Author's Notes: If any of my Diary of a Songbird readers are reading this, just know that Chapter 27 is coming along however slowly that may be. Title is a The All-American Rejects song though I have never heard it before. I just thought it was kind of fitting.

Thanks much to my beta, Lyndsie Fenele. If there are any mistakes, they are because of my own fiddling when she sent the chapter back.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters, settings, and terminology belong to the brilliant mind of J.K. Rowling. I am using them non-profit for a bit of fun. :)

Change Your Mind

My dearest Ginevra,

I can't possibly join you and Luna on our monthly women-only outing. I am currently at home getting over a terrible heartbreak. I'm sure it will pass soon enough if you would like to reschedule.

Oh, you didn't think I wouldn't tell you what happened, did you?

His sneering words keep ringing in my ears over and over. It won't stop. He'll never stop. Ever since the first day I met him, he's been out to make my life hell. Foolishly, I thought that leaving school would change his mind. Stupidly, I thought he could have gotten over his petty hatred and found himself wanting me. But I'm young and learning—and I was completely wrong. He wants nothing to do with me. My heart will heal and I will find someone who respects me for who I am—bushy hair, brains, and all. I suppose I pushed him too far though with those last words of mine.

"Don't tell me you'd prefer some buxom blonde with no brains!" Yes, I yelled that into his face. You see, he had just told me that I was not worthy of his intentions and then—as usual—made fun of my hair. Next, he looked me up and down and sneered as if I had absolutely nothing to offer him. What does he know? I have tons to offer! I can brew a potion better than many our age! (But of course he would never admit to that.) I have dedication and determination as demonstrated by my Animagus abilities and Apparition capabilities. I'm a mean cook and Transfigurator (I realize this may not be a real word. I actually struggled with it for awhile before finally writing it down.). I am bilingual and literate. I have opinions and my nose is exactly centered on my face. What more could a man want?

I'm not quite sure what he said after my outburst because I was seeing red and if it's possible, I was hearing it too. I was so sure that he would appreciate an intellectual woman. Someone to do research with and to have heated talks with; debates and book discussions. I have always imagined marrying my intellectual equal (Viktor Krum and Ron don't count of course), because when you get old, all you'll have is someone to talk to. And I may not be beautiful but I'm not horrendous looking either. But as I stated before, I was completely wrong.

So after he finished saying whatever he wanted to say (which I got the gist of), I screamed back at him.

"You can't be choosy, Professor! Not with your looks!" Yes, I said that too. He didn't appreciate it one bit because next thing I knew, he was yelling too.

"If I'm so ugly, then what the hell are you doing here!"

I was so emotional at the time (and you know how I get when I'm emotional) that I didn't care what I was saying. Big mistake. I should have watched my mouth.

"Because even if no one else does, I care for you!" I can't say anything else except that he was totally gob smacked. It may seem uncharacteristic for our favorite ill-tempered former potions teacher but his mouth hung open for almost a second before he sneered once again. (God, that sneer makes me want him and hate him at the same time!) This is the part where he threw my feelings back into my face. I won't go into detail (it's very nasty what he said), but I will let you know that he threw in the nature of Gryffindors, what I couldn't offer once again, and the fact that he didn't want anyone to care for him. (Actually, I think he was debating with himself whether or not to say he didn't need someone to care for him.) Then he told me to "get the hell out of his house and never come back." That was this morning. Needless to say, I haven't seen him since.

Please ignore the wet splotches on this parchment. Crookshanks was sniffing the ink and his nose is all wet, you know. Really, I'm taking all this a lot better than you would think. I was just pouring some brandy for myself when I thought to write you this letter. I'm enjoying my independence. I am a successful woman, you know! I don't need a man to make me whole. I can work on my career some more and then the perfect person will come along. He'll want me, respect me, love me; and he'll be closer to my age. Looks won't matter for him.

Severus Snape is such a shallow, cold-hearted, hook-nosed, greasy-haired, sallow-skinned bastard. Well, now I know not to bother with him anymore. I don't need someone who will treat me like dirt. It won't happen. I am worth more than dirt and I deserve much more than to be treated like it.

Oh, didn't I say I was pursuing Professor Snape? I could have sworn you knew long before. Who needs him? Hermione Granger doesn't! All I need are my books, career, cat, and girl friends. You should be honored. I realize that many of my friends are boys but I've sworn them all off. If Harry and Ron sense some hostility from me, you'll know why.

