This second consecutive multi-chapter fic of mine was planned and written before "Pillows and Blankets" and "Virtual Systems Analysis" aired. Yet I had no choice but to incorporate events and developments from those episodes later – especially after "Systems Analysis." So this is not just wish-fulfillment in the aftermath of those episodes – as hard as that might be to believe as this goes on.
Friday, 3 pm
"Annie told me you asked her out."
Jeff sincerely wished he wasn't surprised to hear Abed say that. At least he waited until they were alone in the Greendale halls to let him know. And if Annie had to tell someone in her apartment about this, at least it wasn't the much less discreet Troy.
"Yeah….did you find out on your own, or did she tell you? That'd be interesting, since I kind of told her to do something….different with that news," Jeff recalled.
"She knows you told her not to tell anyone. But she still needed a sounding board to get her various emotions out. She didn't want to be over the top one way or the other for your date tomorrow, so she's getting it all out now. Since she's not that emotional today, it seems she's on the right track," Abed admitted.
Jeff had wondered why Annie wasn't as giddy as he feared she'd be. But at least she was in a stable place now….which she should savor while she still had the chance. Not that she'd know that….and thank God Abed didn't.
"Right, so you know I secretly asked Annie out for Saturday night, is that all?" Jeff checked, hoping to get Abed and anything Annie-related out of the way.
"Not quite. Your actions have actually blindsided me, Jeff, and normally I'd give you kudos for that. But this sudden burst of originality, and your well ahead of schedule character growth, is a bit too odd." Oh, if only Abed wasn't odd enough to actually notice that.
"Where are you getting any of that from, Abed?" Jeff asked, trying to stay nonplussed and stone faced.
"The last major subplot you and Annie shared was a few weeks ago during the war. Granted, it had your most heartwarming resolution since the season started. But I wouldn't have projected that to spring you into action like this. I expected you to wait until midseason of next year, or until some major plot twist beforehand, before you had your Annie breakthrough. You sped it along a lot faster, so you must have had a secret epiphany or an act of massive personal growth. But the more likely explanation at this point in the story is that you have some ulterior motive," Abed concluded.
"And….this is supposed to make sense how?" Jeff tried not to stammer. "Come on, I know you're an evil wizard, but you can't be right all the time!"
"That's true. But when the evidence is this overwhelming, and you're not supposed to get out of 'conniving son-of-a-bitch mode" to this extent for another season, I have to raise some red flags." Of course he did.
"You're actually going to figure this out, aren't you?" Jeff resigned himself to admit.
"I have some theories. Today's Friday, so I'll have the list down to 20 before Saturday morning. I should have a final theory before you pick Annie up tomorrow night, you can tell me if I'm right then." Well, that did it.
"No….you wouldn't be able to find out from me then," Jeff halfway confessed. He shouldn't be telling him anything even a quarter-way….especially not something like this. But this was Abed…..he would figure it out soon, and if Jeff didn't have a chance to control this when he did, he would be screwed. Then there would be no upside to what he was planning to do, and that was the whole point of this…..maybe Abed's analytical mind would get that.
Jeff double checked to make sure no one was watching, then took Abed deeper down the halls. "You have to promise me you won't tell anyone. Don't cheer if I proved your theory right, or say I jumped the shark if you were wrong!" he started, trying to talk on Abed's level and score some early points.
"Agreed. But if my theory about you being implanted by Evil Pierce is right, I can't be held responsible for my actions." Since that wasn't it, Jeff didn't bother to begin to understand that. Perhaps that would be a good sign.
"All right…..I asked Annie out….but I'm not planning to take her out." Jeff hoped that would be enough for Abed to get it right away. He searched his Terminator brain, then finally answered, "Ah, theory No. 8, the one where you stand Annie up. A slight upset victory, but its no Cinderella."
Jeff knew because of Abed's fly on the wall documentary persona, he would be the least likely to yell at him for this. Still, his lack of anger over what he had heard was a little annoying. "You do understand what I'm doing, right? I'm standing Annie up and breaking her heart because I have no choice. I have to do it now so she'll finally understand!"
"All right Jeff, if you need a monologue to explain yourself, I'll let you go ahead," Abed yielded.
"Let me? Why would you let me do anything, I'm standing up Annie! That's the kind of jackass I am, and she needs to finally understand that! She just keeps believing that I'm some sappy, teddy bear good guy deep down, and nothing I do makes her stop! Even when she's actually mad at me and sees that I'm a jackass, she still thinks I can change and there's a sap in me! But we both have to come to our senses!" Jeff scoffed, then tried to talk quickly before Abed noted his last choice of words.
" I….I can't take another whole year of her….deluding herself into thinking I'm something I'm not! As long as she does, I can't concentrate or relax or even be me at all! And me is a single, unromantic, awesome but way too awesome for Annie jagweed! This is the only way she'll get that through her head and let us both move on, like we're supposed to!" Jeff concluded.
