DISCLAIMER: Warning ! I make no claim to any property of J.K. Rowling's, and am in no way profiting by this. I do offer her my sincerest thanks for allowing us this garden of the mind in which we play. Further Warning! This story...and likely any I ever write…are dominated by gay themes and characters. That's how it is, if this in any way makes you uncomfortable...do not read further.

What Was I Supposed To Do? …by Samayel

My life is over.

I had a good one. At least most people would have thought so. They all thought it was perfect. Rich, popular and from a family with power of every kind that counts. None of them knew the price that came with those things. None of my friends, anyway.

Potter knew. He was the only one who even looked under the surface. He hated me. Or at least I thought he did. He thought I didn't know he was there. He thought I didn't hear those steps, or the little hiss of breath. Even if he did hate me, he was the only one who ever saw me cry. That's something isn't it?

What was I supposed to do? My life is over. I feel numb, and Snape jerks my arm harder, pulling me along after him. My feet move, but my heart is dead. The halls are just a blur to me.

My family wanted this for me. No one offends the Dark Lord and walks away free and clear. I had to do it! One Malfoy already failed him, can you imagine what he'd do to another who drew his ire? I can. I wish I couldn't, but I can.

We're outdoors. The castle behind us, the end of the wards ahead. I wish I'd died. What was I supposed to do? When I see the shadow of Potter behind us, my face burns. Why do I want to scream for help? Who would listen?

I was so close. I believed him. Dumbledore would have tried. I know he would have. I wanted it so badly…to be safe, to not live with fear gnawing its way through me like a cancer. I was almost safe. I could have been happy someday. My life is over.

Snape's hand feels like a vice on my wrist, makes my whole arm scream when he yanks it as we run. He really did it. He killed Dumbledore. He did the task I was set to, signed my death warrant, and now he's carrying me along to my own funeral.

I could run. Pull free and go back. But to where? Who'd have me now? I wish he'd killed me instead of the Headmaster.

That was ward-fire that crackled across my skin. We're free of Hogwarts boundaries. Snape jerks us to a halt, never letting go.

I see him, running, wild-haired and with blazing eyes. He looks like God, like his anger is a scale that could measure the whole world…and find it wanting. Potter. For the first time, I know he's going to win.

What was I supposed to do? Crawl begging for help? Give myself to the Ministry and its tender mercies? Tears are burning trails on my cheeks and I just can't care anymore.

I feel the crackle of Apparition, and the last thing I think of is what I've lost. What I have left isn't worth keeping anymore, and that will be taken from me soon enough. My life is over.

What was I supposed to do?

FIN