Go Eat Paint Chips You Goon
A Stream fic
By Winnebagels
Bonzo "Berry" Davidson was a very shit clown. He never once made anyone laugh or smile or pee with joy. He was starting to regret his past four years of South Clown University.
The bills were piling up outside his door and he just didn't see a point in going on anymore.
The first time he tried to kill himself was at little Billy Rosenthal's bar mitzvah. He jumped headfirst into the punch bowl. He was in the middle of making balloon animals for little Sally Grace. She wanted a giraffe. He peed himself when he hit the edge of the table.
The second time he tried to kill himself was at a Halloween party for Harry Miller. He shoved an axe into his head. The kids thought it was a costume until blood dripped on to the spider shaped cupcakes. He took a taxi to the hospital.
The third and final time he tried to kill himself was at a pool party for little Gwen Harper. He weighted himself down with pool floaties. A passing David Hasselhoff pulled him out of his chlorine soaked absolution.
Bonzo didn't get it. He just couldn't find peace. He asked Hasselhoff what he should do. Hasselhoff turned to him mid hamburger bite and handed him a bucket of lead paint.
"eat paint chips you goon"