Disclaimer: Namco owns I just like making their characters bend to my imagination, apparently.
Rating: Worksafe
Spoilers: Zaude, kind of.
Warnings: Umm, I'm sorry for the crack? *coughcoughnotbetadcoughcough*
Notes: None that I can think of, except that I can't remember where I got this idea from and that I desperately needed to write about it. And it's surprisingly short for me? Maybe rushed? I can't seem to tell anymore.
Summary: He should learn not to let Rita use spells on the party. Or on him, more specifically.
-o-
This wasn't okay. This wasn't okay at all. When was he going to learn never to trust Rita when she had a new spell to test out? When was he going to learn that she never had any spells that weren't offensive or used on the enemy on some way? When was he going to learn that he needed to run away when a spell formula leapt up under his feet?
"Rita," Yuri warned, voice small and very high as he stared up, up, at Rita, a growing knot of horror expanding in his now small chest. "Rita, change me back. Change me back right now."
Her mouth was hanging open, and she couldn't seem to talk, which didn't make him feel any better. And when she did manage a small, "Uh oh," he was sure he was going to do something drastic. What he was going to do, he didn't know, but it was definitely going to be drastic.
"Rita!"
And then she started laughing. It started out as a shaking in her shoulders, quickly progressed to muffled, choked off giggles, and then evolved into full blown laughter that racked her entire body and actually managed to bring her to her knees. It didn't help that he took a threatening step towards her and tripped over his now too big boots.
Then she was howling, tears streaming down her face as she fought for air.
"RITA!" he yelled, and while he tried for stern and angry, his voice was too shrill so it ended up sounding like a shriek.
"What's with all the yellin'?"
Oh, wonderful, more witnesses to his humiliation, fucking great. He turned to glower at Raven and Karol as they pushed through the underbrush that ringed their camp. They stopped dead at the sight of him, and then stared at him for a good long moment before Raven started guffawing.
Karol wasn't laughing, he just looked like he'd been walloped in the head with one of his hammers, so he was saved from Yuri's wrath when he wiggled out of his boots and stumbled over to punch Raven in groin – which was about as high as he could reach, or he'd have punched him in the face. Unfortunately, it seemed that he didn't have the force necessary to cripple the hated Old Man, because all Raven did was stumble back, still roaring with laughter.
"This isn't funny," he growled, or tried to, anyway. Even he could hear that it sounded more like an angry pout, and he was never going to live this down, was he?
"Oh - -hehe - - oh yes - -hahaha - - oh yes it is," Rita gasped out, clutching her stomach like she was in pain. He hoped she was.
"Y-Yuri?!"
Oh, lovely, there were the others. He might as well go talk to Flynn too, just to complete his humiliation.
"Fuck, why does this always happen to me?" he groaned, stiffening in rage when Raven choked out,
"Now, now, watch your language young man. That's a very naughty word, and kids aren't allowed to swear." He was going to do something very, very unpleasant to Raven when he wasn't… tiny.
"What happened?" Judy murmured, and even without turning he could tell that she was trying to stifle giggles.
His eyes went to Rita's hunched over and shaking form. "Good question, ask our genius. This is her fault," he ground out, crossing his arms over his chest. The sleeves of his shirt completely engulfed his hands and trailed down to his knees. Rita glanced up at him, took one look at his stance and dissolved into a new fit of laughter.
He immediately dropped his arms, guessing what she was laughing at, and like hell was he going to look like more of a pouting child.
"Rita," Judy said with a smile in her voice, "I think an explanation in order, hmm? And you might want to make it fast, or we're going to have to put Yuri in a time out before he does something 'naughty.'"
Great, now ever Karol was laughing. Could this get any worse?
"Oh!" Estelle squeaked, and he turned to her in dread. Her eyes were wide and full of something resembling maternal adoration, and she was covering her lips with both of her hands like she was trying not to say anything. He immediately knew he didn't want her to open her mouth.
"Este - -,"
"That's so cute!" she squealed, incapable of helping herself, and that was it. He was going to die of mortification, he just knew it.
His entire group was incapacitated – with laughter no less – something that even Alexei hadn't been able to manage.
He let them have their amusement for another moment as he crouched to roll up the hems of his pants, before he tottered over to the bucket of water they kept for the fire and – in a feat of childish strength – dumped it all over Rita, watching with grim pleasure as she spluttered indignantly, going from debilitated with laughter to filled with rage in the space of a breath.
"You little brat," she snarled, looking like a drowned Ratwigle.
"Change me back," he demanded, "Or I'm going to make your life miserable."
"Go ahead, little boy, let's see you try."
And… she shouldn't have said that, because he still had the bag of synthesis materials attached to his belt. Quick as a flash he had a vial of Jet Black Ink in his hand and was spraying it all over her before she realized what was happening.
She shrieked in fury, leaping back as the ink mixed with the water and spread out more fully on her clothes and skin. Jet Black Ink wasn't as dark as Pitch Black Ink, but it was much harder to get out of clothes, something about the oils in it.
"I'm going to kill you!" she promised, but he already had a Stinky Bag resting on the palm of his hand and they all knew what would happen if it broke. The others retreated to the edge of the camp – Repede disappeared into the brush entirely; they weren't likely to see him for a while – and Rita froze, eyes wide.
Yuri hadn't really understood why Karol had salvaged these bags from the Skunkies they'd had the misfortune of running in to on Weccea – Karol had already broken one, and they'd ostracized him to one side of the camp for three days until he managed to get the smell out – but he was grateful for it now. There was no way that Rita was going to risk doing something that would make him throw it at her, because they both knew – even if he was currently kid sized – that he could throw it faster than she could cast.
Even if he missed, the backlash of disgusting, smelly liquid would catch her and it would take her a very long time to get the stink out.
"Whoa there kid - - Yuri," Raven amended when Yuri turned an angry look in his direction. "Let's think about this."
"I am thinking about it. I'm thinking that if Rita doesn't change me back in the next minute, she's going to be in for a very bad few days," he said conversationally, trying to ignore how high his voice was as his eyes went back to Rita. She was actually starting to look panicked. Good. "Well?" he prompted.
Her gaze flickered from the bag resting on his newly tiny hands to his face. He wondered how evil he looked, a little kid with an unholy grin of destruction on his face. "Uh… I'm not actually sure how to change you back," she forfeited reluctantly after a long moment of intense silence, and then flinched back when his face twisted into an angry scowl.
"What?"
"That wasn't what the spell was supposed to do!" She continued on hurriedly, "I was trying to modify Raven's Stop Flow spell so that we could use it to speed ourselves up instead of stopping the enemy."
"So?"
She looked chagrined, "So I must have switched some of the signs in the formula?"
"Do you know how to fix it?"
She only stared at him, face rapidly losing color. "…Uh…"
Whoops, too late, minute was up; too bad for Rita.
She didn't even have time to dodge as he let the Stink Bag fly free. And the shriek of terror she let out as it flew at her face was going to be music to his ears for a very, very, long time.