A/N: This is something I wrote a long time ago... A recent conversation with fellow fanficcer made me think of it and I decided to dig it out and post it here.
Title: My Son
Sequel to: Wedding
Author: Flowerlady
Rating: PG-13
Timeframe: post-NJO
Characters: Kyp/Jaina/Jag
Genre: Romance, Angst, vignette
Summary: Jaina gives birth to her son and discovers she made a mistake marrying Jag.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
My Son
I gazed down at the baby the Chiss nurse laid into my arms and I shuddered. He resembled his father so much even with his wrinkled red face that I suddenly was afraid. I turned my eyes from my son to my husband and I watched him as he looked at the child. I saw the love and wonder in his light green eyes turn to something else. And I feared that Jag had guessed that the child I bore was not his.
Jag unsurely reached out to touch the babe's head, a head full of thick black curls. Jag's hair was black also but had no curls and I knew it would never have been curly even if Jag ever left it grow out. The baby's eyes were dark grey and promised to change. But somehow I knew they would be green when they did, at least both the father and Jag had green eyes. However, there was no denying the shape of the baby's face; it was the shape and structure of Kyp Durron's and I felt Jag's anxiety rise as he stared down at his "son".
I thought back to our wedding day which was, until I gave birth to my son, the happiest day of my life. But my life with Jag had been anything but truly happy. I went back to Csilla with him and found myself an oddity. I had no friends and had only seen my fa mily twice in the two years I'd been out there. Even his fa mily, who were wonderful people, had a hard time relating to me and my "rebellious nature" and "Jedi traits". So, I found myself most of the time completely alone because Jag was away protecting the deeper space of the Unknown Regions with the CEDF.
I remembered my wedding and truly regretted what I did to Kyp. I had asked him to co-officiate my wedding with Wedge Antilles. Jag had wanted Luke Skywalker to do the Jedi portion of our wedding. He argued that since Wedge was his uncle and Luke mine it made more sense than having Kyp Durron do it, but I stubbornly held my ground and Jag relented. I asked Kyp and he said yes.
But I didn't realize until after the ceremony what I had put him through. I found him leaning over the balcony of the convention center where the wedding had taken place. He was staring out over the lake. It was a beautiful location on Corellia.
He sensed me and looked over his shoulder at me but the storm in his green and brown flecked eyes startled me. He was shielding his emotions as he had done all day but I could tell he was about to break. "What's wrong?" I asked concerned.
He only stared at me. I could feel snatches of the pain he felt but not enough to grasp onto. I walked over to him and reached out to touch him but he pulled away and quietly said, "Don't."
"Kyp, what is wrong? You look like something terrible happened."
His gaze burned into me as he whispered, "It did." Before I could respond he rushed past me to leave. At the door he quietly said, "I only ever wanted you to be happy." Then he was gone.
I stared after him for a long time wondering what would cause him so much pain on the happiest day of my life. Then it hit me—It was because it was my happy day and he was not part of it. I realized that I may as well have taken my lightsaber and twisted it into his heart by what I had put him through. I realized that he was in love with me.
However, I was married and I went to Csillia with my new husband and his fa mily to begin what became my retched life. Kyp continued with the Jedi Council and the building of the new Temple on Coruscant. I didn't see Kyp again for fifteen months until the dedication ceremony for the new Temple. But even then we seemed to never have the time to talk. Maybe he was avoiding me, maybe I was avoiding him; I never did figure it out.
Jag was away on another long mission which meant I went to Coruscant alone. I was actually surprised the Chiss gave me clearance to go. I enjoyed the first several days with my fa mily, but after a week of the two week visit, I searched out my friend.
Kyp asked me out to dinner and I gladly accepted. I love my fa mily but I wanted to talk to my friend, my best friend. We went to a restaurant of his choosing and after we ate our meal of nerfsteaks, drank a bottle of Corellian brandy and danced half the night away we went to his apartment.
He led me in and despite my better judgment I followed. His apartment was small but it seemed to suit Kyp. I sat down on the couch and he sat at the other end. After several moments of silence and more meaningless chit-chat, he asked, "Goddess, what's wrong? You seem so unhappy."
I looked up into those stormy green eyes and lost myself there. I still don't know why I told him everything my life had become but I did. He moved closer and gently took me into his arms while I sobbed my despair out onto his shoulder.
