I don't know how I came up with this story. The idea just came to me in a moment of brilliance. Two friends I have had their birhtday a few days ago(they are twins) so I wrote this as birthday present for them. Enjoy readers and my two friends!

Ulquiorra walked silently down the blank halls of Las Noches on his way to an espada meeting. All was fine, except there was a slight disturbance for Ulquiorra this morning. He pushed up his left sleeve, and on the pale skin was a small dime-sized bump. Ulquiorra had woken up this morning to discover it, and wasn't too pleased when he did. He then pulled down his sleeve and continued acting normally. Perhaps he should talk to Szayel about this later.

…

It wasn't much better for Ulquiorra during the espada meeting. Aizen droned on and on about Kourosaki, which wasn't something most of the espada wanted to discuss. Grimmjow twitched uncomfortably during the two hours of torture. Ulquiorra on the other hand had more self control, but it disturbed him how the growth seemed to get bigger. He paid little attention to Aizen as he rubbed the growth.

"What's wrong, Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow taunted from his seat, noticing Ulquiorra's discomfort.

Damn someone noticed me. I just have to act quick. Ulquiorra told himself. "The muffin Orihime gave me tasted awful. Blueberries aren't supposed to be so sour." He muttered quickly. That sounds so retarded.

Grimmjow stayed silent for the rest of the meeting. When the meeting was finally over Ulquiorra walked silently to Orihime's room; it was her lunch time.

…

"Ulquiorra what's wrong?" Orihime asked Ulquiorra, seeing him rub his arm. She was in her room sitting on her couch, eating a tasteless soup with unknown contents in it.

Ulquiorra's growth had grown to the size of an egg. He paused. "Oh nothing of your concern, woman." He muttered quickly with a hint of desperation in his voice. "Continue eating your soup."

Orihime glared at him, but he didn't care. After a few minutes playing with her spoon she said, "What kind of soup is this anyway?"

"Aizen's special soup of death." Ulquiorra muttered, which resulted in Orihime giving him a disturbed look. He then turned around to the door and walked out it. Ulquiorra shut the door carefully before slowly taking a walk through the halls of Las Noches. After a half hour of walking, he heard…naughty noises.

"I'm sorry Nnoitra-sama! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Tesla screamed from around the corner.

Bam! Nnoitra beat Tesla. "I told you I wanted it extra crispy!" Bam! "Is it so hard to remember my KFC order?" he roared.

"I'm sorry! It won't happen again!" Bam!

"It better not!" Nnoitra warned. Curiosity got the best of Ulquiorra, and he silently slinked onto the scene. Tesla lay bloodied on the floor, and Nnoitra stood above him, his fists bloody from pounding his fraccion. A burnt KFC bucket lay discarded on the floor a few feet away. Nnoitra then smirked evilly. "You've been bad. Go to my room."

Ulquiorra swiftly walked away in the opposite direction. After getting a safe distance away from the perverted Quinta, poor Ulquiorra spotted Gin walking towards Orihime's room. "What are you doing Gin?"

Gin froze. "I uh…Aizen needs her…" He said, drifting off.

Ulquiorra saw right through his excuse. "Stay away from her, you perve." He muttered, disgusted. Gin frowned before stomping off.

"Ulquiorra, what's that on your arm?" A booming voice bellowed. Ulquiorra turned around. It was Yami. Ulquiorra looked down; the growth had gotten bigger and was now quite visible.

Ulquiorra glared at the stupid hollow before uttering 'cero', and blasted Yami in the face. He walked away silently to his room away from the carnage.

…

Ulquiorra skipped merrily through a meadow full of bright, colorful flowers. He was smiling and laughing happily for no apparent reason. The sky was a brisk, light blue and the sun glowed warmly. The song 'Sunshine Lollypops' was playing loudly in the background.

"Ulquiorra guess what time it is!" Grimmjow sang happily, wearing nothing but a bright pink tutu. He then skipped up to Ulquiorra.

"IT'S SUMMER TIME!" Ulquiorra yelled. Then all of a sudden all the main characters from High School Musical came into the meadow on pogo sticks. "POGO STICK TIME YAY!" He screamed. He and Grimmjow then started dancing the carmelldansen dance while Troy Boulton and his Hispanic girlfriend tossed flower petals into the air.

