All characters are property of NBC/Sony/Corday Productions
This ficlet was done as part of the 2005 July 4th Fireworks Challenge at Second Chances: the Lumi Mega Site..
July 4, 2006"Sami, I'm going to go make sure everything is ready downstairs."
"Okay Belle. Thanks for all your help."
Belle grinned at me. "Anytime. And you look gorgeous by the way. Austin's going to love it."
I can feel my reciprocating smile fade from my face as I watch her retreating back. Sliding down into the chair I lift my eyes to the bureau mirror, barely recognizing the woman who stares back at me. Knowing that I just might see the uncomfortable truth if I stare at my reflection too long, I shift my gaze to the collection of photos taped along the edge of the glass: Maggie, Julie, Hope, Jennifer, even Melissa, although I barely recognize her, it's been so long. All those Horton brides have sat in this room at various times in their lives, some even on the day of their weddings as I am today.
It seems rather ironic to me really. Here I am, a Brady amongst Hortons, and I'm not even about to become one. Sure, that wasn't my plan a year ago. A year ago I still had every intention of proving to Lucas that we'd been set up, had every intention of us reconciling, had every intention of walking down the aisle to him, not his brother. But I guess fate had other plans for me.
With Austin's help I was able to prove the truth, but it was simply too little, too late. By the time that all of Salem knew about the fake horoscopes, the drugs, Eugenia and the setup and even my stint as Stan, the systematic destruction of my relationship with Lucas had passed the point of no return.
I couldn't let go of the pain of his mistrust, and he was dealing with the triple whammy of his own guilt, his mother's betrayal and our son's hostility. He forgave me for being Stan, claiming it was the least that he could do, and he even helped Austin ensure that I'd never be prosecuted for the crimes I'd done on behalf of Tony DiMera, but we just couldn't get past everything else.
And then the unimaginable happened: Austin fell in love with me. It was an unexpected complication, one I resisted at first, but finally out of sheer loneliness and despair, allowed to grow. Oh how my fifteen-year old heart would have sung if Austin had looked at me then the way he does now.
So here I am today, Independence Day of all days, about to marry the man of my childhood dreams in the backyard next door to my childhood home. Austin will make me a good husband, of that I am sure. But will I make him a good wife? I used to think I would, but it's amazing how much your desires in life can change between your fifteenth and thirtieth birthdays.
Sighing to myself, I pick up a small mirror and check the back of my hair. Belle spent two hours curling the long blonde strands into intricate little ringlets and pinning them up, kind of like how women wore their hair in the early decades of the last century. It goes with the 1920's dress she designed for me. Given that this is my, let's see here I have to stop and think, my seventh, omigod, my seventh attempt at getting married, well eighth really if you count the elopement that Lucas and I tried, I figured less would be more. Instead of an elaborate church wedding we picked July 4th, and not just any old time either. Given my penchant for things going awry I just couldn't handle the thought of everyone showing up for another cancelled wedding and going home without the benefit of the dinner and dance, so the ceremony itself won't take place until close to midnight. The guests have been downstairs in the yard most of the afternoon and evening attending the annual Brady/Horton Fourth of July Barbeque. It just seemed simpler this way. Even if things crash and burn as usual, at least they'll have partaken in a day of free food and drinks.
"Knock, knock." I smile as I hear Julie's voice outside the door.
"Come in Julie. I'm almost ready."
"Sami, you look lovely."
"Thank you."
"So, you and Austin.. about to be married…"
"Yeah." I reply, a bit breathlessly. Why am I suddenly having trouble breathing?
"This is what, your third attempt?"
"Forth actually. We married in Paris to get Will back, but annulled it. Then we tried to marry at St. Lukes, but Carrie stopped it with the revelation of Will's paternity. And then we tried to elope in Vegas."
"And Lucas stopped you."
"Yeah." I say softly, averting my eyes from her piercing gaze. Julie's a wonderful woman, and I adore her, but she can read me just a bit too well for my liking. And this is one time where I don't need someone peering into my soul. "Directly or indirectly he'stopped almost all of my weddings."
"Seems to me that there must be a reason for it."
I let out a rueful laugh. "Yeah right. He was put on this planet to torture me. To make sure that I end up alone and miserable!"
Julie shakes her head and smiles. "Oh no. I don't believe that for a minute. The very fact that he's the one who keeps you from partnering with someone else speaks volumes."
I turn my eyes to lock with hers. She's sincere in what she's telling me, but she's not correct. I know she's not. "But If Lucas and I were truly meant to be together wouldn't one of our wedding attempts have stuck?"
Her smiled widens. "It took Doug and I three tries before we finally got it to stick. Remember what I told you two years ago when we thought Doug had died?"
I feign a memory lapse, but her shrewd eyes see right through my lie. "You remember. Love isn't easy and in every relationship there's a series of ups and downs and some of those ups and downs can be extreme."
I repeat the words in my mind. Extreme is a good word to describe my love for Lucas. Yes I said love. I have no trouble admitting that I love him. Even Austin knows that a large part of my heart will always belong to his little brother. Loving each other was never a problem for me and Lucas. Everything else, especially trust, was. "Julie was there a specific reason why you stopped in to see me? I mean other than to tell me I look lovely." I hate being rude to her, but her presence is disconcerting to say the least. Being near her reminds me of Lucas. Being reminded of Lucas wakes my soul from it's long dark slumber, and I can't have that. Not today of all days.