"Oh, Kyp, I'm sorry." I stammered and went to stand but then I met his gaze again I couldn't move away, instead, I moved closer. I put my arms around his neck and began to finger his long black curly hair. I relished its silkiness. Jag's hair was too short for me to entwine my fingers into and I found that I enjoyed discovering Kyp's hair. When my eyes met his again his face was closer. I moved my gaze from his eyes to his lips and I still don't know who moved first. All I remember was our lips met in a passion filled kiss that left me breathless.
That night my son was conceived and I became more confused than I had ever been.
Two days later Kyp was called off on a mission for the Jedi and three days after that I made my way back to my husband. I wanted nothing more than to put my night of breathless passion with Kyp behind me.
I had no idea that I was pregnant. Less than two weeks after my return, Jag surprised me by coming home. I still loved him—well, I thought I did or at least I wanted to. But in my dreams I relived the burning passion that I felt with Kyp and the joy that being with him brought to my heart.
I discovered that I was pregnant one morning while meditating. I connected with the child long enough to bond with him but couldn't find his complete Force signature. I found my signature and discovered his sex but I couldn't bond long enough or deep enough to feel the father's Force signature. I couldn't believe the child wouldn't be Jag's and justified that reasoning with the fact I couldn't feel the father's signature. So, I announced my pregnancy and every one was thrilled, especially Jag.
However, the Force had other ideas; five months into my pregnancy I realized the truth. While meditating and reaching out for my son, I discovered not Jag's Force signature but Kyp's. I was terrified. What was I going to do now? Jag had taken a different position that allowed him home more. And he was so happy at becoming a father. I still had feelings for him but I was realizing it was Kyp I truly loved. What was I going do and how would I ever explain this to everyone? So, I did nothing. I was a coward.
---
I watched with fear as my husband stared at the child in my arms that he believed he helped create. I sensed the change in him as he touched the baby's face and I watched the wonder replaced with doubt. His eyes met mine and instead of total unconditional love I saw the cloud of pain from being betrayed.
"He's not my son, is he, Jaina?" His voice was harsh but calm; he was completely in control of the raging torrent of emotions I felt building in him.
I lowered my eyes and looked at my son and held him tighter. I felt his strength in the Force and knew it was Kyp's strength. That bolstered me. And I realized he deserved not only to know about his father but have a relationship with him. How could have I ever expected to pass him off as Jag's? Even if the baby didn't look so much like Kyp, Kyp would have figured it out the moment they met.
I slowly shook my head and met Jag's hard green gaze again, "No. I'm so sorry, Jag. I never meant to hurt you. I thought he was yours. It was only a few months ago that I realized he wasn't."
Jag stood and walked away from us, his back to me. I could feel the pain my words caused him and I saw his shoulders tremble. His voice was a choked whisper as he asked, "Do you love him?"
I gazed at my baby and couldn't fight the feelings any longer, "Yes, but I didn't realize how much until he was born."
Jag turned to me and I was actually surprised by the stoic mask that he hid his feelings behind. "Who is it, Jaina? I mean, I suspect who but I want a confirmation."
Jag had always been somewhat jealous of my relationship with Kyp and I knew by admitting my feelings for him would compound Jag's pain and anger. But Jag deserved to know the truth.
"Kyp," I simply replied.
Jag only nodded and stared at me as if I committed the gravest of sins. After a few thick moments he walked past me and at the door he quietly said in a low tremor filled voice. "I am denying the child my name. You can name him Solo." Then he turned and the hatred in his eyes forced me to look down. "I'm divorcing you as is my right in Chiss law. It should be final in a few weeks then I want you to leave." When I looked up he was gone.
---
One Month Later
I stared down at the curly black-haired, green-eyed baby in my arms. I still couldn't believe I helped create this perfect little being. "He's mine?" I asked his mother for at least the tenth time since she presented him to me.
She only dazzled me with one of her s miles and nodded. "Yes, Kyp. He's yours."
"And you haven't named him yet?"
"No, well, I have a nick name for him but nothing official." She gazed up at me and I lost myself in those brandy colored eyes. "I wanted you to name your son."
I turned my attention back to the incredibly calm baby in my arms and thought about it for a time. Then I looked back at Jaina and announced, "Liam." As I said the name I s miled, "Yes, Liam— Durron," I added.
She moved closer and nodded, "I like it." She looked at Liam and then back to me. "Kyp, I'm sorry for what I did to you. I was a fool to marry Jag no matter how much I may have loved him. I could never live that far away. That life killed whatever love had for him." She embraced me and went on to say, "Please forgive me, Kyp. I love you."
A grin spread across my face and I never felt happier. "I love you, Goddess." I bent forward and our lips met in a promise filled kiss that forgave everything. When I moved away I said, "Now my live is complete with you and our son."
Fin
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