"I love muffins!" Grimmjow yelled.

"I love muffins too!" Ulquiorra said. It then started to rain muffins.

Ulquiorra bolted upright in his bed. It was only a dream…

Ulquiorra had been asleep for five hours when he came back to his room. "That was one hell of a dream," He said slowly, pondering about its meaning. His arm then started to ache. He looked at his growth arm. Wholly Aizen! The growth was now the size of Ulquiorra's head and sent waves of pain up his arm.

Time for Szayel…

…

"Szayel, I need you…" Ulquiorra started. Ulquiorra wasn't a man that asked help quite often, but right now he needed major assistance. With his arms folded behind his back, Ulquiorra slowly walked up to Szayel at his desk.

Szayel then peered up from his paperwork. "Ah, what do you need of me, Ulquiorra?" He then walked up to Ulquiorra. "Show me your arms, if you please." Ulquiorra obeyed; showing Szayel the arm with the growth. "I'm sorry, but wholly shit!" Szayel exclaimed. Ulquiorra only gave a slight nod. "Do you think it could be a side-effect of that potion I gave you?" he asked, poking at the growth.

"I don't know," Ulquiorra said, but then his arm exploded with a boom. A blinding light shot out of the growth, which was exploding blood and light. When it finally stopped, and the smoke cleared, Ulquiorra looked around. Aside from minor burns, Szayel was fine. Ulquiorra's arm wasn't too damaged, and with his fast-regrowing skills his arm would be fine. But he wouldn't be emotionally the same ever again.

"Dada?" A childish voice asked. Ulquiorra looked down in shock. A pale baby with big bright green eyes and a hollowhole where it's heart should have been sat in front of him. Szayel heard this, and looked like he would pass out or piss himself.

Then Gin of course had to come in with Orihime at that moment. "Oops, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting somethin'." He said quickly. It was an odd sight indeed; Szayel looking shocked at a child Ulquiorra just spawned from his arm. The little baby smiled for no apparent reason, perhaps trying to copy Gin's smile.

When Ulquiorra found his voice he said, "Szayel gave me a twisted potion that caused this. Please go away…"

"But he's so cute!" Orihime cried, picking up the baby and cuddling him. Deep down, Ulquiorra felt the obligation to slap the dumb human, but he resisted it. Orihime cooed at the baby, and he responded by making happy gurgling noises. Ulquiorra then felt tired staring at the happy two. My brain hurts.

Gin then said, "So who's the mommy then?" The child pointed at Orihime. Ulquiorra felt his jaw drop. "But that's not possible! Orihime-chan is not sleeping with your daddy!" Gin muttered. He also added under his breath, 'she's mine', but no one picked this up.

"So anyway…Ulquiorra…He will need clothes and stuff…" Szayel said weakly. He then went through some drawers at his desk until he pulled out a miniature version of Ulquiorra's suit. "We should put it on him…"

"Wait! He should have a name!" Orihime exclaimed.

"Any ideas, woman?" Ulquiorra said sourly.

Orihime thought for a moment, then smiled and said, "Kira! It means 'sunshine' and he seems so happy!" Ulquiorra stared at her. Really? "'Kira Cifer', it sounds cute!" Hollows aren't supposed to be cute Trash.

"Fine. Kira it is. Can I leave now?" Ulquiorra stated irritably, cradling the baby against his chest as he walked towards the door. With no goodbyes, Ulquiorra silently left Szayel's Laboratory.

…

Ulquiorra lay in his bed with his new son curled up asleep next to him. How was he going to explain this in the morning to Aizen? More importantly, would the child have to go away if Aizen disapproved? Szayel's potion seemed to only bring more and more problems. Ulquiorra sighed in the darkness, then closed his eyes. Today I woke up with an odd bump. And now as I go to sleep I have a son. How the hell does that work?

...I don't know. I was in science class and we were talking about asexual reproduction(one parent having offspring grow off it). I couldn't get this idea out of my head, so I typed it and published it on here. Please review!