I don't own anything. The Boosh men belong to themselves and Gary Numan, well, who knows who he belongs to?
I know i'm a little christmas grouch, but even I like the idea of a Booshy christmas story! This is for everyone on the Boosh forum, especially Corrine, Hannah, Nic, Leaf and Millycent. You guys are primo. Merry christmas everyone.
The small London flat was warm and comfortable, compared to the icy chill that spread through the air outside, dusting everything in thick white snow flakes. A roaring fire blazed away merrily as two men, one covered in sweat and scratches, looking as if he'd just fought his way through the gates of hell, stood back and surveyed the majestic tree standing in the corner of the room.
"That was a lot of drama just for the Christmas tree."
"Shut up,"
"We probably could've just got Bollo to lift it up for us.."
"Shut up!" Repeated Howard, turning and glaring at his companion. "We got it up didn't we!"
Vince stifled a giggle as he rifled through a small brown box. It was December 15th and a crisp chill had befallen the city of London, meaning anybody outside for more than a short period of time fell victim to rosy cheeks, bright eyes and numb fingers. There was a noise of contempt from the small man as his fingers brushed what he was looking for. He pulled on the tiny wire and out of the box came a line of Christmas lights, followed by a massive ball of tangles where the wire had intertwined and knotted itself together.
Howard blanched, "But.. But I rolled them up last year! How could they have tangled up when no one's touched them since last year?!" Vince immediately looked away, attempting to hide his sheepish look as Howard closed his eyes in dispair. "What did you do, little man?"
Vince giggled softly, "Well.. In the summer, me and Naboo got really drunk and wrapped them around his carpet.. Then we flew around London at night with them all on and pretended we were a UFO!" He chuckled loudly at the memory.
Howard shook his head and set about trying to untangle the lights, luckily they weren't as bad as it first seemed. "I'm not even going to ask how you managed to power these electric lights up on Naboo's carpet." He stated, reaching the center of the knot and pulling the lights free of each other.
Vince began to wind the lights around the tree, smiling softly as he stood on his tip toes to reach the very top. "It's best not too."
By the time all the lights were in place and had been tested to make sure they still worked, Vince had managed to find the box containing the tinsel and was busy wrapping it around his waist and neck like a scarf and belt ensemble. Howard had the rest of the box's contents thrown at him as he remarked that Vince looked like a Christmas cracker.
It was probably a bad idea leaving the two men to put up the tree together, but the year before, Bollo had tried to do it and had ended up on the run from the government of Sardinia. The year before that Naboo was in charge of the decorations and the gang returned to a flat that looked exactly like how they had left it with the shaman sat in front of the television stating that "he wasn't sure what to do with it all." So perhaps it was for the best.
Howard carefully wrapped a long strand of silver tinsel around the top of the tree, then gently placed some gold tinsel beneath it, making sure they didn't touch, they also had to be exactly more than 5 millimeters from any of the small lights. Besides him Vince had a box full of thin strips of silver material which he flung energetically over both the tree and his companion.
The man of action said nothing, knowing full well that any protests would probably result in him wearing baubles for earrings and the Angel as a hat. It took a while to complete the tree, what with Vince wanting to style it so that it looked in fashion. It was only when Howard pointed out that his friend hadn't opened that days door on his Gary Numen calender that the tree really got finished at all. "All right! It's a wig!" Vince held out the small piece of chocolate that was shaped, strangely enough, into an image of Gary Numen's wig. He popped it into his mouth and smiled as it began to melt. Howard shook his head slightly as he lifted the figure of the Angel from the wrappings of one of the boxes on the floor.
"Yeah.." He muttered, distractedly. "Sounds.. Um.. Tasty.." He placed the Angel at the very top of the tree and stood back to admire his work. Vince was far too busy opening all of the cupboards in the kitchen, looking stricken.
"Oh no!" Gasped the electro poof, opening the last cupboard which turned out to contain several sparkling crystals. "We don't have any wine, cookies or carrots!" He turned to his companion, who looked confused. "We've got to go to the shops!"
"Vince, it's freezing outside! What do we need wine, cookies and carrots for?"
The look that Howard received after his question was almost as cold as the weather outside. Vince shook his head in disbelief. "It's nearly Christmas? We need cookies and wine to leave out for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph because cookies and wine give him indigestion!" He muttered something under his breath about how that should've been obvious.
Howard didn't know what to say. He held his arm out to stop his friend as Vince went to grab his coat from the coat pegs. "I think you better sit down," Was all he could manage, eventually. He had to find a way of putting the truth into words that wouldn't completely destroy Vince's child like innocence. Howard took a deep breath and took a seat next to his friend. "The thing is Vince, I think you're old enough now to be able to understand and deal with what i'm about to tell you." He paused for dramatic effect, "Santa Clause .. Isn't real. Neither is Rudolph. They're fictional characters created to help sell Christmas to young children!" He smiled nervously at the young man, waiting for his response.
When Naboo arrived home half an hour later, Vince was still curled up in a small ball underneath the Christmas tree, the blinking lights illuminating his figure every couple of seconds. Howard was drinking a coffee by the stairs.
"What did you do?" Asked the tiny shaman, gesturing in Vince's direction.
Howard sniffed and shrugged, looking slightly guilty. "All I did was tell him that Santa and Rudolph don't exist!"
Naboo put down his bags and rubbed his hands together, the icy nip of the wind had made them turn bright pink. "What did you do that for?"
"Because it's the truth!"
Howards mouth dropped open as Naboo selected one of his shopping bags, opened it and pulled out a bag of carrots, a bag of cookies and a bottle of white wine. "Well, i'm leaving him and Rudolph some treats on Christmas eve, regardless." He placed them onto the kitchen counter and glanced over to the electro poof, who had begun to watch what was going on. "Do you want me to leave them from you as well?" Asked the tiny shaman.
Vince's face broke out into a grin, "You're a diamond, Naboo!"
The days passed slowly, as the days leading up to Christmas tend to do. Yet finally it was the night before christmas, and all through the house not a creature was stirring, apart from Vince, Naboo, Bollo and Howard who were all still awake. Howard shook his head as Naboo helped Vince arrange the cookies and the carrots on a plate. The christmas tree was now home to an assortment of presents, the biggest one standing proudly at the back with a tag attached to it that read; "To Vince, love from Vince!"
"That's it. I'm going to bed," Stated Howard. yawning softly as he made his way to his bedroom. Vince nodded, stifling his own yawn as he delicately placed the plate of cookies and carrots on to the table next to the fireplace. He made sure that the glass of wine was there too before heading off to sleep, excited at the prospect of getting presents in the morning.
Naboo and Bollo sat on the sofa, watching television. It was an old episode of 'Family Guy' and about halfway through the shaman stood and fetched the plate of food and the glass of wine. He passed a cookie to his familiar as they continued watching the programme.
"Why you tell Vince Santa would eat these?" Asked Bollo, through a mouthful of crumbs.
Naboo smiled, taking a sip of the wine. "As far as he knows, Santa is."