Abed stayed blank as usual, as Jeff remembered he didn't want to make Abed yell at him. Yet he chipped in with, "You do realize once you don't take Annie out, she'll freak out and she'll tell everyone. Then the group will be so angry at you, and so desperate to stop Annie's ear-piercing screams, they'll kick you out just to restore order. But with you leaving a power vacuum….the group may fall apart forever."
"Yeah, I….kind of figured that out too," Jeff admitted. "But if that's what I have to do, then that's what I have to do. If the only way to end this is to break her heart for good – and it is the only way – then I'll have to live with losing the group too. Besides, once they rally around her and kick me out, they'll make her feel all better by graduation! She'll forget all about me like she should, and I'll be back to my old life again as planned! No one loses there!"
It was fool proof to Jeff, yet if anyone could nitpick, it was Abed. After all, he did just disclose a plan that would destroy Abed's roommate – for the short term – and possibly wreck his group of friends forever. Any other sane person would start yelling and screaming at Jeff, try to make him feel ashamed, and threaten to tell Annie everything.
But since this was Abed, all he said was, "I have to film this."
"Um, Abed, I don't exactly want to screen this at a theater near you," Jeff pointed out.
"No, not now, of course. But once your plan succeeds, it'll be the beginning of the end of the study group. Which means tomorrow is the last day of the group dynamic as we know it…..it's too historic for me not to document! And I know just how to do it," Abed announced.
"I sense you'll say something that would make me put anyone else in the loony bin," Jeff anticipated. "Jeff, I want to film you all day tomorrow," Abed answered, to which Jeff responded. "Yep, there we go."
"Actually, it's perfect for you. If you're being filmed all day, you'll be too distracted to feel guilty. And since I can't get involved, you won't have to worry about being guilt tripped. The only thing I want is to capture part of this landmark day on film. And by the time I finish the final cut, you'll be absorbed completely into your old life again, so it shouldn't bother you," Abed declared.
Jeff was already desperate enough to stand up Annie as a last resort. Therefore, perhaps this wasn't so desperate by comparison. After all, Abed already stood by and let the Dean drive him and the school to ruin for two weeks in that commercial. All he needed was to stay in his apartment for one day, let Annie feel betrayed, and then nothing would stop her from casting him out at last.
If Abed could keep him busy until then, it might be worth it. And if anyone could keep quiet and not nag him to death in the meantime, Abed would certainly do. "If I agreed to this, how would it work?" Jeff had to make sure.
"I know you'll want to stay in your apartment all day to avoid Annie. So I'll come by early, film you all day and leave after Annie's stood up. I'll probably do some editing for this new project to pass the time, and I'll need at least three talking head interviews with you. But other than that, I'll be a fly on the wall and you won't even know I'm there," Abed promised.
"You know, flies have always gotten a bum rap when they're not Jeff Goldblum," Jeff quipped. "Wait, are you sure you can keep this from Troy and Annie?"
"Don't worry, I know my way around them. Unless you have a more shipper friendly change of heart, your secret will be safe until tomorrow night." Jeff barely understood that, but it was better to hear Abed's TV-gibberish than….anything more unsettling.
"All right. If that's the case, it's a-" Jeff stopped himself from saying date, even as an ironic joke. That line would be off limits to him for comedy – and probably anything else – for a long time to come soon. So he said, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow morning, anyway," before heading off and making sure he didn't run into anyone else from the Trobed apartment.
Abed was unable to avoid that, however, as he went over to find Troy on purpose. "Troy, I have a code 1138 to report. And no, it's not that Courtney Cox called and asked me out, that's code 1139."
"You could have warned me before I called dibs on being her best man in my head!" Troy argued.
"You're right, I see that now. But I am warning you now that a very big solo project has come up. It's so big that I have to work alone, and I can't tell you anything about it. I just have to come home and pick up equipment, start pre-production here at Greendale tonight, then work the entire day tomorrow alone."
"But you'll miss Annie getting ready for her date with Jeff tomorrow!" Troy said. Abed blankly asked, "Really? They're going out?" and Troy didn't pick up on his poor attempt to act shocked. "Yeah, she told me after classes, since that's when it was safe to tell me or something. Whatever that meant. But now we can do an 80's montage where we reject all of Annie's dresses except the good one, right?"
"I'm sorry Troy, I can't be a part of this montage. But you can tell Annie that I'll listen to all her post-date gossip on Sunday," Abed said. "Besides, there's nothing more about 80's montages that I can teach you."
"I….have waited my whole life for approval like that!" Troy almost cried out, before snapping out of it and asking, "Wait, what's this project that's more important than shaking your head at dresses?"
"It's too big to give away now. But if it goes like I think it will….it'll be the most important production of my life." As Abed headed off, anyone else would have reflected more about how he said "life" at the end instead of "career."
However, Troy just practiced shaking his head at Annie's rejected dresses tomorrow – although he really needed more work with his yes nod at the end.