Summary: Charles Xavier may be the constant voice of reason, but he can't conceal his past or repress his feelings any longer. Charles x Erik, X-Men First Class. Rated M for some language, and suggestive situations. My first fic, so reviews are much appreciated. Thanks!
Charles Xavier walked with a steady pace throughout the cemetery, searching for the all-too familiar plot. He pulled his black trench coat tighter around him, trying to stay as warm as this windy autumn day would allow.
He finally reached the spot he had been looking for. 'Xavier' was engraved across the stone, along with dates and a portrait of a familiar face. A face he had always turned to when he felt completely conflicted. As it turns out, he hadn't felt this way in a while.
"Hello, Mother." He brushed the stone free of fallen leaves. "I'm sorry it's been a while." He placed a bundle of white lilies down and sat near the plot, not another person in sight.
Charles pressed two fingers to his temple to try and read any minds in the surrounding area. No one was in the cemetery but him and a few security guards at the gate who were busy griping about their wives.
He was perfectly alone. The wind whipped his wavy, dark brown hair as he sighed.
"I've been doing something that I think you would be very proud of." He felt the burning sensation of oncoming tears arise in his face. "I've been helping people like me. And I know you were a bit of a skeptic, especially when it concerned Raven and me, but I think we'll really be able to help people...people like us."
The wind stung his face, and his blue eyes omitted a single tear that traveled down his cheek. "I'm sorry about what he did to you. I've never forgiven myself." Charles broke off. He whispered to himself, "I'm so sorry."
Charles breathed, trying to push those memories out of his head. He cleared his throat and began pulling out blades of grass from the ground absentmindedly.
All those years later and the grief was still fresh and raw, as if it was yesterday. He decided to get to the point.
"I've come here seeking comfort." He arranged the lilies and smiled weakly. "I haven't been sure of myself lately, and I needed something to remind me that what I am doing is okay. I've had to push aside something that I can't seem to come to terms with." As if in response, a gentle breeze brushed against his cheeks, less aggressive than the previous winds.
Charles stayed there for a while. He wasn't quite sure how long, but he didn't care. He stayed until the sun had started to set through the cloudy sky. He figured he should be getting back soon, but he wasn't in any rush.
He felt safe. If he didn't move from this spot, he wouldn't have to face anything. No conflicts, no responsibilities, no other mutants with their questioning glances, no…strange, bubbling feelings in the pit of his stomach.
'I can't find Charles. Shaw better not have gotten to him! Shit, I should've come here earlier. He said not to come but I have to make sure he was alright. The others need him….I… need—Charles? Is that him over there?'
"Erik." Charles breathed as his heart picked up speed. He was here, and he was close. Erik's thoughts were frantic, and Charles picked them up loud and clear. Charles pressed two fingers to his temple once more, sending him thoughts to comfort his frenzied search.
'Erik, I'm alright. Where are you, my friend?'
'I'm near the back of the cemetery. Is it alright if I come find you?'
'I'll meet you there, Erik. I think that would work out better.'
'I'll be here, Charles.'
Charles smiled, secretly pleased that Erik was here.
They had become quite the duo during this whole assembling of their new team of mutants to stop Sebastian Shaw's goal of destroying and taking over nations. Charles was constantly worried about Erik's personal vendetta against Shaw, but his metal-bending co-leader seemed to be making his own progress every day.
Charles stood up, looking to the headstone once more before walking toward the back of the cemetery.
Erik Lehnsherr stood facing the back gate, waiting with his hands shoved in the pockets of his gray sweatshirt. His brown hair was damp with sweat, his eyes shut tight, and he was breathing heavily.
"Erik!" Charles exclaimed as Erik turned. A strange warmth invaded Charles's entire body as he saw Erik light up as he saw him. Charles took notice of Erik's tired appearance, a few usually smoothed hairs lying carelessly against his forehead.
"My friend, you don't mean to tell me you walked all the way here? It's about six miles outside of our home, and it's freezing outside!" Charles ran his fingers through his own dark, wavy locks, turning his blue eyes to Erik's gray ones.
"I ran, actually." Erik replied with a slight proud smirk. "You were gone much longer than you said you would be, and I know it was a private moment for you, but I had to make sure Shaw hadn't—"
"I appreciate it." Charles said and returned Erik's smile. "It's good to know I can rely on you if need be, Erik."
"You know you always can." Erik replied, placing his hand on Charles's shoulder. Shivers traveled throughout Charles's body in response.
"Cold, Charles?" Erik stared at the telepath. He didn't return his gaze, just set his eyes in the other direction.
Charles examined the large wrought-iron gate that locked off the back of the cemetery, equipped with several chains and latches.
