His Saving Grace

Chapter 1:

The door clicked open softly as Steve walked into his partner's home. It was 9 in the morning and the man should be up, but then again this is Danny he was talking about so the odds were against him…

Steve knew Danny's alarm system wouldn't be set, which worried the crap out of him. He knew that Danny wouldn't clear his home at the sound of Steve walking about, and he knew that Danny wouldn't eat unless he was coaxed. Danny wouldn't do much of anything these days without his coaxing.

Danny had become more reckless and uninterested in life in the past months. Leaving his door unlocked, driving without a seatbelt, walking into raids without his gun ready for firing instead just pointed to the ground. Steve had even caught him a couple times without a bulletproof vest when they were in situations where it was required. It was like he was hoping for physical pain, or any kind of pain to act as some form of sick distraction. Could it be possible that what he was looking for. . .was death?

The thought spooked the SEAL as he walked into the kitchen and set down some bags on a counter. The bags were full of groceries. . .for Danny, yet again. It was bad when someone needed to be there to ensure that Danny ate or even got up and had a shower. Steve was usually that person. Others helped. . .but Steve made the time and saved the energy to help Danny.

Danny had been through a lot in the past few months. The least Steve could do was have his partner's back while he went through his process of mourning. Especially with everything Steve knew presently. Steve looked around the house. It was untidy to say the least and looked like it hadn't been taken care of for months.

Much like the man himself. . .

Steve sighed as he grabbed a couple of items out of the bags and began to make Danny breakfast. He needed to help Danny as much as he could. . .and he needed to do it carefully, gently, and persistently.

Steve turned on the stove and placed a skillet on it as he tried to focus back on the tasks that were before him.

Get Danny to eat and get him to work. He thought as he hit an egg on the side of the skillet, cracking it and watching the contents spill. And I need to do it with as much enthusiasm and positivity that I can muster.

*clink clink clink*

Danny slowly opened his eyes. There was someone in the house. The noises were coming from the kitchen.

Several months ago, he would've jumped out of bed and cleared his home with his gun in hand.

Several months ago he would've set the alarm. . .and locked his door the night before. Today, though, he almost welcomed the unusual noises. He almost wished it was an armed intruder, one that would walk into his room and just. . .end the suffering.

Just end the misery.

The guilt.

The pain.

Danny felt tears come into his eyes as he became more awake. This will never end. This nightmarish hell will never stop. He felt the little trickles of tears fall out of his eyes and down his cheeks as he kept his head buried deep in his pillow curling the edges in his fists.

This pain he felt. It was unbearable. It just hurt, so badly.

Danny just laid there on his bare stomach in his bed, crying. All the walls he had built up whilst being a cop, knocked down over months of agonizing pain and heartache.

Why did she have to die? He thought as he drew in shallow ragged breaths over and over trying to pump some air to his lungs as he struggled for breath causing him to cry out more. It should have been me.

He didn't care, but he knew his blonde hair was sticking out every which way and he knew that he looked like hell, and frankly right now that was a compliment. If he were to get up to look in the mirror right now, he knew his normally bright blue eyes would be dull, desolate, and dim with a red, puffiness surrounding them. Along with the puffiness, dark circles would cloud underneath and the gauntness of his face would glare back at him as he would just stare into his reflection's eyes, looking for his soul, for a glimmer of hope or life but just staring into the empty vessel everyone else called his body.

He hated this.

He hated life.

The tears faded off. He sat up after a few minutes, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. This was a horrible mistake due to the fact that a massive pounding just started in his head.

He winced as he noticed a bottle on the ground.

He let the tears stay on his face as he picked up a half empty liquor bottle and untwisted the cap. He sucked down the rest of the room temperature liquid that was in it.

God, I need something stronger. He twisted the cap back on and set the bottle on the bedside table.

Footsteps sounded down the hall and Danny looked up as the noises came closer but they almost seemed dimmed out but that was possibly from the loud ringing in his ears.

He was slightly disappointed at the sight that stood before him. . .it was an armed person, but not an intruder. It was just Steve, Lieutenant Commander Steven McGarrett, to be exact, his boss, his partner, his friend.

Steve glanced at the empty bottle Danny sat down on the bed-side table as the man looked at him with a slight glare. Steve saw Danny's puffy, red eyes and knew that he had been crying. He probably cried himself to sleep the night before.

Again.

Steve forced a big smile, even though deep down that he was truly concerned and worried for Danny and his wellbeing.

"Hey, buddy. I have made some breakfast before we take off for work." Steve said to him, placing the plate down on his dresser by the door. Toast, eggs, fruit, and bacon, and glass of orange juice crammed onto the small plastic dish.

Oh, God. . .he seriously expects me to eat all this? "Steve, what are you doing here?" Danny sighed as he rubbed his eyes, a little peeved. He just wanted to be left alone.

"I came to make sure you ate and got to work." Steve said walking around to open the 3 sets of blinds in Danny's room. The light was excruciating.

"Damn." Danny mumbled as he shielded his eyes as the pounding in his head increased.

"Sorry about that! Isn't it a glorious day? I mean look at this sunshine and the clouds. . ." Steve took in a breath.

Danny minimally shook his head at Steve's admiration for the morning. "Steve, I can't go in today." Danny responded to his cheeriness.

"Why not?" The words slipped out and Steve wished he could take them back, because he knew damn well what the answer was. Steve turned from the last window to see Danny looking at a picture on the wall, cold and blank.

Steve felt nothing but sadness and pain for his partner as he watched Danny's blue eyes fill up with tears. Danny tried to blink them away as Steve stared at him.

"Because I-. . ." He paused. "I miss her." Danny whispered out as the tears overwhelmed him and fell down his cheeks. Danny brought his hands to his face to cover his tears.

Steve could swear he felt his heart break as he watched Danny breakdown in front of him. He crossed the room to sit next to Danny. "Come here." Steve said softly touching Danny's shoulder.

"Steve, please just go." Steve could hear the warning in his voice.

Steve placed an arm around him as Danny tried to shrug him away. "Steve, please!" He sobbed softly.

Steve ignored his cry and pulled him into a tight hug, as Danny struggled for a second but then gave in and collapsed against him, grasping onto his shirt. Feeling the bare skin of his back made Steve think of how he would've enjoyed the hug if he didn't feel completely at a loss on how to help Danny.

Many mornings, it was like this. Many nights, it was a similar occurrence. Danny kept strong at work, until the few times they were alone in the car where Danny would just break down on his shoulder. . .and that same gut wrenching, and heartbreaking feeling would overcome Steve.

Steve looked at the picture and felt his heart tug in sympathy for Danny as the man cried softly into the nape of his neck. Steve felt the man's tears drop onto his shirt as he clutched hold of Danny tighter.

All he could do was gaze in sadness at the framed image of Danny's beautiful smiling daughter, Grace.