Title: I did not steal your...whatever it is!
Summary: Brienne was having a terrible month. Her best friend was ignoring her, her neighbours were incorrigible gossips, and her azaleas all died. Now she was being accused of theft! Could her month get any worse?
Disclaimer: Jaime and Brienne belong to GRRM. I own nothing but the plot.
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Brienne sighed as she looked at the little garden in front of her house. It was looking so bare without her azaleas there. She replanted some bushes but it would take a while to flower again. It seemed everything was going wrong lately. And it started with the death of her precious flowers. It was probably an omen of the terrible month to follow it, all things considered. They were a gift after all, from Jaime. The same Jaime who she should be focusing on right now, considering he showed up on her doorstep with some truly preposterous claims.
"Are you calling me a thief, Lannister?" she demanded, as he stood there in her doorway looking at her gravely. "As a matter of fact, I am," he replied evenly. He watched her face turn red with anger. Oh how he'd missed that face. He fought the urge to break into a smile. It wouldn't do to give himself away so easily. Half of the fun was riling her up. Although, if he smiled in that moment it was also quite likely she'd punch him in the face and he'd lose a few teeth, so he'd hold it in.
"Well, aren't you going to invite me inside?" he queried.
"Invite you inside? Have you lost it Lannister?! You come here accusing me of being a thief and now you want me to invite you inside?" she said, red-faced and fuming. Now, lest one accuse Brienne of overreacting, she felt it necessary to recall that Jaime had been ignoring her for the past month. Considering they both worked together and had to interact with each other every day, it was quite a feat. Now the blond git was here, on her doorstep, after a whole month of silence and strange looks, accusing her of theft! Of all the ridiculous things. If it had been two years ago, she'd not be so surprised. Now however, they were quite close and he knew her better than that. Or so she had thought. Evidently, given his avoid-Brienne-at-all-costs attitude, she was wrong. The thought was quite painful in fact, and her chest tightened in a way that made her glare more at the idiot because if she didn't she just might tear up instead.
"Well yes actually," he, continued, and he dared to give a small smirk, oblivious to her internal turmoil, "Unless of course you want your neighbours to hear this discussion, then I have no problem staying out here."
He turned to the side and waved, "Nice to see you again, Mrs Haversham." The old lady, who'd had an ear tilted in their direction from her porch, had the grace to blush embarrassedly and wave back at him before retreating back into her house.
"Fine just get in here," she grumbled, as a mortified blush replaced the angry one. He grinned triumphantly and sidestepped her to get into the house, as she shot him a glare. She closed the door behind them and followed him into the living room, where he didn't stop but instead continued on into her kitchen. Acting like he owned the place, he poured himself some water and drank the entire glass before turning back to her. She would normally say something to him about his lack of manners but her thoughts were still focused on the shame of having been overheard by the neighbour, who undoubtedly would find a way to spread the news to the rest of the gossiping old bags in her community before the day was up.
"So as I was saying," he started, leaning on her kitchen counter, "It seems to me that you have something of mine."
"Well what exactly is it Lannister? I don't have all day to be playing games with you," she said, huffing, "And as I told you, I don't recall taking anything of yours and I do NOT appreciate being called a liar and a thief."
"Oh I didn't say you were a liar Brienne, just that you stole something from me," he said.
"How does that make any sense Jaime? I'm saying I don't have anything of yours and you are saying I do, so isn't that you saying I am lying to you?" she said, frustrated by him.
"Well I didn't say you knew about it. In fact I'm certain that you're quite unaware that you have it," he replied, twirling the empty water glass in his hands.
She was truly puzzled now, "Are you saying I took something of yours accidentally then?"
He nodded. Well, she supposed that was better than being called a thief. "Okay well what is it then? I'll see if I can find it for you," she said.
"Well do you remember when we first met?" he said, as she nodded.
"Right well as you may recall I wasn't very nice to you at first..." he trailed off, grimacing slightly.
"Oh I remember Lannister. Quite well in fact. What was it you called me? Oh right, first you said I was a man. Then I was a mannish cow, a dumb broad, horse face, giantess," she was about to go on but he interrupted. "Okay okay enough," he winced, "I know I was a complete douchebag and I apologise." Like he had countless times since then. She had already forgiven him long ago.
"Right so what does this have to do with what I supposedly took from you?" she said.
"Well just wait a bit, I'm getting there," he said.
"Fine, carry on then," she sighed.
"As I was saying, I was completely horrible to you," he continued, "But eventually we got past all of that and became friends right?"
She nodded.
He then proceeded to retell their entire two-year history...as if she hadn't been there for it.
"Just a bit, he said. He's getting there, he said," she mumbled to herself after a half hour of Jaime talking in circles.
*15 minutes later*
"And that's when I realised, you stole it!" Jaime said, looking at her as if she should know exactly what he was talking about.
She was getting impatient with him however, "Well for crying out loud Jaime could you just tell me what it is? How do you expect me to return it to you if you won't say what it is?"
"Hmm well, I'm not quite sure I want you to return it, actually," he said nonchalantly.