"How did you manage to get in the back?"
"Charles, let's be serious here…" Erik chuckled, lifting his hands and pulling apart the metal so that he and Charles could slip through the gate with ease.
"Right! Oh, right, sorry." Charles felt a bit foolish, internally scolding himself for being so distracted, but Erik just chuckled once more, bent the gate back into place and followed Charles to the car.
"Thank God you're back!" Raven greeted the two at the door. She ran to embrace Charles as the other mutants filed in behind her. "You were gone for nearly four hours! We were all worried, even Hank." She turned a glance to the eccentric Hank, who nervously adjusted his glasses and nodded.
"I'm sorry to worry everyone; I just needed some time to sort out a few things." Charles remained emotionless as he expressed his apology to the rest of his mutant friends. Alex, Sean, Hank and Raven all nodded and voiced their appreciation of him being back safe, and went to their respective rooms.
"Charles, are you sure you're alright?" Erik asked. Charles didn't answer; he just motioned for Erik to follow him to the sitting room.
"I'm in the mood for some brandy, if you'll forgive me, my friend." Charles poured two glasses and handed one to Erik as they sat around a chess board near the fireplace, their usual evening activity.
"No complaints here." Erik took the glass and swirled it casually.
Charles laid back into his chair with a sigh.
"Do you mind if I ask you if you're alright again? Considering you haven't answered me yet…" Erik took a sip of brandy as the telepath flicked his blue orbs open and focused on Erik.
"Today has been a heavy day for me." Charles started. "I needed some time to think things through."
"Relating to what?"
Charles didn't exactly know how to answer the inquiry. He just stared blankly, much to Erik's frustration.
"Charles, why do you keep avoiding my questions? This is unlike you."
"I…don't know." Charles sat up and swung back his drink. The bubbling feeling was insistent when Erik was around, his presence the cause of so much more than he was willing to face.
It would only complicate things for everyone…he would be offended by me and my inability to keep professional relationships simply that. Professional.
"Maybe you should get some sleep." Erik broke Charles's deep thought process.
"It's only nine thirty." Charles stated indifferently, checking the clock on the wall. "Sleep wouldn't do me any good, anyway. It won't alleviate my stress, I'm afraid."
"Charles you're worrying me." Erik whispered. Charles's expression remained stoic.
"Don't be."
"These young mutants rely on us. It doesn't take a telepath to know that they're as concerned for you as I am."
"I'm beginning to question many things." Charles said, sitting up and fumbling with one of the pawns from his chess set.
"Like what?" Erik asked, leaning forward.
Charles was afraid to answer. He knew what he wanted to say, but he didn't know how to say it to his colleague.
How very unsatisfying that title was for the amazing creature sitting before him… Erik Lensherr, my dear friend and colleague.
The thought ran through Charles's mind. He felt nervous. He thought of him and Erik under different titles, with different feelings toward each other. How glorious it would be.
He began to experience the strongest wave of the bubbling in the very pit of his stomach…the very sensation he was trying so hard to stop had just increased. His thoughts were once again interrupted.
'Warum sagen Sie mir nicht, was falsch ist, Charles? Was habe ich getan?'
Charles was startled by the angry thoughts projecting from across the chess board. He doesn't speak German, but he heard his name and saw the irritated expression on Erik's face. Erik was thinking in his first language, not meaning for Charles to hear his thoughts. However, the raw emotion shone through and Charles had not expected this bombardment of his subconscious. He couldn't contain himself any longer.
"Erik…why the hell do you care so deeply whether or not I'm alright?" Charles asked rather seriously. Erik's face fell.
'Isn't it obvious enough to you?'
Erik shot his thoughts viciously toward Charles.
Images starting running through his head…of the two embracing, staring into each other's eyes…and an image that hadn't occurred suddenly appeared. Erik imagined the two sharing a kiss. Charles pressed his lips against Erik's, soft moans escaping both of them.
Charles's breath was stolen.
"Does that answer your question, Charles?" Erik asked curtly before standing from his chair. Charles felt frozen, unable to believe what he had been trying to conceal had finally become a reality; a mutual adoration between him and Erik!
Shit! Say something, you idiot.
Charles opened his mouth to reply, but Erik had already made his exit and moved toward the door. Charles quickly started after him.
"Erik, my fr—"
"That seems hardly appropriate anymore, Charles." Erik said before he turned and met Charles's blue eyes once more.
He started walking away once again. Charles began to panic.
"I could… I could stop you leaving!" He said, this time franticly, trying to do anything he could to keep Erik with him. Erik turned around to see Charles's fingers twitch, tempted to place themselves against his temples. "I've told you that before! You remember, don't you?"
