down already rain drowned faces, lips pressed together; desperate, hungry, longing, cold.
[No, no, no.]
[Clinging], pulling away, [wanting to stay], and having to go.
Gripping hands; shackles, [comforting].
A shuddering breath,
[Don't] " let go."
*.*.*
Lost, scared and alone,
nothing I could give to you.
I tried, I really did
but I couldn't find another way.
*.*.*
[Musical] words ringing, echoing, pounding.
Shut up, shut up, shut up,
"Shut up!"
A flash of hurt, welling eyes, and the pattering of running feet.
Gone.
No, no, no.
A whisper; wasn't meant that way.
"come back…"
*.*.*
And I want, and I need
somehow to believe,
in the choice I made;
am I better off this way?
*.*.*
White dress, [empty] promises, rough lips,
[soft strawberry ones disappeared a long, long time ago]
Doubt.
Clapping, cheers, ringing, echoing, pounding.
Shut up, shut up, shut up,
…
*.*.*
I can hear the voice inside my head,
saying you should be with me instead.
Every time I'm feeling down, I wonder
what would it be like with you around.
*.*.*
Alone.
Empty [heart] house.
[another business trip.]
Flashes of images, memories.
Her. Beside you.
Laughter.
Happiness.
Flicker,
silence.
Gone.
Alone.
*.*.*
So I, I made my way
cold and roaming in the wild.
I'm forever changed,
by someone I never knew.
*.*.*
She's sitting there,
knife pressed against pale flesh.
No.
This isn't her.
You know her,
[no you don't]
You know her better than anyone.
[Maybe that's because no one else ever bothered to look.]
She's happy, she loves living.
And acting, and singing, and…
Acting.
No.
[Yep.]
*.*.*
Now I've, I've got a place,
I've got a husband and a child.
But I'll never forget
what I've given up in you.
*.*.*
You're all in the living room.
Silence.
[she would have filled it with laughter]
He sits across the room,
sucking on a glowing cigarette.
"Don't smoke in the house."
He takes another puff,
"Don't be such a fucking hypocrite."
Your daughter gets up and leaves.
You shake your head,
he doesn't even bother making sense anymore.
[You haven't smoked since Cat got you to stop.]
*.*.*
And I want, I need,
somehow to believe,
in the choice I made;
am I better off this way?
*.*.*
"Get the hell out of here Beck."
Your cheek stings, a bruise already blossoming across it.
"No fucking way! This is my house, I'll do as I please!"
Silence.
He's panting, teeth clenched, eyes blazing.
"It's all her fault!"
He grabs a picture off your dresser.
It's her.
She's laughing [she always was], and spinning, rain falling around her, bright pink umbrella
in hand.
A tear rolls down your already flaming bruised cheek.
"See what I mean, you still love her!"
He flings the frame at the wall and it shatters in a burst of crystallized tears.
[It's funny that he's the one to finally make you realize it.]
*.*.*
I can hear the voice inside my head,
saying you should be with me instead.
Every time I'm feeling down, I wonder,
what would it be like with you around.
*.*.*
And then, miraculously, she's there.
She sees the bruises he left on you, and she takes your hand, and you run.
You take your daughter with you and anything else you can grab,
and you're gone.
You go and live with her, just you her and your daughter.
And the bruises heal and you're allowed to leave the house again
for more than an hour at a time.
And most of all; you're happy,
as laughter fills your life once more.
*.*.*
And I want, I need,
somehow to believe,
in the choice I made;
I am better off this way.
*.*.*
AN: Just a short little song-fic. The song is Voice Inside My Head by the Dixie Chicks. Sorry if you didn't understand it; it was pretty confusing, the beginning especially. XP. Sorry if the end seems a little rushed; it wasn't supposed to have a happy ending.
Any-who, you can review if you liked it, but definitely review if you hated it. I don't know why I just said that, I'm tired I guess.
Peace ;)