Now I might be close to drunk and I'm starting to ramble on. You know what happened, why I'm not joining you guys (I mean, ladies) this evening, and what I am going to do now. So, since you know all the important details, I'll be sending this off.

Love,

Your dearest friend,

Hermione

To: the lovely Ginny Weasley

From: the dearest friend

Thank you so much, Ginny for taking me out last night. I hadn't expected you and Luna to barge into my flat and drag me to the nearest bar so we could all get pissed together. I have to say, the alcohol was much better than what I was drinking and I really needed to blow off some steam with you two. A major headache never felt so good. You ladies are the best.

Oh, you remember when I was feeling kind of woozy and I tried to make my way to the loo unaided? Well, I couldn't make it so someone helped me out along the way. When he managed to get me to the door of the women's loo, he told me that my mouth was even worse drunk and that he preferred the intelligent things that came out of it when sober. Then he informed me that I was making a fool of myself. Well, this was long into the night and I was too far gone with alcohol to care who he was so I was just leaning on him and smiling like a madman. He grabbed my upper arms firmly and pulled me off of him so that he could see my face. His hand pushed my hair out of my eyes and then stroked my cheek.

"Even drunk you're beautiful," he said. I suppose he thought I wouldn't remember it the next day but my senses seem to naturally work doubly hard when he is near me. I can still remember how he smelled. I hope to God that I didn't say anything incriminating because even though I remember what he did and said, I can't remember what the hell I was doing. Even so, I was in drunken heaven with his hands touching me like they were.

But don't worry, Ginny. He didn't do anything more than escort me into the loo and ask someone in there to help me back to our table. He didn't take advantage of my drunkenness and vulnerability. I just hate myself for being drunk at that moment but I suppose if I hadn't been so smashed, he wouldn't have helped me out. I think I might try again with him.

I'll bet all the Galleons I own that the only reason he was being so hurtful to me yesterday was because he didn't know what to do with my affection. I bet you it was a sort of defense mechanism to keep me away for whatever reason. Maybe he is so used to solitude and nobody wanting him that he didn't know what to do when I said I did. Well, I do remember what he did for me yesterday and what he said, and I'm going to let him know it. I have the argument all planned out in my head of what to say to whatever he could say. This time, I'm going to be prepared. I'll not lose my temper, nor will I take no for an answer.

Severus Snape had better watch out, because I'm going after him like no one else has before.

Ginny darling,

I went back to his home in Spinner's End today and knocked on his door. I was very surprised when he let me back into his house despite him yelling at me to never come back. Of course, he did so with a scowl on his face. I think that scowl makes him look so cute. Oh, did you just splutter? I bet you did. Sorry if I have caused you any discomfort or disgust. Just remember that I love you and you're my dearest friend.

So, back to my story. He crossed his arms over his chest and asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted the same thing that I wanted last time I had talked to him. He sneered—typical Severus Snape—but I told him that I remember what he did for me last night and the sneer slipped right off his face.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Really, he sounded like a petulant child! I took a step closer to him and met his eyes.

"I think you do. You don't just go for the bimbos, do you? You like some intellectual stimulation once a while." I was studying his face and I think he was getting uncomfortable with my scrutiny because he stalked away from me to stand in front of his fireplace.

"Don't presume to know anything about me," he said. I almost thought he sounded sad but that notion left my head when he turned around and continued with, "Because you don't and you never will know anything about me."

"Don't count on that," I said.

Then I left. Just walked right out of his house and left him standing there. It's all part of my master plan, you see. I'm not trying to seduce him or anything. I'm just trying to help him realize that I am someone he can get along with. As you said two nights ago, "Why would you want to get along with Snape?" and since I was too drunk to answer then, I'm going to give you this now:

Why would you want to get along with Draco Malfoy? Yes, I know about you two, but don't ask me how I know. You've been seeing him secretly. I guess we both just have a taste for those bad boys, eh?

I'll send along another note next time I talk to him and maybe one day I will give you the real reason I am going after Snape

Hermione

Oh, Ginny. I'm so sorry you haven't heard from me in a while. I know we talk everyday but isn't owl post more fun? Well, I haven't talked to you in a few days and that goes the same for Professor Snape. I have not seen nor heard from him since our encounter last week. What a surprise it will be for him when I show up at the Christmas party at Hogwarts tonight. Professor McGonagall invited me. She said she wanted to talk to me about something. Well, I say this could be interesting. I'm going to wear the dress robes my parents bought for me for my birthday. They are a lovely royal blue color and they fit like a glove.

