Summary: Ron loves Harry. But he doesn't know if Harry feels the same.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter Incorp.

You are loved by all but you never care. You drift through your life, through relationships. I ask myself if I'm seeing what is true?
the real you
Or am I seeing what I want to see, hearing what I want to hear.
Feeling for you what I wish you felt for me.

Harry, you are the Boy-who-lived and the crowd flock to you. You are their sun and they, your unwanted followers. It deeply pains, jealousy flooding through my entire being every single time they crow up at you and you respond. You're only being friendly but it hurts. They don't deserve your time. They don't need you as much as I do.
Did you know that you are my sun, my universe, my everything?

Through the hallways they whisper your name, watch you through eyes that hold no shame. You just smile, that smile that breaks my heart every time. It is the same one shown to me. Do they and I hold the same importance in your eyes? (Eyes hidden away by glass, shading true emotions. Do I read you right? Or are my guesses poisonous lies? Filling me with hope only to be shattered with your next sentence, word or breath.)

You sometimes unexpectedly smile or talk in metaphors that can be interpreted as lines of devotion. Both directed at me.
Those looks. Ones of adoration or friendly expression?
Those small touches. A want for more or careless deed?
This line between friendship and love is slowly taking away everything, I'm slowly dying inside. The uncertainty crushes down, pushing me further into myself.

You told me that you loved me once. Do you remember? Probably not… it was but a gesture of gratitude. A small, trivial incident. We had sat on the edge of the forbidden forest, talking about everything and anything in-between for hours. You turned and simply, without even a change in tone enlightened me with "I love you, Ron"
You laughed and stood up, back turned in my direction and walked away. You never heard the response. I love you too.

As cliché as it sounds, that was the best day of my life. That was the only day of my life.

How can I ever tell you about my feelings? Your very being drives me crazy.

But I shouldn't feel like this. Friends should stay as friends. Crossing that line is unforgivable and no turning back is the truth.

So here I stand, caught in the middle. Do I leave you be? Move away from the pain but then again away from the pleasure.
Your smile, your voice, your very being.
Or do I stay. Deal with the highs and lows and let through your continuous exertion of pressure upon my heart. Cracks already run through it.

But then again. If I stay… do I tell you or not? Settle with a minute part in your life (a friend… a role that isn't enough) or risk everything only to possibly face your rejection which would literally kill me?

I thought about killing myself you know. After I'd become (for at least a while) the one most important person in your life. To create such emotions in you would make me so happy. I wouldn't mind your tears on my behalf, as along as I knew that I was the utmost significant person to you, even for a second.

But I didn't. Because what if you didn't care? If I died and you shrugged it away? Living in my delusions is even better than that.

Harry. I love you but I'm not sure if you even care.

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XOXO
Nananabluebeard