She smiles knowingly as she pulls a small white envelope from her purse. Silently she hands it to me and then turns to leave, but not before she gives me one last piece of advice. "It's never too late to break the cycle Sami."
I frown as she leaves the room, wondering what exactly she meant by that. Successfully marrying Austin would break that cycle, wouldn't it? I glance down at the envelope, recognizing the handwriting that simply says "Sami."
Do I dare open it? He's managed to stop all of my other weddings and although he swore to me that he wouldn't try to stop this one, I have to wonder. Oh you're probably wondering how I got him to agree to not try and stop it. It was his idea. I guess I should back up and tell you all a bit more about what happened with me and Lucas.
The whole sordid tale of Kate and her machinations came out last fall. For Lucas, it was especially devastating to realize that he'd been putting his faith in the wrong woman for so long. We did try reconciling and for a few weeks it worked. We allowed the mind-blowing sex to hide the fact that we still had serious unresolved issues between us. But eventually, even passion can't hold together a doomed relationship.
Austin had started to fall for me and that just made things worse. Lucas' insecurities snowballed and we finally reached a point where we just couldn't make it work anymore. When it finally ended, even Will was relieved.
"Sami, they're ready for you. Your dad is waiting for you to come down." I hear my sister's voice call out to me. Grabbing my bouquet I stuff the envelope beneath the flowers and with one last look in the mirror I head out the door.
Somehow I have made it down the aisle and I'm standing across from Austin. The justice of the peace is mumbling something about the sanctity of marriage, and it's taking all my willpower not to scan the guests, looking for those chocolate brown eyes and that oh, so familiar smirk. Where is he? I ask myself. Even though he promised me he wouldn't, I still expected him to be here, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the exact moment to pounce and ruin my plans yet again.
I shift the bouquet in my hands and suddenly his letter falls out. The justice of the peace pauses and Austin quickly bends down to pick it up.
"You dropped this." He whispers to me as he hands it back. Our fingers brush and I realize that I feel nothing, no spark, no zing, no zang, just nothing. I can't remember a time when even the most routine touch from Lucas didn't make my heart beat faster. And that's when it hits me. No matter who I marry, no matter how hard I try to stay away from him, my heart knows the truth and my soul will never stop searching for him.
"I can't do this." I whisper breathlessly. I can barely hear myself.
"What?" Austin stares at me in shock. "What do you mean?"
I shake my head, backing away. Julie's words ring through my ears. It's never too late to break the cycle. Oh the irony of that. I thought marrying Austin would break it, but Austin was never the solution. I am. I am the solution. Only me. "I can't marry you. I'm sorry. I just can't."
Austin nods slowly, but doesn't move. I see the resignation in his eyes. He knows my reason, just as well as I do.
"I'm so sorry." I say again. I know it's not enough, but it's all I can manage.
"Don't worry about me. Just go find it. Go find him. And be happy."
I give him a grateful smile and then in a flash I'm running back down the aisle. My mind briefly registers the satisfied look on Julie's face and the hopeful one on my son's.
Fireworks are exploding as I finally arrive at our apartment building. I reach his door and pound on it. There's no answer so I run to my place and retrieve his spare key. Letting myself inside I find it empty. I run to the fire escape and then to the roof, but he's nowhere to be found. I have to find him. I need to tell him that I finally understand. That I finally know how to fix us.
I check the parking lot. His car is gone so I get back in mine, and I start searching. Up and down the streets. Hours later, I'm still searching. I pull over at a gas station to grab a cup of coffee and as I reach over to grab my purse my forgotten bouquet topples to the car floor and I see it again. His letter.
Desperately I grab it, ripping it open, gasping as I read his words.
My beloved Sami
I promised you that I would not interfere in your wedding to Austin and I meant it. We've been down this road so many times before, and although, and perhaps because, I love you more than life I am letting you go.
You deserve happiness and it's finally obvious to me that I can't be the one to give it to you. We've been going around in circles for over a dozen years and one of us needs to break the cycle. So, I won't be stopping your wedding this time.
And in case you're shaking your head in disbelief, I won't even be in Salem during it. I've gone away to the Horton cabin, so you can rest assured that nothing will interfere with your special day.
I wish you a life of peace and contentment.
My love always,
Lucas
I swipe at the tears that are streaming down my face. "Horton cabin? Okay. Ready or not Lucas. Here I come."
It's a long drive and I have plenty of time to think as I navigate the winding backroads. I pull up to the rustic cabin just as the soft moonlight is giving way to the rising sun. I walk around to the side with the door and by the dawn's early light I see him. He's leaning against the porch, staring up at the rapidly dimming starlight.
"You came." He sounds surprised but then again, he doesn't.
He shouldn't be surprised. Was there really any other way this would end?
"You can't blame me this time. I let you go." He rasps. He hasn't turned his head to look at me yet.
"There's no one to blame except me." I tell him quietly. "I stopped the wedding."
"What?" I can hear the shock in his voice.
"I realized that I couldn't possibly marry your brother."
"Why?"
I smile at him in the darkness. He's still so insecure. But I have a way to change that. "I finally realized that I have to make a choice."
"And?"
"I choose love. I choose you." The tension melts from his stance, and in a heartbeat I'm in his arms, his lips brushing mine, his fingers threading through my ringlets. He lays his forehead against mine, closing his eyes tightly, as though he's afraid he's only dreaming and I say it again. "I choose you."