"WHAT?!" she screeched, "After ignoring me for a month, then coming here, calling me a thief and giving that long-winded spiel, now you say you don't want it back? And you still won't tell me exactly what I'm supposed to have in the first place! I think you need to leave Jaime, I can't stand to see you right now or I might actually damage your pretty face."
"Oh so you think my face is pretty?" he smirked.
She was really furious now. If there was a table, she might have flipped it. But as suddenly as her anger came, it went, and she said tiredly, "Go Jaime. Just. Go." She wasn't really angry with him after all, just hurt that after everything, this was what their relationship amounted to.
He sighed, "Okay okay, fine, I'm going. Walk me to the door at least?" She glared at him, "If that's what it takes to get you to leave, then fine." At least when he was gone she could go have a good cry. She turned and marched ahead of him, face stony.
He followed closely behind. As they reached the hallway to the door he stopped and grabbed her arm. "Wait, I'll tell you," he said. Her anger deflated slightly at his tone. "Well, go on then," she said, tapping her foot impatiently. He sighed again and ran his hand through his hair. Then his expression changed from uncertain to decisive. Before she could process what was happening he had her pinned against the hall wall. "J..Jaime..what on Earth..." she mumbled, surprised, "Let go of me." Of course, Brienne, being just as tall and as built as him, could easily push him away from her, but she knew she was in no danger from him or she would have already. At the same time she didn't want to make any sudden actions because she honestly didn't know what was going on. She couldn't deny being curious because it was very out of character for him.
"You wanted to know what you took from me. Well you stole this," he said, taking her hand and putting it on the left side of his chest. Brienne blinked twice, not quite comprehending what he was saying. "Huh?" she mumbled, "What the heck are you saying Jaime? How could I steal your shirt, you're wearing it."
"My heart idiot, it's my heart!" he said, now sounding frustrated himself.
"Excuse me? Did you just call me an idiot?" she said, affronted.
"Is that really all you took from that line?" he grinned. It was so like Brienne to take insult from anything he said.
"Well, I did hear something about your heart as well, but I couldn't possibly have taken that," she muttered.
"And why ever not?" he said, "I'm telling you that you did."
"How could I steal what wasn't there to begin with? Your heart isn't your own, it belongs to Cersei," she said. He snorted, "Really Brienne? You seriously think after all of this I still give a rat's arse about Cersei? I took that away from her a long time ago...somewhere around the time I met you. Though, until recently I wasn't aware that it had been stolen again. Except this time it most certainly wasn't taken by Cersei."
She was still looking at him warily, and he wasn't offended. Brienne certainly did have too many bad experiences with men, including him in the beginning. But at the same time he wasn't like that anymore and he knew that deep inside of her she knew it too. His voice softened, "Listen, I know you have a right to be cautious when it comes to matters of the heart, but I promise this isn't a game. I've had a long time to think about this. It's not something I brought up without giving it due consideration. We could work, you and me. We could be good together." He saw the look on her face and quickly added, "And forget what people think, it doesn't matter. It only matters what we think." She turned her eyes down and blushed because she had just been thinking about what everyone would say if she really gave what he was offering a chance. He really did know her too well. Which quite possibly proved his point.
That position was getting awkward though and she was getting a cramp. Again he noticed the discomfort on her face and released her. She just looked away and muttered, "I don't know how to respond to this. What exactly do we do now?" "Well you could say you'll give me yours in return you know, although even if you don't you'd still have mine," he said, rubbing the back of his head. Her face felt way too heated to be healthy. But she nodded and said in a small voice, "Well, okay then."
"So does this mean you agree?" he queried.
She nodded.
"YES! I knew I'd bring you around to the idea of us," he fist-pumped, all nervousness seemingly gone. Except she knew him better than that too. He was most definitely nervous the past few minutes and was hiding behind false bravado at the moment. Oh well, she decided, she'd let him save face.
But then it hit her.
"Wait a second...so you're telling me that you made us go through all of that hullabaloo just to say that you like me?" she said incredulously. He stopped his mini-celebration and grinned sheepishly, "Maybe?"
"By the seven Lannister, you are such a drama queen," she groaned, face-palming.
"But I'm your drama queen," he said, smiling brightly.
She gave a long suffering sigh, "I suppose you are."
His grin didn't fade for the rest of the day.
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A/N: So I had an idea for a story where Jaime accuses Brienne of stealing, she gets angry with him, he tries to explain she stole his heart but does it in this long winded way. But I can't quite get it to work. I had a beginning, I had an end...but the middle just falls through. I just can't write Jaiime's long explanation so I took inspiration from spongebob's narrator instead. It has quite a lot of flaws but it's been sitting there so long I just decided to heck with it, I'm gonna publish it anyway. Maybe one day I will polish it and make it better if I get the inspiration to. But until then I hope you enjoyed it and didn't cringe too much. That being said, if anyone wants to remix it/ has inspiration from it and wants to write it better than I can, please do! Only credit this fic or link it if you do.
You can use the prompt "Brienne was having a terrible month. Her best friend was ignoring her, her neighbours were incorrigible gossips, and her azaleas all died. Now she was being accused of theft! Could her month get any worse?"