"Ah, but Charles, you've also told me that you won't stop me." Erik lifted an eyebrow.
"I-I mean it, Erik! You can't just walk away from this." Charles's throat began to tighten as he struggled to control his emotions. Erik had never seen Charles in such a state. He was always so calm, serious and gathered. He was the voice of reason, and was now breaking down before his very eyes. "The others need you and I—"
"You what?" Erik's expression softened into curiousness.
"I can m-make you stay a-and…" Charles's voice broke off.
"Do it." Erik walked over to Charles. Charles's hand rose reluctantly. Erik grabbed his wrist and shoved it back down. "Without using your powers. Make me stay."
Charles stared at the other mutant. Suddenly, he pressed his lips forcefully into Erik's, backing him against the wall. Charles placed his hand on the back of Erik's neck, bringing his lips to his continuously. Erik smiled against Charles's mouth, and Charles responded with a relieved moan.
Erik returned the moan with a light nip and tug against Charles's bottom lip, drawing the tiny amount of bitter blood that escaped. 'Taste …metal…iron…Charles… bleeding…sorry…' The fragment of thought escaped Erik's mind and floated into Charles's.
Charles smiled into Erik's mouth this time as Erik ran his tongue across Charles's lips. He parted his mouth, and it became a battle of control. Charles ground his hips into Erik, causing the other man to gasp. Desperate and fleeting, they continued to kiss and grope as they made their way to Charles's bedroom. They shut the door behind them and suddenly, Erik broke the bond between their mouths.
"Wait." Erik was panting.
"What is it, Erik?" Charles was uneasy. Please don't regret this. Please, Erik, don't regret any of this. He's going to tell me that he doesn't want to do this just like I had feared.
"Charles...Charles, thank you." Erik said, affectionately touching his hair.
"For what exactly?" Charles asked relieved as he pulled off his blue oxford. Charles's bare chest rose up and down, its tone appearance making Erik's pants grow tighter.
"This…" Erik gazed at Charles in all his pure innocence.
Charles laughed softly. "I should be thanking you my fri—" Charles caught himself. "My… erm..."
Erik looked intently at Charles, his heart nearly in his throat.
"My… love." Charles said, quiet at first but then stating it once more with much conviction. "My love."
"Your love?" Erik smiled at the new name Charles gave him. Charles nodded. Erik stripped off his black turtleneck, and the two gazed at each other for a moment.
"I love you, Erik."
Their lips reunited as they made their way into Charles's bed, Erik ravishing him as his way of saying, 'I love you too.'
"You're sure you want me to come with you?"
Charles responded with a nod and handed Erik a bunch of lilies as they walked back through the cemetery.
The familiar plot with the familiar face was now covered in leaves once more, the flowers from two weeks earlier having withered down to brown stems and petals. Charles wiped the stone free of the foliage as Erik placed the lilies on the ground.
"I just wanted to visit once more to tell you that everything I had been worrying about is all okay." Charles said and smiled.
Erik squeezed Charles's hand consolingly.
"She was taken from me too, Erik. Just as your mother was."
"Oh, Charles…" Erik didn't know how to respond.
"My step father was a horrible man." Charles looked up at Erik, his glance nearly breaking Erik's heart in two.
"I'm so sorry," was all that Erik could manage. The two stood there for another ten minutes in silence, the only sound being the rustling of trees in the wind.
"We can go now." Charles finally said.
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure."
The two walked to the back of the cemetery, avoiding the guards at the front gate. Erik lifted his hands, bending the gate open again for him and Charles to walk through once more, only this time, there was no usual conversation between the two men.
Neither of them said a word. Erik tried desperately to think of something to break the agonizing quiet between him and Charles.
Erik was all-too familiar with what Charles was feeling, having his mother murdered by Shaw many years ago. The feeling of failure, disgust and remorse that rose in him whenever he recalled the concentration camp where he spent the worst years of his life was something he carried with him every day.
Suddenly, Erik looked at Charles, knowing exactly what to say.
"Charles, you're not alone."
Images of their first encounter, Charles pulling Erik from the water and saving his life, reoccurred in Charles's mind.
'You're not alone,' Charles Xavier waded in the ocean, smiling to a confused, slightly angry Erik Lehnsherr after his many protests over seeking his revenge against Sebastian Shaw and his submarine below. They both continued to gasp for air, freeing their mouths of salt water in short spats as Charles reiterated, 'Erik, you're not alone.'
Charles pulled his lips into a slight smile.
They gripped hands tightly, knowing they would have each other through whatever may lie ahead.
Warum sagen Sie mir nicht, was falsch ist, Charles? Was habe ich getan? – Why won't you tell me what's wrong, Charles? What have I done?