For the Remix Redux Challenge. Original Story: Sleeper by katherine.

DISCLAIMER: Not even the dialogue is mine.
SUMMARY: Lorelai must deal with the Sleeping Luke on her couch. Cesar is just having too much fun. 'The Fundamental Things Apply' (S4).
WORDCOUNT: 2436

Thank you to Lucey for the support and my entire Flist for listening. hugs.

STRIKE ONE

by Leni

You could wake him up, you guess. A nudge, a poke or the slightly more evil Alarm Clock Attack, which would be totally deserved from that time you slept at his house and he had the audacity to set his before sunrise.

Of course, that memory raises the question: What is he doing asleep in your couch after sunrise? The obvious answer: He is tired. You frown as you think it; you cannot picture Luke tired, you discover. He is always in movement at the diner, walking from table to kitchen to counter and back again. Even as he stands trying not to look amused as you bait him, he's never still, even if he only plays absently with his pen or his cap. At the dullest hour at the diner, you've caught him wiping the counter, as if he couldn't grasp the concept of sitting back and enjoying the peace. But then, that has always been Luke, and it's normal. It's not normal to have him on your couch, let alone after you are ready for work. The universe imploded and you fell in an alternate reality at some point last night, you always knew that the twenty-fifth Casablanca watching would be important. This just proves your point, and talking about points... What should you do now?

You could wake him up. But that would be mean. Dancing universes and parallel dimensions aside, you know for a fact that his divorce is hitting him harder than he lets on, what with the lawyer stampede that invaded Stars Hollow weeks ago and those tickets he bought for Nicole and that put him in grouchy mood that was beyond your normal Grouchy Luke quota. As you look at him, you can't help but think 'poor baby'. What he needs is a vacation, even if he'll probably yell at you when he finds out.

You're sure you kept that agenda... somewhere in Rory's room. And Cesar's number should be there, written down from that day you were particularly bored and decided to tease Luke by 'quizzing' him about his employees. Maybe now he'll learn to like your crazy moods... or not. Yep, there it is, right in the 'Mom, Leave Your Stuff Outside My Room' shelf.

It is a dream. It has to be.

Cesar opens one eye and groans. Not a dream, the phone keeps ringing in his living room.

It is a mistake. It has to be.

He furrows deep under the covers. No one has ever called him at the crack of dawn. No one who would later call himself his friend, at least.

It keeps ringing.

His nose nearly smashes against the pillow. Cesar is vaguely aware that he should have put the pillow against his ears. Anyway...

"This is Cesar, and I'm not home right now. Leave a message or try me at Luke's. Peace."

Ah, the wonders of technology. Right now he loves his answering machine. Yes, he really does. He would have smiled if half of him weren't already in DreamLand, where annoying calls don't exist.

"Um, Cesar? This is Luke's Cesar, right? I mean, not that I think you belong to Luke or anything like that because you're your own man and Luke is his own man and Oh man, I hope you're Luke's Cesar or I'll never live this down."

That voice is... familiar. String of words that begin with a specific point and end in something absurd like China's demography. Hm. Something to do with Luke, yes. Or everything to do with Luke, actually, if you knew when to look and how to interpret his lame attempts at flirting with... what was her name? Brunette, tall and very leggy. The wife's antithesis, not that Cesar would ever tell Luke that. The name is at the tip of his tongue...

"Anyway, I just called to say that, maybe you could open the diner today? Because Luke looks exhausted and I don't want to wake him up and... are you even there? Because it wouldn't be good if you aren't there and Luke wakes up to find the diner closed. He might deny me the coffee, in earnest. Hello? Oh Ceeeeeeeesar?"

The singing-teasing tone she just used clinches it. He has heard it too many times from the kitchen. It's a warning, too, because Luke tends to leave everything unattended to answer that call. Lorelai.

Wait.

Luke is sleeping at Lorelai's?

He is beside the phone before the thought is fully processed. "Hello? Cesar speaking."

There. Call's made and everything's in order. Now you can go to work with a clean conscience and the certainty that you just helped a friend. Even though you doubt he'll appreaciate it and he'll probably deny you the third cup of coffee for the next month. Oh, the sacrifices you make for friendship!