I was starting to wonder if this whole process was worth the prize. I know you or Harry or Ron would say it isn't "because it's Snape for Merlin's sake!" but I was so sure he felt something for me after our night out. Or maybe I really was too drunk to remember the encounter correctly or maybe it didn't happen at all. Now I am just so unsure about him. At least the last time I saw him, we didn't argue or yell at each other. He didn't kick me out of his house or hex me into smithereens. I might regret this later but I really want to know what you think. You're my best girl friend and unlike Harry and Ron, you would never judge me because of who I might fancy.

Let these letters be a record of my progress. You are the only one who gets to see how things are coming along. Even though you may not particularly care, you are still my best friend and you will pretend that you do. Ha ha. Or you could burn them. But then just think how that would make me feel.

Hermione

The party was so beautiful, Ginny! You should have been there. All of the students from fourth year to seventh looked so fancy in their dress robes, and I watched the older students. You could tell which girl liked which boy and which boy was too timid to ask that girl to dance. It amazed me how five years ago, we were just like that. Hell, are we still like that?

"Was I ever like that?" I asked Professor McGonagall (or Minerva, as she's asked me to call her).

"Oh, absolutely," she replied to my amusement and disappointment. "You and Mr. Weasley's feelings were so obvious to the staff."

"You must have thought us silly," I said, embarrassed that Ron and I had gone after each other in the same way these teenagers were in the Great Hall, even if we soon found out that we were not as compatible as we previously thought.

"No sillier than anyone else with an unadulterated first love," she said. Of course she knows that Ron and I didn't work out but she didn't know that I was hoping for Snape and me to happen.

Nor did I enlighten her, either. What would she possibly think of me?

So, I made sure I had done my hair just so and that my robes fit just right all for Professor Snape–and he wasn't even there. It was nearly eleven-thirty when he arrived looking very disgruntled with Minerva having a tight hold on one of his sleeves. Of course he didn't vary his normal attire just for the party, but I thought he wouldn't have looked better in anything but his monotonous (but very sexy) black robes. It's that hint of white at his neck and wrists that turns me on. It reminds me that there is a white shirt somewhere underneath all those layers.

Yes, well. To my very surprise, Minerva brought him all the way to the table I was sitting at with Professor Flitwick (Filius, actually). Even though I had mostly gone to the party because I was planning on seeing Professor Snape and continuing with my next phase, I couldn't help but be nervous when he was dragged up to that table. My heart beat much too hard and I started smoothing down my robes and hair even though I knew they were both unnaturally impeccable. All I could think was "Will he think me pretty? Does he notice the difference? What does he think about the last time I saw him?" But when he was forced to sit in the chair next to me, I wasn't able to speak because Minerva was too bubbly to stay quiet.

"Well, I've gathered us all here today in hopes that everyone would be in good spirits,"—here Snape snorted—"because Severus has wonderful news for Hermione Granger."

This made me so curious because it wasn't part of my plan. And if he had news for me, why was Minerva the one announcing it?

"I thought having us gathered like this would give him an incentive to speak," she continued. Then it dawned on me, Snape was avoiding speaking with me. He couldn't even write what he wanted on a parchment and send it! I wondered if I was scaring him off or if he thought I was exceptionally stupid.

"It doesn't," he said. I have to say that I was disappointed that he was so intent on not talking to me. What kind of conversationalist would he be if he doesn't even like me enough to speak?

"Severus! Just tell her already! You're going to have to soon anyway!"

"No I'm not."

"You are being childish!"

"I'm not a child."

"Then act like it!"

Minerva was breathing in short puffs through her nose and reminded me of a bull ready to charge. Snape had his arms crossed over his chest and looked stubborn and defiant. They glared at each other as if they didn't know there was anyone else in the world. I wasn't sure who was going to give in first.

But apparently, Professor Snape did.

He turned to me and sighed in annoyance but I didn't mind. I was drinking his appearance in as if I hadn't seen him in ages, memorizing how black his eyes were (the unnatural, beautiful, black depths…), the sweep of his large nose, the wrinkles in his face that tell me how annoyed he is and just how old he is. And then I felt like a silly girl that had a crush on a man that was twenty years older than herself who would never see her as anything except that one annoying student who was best friends with a boy he hated. I felt like I was stupid pursuing him, because no one would understand why I respected him or cared for him or admired him. I thought I was being childish trying to get him as I was because no one would understand the age difference even though we are capable of living for 150 years. At that moment, I felt completely idiotic and hopeless.

