Just a short little fiction after the death of Mark and Lexie. I had this in the works for a while, but I recently started rewatching the entire series of Grey's Anatomy and was inspired. I know this isn't really how Mark would talk or think but I assume death would change that about a person. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
PS - I thought the italic Slexie quotes were just a nice touch. As when you die, they say you're life flashes before you're eyes; and Lexie was Mark's life.
Lexie's waiting for me. I'll be okay.
Death.
It's only a small aspect of a person's life, yet it is given so much significance.
You are born. You live. You die.
That's what people believe life is. But I have learnt that it's so much more than that.
If you had a partner, who would it be? Well that's easy; Lexie Grey.
Life is about moments. Moments that lift you up and make you feel alive; moments that hurt so much you wish you could die.
And, life is about people. People that change your life; the family you create (not just the one you're born into), the friends who inspire you, sometimes disappoint you, but make you a better person, and finally, the loves. Loves that give your whole life meaning, that make you feel so much it hurts, that intertwine you with another person. Loves that if they are true, can only really be felt once. A love that you are lucky to ever feel at all. And I got to experience that kind of love.
They think that we're ugly, but I know that we're beautiful.
Death is an ending. But the thing about an ending is there will inevitably be a new beginning.
You think you broke me Little Grey? You're the one who put me back together.
She had told me to teach her.
She had told me to teach her, but what I didn't know was she would teach me more than I ever thought I could know.
She taught me to love and be loved, in a way I never thought was possible. Before her, I didn't really know what love was. I thought I knew, but that wasn't love. I loved her so much it consumed me, and I couldn't get over it now matter how hard I tried. Our souls were forever connected, tied together. Lexie was like breathing for me; a necessity.
I love Lexie… Loved.
Losing Lexie was the hardest thing I ever went through in my short life. It was like the floor was taken out from underneath me, and all I could feel was emptiness. It took all the strength I had to hold her hand as she died. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else, but that doesn't make watching the one you love die, any easier. Staring at her beautiful face, covered in cuts and blood. As I told her about our future together, trying with everything I had to will her to live, I couldn't help but get lost in what our life could have been. What it should have been. Then she uttered her last words and her eyes went still. Her hand firmly in mine went limp and I could feel her relief, as she was no longer in pain.
And while I went on to live after that, a big part of me died in that moment, and I don't think it would have ever come back.
If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground. You say it. You say it loud.
My life did not turn out the way I had planned, at all. It out did all my expectations. I made mistakes yes, I lived a fully human existence. But I made friends who stuck by me, even when I made those mistakes. I built a family from scratch, and I treasured the few moments I was able to spend with them. And, I loved with my entire being. If I could change one thing about my life, it wouldn't be getting to extend my own life. In fact, I would shorten it in a heartbeat, if it meant I'd have told Lexie how I felt, long before it was too late.
She makes me happier than anything I've ever known. And if I can have a part in making her happy again, that's all I wanna do. That's all I wanna do for the rest of my life.
You leave a lot behind in death; that family you created and those friends you cherished. But if you're lucky, sometimes death brings you back some of the things you'd lost. The people you'd lost.
I am so in love with you. You're in me. You're like — it's like you're a disease. It's like I am infected by Mark Sloan and I just can't think about anything or anybody and I can't sleep. I can't breathe. I can't eat. And I love you. I love you all the time, every minute of every day. I love you.
I didn't want to leave. I wasn't finished yet. I still had so much to do and see. I wanted to watch Sofia grow, watch over Callie, Arizona and Derek. They still needed me; my family, my friends. And I still needed them. But when you're tied to someone, like I am to Lexie, it's like there's some sort of magnetic force pulling you towards them. I could feel that pull and as much as I fought it, I knew they could all live without me. I just wasn't sure if I could really live without her.
I love you. I've always been in love with you. I will always be in love with you.
So I fell out of life and into the arms of my angel, more beautiful than ever. With all the pain gone, we can finally have our new beginning; just me and Lex forever. The way it should be.
And I was right, you know. She was waiting for me.
We're supposed to end up together. We're meant to be.