Remembrance - Part 1

Summary: Haise can't tell if the voice inside his head is his own or the monster's.

Rating: T for language, nothing too bad

Genre: Angst (?)

Word Count: 658

Ever since his fight with the Serpent, the voice in his head just wouldn't go away.

Haise. Call my name. Let me take over. All your troubles will go away, I promise.

He flinched. Memories of a boy with the same face as his, but with gray eyes far deader. Devouring ghoul flesh that tasted like rubber. Memories of centipedes and cries and screams that echoed, a merciless laughter following. A sense of helplessness and anger. Other memories – better ones, of a café, a pretty waitress, an innocent little girl, a happy family. A boisterous human friend.

None of them his.

Haise raised his hand to his face, wanting to rip into his flesh – tearing strips and strips of skin and blood – until he got the monster out of his head. He had no business seeing those memories, memories that he refused to belong to him. Yet the monster kept shoving them at him. And slowly but surely, he remembered. Haise recalled as if the memories were his own, but the harder the monster tried to force him, the harder he rebelled, pushing those memories away. He had his Quinx team to take care of, he had a job at the CCG, he had friends, and he was happy. He couldn't turn back to whatever he had been before he'd joined the CCG, not ever, and especially not now. He had too many bonds, too many connections to the people he'd grown to know. He refused to revert back to a ruthless killing monster, which was what he gathered he was before, given the hints dropped by Arima and Akira.

The damned doves- they took away who I was! Who you were! Are you so afraid that you're content to live a life of lies?!

Haise flinched. The truth was that he was scared. He was scared of who he was before, was scared that if he remembered, he would no longer be able to look at his human friends the same way he did now, with love and pride. He didn't want to lose himself. This feeling – of companionship, comradery – was something he cherished. He was human. He refused to become a monster. He refused to turn his back on his co-workers at CCG, the only close friends he had.

Don't make me laugh! The monster snarls his words. Haise's head pounded with the monster's anger. You don't want to lose yourself? Fuck – you were already lost the moment your shitty life started. The life they stole from me and gave to you! What about my friends? What about –

At this point, the monster was basically howling in this head, and unable to bear the headache, Haise had ducked into a dark alley, breathing heavily, leaning against the cool surface of a tall building for support. Every word spoken was a knife in his head, but abruptly, the monster stopped his furious tirade, cutting himself off mid-sentence. Instead, strong waves of emotions washed over Haise, coming from the monster, and he could almost taste those feelings. There were lots of anger, but also present were regret, grief, andstronger than anything – longing.

Unbidden, memories bubbled to the surface, and Haise could see clearly in his mind a kind old man with a matching kind smile, a boy with glasses smirking arrogantly, a sweet-faced caramel-haired girl reading a book, and a friend inseparable with his headphones. But standing out of the rest of the images, he could see the clearest a pretty, softly smiling girl with dark hair, deep indigo eyes, and long, curled lashes – the most breathtaking, beautiful girl that Haise had ever seen, even if only in memory. Something in him had stirred upon remembering that girl. The breath was knocked out of him, as if someone had kicked him, and his hearted ached for someone he didn't even know.

Touka.

This time, Haise wasn't sure if the name came from the monster or he himself.

A/N: This is my first fanfic for Tokyo Ghoul. After my almost-a-year-long break from writing fanfiction, I'm back again, so I decided to try tackling a new ground here.

My other stories (all of them for Naruto) are on infinite hiatus, just saying that in case I'm caught by some of my old readers, but I'll definitely get back to them. In the past, I've had commitment issues with my stories (the reason I stopped writing), but hopefully, this time, a drabble series will be easier to commit to and it'll be a good fresh start for me.

Btw, don't worry. Not all of my author's notes are going to be this long. :D Don't forget to review/follow/favorite!