Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is property of JK Rowling. The title is taken from 'Grazed Knees' by Snow Patrol. No infringement intended
Grazed Knees
The house is dark when he approaches it, and try as he might, James can't stop himself from quickly taking in the garden, the sleeping neighbourhood. In the still night air, he can smell the sweat and dried blood on his robes. His nose wrinkles in disgust and for one second, his thoughts stray to the shower that he can have once he gets inside. A rustle of leaves pulls his mind back to the present and James spins round, chanting various defensive spells under his breath. The wind sniggers at him, and he rubs his eyes tiredly.
'Get me home,' he mutters and moves towards the front door.
The key clicks quietly in the lock and he shuts the door firmly behind him, relocking the door and casting the usual protective charms that Lily had drummed into him months before. A little note taps the back of his head and he grins as it lands neatly in his palm.
Supper in the fridge, and don't you dare touch that cheesecake, Potter!
L x
'Lily, you star,' James whispers. He walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge door eagerly to find whatever treat Lily had saved for him. A milk bottle that had been hastily wedged into the shelf on the door clatters onto the floor and smashes. James curses fiercely.
The light flickers on and his hand jumps to his wand automatically.
'James?' Her eyes are wide, her voice uncertain.
He lowers his wand and drags his hand through his hair. The clasp of his watch catches against a tender spot just above his ear. He closes his eyes, hoping Lily thinks he is just tired rather than trying to hide the flash of pain he knows must cross his face.
'Lily,' he smiles softly at his girlfriend. 'What are you doing up?'
He walks towards her with easy familiarity. But instead of meeting him halfway, running her gaze over every inch of him to check for injuries and gently kissing him as she has done in the past, she stays by the door, her finger still resting on the light switch.
'You alright?' he asks her.
She doesn't say anything.
He stops walking and looks her over. Her hair is chaotic, her nighty creased; clearly she had been asleep until the milk bottle smashed. Her finger, balancing precariously on the switch, shakes slightly. Her breathing is unsteady and her eyes are still large, the pupils dilated.
'Lil- Lily?' James stumbles over her name as his thoughts finally catch up with the sight in front of him. He moves slowly, deliberately, putting his wand down on the kitchen counter beside him and pretending he doesn't see her flinch when he comes close to her. He takes a few steps back to the fridge, and then makes an obvious show of putting his hands in the pockets of his robe.
They stay like that for several minutes, Lily eyeing James warily and James returning her gaze as steadily as he can. Gradually her breathing evens out but James remains where he is.
'Have you always been scared of me?' he asks quietly.
A shake of the head.
'Just tonight?'
A shake of the head.
James breaks eye contact. He doesn't understand, doesn't want to understand, because it seems inevitable now that he is going to lose her. There is no way he can see that what is about to happen between the two of them can end happily.
She takes a few tentative steps forwards but stops when he raises his eyes to meet hers.
'I'll stay at Sirius' tonight,' he murmurs. 'I'm sorry, Lily.'
'No,' she whispers. 'No, James, I'm – I'm not scared of you.'
James snorts and she repeats vehemently, 'I'm not!'
He walks around her, pressing himself against the cupboards of their tiny kitchen to keep as much distance between them as possible.
Picking up his wand and pointing it at the floor away from Lily, he turns and says to her, 'I'll just get a couple of things to tide me over for tonight and send Sirius over in the morning to get the rest of my stuff.'
'James.' She reaches out to him, touches his wand hand and winds it into her grip. 'Will you stop? I'm not scared of you. You're James now.'
He stares at her incomprehensively.
'I'm James now?'
Lily sighs. 'Yes. You're James, you're my James again. The man that came home, the man that has come home for the past few weeks, he isn't James. He's an edgy, paranoid Auror who's prepared to duel with the coffee table or the creaky floorboard or panics when someone turns on a light.' Her lips are pursed but her eyes sparkle at him.
Normally that sparkle causes his heart to lose its rhythm. Tonight's sparkle makes his heart lurch painfully. He doesn't bother to hide the pain that flashes across his face this time. She's scared of him. Merlin, she's scared of him. Lily Evans, the same girl who once slapped Vincent Crabbe in full view of the teachers, is scared of her boyfriend.
Her eyes shimmer fearfully and he closes his own. He cannot handle seeing Lily looking nervously up at him.
'James,' she pleads, her hand now cupping his cheek. 'You aren't that man who comes home from work. You must know that?'
Her thumb tickles his earlobe.
'I'm not explaining this properly,' she says into the heavy silence. 'I just mean, you've gotten too tangled up in all of this. You know the last time you laughed?'
He raises an eyebrow at her, but humours her. 'Yesterday when you got your head stuck in the arm of your jumper.'
Lily's eyes twinkle again. 'No, like a guffaw. A belly-aching laugh lasting over two minutes.'
James doesn't say anything.
'Two weeks ago. You caught Sirius practicing chat-up lines on me when you came home for lunch.'
He smiles at that. 'It was more your attempts to flirt than anything.'
She laughs softly. 'It's not as though I've got much experience at actual flirting, is it? You seemed to respond so well to 'ego-centric ignoramus' after all.'
They chuckle quietly for a second and then James remembers the reason why Lily is trying to distract him.
'You're scared of me,' he states.
'In those first few seconds when you arrive home, yes. In those first few seconds when you're still in work-mode and not in boyfriend mode, you intimidate me.'
He rests his forehead against hers and exhales. His breath dances across her face.
'But,' Lily continues, 'then you take me in your arms and you let me fuss over your cuts and bruises and you kiss me as lovingly and as desperately as that first time, and I don't think I could ever feel as safe with anyone else.'
James raises his head slightly to properly look at her. There isn't any trace of doubt or nervousness left in her clear eyes, and the small smile she's wearing is slowly inching its way across her face.
'Come to bed, James,' she tells him, and she wraps her hand around his wrist and tugs him gently out of the kitchen.
She pulls his musty robes over his head once they reach the bedroom then carefully removes his glasses and places them on the bedside table. Together they slide into bed and she curls into the side of his body, her head resting lightly on his chest.
'Night,' she whispers and presses a kiss onto his warm skin.
'Night,' he replies.
They lie there then, both wide awake, and it's all they can do to pretend that neither of them is scared of the man that James becomes.