You go back to the living room and suddenly it hits you. Luke is sleeping on your couch. And it feels... not weird. Definitely not like the time Christopher stayed the night, where you felt uncomfortable and found yourself in a strict radius around him. You remember how nervous you were when you gave Christopher the spare sheets that time, and how keenly you knew that you did it for Rory. And only for her. But last night, you had untied Luke's shoes and dealt with his socks before you even thought about it. The flannel shirt required more work, both you and Rory divesting him of it while you tried not to giggle at his sleepy murmurs.

Only now it strikes you. Rory was so unsurprised when she found Luke home. Funny. You still remember that time where Rory found Max on the couch. She'd fired questions left and right that morning, gesticulated wildly about the man who didn't belong in the Gilmore house. Tonight, instead, your daughter had barely nodded and helped with the shirt as it was a common - if amusing - thing to do. It was so different. But then, Max had been her teacher and Rory had known him only for some months. Meanwhile Luke is... Luke.

So strange.

You fold the shirt and make sure to place it where he'll find it quickly. You wouldn't want to deprive Luke from his flannel for long, no sir. Though it would be fun to hide it and place cameras around the house and watch. Thousand to one that he wouldn't leave without his precious shirt. Maybe you could ever place a speaker and yell 'Hot!' or 'Cold!' while he searches. You snicker at the visual. Of course, then the big Summer Rift of '02 would pale in comparison. Shame, it was a good idea while it lasted.

Next come the socks and in a whim you roll them and put them inside his shoes. It's one of those things you think he'll like even though he's never told you. Just like the invitation for movies night and Casablanca. Isn't it strange how you know what he'll prefer? Weird.

But no time for musings; you should have left fifteen minutes ago. Sookie and Michel must be already waiting for you to begin the meeting. You look at him one last time to make sure everything's alright, and leave.

Morning rush at Luke's without Luke is hell on earth, Cesar discovers all over again. The only good thing is that this is Stars Hollow and he can tell what every customer will order just by checking the calendar. The bad side is that everyone requires personal attention, not so much as Luke's girl and her daughter but still. He wonders how Luke manages to do this every day as he listens to Taylor's rant and tries not to kill Kirk.

Thankfully Luke rarely takes free mornings. Just the odd fishing trip, and maybe a visit to his sister if they are in speaking terms. He hasn't gone once since his nephew moved away, that ungrateful boy. Besides, he really missed the extra hand. Maybe he could convince the boss to hire someone else? Anyway, Cesar had thought he'd have to open the diner every morning once he heard that Luke had married the lawyer woman; honeymoon stage and all that. But, just the other way around, now Luke never came late from Nicole's again. Instead he was divorcing and, he chuckles, coming late from Lorelai's instead.

He yells at Kirk to stop looking under the tables. Apparently this week the boy has decided to eradicate spiders from the town, and he's intent on driving everyone crazy with his 'inspections'. Cesar just might slip a poisonous spider in Kirk's burger if he keeps that up. Sadly, the phone jars him from his murderous plans. Still keeping an eye on the diner, he answers with the customary greeting.

"Oh, thank God." comes from the other side and he is surprised when he recognises the voice. "How did you -? When did -?"

Luke? "Luke, that you?" Why is Luke calling? Shouldn't he be 'sick' at Lorelai's? Even now Cesar still rolls his eyes at that excuse. Luke just doesn't get sick. Ever. He must be the healthiest man in his acquaintance. Maybe if he hadn't cornered her, Lorelai would have told the truth. Damn.

"Yeah, it's me. Listen, Cesar --"

Luke sounds as if he doesn't know Lorelai called. Maybe she left him in bed without an explanation? He grins, stranger things had happened. "Got it covered, man. Lorelai called me, butt crack of dawn." And if it wasn't for the good gossip, he would still be mad. Then he decides to tease his boss. "Said you was sick." He lets the pause tell how much he doesn't buy that. "You sick?"

There's hesitation on the other end before Luke answers slowly. "Yes." Then, a little more surely. "Yes. I'm sick."

