This is series of one shots. Various characters from the show will be witnessing some changes in Shamy since the Prom. This idea was the brain child of my friend Famousinthefuture. I am hoping she will be able to add to the story as it progresses. Just fun Shamy Fluff.
Leslie V. Shamy: First Hearsay Test
Leslie Winkle was pissed. Not just upset, or agitated, but right proper mad on red blazing angry. She finally had a chance to get on the Cray super computer to run her computational analysis of the large amount of data in high-energy proton-proton collisions collected by the Compact Muon Solenoidal. Leslie Winkle had be on an extended trip to CERN and she had just returned to Cal- Tech. Her absence was not missed by her male colleagues, as much as she secretly hoped for a welcome home coming. She had been waiting for 6 months for the data from CERN, and it had finally arrived. However, Dr. Sheldon Dumbass Cooper had hijacked the computer and had been running the same analysis on neutrinos for 3 days. He refused to give up the computer and she had had enough!
Her foul mood was facilitated by the unfortunate fact that she was flat out horny. She hadn't had a date in over 3 months. The mating choices at Cal-Tech were running dry. She'd already had Leonard Hofstadter. He wasn't bad; great at foreplay but now he was off the market. Kripke was a one hit wonder. Even Howard Wolowitz was unavailable. Raj looked like fun now that he could talk to girls, but he was with some red head chick. The only one left was Sheldon Cooper and there was no way that guy would be able to perform the necessary functions she needed in bed. Besides, just the thought of him made Leslie's blood boil.
Since his return from his freak out Sheldon had been even worse to be around. He was smiling for no reason, confident and even able to get in a few snappy comebacks against her. Something was different about him and Leslie didn't like it. He was even more of an ass than before, if that was at all possible.
It was time to grab that skinny misogynistic little know-it all bastard by the throat and squeeze the life at of him. Unfortunately it looked like someone had beaten her to it.
Leslie waltzed into Dr. Cooper's office yelling "Hey Dumbass!" and was immediately taken back. He had his back to the door and was seated on his desk. There were a pair of hands around his neck.
There were two possibilities: One: Someone was doing the world a favor and he was getting strangled. Poor timing that he was getting murdered and Leslie interrupted before the deed was done. Or two: He was kissing someone. The latter was completely unlikely Leslie thought. " I mean come on, who would want to kiss Sheldon? He's an arrogant self-absorbed jerk. So what if he is like 6'1 and has blue eyes like gas flames burning into your soul. He's still an ass. "
She couldn't see who was there at first, but she hoped it was someone doing him in once and for all. He jumped up off the desk like a jack in the box and turned around attempting to hide whoever was behind him. Dumbass.
"Leslie Winkle! In what Universe do think find it appropriate to barge into someone's office without so much as a knock!" His voice was high, screechy. His eyes were darting around like he'd just been caught in the cookie jar before dinner.
"In the universe where your work is useless and you need to get off your dead ass and get off the CRAY! And who are you hiding back there? Some grad student here to kill you and do humanity a service. Let me buy them a beer!" Leslie crossed her arms and tapped her foot, waiting for the mystery person to show their face so she could kiss them for trying to kill Sheldon.
Instead a woman waltzed from behind Sheldon. Leslie had never seen her before. She had on a blouse and a purple sweater. Her straight brown hair was plain and uninspiring. She looked like a school matron but younger. Her eyes were fixed on Leslie like laser targets waiting to strike. The woman's voice boomed with authority, "Grad student? Try Dr.! I am Dr Amy Farrah Fowler. And I don't drink beer."
"Oh thank god, you finally got a shrink. Tell me Dr.., are you prescribing enough lithium for this whack job?" Leslie smirked at her own joke. She was the only one. Sheldon was unimpressed and drew in a sharp breath Like he always did before he tried some lame comeback. The strange woman held her hand out slightly toward him hinting for him to back off.
"I am not a shrink, I am neurobiologist, working at this University. You should be well aware that not all Doctors are medical ones, or is that not taught in your field?" Amy crossed her arms and glared at the little woman standing across from her.
"Hey! I'm in the same field as him!" Pointing to Sheldon waiting for him to defend her since this sweater clad woman had made an obvious slam to their mutual field. No such luck. Sheldon crossed his arms and smirked. It was like he had just released his prize bird at a cock fight.
"As he." Amy said correctively, "You are in the same field as he. It is the subjective form or normative case of personal pronouns which must be used in comparison. I take it you didn't go to a highly ranked school or you didn't pay attention to basic grammar rules."
"I'm sorry, who the hell are you again?" Leslie was taken back. Usually she wasn't attacked so quickly, especially by someone other than Sheldon Cooper.
