Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Like Me. I just like to play.
For: TheDoctorIsIn and lily who wanted more.
Love You
Some days she hates her life, well unlife. Those are the days when she's not sure if she's being honest with herself or still being deluded by what she thinks she wants. But on the days when she hates her unlife, everything just fucking sucks. And that is the thought that reverberates through her head on those days, in an endless loop. Those are the days when she has had, is currently having, or will have, a difficult reap. Children are her weakness. They hurt her the most because they have yet to live, or at least get to the point where she was when she died, apathetic. She absolutely hates to reap children because is cosmic fuckingly unfair.
She'd said that to Rube once and he's laughed at her expression. That day had started out bad, had gotten worse after a few hours at Happy Time, tanked in the shitter with the reap of a child, and left her walking home in the rain at midnight. Only she hadn't gone home. She'd gone to Rube. She had hoped that he would understand her torment. Did he understand that every time she reaped a child, she saw the face of her little sister? If he didn't, well he was damn well going to, when she was done.
He'd let her in and tossed a towel at her face, telling her not to drip everywhere. And suddenly all she wanted was a little comfort. All of the anger had drained out of her, and the look on his face, those cold black eyes looking like they could be disappointed at any moment, made her clam up faster than, well a clam. She just stood there with the towel in her hands and couldn't move. She turned and draped the towel over an empty hook on his coat rack and started to walk out the door. A warm hand had stopped her in her tracks. He'd pulled her back into his apartment and shut the door behind her. He's dried her off as much as possible, and then made her use the bathroom to change into one of his t-shirts while her clothes dried. When she came out, he handed her some coffee and pushed her down onto the sofa and took a seat next to her. He had no idea what was going to happen next and neither did she.
She set the coffee aside and scooted along the couch until she was pressed against his side. He looked a little surprised but wrapped an arm around her anyway. And the soft sigh that she breathed against his chest did nothing to ease the sudden tension between them. Little did she know at the time, was that he was silently chanting in his head to behave himself, no matter how tempting she looked sitting there pressed against him. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep to his steady heartbeat.
When she woke up a few hours later, he had laid her down on the couch and thrown a blanket over her. He was in his bed asleep as well. She had no idea what possessed her to do it, but she watched him sleep for a moment before lifting the sheet and easing into bed beside him. He was lying on his side and she pressed her back to his front wrapping his arm around her. Her movements woke him and she discovered just how much more cranky he was when he first woke up.
"George, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" He had grumbled at her, but had yet to release his hold on her.
"Trying to sleep?" She'd answered.
"You couldn't do that on the fucking couch?"
"Not anymore." He sighed and pulled her tight to his chest, covering them with the blanket.
"Well to sleep then, and quit waking me up."
"Yes sir." She'd mumbled into his other arm, his warmth already lulling her back into slumber.
That had been the first of many nights that she'd stayed with him, sleeping in his arms. At first she'd thought it was like when she was a little kid and had crawled in bed with her parents after a bad dream. But time and some growing up changed that opinion fairly quickly. She'd realized that she wasn't looking for a daddy, but a lover.
Almost a year later, it was to the point where they had just started living together. There was no point in her having a separate place as she was never there. If Daisy thought it was odd, she managed to not say anything, and no one seemed to care that they always walked into Der Waffle Haus together more often than not, or that she had taken to sitting next to Rube instead of across from him. No one even seemed to notice the casual way he draped his arm along the back of the bench and played with her hair when it was loose.
The first time she kissed him wasn't long after she'd moved all of her stuff to his place, not that she had all that much to begin with. She just wasn't a collector of stuff. He'd been hanging her work clothes in his closet while she put her t-shirts and other things in the drawers he's cleared for her in the dresser. When she'd finished she turned around him to see him sitting on the bed watching her with acute interest. She'd returned his gaze and felt like she was going to explode. Not from anger, or irritation. She felt like she was going to explode from frustration, and not the kind that you get sitting in traffic or working on a particularly difficult problem. No, this had been sexual frustration. She wanted him to stop watching and fucking touch her, and if he didn't, she might just die. So she'd walked up to him, as close as she could get while he was still sitting, and waited.
He'd made the first move by pressing his face into her stomach and breathing in her scent. She reached up and started to comb her fingers through his hair, scratching lightly on his scalp. It seemed to inflame him and suddenly he was towering over her and she was pulling his mouth down to hers for a hungry kiss. The hungry kisses led to roaming hands, which led to the removal of clothes. And for a young woman who'd lived her life on the edge of society and generally being apathetic about everything, their love making was especially intense. When it was over, she laid sprawled across his chest, breathing deeply and trying to figure out if they'd done the right thing. But not wanting to ruin their blissful afterglow with a mood killer, she remained silent. And leave it to Rube to do what she wasn't willing to do.
"What the fuck, Peanut?" He'd said with a short laugh of almost happiness
"Yeah, really." She'd hummed in agreement.
"We've really started some shit now."
"Yep." She propped her chin up on her hand and gave him a steady look. His eyes, which were normally so cold, still held heat, when they looked at her. She felt the passions bubbling up in her again so she kissed him, softly this time. He groaned into her mouth, this time letting her set the pace of, slow and steady. His eyes never left hers, even when they crested together, riding the wave of sexual bliss. He'd pulled her down to him, kissing her again and again as they'd lain facing each other.
"So?" He asked, attempting to take up their conversation where it had left off before her interruption.
"So what? We're together. Who cares what the rest of this fucked up world thinks."
"I'm impressed." He deadpanned.
"Look. I live with you. I was sleeping with you the innocent way anyway. Now we're sleeping together in the non-innocent way. I like you, you like me. If you don't want to tell the group, what they've already figured out was going on anyway, that's fine. But I'm going to tell you one thing."
"What's that?"
"I fucking love you."
"Good, because I fucking love you too. And the rest of the team can go to fucking hell if they have a problem with that."
"I agree. Now snuggle." It had been such an odd demand coming from her lips, but he'd smirked and snuggled into her.
Some days she hates her life, well unlife. Those are the days when she's not sure if she's being honest with herself or still being deluded by what she thinks she wants. But on the days when she hates her unlife, everything just fucking sucks. And that is the thought that reverberates through her head on those days, in an endless loop. Those are the days when she has had, is currently having, or will have, a difficult reap. Children are her weakness. They hurt her the most because they have yet to live, or at least get to the point where she was when she died, apathetic. She absolutely hates to reap children because is cosmic fuckingly unfair. Those are the days when she needs Rube the most and is so happy to have him to come home to. Their home. They'd told the others after that first night they'd had sex, that they were in love with each other and that if the team had a problem then they could fuck off. No one had said a word. The looks on their faces, part shock, and part knowing smiles, still make her smile softly to herself.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks as he wraps his arms around her.
"They day we told the team."
"They took it well."
"I know."
"You do?"
"Yeah. What to know what else I know?"
"Lay it on me, peanut."
"I fucking love you." He laughs and kisses her gently on the lips.
"Good, because I fucking love you too."