Diane Simmons: Some very sad news from Alaska today. Republican senator Ted Stevens was killed in a plane wreck when it crashed into a mountain-side, killing three others.
Tom Tucker: Hey, Diane, speaking of death, I'd like to read you a rough draft of your obituary that I made. (Diane glares at Tom while he pulls a piece of paper out of his desk.
"Diane Simmons was a slut that is not survived by 4 dead ex-husbands and 27 still-born- (Diane punches Tom in the face before he can say another word, knocking him out)
Diane: Now, let's go to Stewie Griffin with his latest segment of You Know What Really Smashes My Vial of Hydrocyanic Acid. Stewie?
Stewie: Thanks, Diane. You know what really smashes my vial of hydrocyanic acid? Matthew McConaughey. God, he's a bad actor. He makes me want to vomit into my popcorn bowl every time I see one of his movies. I think his worst so far is Tiptoes. It's basically just a movie where he gets Kate Beckinsale pregnant with a dwarf. Worst movie ever, by far. Now, his best movie was Dazed and Confused. I liked that one. But Contact? Ugh! But, I've got to admit, his movies are bad, but they aren't the worst. I mean, did you see Batman and Robin? (the 1997 version, because the original was plausible.) Oh… my… God! If McConaughey starred in that one, I'd have to blow up Warner Bros.! And to think, they put a great actor like George Clooney into such a gay movie! Shame! Shame! And that's what smashes my vial of hydrocyanic acid. Diane?