Editor's Note- This is the most killer idea ever! What if Luigi was the hero, not Mario? Anyone who reads this should have basic knowledge of Mario so don't expect descriptions!
Disclaimer- I don't own any part of the Paper Mario franchise. Also, I don't own Hustler or Paris Hilton.
Chapter 1: From Zero to Hero
It was 1 o'clock at the Mario house. Luigi was sleeping in a hammock outside the house with a Hustler magazine on his lap. All of a sudden, he woke up.
"Man, it sure has been boring since Mario left to give Bowser the most painful wedgie of all time."
He got up and stretched his legs, noticing a Parakoopa deliver some mail.
"Hey, is there anything for me?"
"Why? Who would want to talk to a gay loser like you?"
"Luigi lunged at the koopa but it simply flew higher. Luigi was left jumping after the mail-koopa.
"Say hi to Michael Jackson for me!"
Luigi then threw the biggest temper tantrum of all time and started breaking things while crying. After 20 minutes, he grabbed the letters and went inside the house.
"Letters from groupies, letters from illegimate children, cult recommendations, what's this?"
He picked up a small gray envelope, obviously worn down and secondhand. He opened it up and read.
Dear Mr. Mario,
I know you're probably busy saving the world or sleeping with random chicks but I kind of need your help. You see, people are disappearing in my town and we don't know what to do. We need some of your chubby Italian brand of justice! Please come to Toadburg and look for Tiny.
Sincerely,
Tiny
P.S. If you don't come, you will be a total poser and when Halloween comes around, we'll totally egg your house!
Luigi put down the letter and went to the fridge to grab a soda.
"Too bad for that loser. Mario is probably sleeping in Jamaica right now."
Luigi turned back towards the note.
"Of course, I could always save that town myself."
Luigi stood still for 3 seconds, then burst into laughter.
"Oh god, that is so stupid! I mean, come on, I couldn't save anyone!"
Luigi glanced at the note again.
"Still, I should at least try, for the sake of the house."
He went into his closet and pulled out the Strange Sack. Mario had given it to him from Rogueville or whatever. It had the incredible ability to store anything without the weight. It even had different pockets for badges and items.
"Time to pack the essentials."
He packed 3 Mushrooms, his hammer, his blanket, and his most prized possession, a Lightning Smash badge.
"O.k, time to leave forever."
He left the house and locked it, putting the keys in the sack. A lone button on a stick was in his front lawn. He then pushed a button in the front lawn and a speaker kicked on.
"Where to?"
"Toadburg,"
A pipe popped out of the ground and slid down.
In Toadburg...
A pipe burst out of the ground and Luigi shot out of it. After brushing off the dust, he looked around. Big buildings were everywhere, mostly casinos and clubs.
"Reminds me of Vegas."
Dirty Toads, Goombas, and Koopas roamed around the streets. Missing people posters were plastered on every walls. Luigi was observing all of this when a screechy voice sounded.
"Well if it isn't Mar- wait, you aren't Mario?"
A shellless Koopa stood in front of him, still covered in white eggshell.
"Hey, aren't you Jr. Troopa?"
"Who wants to know?"
"Luigi"
Jr. Troopa stood back for a second
"So you're Mario's brother? Fine, I'll fight you!"
Jr Troopa lunged at him.
Begin Battle Sequence...
Luigi: 10 HP; 5 FP
vs.
Jr. Troopa: 8 HP; 2 FP
Jr. Troopa looked at the sky.
"How come you get more health?"
"Cuz nobody likes you!"
Luigi: jump attacks. does 1 damage
Troopa: charges
Luigi: hammers. does 1 damage
Troopa: jumps. does 3 damage
"Hey, thats not fair! How come you can deal so much damage?"
"Cuz nobody likes you!"
Luigi: uses Lightning Smash; deals 3 damage
Troopa: jumps. deals 2 damage
Luigi: points at the sky and says Look. Troopa looks and Luigi slaps him in the face. deals 1 damage and 10 damage to his feelings.
"You're a big meanie!"
Luigi: hammers. deals 1 damage.
End Battle Sequence...
The unconscious Jr. Troopa was later thrown into the dumpster. A Toad wearing sunglasses approached Luigi.
"Excuse me, are you Mario?"
Luigi thought to himself: An adoring fan
"Sure, why are you asking?"
"Oh, no reason."
The toad picked up a shovel and smacked Luigi in the back of his head.
Under the Sea...
Two X-Nauts entered through the double doors.
"Man, I can't believe that stupid Mario forced us underwater!"
"Well, you said you wanted a pool."
"Dude, that is not funny,"
They entered another set of doors into Sir Grodus' room, where (guess who) Grodus was sitting.
"Report"
"Base is at operational peak and Mr. Mitcherson is here to see you, sir"
"Excellent, send him in,"
Both made the X sign and exited as Mitch Mitcherson entered. He was from the Beanbean region with white hair in a ponytail and dressed in a power suit.
"Greetings, Mr. Mitcherson,"
"Call me Mitch"
"Your full name is Mitch Mitcherson?"
"Yeah,"
Grodus turned towards the ceiling.
"Dude, stop smoking weed if you are going to think up crap like that"
Grodus turned towards Mitch.
"So, what is your profession exactly?"
"I'm an agent to anything evil,"
"Do you have any prior experience?"
"I told Paris Hilton she had talent"
Grodus shuddered with terror.
"You are the most despicable person I have ever met! You're hired! Your first assignment is to find a way to restore the X-Nauts to their former glory, crush Mario, and take over the world in an easy to carry to package"
"No prob"
Mitch pulled out a Shell Cell and talked for 2 minutes straight. After that, he put it away in his pocket.
"What if you had the power to have anything your heart desired?"
Grodus fell off his throne and gasped for air. He only had one question
"Where?"
"Have you ever heard of a town called Toadburg?"
Final Thought- Okay, I don't have anything to say. Just read and review.