Amy let out a deep sigh, "And I take it listening skills weren't on the course schedule either. As I stated, I am Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, Neurobiologist. Oh, and I am also Dr. Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend." Amy smiled at the last part.
Leslie pulled her head back in disbelief, "Hold the phone, you mean this misogynistic arrogant bastard actually has a girlfriend?" Leslie started laughing, "He's not paying you is he? Because no woman in their right mind would be willing go out that jerk unless they were a hooker or had some serious self-confidence issues." Leslie tilted her head and glared back at Amy.
Amy turned her neck quickly and cracked her neck. Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong, bitch.
"First all, to classify Dr. Sheldon Cooper arrogant, as a derogatory term, is only valid if it is NOT justified. Arrogance is a belief that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people. He is. End of story."
Leslie interrupted, "That guy is no better than any other person here. His theories are un-testable, his work is second rate at best, and I had to correct his math!"
"His theories are un-testable because he is a theoretical physicist. Just because you experimental physicist types haven't been able to keep up with his brilliant mind is no fault of his. Next, his work is not second rate, because there is no one above him. Lastly, you having to do one correction of his math doesn't distract from his brilliance. He wrote the formulas, you just changed the sign. That's like taking credit for building the house when all you did was straighten out the picture on the wall. An example of your glaring need for admonishment with someone else's work. But, I digress; let's get back to the part where you call me a whore shall we?" Amy walked closer to Leslie glowering at her as she continued her assault.
Leslie looked unimpressed. Come at me bitch, see what happens.
"Sheldon Cooper does have a girlfriend, and has had one for quite a while. The fact that you are unaware of it means one of two things: One, you are so unaware of your surroundings that you have not noticed that I have not only been seen with Sheldon on numerous occasions, but that I also work at this University and have done so for a year. Therefore this leads me to second conclusion; you are so insignificant in both academic and social standing that your opinion and your acknowledgment of pair bonded individuals is not sought or required." Amy walked closer to Leslie placing her hands behind her back in lecturer style.
"Additionally, your jab that I am in some way a prostitute is an obvious manifestation of your jealousy over Sheldon's interest in a woman other than yourself. Given your short stature, your lack of intelligence and crass behavior, this shouldn't be a shock. However, given your education level, it might need restating."
"WOOH hold up! You think I want to date that arrogant prick? I can't stand him! He's rude, full of himself, hates women…"
"Ah, wrong again. Sheldon doesn't hate women, he is not as you called him a misogynist. Quite the contrary. A fact that I can attest to personally." Amy turned back and winked at Sheldon who smirked and blushed. "He has demanding qualifications for the woman with whom he chooses to pair bond. You just haven't made the cut. Therefore your envy has manifested itself in banal name calling and trite false assumptions, and covers up a latent prurient interest in him. Given that you have had coitus with almost the entire social group of the Cal-tech physics department, Howard and Leonard being glaring examples.."
Leslie stepped back and raised her voice, "How in the hell do you know who I slept with?"
"With WHOM I've slept…Ending with sentence with a preposition, tsk tsk." Sheldon piped in finally. His grin was beaming at the exchange between the two women. He wished he had pop corn.
Amy continued, "I know because I pay attention, a skill you could use. Desperately. Anyway, given you have slept your way through the entire social group and still insist on name calling and walking in unannounced to his office shows you wish for a more familiar relationship with him. Good luck sister. He is exacting in his choice in women. The fact that he is with me gives me self-confidence rather than the opposite. So again, your slam against me is unjustified. "
Leslie wanted to say something, anything. She was just about to when Amy cut her off with the swipe of her hand and rapid fire retort.
"Lastly, the mis-categorization of "in your right mind" is yet another example of your glaring lack of quality education. Brain function lateralization used as broad generalizations are often made in popular psychology and show a complete misunderstanding of the brain. Not surprising again, given your field. However, in a study published in Nature, Dr. Toga, explains that experimental evidence provides little support for correlating the structural differences between the sides with such broadly-defined functional differences. Given your blank expression I will sum up and save us both a lot of time: You're the dumbass."
Leslie was gob smacked. She knew she was intelligent and on any other day she would have had some witty retort and a snappy comeback. But today, looking at the determined and ferocious Amy Farrah Fowler, she couldn't think. This is what Sheldon must have felt like all those times Leslie had slammed him. She couldn't even think of that.
All she could say was, "Well screw you and your dumbass boyfriend! I hope you're very happy together!" Leslie walked back to the door. As she turned to slam the door in one last ditch effort to make a point, she saw the strangest sight: Sheldon Cooper grabbing the woman by the hand and pulling her to him. Leslie didn't stick around long enough to see what happened next. However, she heard as she was storming off down the hall, the word Vixen and giggling.
All Leslie could think was: God, even Sheldon is getting laid….