AN: Inspired by Adele's "Love in the Dark," and by NotLaura's "Horseshoes and Hand Grenades." Thank you lovely Meeshie for looking at this for me!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Just tell me, huh? Why you doin' this?"
Daryl faced her full-on, his stance challenging, but she could see the fear in his gaze. He clutched onto the strap of his crossbow, hanging on like it was a lifeline.
"Don't." Carol looked away, hefting her pack and gripping the handle of the knife on her belt as she headed for the steps. "Just let me go."
He reached for her arm but she shouldered past him, slipping through his fingertips, approaching the truck where Jesus and Maggie were waiting.
She couldn't turn around. She couldn't give in now. She had to do this. It was the only way.
"Carol."
She heard the desperation in his voice. Her steps faltered and she paused, turning to glance at him, eyes shining with unshed tears. Tears she wouldn't let go of, not until she was by herself. She couldn't show weakness. Not now.
"Everything turns out like it's supposed to," Carol said, giving a slight shrug of her shoulders, defying the ache in her chest - the longing to run to him and have him wrap his arms around her, comfort her.
It was too late for that.
"You said we could start over. That's what I'm doing. Don't make this harder than it already is."
She turned back to the waiting vehicle.
"I said we could start over together. All of us!"
She could hear his boots behind her, the crunching of leaves under his steady gait, rapidly approaching her.
"It's too late for that."
She reached the door and yanked it open, tossing her pack into the back seat ahead of her, avoiding the curious glances from the car's other two occupants.
"Look at me, dammit."
She heard his voice from just behind her. She could hear the panicked tremor. The fear. The hurt.
She couldn't face him. She couldn't help him. She couldn't even help herself. It was all she could do just to survive anymore. Just to wake up every single day, and get out of bed. She had to get away from the memories, the reminders. That's all they were anymore.
Reminders of everyone she had lost. Each one they couldn't save.
Sophia. Lori. Andrea. Lizzie and Mika. Beth.
Every single one she had failed.
Erin. Sam. Tara.
The streets were still stained with their blood. Their cries still echoed in her mind, in her dreams. The grief and sadness, guilt and sorrow - it just kept building up, burying her under the weight of her failures.
She was trying to do what was best. Why couldn't he understand that?
"It just keeps happening, over and over. We keep losing people we love and I can't watch it anymore. I can't stick around and watch you die. Don't ask me to do that." Her voice was small, defeated, begging him to understand the unspoken meaning.
"I can't lose you."
His words, quietly spoken, punched through her chest, cracking and shattering what was left of her steel resolve and the tears began tracking down her cheeks as her head dropped to her chest. She placed her hand on the door, grabbing for something, anything, to help keep her standing.
She barely turned her head, not looking him in the eyes, whispering the words that cut her from the inside out as they ripped from her.
"You already have."
She straightened her shoulders and climbed up into the seat. She tried to pull the door closed but his hand reached out and caught the edge, stopping her.
She couldn't look at him. She couldn't bear to see the pain in his eyes, knowing it would only hurt them both even more.
"I thought we were tryin'," he said gruffly, his voice thick, like the words were scraping over sandpaper trying to leave his mouth.
"We've already lost," she murmured, the aching lump in her throat burning and stinging as she tried to swallow the tears. His hand dropped and she pulled the door closed, whispering, "We can't save people anymore."
The truck crawled out of the gates, leaving Alexandria behind, Hilltop the destination. It was only miles away, but it might as well have been oceans away for the distance between her and the people she was leaving behind.
You can't save me.