I want those times back, the ones where waking up to you was the usual thing. Where we would be coiled up together, my arm over you, pulling you closer to me. It was usually hot, and you would complain and try to push me away, but no matter what we would wake up the same. The previous night we were rolling around in the sheets moaning loudly, trying not to wake my parents up but trying to make each other feel good at the same time. Where I would smirk and kiss you and hope that secretly you liked it, but it was always so hard to tell. And you would moan, oh my god would you moan, and whine and sometimes even laugh a bit before you forced yourself to stop.

I miss you sleepily rolling over to pull my shirt down in the morning to make sure I didn't have hickeys, god you hated hickeys and I'll never understand why because you sure loved to fucking get them from me.

I miss those days of needless talking and rambling, you picking on me for using my hands too much and trying hard not to laugh at my jokes. Those moments where I could feel that you really loved me, that it wasn't some lie or my imagination. Those moments where everything between the two of us felt right.

Even though when we went out in public you picked on me and acted like you hated the world, I could know that when we got back you would let me kiss you and only shove me away a little, not really wanting to at all. I would know that you were mine and no one elses, and that neither of us would change how we were for the world.

I miss that, it was a good thing. The hollow arguments that felt like a daily occurrence, it was something that just happened. But that was to be expected when you spent all day with someone, even though my mom called us an old married couple.

But things are different now, and you're not here, you're not anywhere to be found around me. You avoid me as much as possible, looking down when we pass each other in the halls, your head facing down and eyebrows pushed together and I hate it. I hate this distance between us, I want you pulled close against me while I laugh loudly and you sigh through your nose. I want you to be happy that way, happy with me. I know I am at the very least.

I miss everything we have, and I don't know why you ended it. I don't know if it was your dad, or what you thought was best, or maybe I was just wrong. Maybe everything that was special and soft and wonderful between us, actually wasn't.

I can wonder things like that, but it always makes me feel sick in the end. I know it was good, for both of us. If I ever lose that feeling, if I ever lose faith in you… I know we'll fall apart, the magic will be gone. What sets me apart from anyone else that could ever try to talk to you is that I always come back, no matter what, and you know that.

I miss us, I miss us more than anything, but… I know it'll all work out, those days will come back to us, and even more after that.