The Best Digimon Fanfic Ever
By ToothandFang
Chapter 1
Kari smiled and hummed 'Material Girl' to herself as she walked down the street to visit her totally hot boyfriend TK. She hoped he wasn't drunk off his bum and puking his guts out again; that would put such a bad crimp in her plans for the day. But...when she opened the door...
"...HOLY FUCK!" Kari screamed. TK was currently in the middle of having a threesome with...Devimon and Puppetmon!
"Ah, hello, Kairi," Devimon said with an evil smirk. "Surprised to see us?"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THEM?" She stamped her foot, ready to kill both of them with her bare hands (Gatomon was off getting a manicure at the digisalon today), and possibly TK himself. "We were going to see Twilight today, you cheating bastard! LET HIM UP RIGHT NOW!"
"Twilight sucks," Puppetmon snickered.
"MPH!" TK struggled to get free and speak, looking desparately up at her, but Devimon had a tight grip on him, and it's hard to talk with your mouth full.
"I suggest you forget you ever met him, Kari. We're back; we all are, and we want revenge!" Devimon roared with laughter. Kari looked down at TK, eyes full of tears.
"I...I thought you loved me, TK...why would you cheat on me like this? IT'S OVER!" Kari ran out of the house, sobbing uncontrollably.
Chapter 2
Kari didn't reach her house until later that night. Crystalline tears continued to spill down her cheeks...she thought she'd meant the world to him...he certainly had been to her...
"Are you alright?"
"Bzuh?" Kari spun around, eyes wide. ...her jaw dropped. Standing there, bathed in moonlight, was a man she hadn't seen in years...
Dressed in a darkly elegant blue outfit, complete with a black cape. His blond hair was carefully combed back, two bangs hanging over his pale blue face. A crimson halfmask with batwings on the sides was firmly in place, and his purple lips were persed in a frown. She could see his fangs...and those scintillating indigo eyes...
"Myotismon!" she gasped. The Digimon slowly walked up to her.
"My, you've grown..." he whispered in that low, handsome voice of his.
"Just...just go away! Leave me alone!" she backed away from him. She felt tears sting in her eyes once more...she wanted to be alone...she didn't care that every single one of their enemies had been brought back to life. No...her heart was broken.
"...are you alright?" Myotismon tilted his head, looking down at her in concern. Kari gasped. How had he...?
"...I-I'm...fine..." she choked out...and burst out sobbing once more. To her surprise, Myotismon took her into his arms.
"Shhh...I know..." he whispered, stroking her hair. "I know." He turned towards her house, slowly walking inside. "Come...I have much to tell you..."
He sat her down on the couch, waving a hand. The fireplace burst into life, crackling quietly. "There...now we may talk."
"Why...why are you back? Why are the others back?" Kari demanded, not making any effort whatsoever to get away from him.
"That's not important, Kairi." Myotismon looked down at her. Face solemn. "What's important is the reason I've come here tonight."
"A-and-and what would that be?" She glared up at him. He sighed mournfully.
"You see...all those years ago...when I came to your world. Tried to take over. Came close to killing all of the others..." He paused for a moment, then sighed. "...I didn't really want to rule the digital world. Or yours."
"...what?" Kari blinked, shocked.
"No...you see...I came because of you."
"...well," she replied uneasily. "I was the eight child and all that, and-"
"No, no," Myotismon shook his head, looking irritated now. "I came to find you. To take you as my bride." Kari felt heat rise to her cheeks, blushing.
"Y-...your bride...?"
"Yes..." He leaned in, eyes light in the flickering light of the fire. "The moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew that I must have you...one way or another." He cupped her cheek. To Kari's surprise, his hands were warm...
"...I...I don't know what to say..." she stammered, getting lost in his eyes. He'd only come...because of her...? That was so...moving...The vampire got a smile, putting a finger to her lips.
"Then don't." He leaned in and kissed her passionately. Kari's eyes widened in surprise, but she gave in and kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. They made sweet love down by the fire, staring deep into eachother's eyes as they did so. And as expected, the sex was mindblowing.
Chapter 3
Kari smiled and snuggled her once-enemy as she sat in his lap a few days later. It was like a miracle. He'd helped her heal...he escourted her everywhere, even in the daytime when common sense dictated that he SHOULD be burning into a pile of ash.
"I love you," she cooed, stroking Myotismon's hair. He chuckled.
"I love you too," he responded, eyes full of tenderness. But then, they heard someone knocking at the door. Kari sighed, rolling her eyes.
"I'll get it." She hopped out of his lap, walking over to the door. She opened it to find...
"...oh. It's YOU." Kari looked disdainfully at TK as he stood in the doorway. He was a wreck; his hair was disheveled, eyes were large and haunted, and his clothes were a mess. Ugh. "What do YOU want?"
"K-Kari! Oh thank god you're okay!" TK gasped, trying to hug her. But Kari stopped him, wrinkling her nose. He smelled like death...and corn chips.
"WHAT do you want, you cheating cheater?" she shrieked. Tears welled in TK's eyes.
"I-I managed to get away long enough-I sold my soul, I sold my soul..." he moaned, clutching his chest. Kari noticed that he was surrounded by a faint purple aura now...and he had Devimon's mark on his forehead. She gasped.
"K-Kari, please, we have to run, get away before it's too late-!"
"No! You're lying!" Kari shouted, backing away. TK tried to come closer.
"I LOVE YOU, KARI!" he shouted finally, anguish enveloping him. He looked at her pleadingly.
"Get the fuck out of my house. Myotismon's cooler than you are." Kari's eyes narrowed and she folded her arms. At that point, her boyfriend appeared behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist. TK's eyes widened further, being the cheating cheater he was.
"Is this filthy boy bothering you?" Myotismon frowned. Kari got a smirk.
"Yes. Yes he is."
And so Myotismon slaughtered TK and doomed him to an eternity of servitude all while Kari watched laughing, and then they lived happily ever after and had seventeen babies with long, unpronouncable names.
Oh yeah, and the world was doomed and taken over. But that's not important.
THE END.