"I've decided to accept you as my apprentice," he finally said. Soon after I graduated, I had asked to become his apprentice. I had even filled out all the forms I needed and handed them to him to sign if he decided to take me on. I couldn't believe five years later, he was finally accepting me. And then the disappointment set in. As his apprentice, I may be near him everyday but a relationship would be impossible. It isn't ethical for two people working together to have a relationship like that, and I would never know if he was only having a relationship with me because I was convenient or because he really wanted me. I think he noticed the crestfallen look on my face before I put on my false smile and said my thank you so much's.

Soon after that I took a walk in the gardens, thinking the night air could get rid of the chill that was in my body. But of course, the chill only became worse because it is December and night air is freezing. I was just thinking that wearing robes that bared my shoulders was a bad idea when Professor Snape came up behind me and put his cloak around me. The material was thick and woolly and I instantly felt much warmer. I turned around to face him and he was scowling at me. Even so, I thanked him.

"If you didn't have this harebrained idea that you could defeat the cold then I wouldn't have had to give you anything." Such lovely words from such a thin mouth. When he spoke again, his scowl was even more pronounced on his face. "I expected you to be happy about the apprenticeship."

I turned away so I wouldn't have to face him. He knew how I felt for him, and I'm sure he thought I would be ecstatic that I would have his company for long periods of time.

"I know. I expected to be happy about it too. But I signed those forms five years ago and now I want different things," I said.

"You don't want to be my apprentice," he said as if I had changed my mind and now wanted to apprentice under someone else.

"No. Yes. No!" I turned back around to face him. I pulled the cloak tighter around me and stared at the serpent clasp at my neck. "I still want to be your apprentice but I want different things from us. When I was nineteen, I thought an apprenticeship was the best way to be close to you. I didn't understand that you could use that sort of relationship however you wanted and have it mean absolutely nothing to you. Or maybe I didn't care. But five years later, I want something more than that. What I want is to know that you want to be with me too or to just tell me you don't so I can move on and marry that nice boy at work that has been asking me out for ages."

Now finished with my rant, I had turned away from him again and was shivering uncontrollably. I knew it wasn't from the cold. It was all those tears that were pent up that I was afraid I would shed if he left me there alone or told me that he wanted nothing to do with me beyond an apprenticeship.

I did not expect him to place his hands on my shoulders and lean down and whisper in my ear in the most seductive way, "I want to be with you too." No, I did not expect any of that. Though I suspected it, I didn't know he was capable of being seductive. I didn't know he knew how to speak words filled with promises and hopes. I think I might have started crying because after I turned around again, his thumbs were rubbing my cheeks and coming up wet.

"Y—you never said anything," I said. I kept my eyes closed, trying to stop the flow of tears, trying to enjoy the feel of him touching my face and hair. I was minutely aware that he was pulling pins out and letting it fall down my back in a tame curly mass. His fingers were running through the locks, feeling the sleekness of it.

"I liked your uncontrollable mane better."

He was avoiding saying anything to my statement but I wasn't going to let it go easily. I grabbed his arms so that he would look at me.

"You never said anything."

"Well, no I wasn't going to was I? You come to me one day, say you care for me, what was I to believe? That the woman I want could want me back? A fairly recent former student? No, I wasn't about to believe it too soon and I would be damned if I was to be made a fool of!"

"You silly, silly git," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. He tensed at first but when my mouth parted slightly, he relaxed and his tongue entered my mouth. Oh, I know this is probably the very last thing you want to hear but it was very special to me. There are no words to describe how I felt or what that kiss meant to me. My heart was beating so hard and there was a tingle from my toes to my mouth. My stomach kept doing little leaps and flips. And then it was over. My eyes remained closed and I'm sure my lips were still pursed because he was smirking when I opened my eyes.

"Good?" he asked.

All I could manage was an "Uummngh" deep in my throat. I think he might have laughed but I was too happy to notice.

Suffice it to say, I'm not taking the apprenticeship.

But I am having dinner with Snape (or Severus as he's asked me to call him) tomorrow night.

Eternally yours (can you share me with Severus?),

Hermione Jane Granger