A/N: In darkness, there is truth. Bold text represents the horror inside. Yes.
How can one give name to such intense terror? To the unmanning emotion which is the only thing able to seep through my skin into bones long turned cold by this curse I bear?
Anger sustains me sometimes, but my anger now is a far cry from that white-hot emotion that claimed me when I was younger. No, no, this is a bitterly cold anger that sears everything it touches...including me.
It sustains me...oh, yes; but more often, I am fed on the chilling fear. Fear, and a darkness so enveloping as to nearly suffocate me. It has been quiescent for these past few days, but...
Vladimir.
That voice...no...not...
Not again...
Even in my admittedly dubious mental state, I know that hearing such things is not good. It has been there since the accident; this darkness, tearing at what might have once been my soul...
It always carries incitements, and some little persuasions.
Hate him...kill him...
Vladimir.
It is more forceful this time, as if it is growing impatient with my hesitation.
I can't...I won't acknowledge it.
I will not listen.
I know it is futile; that it will force me to listen, to feed its power. Perhaps...perhaps these resistances make me feel less weak...
Vladimir! Do not force me to take drastic action...again.
I rub at the hidden scars on my arm, and shudder. It...it has its ways.
"What do you want?" The fear in my voice would be shameful, if I could still feel something so human as shame.
Ah, good; you have decided to be reasonable today, Vladimir. As I find your lack of...effort as of late rather bothersome, I have taken the liberty of devising a tactic which may be of some use to us.
I have no choice to listen as it outlines a disturbing plan. I know I should feel horror, but instead there is only a dull ache.
To show myself to her...I do not know if I can.
She will not know you. And your old enemy will be there. Do not forget; he is the reason you suffer.
There is no denying this. And if that's true, then there is no denying the rest of it, either...
Very well, then.
Certain things must be accomplished. I feel the bitter fear begin to seep into my bones; but even worse, I hear the terrible laughter welling up inside me as I go to do the bidding of the darkness that commands me.
I am forced to do this thing, but I am not entirely unwilling.