"Are you going to postpone your wedding to Roy?" as her mother asked her a question that she never, ever thought she would need to have asked, Pam twirled Jim's phone cord around her finger. Jim. Jim who was (is?) her best friend. He listened her- as opposed to nodding his head while watching the game, and asking for a beer when she was done talking. Not that she minded. She knew not to bother Roy with her thoughts. She had Jim for that. It was with Jim that she could have a conversation within a single glance. Jim who saw her when he looked at her that was now when he looked at her and not the sixteen year old version of herself. Five seconds of hesitation to answer her mother's question. Should there even be hesitation to a question like that? She should have been able to just say no, of course not, I love Roy and it was just Jim. Just Jim. Jim with his shaggy hair. Jim who could express himself with his entire being. It was just Jim. When did it stop being just Jim to JUST JIM.. Was it the first prank they played together on Dwight? Or the first time they shared glance, shared a laugh, when Michael walked into the Office "rapping" Eminem's "Lose Yourself" years ago? When did Jim become the one person that she knew that she could go to with her thoughts, and feelings? When did wanting to be more than that with Jim seem to be such a good idea? When did she start looking at Roy and wonder why she was with him? She knew she was no longer that sixteen year old girl who was unsure of herself and what she wanted. and dating a football player was new, and kind of exciting in her life at the time. Roy has been a constant in her life for so long now. She even forgot what her dreams were for the future before him. Dreams weren't real for her any longer. They were just that dreams, except for her wedding. But even that wasn't what she always pictured it could be or should be. She always wanted a wedding where "it's nicer than it seems" wasn't said. She wanted her wedding to be something more than that.
"Pam? Honey?.." Still uncertain, confused, but wanting nothing more than to stop being the girl that she's supposed to be for Roy, to just stop and let herself think and wanting more than anything to just talk to Jim.
"Yeah. I think I am."