TITLE: Riley's Diminish
AUTHOR: x_cutie_pie_x35
EMAIL: x_cutie_pie_x35@hotmail.com
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Don't own the characters. If I did, do you think Fish face would exist? (No offence to Mark Blucas, but Riley is a big ninny)
DISTRIBUTION: Don't take without permission, email me and ask first.
TIMELINE: Season 4
SPOILERS: Um, The one Spike has a chip, and the one where Angel and Riley fight-it might have been called "The Yoko Factor" I Dunno.
A/N: This is really not for Riley Fans. At all.
A/N2: The Song is written by me. It's weird. Who cares? It's a Riley basher; my basher's never make sense. It just involves people dying. Hehe.
~*~
The Diminish of Riley Finn
Riley pranced around his dorm room, preening as he admired himself in the mirror.
"Looking' good!", he told himself, "Buffy won't resist you tonight!"
He put some more gel on his floppy hair, making them look nice 'n' greasy.
He opened his closet, and saw a bright blue top, with frills where the buttons did up.
"Ooh, Mommy gave me new clothes!" He giggled with delight, and put on the blouse.
He suddenly spotted a make-up bag that Buffy must have left behind. He squealed excitedly. "Lipstick-and…ooh its cherry-red! And Shiny Red Nail Varnish! Woo-hay!" He grinned, and applied the lipstick, along with some peach blusher and eye shadow, to his face.
"Who's the man?" He asked himself, and then-not with much effort-sang in a girly voice, "You're the man!"
He found some baggy commando trousers, and some boots with pointy heels. He danced in front of his full-length mirror, cooing at his amazing looks.
"God has blessed me, " he said solemnly, before giggling again.
~*~
"Darling?", the female Oracle, Cassandra, said.
"Yes, my sweet?" her husband, Optimum, replied.
"Who created this idiot?"
Optimum looked into his wife's crystal ball, and grimaced as he saw a Farm boy try his hand at drag.
"I don't know my sweet, but do let's kill him!"
Cassandra giggled delightedly.
~*~
Riley spotted a bright pink tutu lying under his bed, and he cried out in amazement, "Tutee-Wutee I thought I'd lost you forever!" He hugged the tutu, and quickly put it on over his trousers, "We'll never part again, Tutees, I promise!"
He put the radio on, hoping to find some classical, so that he could practise his ballet.
~*~
"Now, it's time for some fun!" Cassandra grinned, and switched the Radio to Pop.
~*~
"And Now, Mr. Riley Finn" The Radio DJ said, "Here's a song dedicated to you from your girlfriend-she would also like to tell you that you're dumped! Sorry about that, Riley!"
Riley's face crumpled, and he sobbed into his tutu. "Oh, tutee, what am I going to do?"
I see your face everyday
Looking at me
"And a darn good looking face I have too!" Riley wailed
But, baby, won't you just go away?
Can't you see
You're so annoying and pig-headed
Looking at me with puppy-dog eyes
You can't even get the right expression
To make me go weak at he knees (Baby, you just make me wanna cry)
You ain't got that special something that I need
To make me feel good
In fact you ain't got anything
Anything that you should
You're an ugly stupid farm-boy
You still have a cuddly toy
I really think I hate you
In your bright pink tutu
Riley stared at the Tutu, "It's all your fault!" he moaned
Ri-e-lee, Ri-e-lee
Ri-e-lee you suck
Ri-e-lee will you duck
As a punch you in the face
You're a disgrace
To all men and all women
Ri-e-lee go away
It would make my day
"Don't wanna!" Riley sucked on his thumb.
~*~
"Ah, he's heartbroken. Excellent!" Optimum sighed contentedly.
"I'm not done yet" Cassandra turned back to her work.
~*~
Riley stumbled out the Bronze, seriously drunk, humming "The Riley Song". He tripped over a leg, "'Ey! Watch it!" A grumpy british voice sounded out, "Can't a person get some bloody sleep around here?"
The Person sat up, and Riley's eyes widened. "Hostile 17!" he smiled, "BOO! I got you…ooh…why do you have two heads?"
Spike smirked, "Well look who it is! I don't think my buddy would be very happy to see you, never did like you, my buddy…"
"Baseball Buddy!" Riley chirped
"No, my buddy the slayer's new boyfriend. You've met him…goes by the name of Angel?"
"Nooooooooooooo!" Riley screamed, before lying on the floor and throwing a tantrum.
~*~
Angel and Buffy walked hand in hand along the street, when he saw an Army Tank.
"Wanna hitch a lift?" He smiled, already climbing in.
"Why not?" she grinned.
They drove past the Bronze, hoping to see Spike, and wave hello, but instead they saw someone rolling on the floor screeching.
"Is that-" Angel began
"Yup"
He smirked.
He drove the tank towards Riley.
"Angel! What are you doing?"
The Tank drove over Riley.
Riley's blood spurted everywhere, and Spike grinned, "Now that's entertainment!"
Spike did a little Macarena dance to celebrate.
"Oh. Cool.", Buffy said, her initial shock gone, "Wanna have sex?"
"Great".
They went into the back of the tank, and did just that.
The End.
FEEDBACK IS WANTED
HEHE.
This is so cool!
Riley sucks: Riley zeikt
Riley is a loser : Riley is een sul
Riley is a moron : Riley is achterlijk (say it: agterlek)
Riley is a deformed chicken : Riley is een mislukte kip
Spike (or Angel)is a babe : Spike(or Angel)is een schatje (say it: sgatsje)
I love Spike : Ik hou van Spike (it's like: Ick haw van Spike)
I'm crazy about Btvs : Ik ben zot van Btvs (or like we say it in our dialect:
Ik zen zot van Buffy )
I got it from
go there for riley hatred