Cesar is amused by now, he can't help the snicker that escapes. They should have really put their stories straight together before trying to fool someone else. Sick, indeed. But that's not his problem, if Luke doesn't want to come to work then he's entitled to that. Cesar has noticed how stressed he looks lately, the one piece of truth in Lorelai's call was that Luke is very, very exhausted. He deserves the morning off, hopefully in good, warm company. "You should stay in bed, then." Because Luke's sick, right? Right. He knows there was too much innuendo in his words when Luke's patented 'This Is Not Funny' voice answers.

"It's not like that."

Cesar rolls his eyes and uses the pause to serve coffee to the customers at the counter.

"And don't tell people where I am, either. I don't want people teasing Lorelai. I don't want people walking right up to Rory, asking her a thousand questions."

Luke has such a soft spot for those girls. Women, really, even the little one is fully grown up now. Not that Luke and his slight fatherly feelings have noticed. Tough luck, as if he could keep that to himself. Miss Patty would never forgive the person who deprived her of the best gossip in town. They'll have to deal with the consequences, like any other adult in a new relationship.

"So, when Taylor and Miss Patty came in for breakfast and asked where you were, you're saying I shouldn't have told them you've been at Lorelai's all night?"

"Cesar, I swear to --"

Luke sounds so mad, Cesar just has to laugh. "She said you was sick, I said you was sick. Alright?" See? He's been really nice and told them that Luke was sick. Insisted that that was the only reason he was staying at Lorelai's. Of course, that was when he realised nobody would believe it, if Taylor's arched eyebrow and Miss Patty's laugh was any indicator. Boy, Luke sure won't like it when he finally comes to the diner. Miss Patty is still watching the door with a look that promises no mercy.

"Aha! See, Cesar, SPIDERS!"

Cesar winces and quickly puts his hand over the mouthpiece. Wouldn't like to interrupt Luke's 'sickness' with one of Kirk's insane projects. That man will never leave his diner at that lunatic's mercy. Damn Kirk and his 'spidercide'.

"I'll be in later," Luke says, clearly finishing the call.

Cesar breathes in relief. Apparently he didn't hear Kirk after all; all will be well in Luke&Lorelai Land. "Don't forget to cough, man." Okay, so he really couldn't avoid a last dig. Sue him. He is still chuckling after Luke hangs up.

You find your partners in Sookie's living room, and happily proceed to tune out Michel's protests about your lateness. Sookie isn't saying anything, which is strange since she likes to tease you about your sleeping habits. Instead she is staring at you. Weird.

Five minutes later - and still no word from Sookie - your best friend decides to show you the kitchen you've seen a thousand times before. You let her lead you, a little bewildered but maybe this is one of those pregnancy things.

"So, is there anything you want to tell me?" she begins as soon as the door closes behind you. That gleam in her eyes goes beyond anything purely hormonal and goes directly into Best Friend Inquires zone.

"Huh?" Because, really, there's nothing worth inquiring about. Unless your attempt at gardening is enough for Sookie's radar nowadays.

"Don't be shy, Lorelai. Babette called me just before you arrived. I know everything and oh, I'm so glad!"

She hugs you and all you can say is "Everything?" Real smart, Lorelai.

But Sookie keeps talking. "I mean, maybe you should have waited until the divorce is definitive but, you know? It doesn't matter. I mean, you've been dancing around each other since forever and I want all the dirty details. I'm so happy for the both of you!"

Huh? Dirty details? Dancing? Divorce?. The only divorcée you know is... "Oh man..." You drop onto a nearby chair. Sookie said Babette. Babette must have seen Luke's truck outside your house and how could you have forgotten that? Babette wouldn't call Sookie until after she called Miss Patty and Mrs. Doodridge. By now half Stars Hollow must know and they'll never believe that... "It was just a movie!"

Sookie shakes her head and pats your shoulder. "You'll tell me later. Let's kick Michel out so I can hear all of it!"

Your forehead makes a curious sound against the wooden table. This was not supposed to happen. You do a good action, and how does karma repay you? And Luke? What will Luke say?

Oh. Damn.

The End
15/03/05

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