Hey, everyone! It's me, Smash Master Xan! Xan for short. In honor of the final book in A Series Of Unfortunate Events coming out this October, I'm writing a story about what would happen if I went to Prufrock Prepratory School. Be prepared for a Super Smash Brothers Melee reference. This takes place directly after the Austere Acadamy. Let's rock!
"Boarding School? You've GOT to be joking." "I assure you, Xan," said Osiris, "I'm not joking." "Fine," I said, "but, umm... fine." How, you ask, do I know an Egyptian god? Well, let's just say he's my boss. "And because your mom was supposedly killed by Chernabog, you will live in the Orphan Shack." "The WHAT?" I spewed my Dr. Pepper all over the floor.
"OUTTA MY WAY, CAKESNIFFER!" shouted a bratty girl as she pushed me into a mud puddle. I drew my sword, Neoblade, ready to open up a gynormous can of swordsman-style buttkick on the girl when Osiris stopped me. "Now, Xan, this is your first day here. You don't want to get expelled already." "Yeah. But one of these days, Alice. POW! Right in the kisser."
Lunch wasn't to good either. They didn't have a Restaraunt Pizza Day, but they did have the dreaded Mystery Meat. And just when I thought it was safe to "go back into the water"... cue Jaws theme "CAKESNIFFING ORPHAN FROM THE ORPHAN SHACK! CAKESNIFFING ORPHAN FROM THE ORPHAN SHACK! CAKESNIFFING ORPHAN FROM THE ORPHAN SHACK! CAKESNIFFING ORPHAN FROM THE ORPHAN SHACK! CAKESNIFFING ORPHAN FROM THE ORPHAN SHACK! CAKESNIFFING ORPHAN FROM THE ORPHAN SHACK!" " HERE, CAKESNIFFER! SNIFF SOME CAKE!" A big food fight followed. The next day wasn't too different. Then I struck back like the Empire. "Cakesniffer, huh? Have you looked in a mirror lately?" "Ooh!" I got slapped. "If it's a fight you WANT, it's a fight you'll GET!"
The Final Destination. Not just in this story, but the NAME of the location. Carmelita Spats soon appeared. She grew to the size of Giga Bowser. She changed to look like Giga Bowser, too. A man in a suit and a Pokemon soon appeared. "Ganondorf? Mewtwo? What are YOU doing here?" "Ganondorf? Mewtwo? What are YOU doing here?" Mewtwo said in a mocking voice. It was then that I realized that Ganondorf was really the gym teacher, while Mewtwo was really Nero. The Super Smash Brothers Melee theme began, and a fight similar to Event #51 soon followed. As you can guess, I won. "I'm outta here."
Well? You likey? Read and Review or feel the sting of Neoblade!