Matt stared at the plastic receiver of the phone for a few minutes until replacing it in its cradle forlornly. Not this time, he told himself. Not ever… With a sigh, he flopped onto the couch and ran an exasperated hand through his wild blonde hair. He needed to shower…
You're being stupid, he scolded himself. He tried to ignore the underlying pain. It doesn't matter, it never happened and never will happen, so just give it up! The young man rolled over in a vain attempt at finding comfort.
He sighed. Years had passed, and still nothing…
-
The boy glared at his companion over the fire, blue eyes slit warily. Tai was ignoring him, as per usual, talking and laughing with the others. Stupid, innocent, Tai, not a care in the world, naïve and enthusiastic, always ready to take on whatever challenge life has to throw at him.
Doesn't it hurt sometimes, Tai? Matt thought silently. How can this huge burden not bother you? How do you do it?
I hate it. You're always courageous and friendly, making idiotic decisions and running into battle and yet somehow saving the day. Our fearless leader. Matt snorted aloud, drawing a couple of odd stares from the others before they returned to their conversation.
Tai's eyes were sparkling with exuberance and he was making wild gestures as he described some great soccer game he'd helped to win back in the real world.
The real world…
What will happen when this is all over? All this time the thought had never occurred to Matt. He figured there would always be someone new to defeat, or else Tai's "leadership" would end the group for good. But what if the time came they were no longer needed?
His gaze lingered to little TK, sleeping peacefully beside him with Gabumon and Patamon. He had never seen him much after their parents divorced. It still hurt him deeply, like a deep twisted knot in the pit of his stomach, getting tighter every time he thought of it. If they returned to earth, he wouldn't be able to go on that way, not after learning how to be a brother.
And the rest of them. Would he ever see them again? Tai…
Matt sighed deeply and stood up, brushing dirt from his pants. The lively conversation around him halted abruptly. "I'm going for a walk. See you guys later."
"Where you going, Matt?" Tai asked curiously. Innocently.
"I've just gotta work some stuff out. I just need to think for awhile, all right?" Matt felt defensive suddenly, as if he knew his secret, as if he was trying to get it out of him to hurt him.
Instead he's the one who looks slightly hurt until he grins and shrugs. "Oh. Well, okay, see ya, Matt!"
-
Matt shifted on the couch again, a sad smile playing on his lips. Of course the end had come. They couldn't stay in the Digiworld forever, after all. And the kids had said their good-byes upon arriving in the real world, knowing full well that they would return to their lives. It would probably be rare to see one another again. They slowly dispersed, until just Matt and Tai remained in the little moonlit park. TK had been taken home by Sora, who lived closer to him.
-
Matt shoved his hands deep into his pockets, drawing designs in the earth with his toe. "So, ah…"
Tai looked uncomfortable. "Yeah…"
There was a long pause.
"Look, Matt…" The blonde boy looked up with curiosity.
"Yeah?"
Tai's eyes were soft, as if he was ready to cry. "Matt, I know we never really got along very well… but I just kinda want you to know that our friendship did mean a lot to me. Even though it was a pretty weird friendship." He smiles a lop-sided smile, one that makes me want to cry, too.
"Tai… I…"
Tai blinked. "Yeah?"
Matt avoided his glance at all costs, staring at his shoe as if it were the most interesting thing in creation. "I… Tai, I love you."
He was humiliated the instant it left his lips. The emotion had been building up, and the dam he'd built up defensively was weakening. It had only taken time for it to break down completely. But it was the wrong thing to say…! Tai, of all people. Why him? Why did I have to fall for him? Matt realized Tai hadn't yet answered, and stole a quick glance at the boy.
He was frozen and staring in wide-eyed confusion, not understanding, or perhaps not wanting to. "Wh…what?" His voice was dry and cracked.
"Never mind." Matt turned to go; all could think of was leaving. His mind couldn't form any thought except 'GET OUT OF HERE!'
"Wait." He felt a hand on his shoulder. Matt turned around slowly, still not daring to look Tai in the face.
"Love…? You mean… I mean… me? You… me?" Tai forced a chuckle at the garbled mess coming out of his mouth.
Matt needed all of his will just to nod.
"Wow… well… I don't believe it…" Tai shook his head in awe and removed his hand from Matt's shoulder, much to the boy's relief.
Matt blinked. He hadn't freaked out and run away yet. Maybe there was still hope.
"Yeah, Tai, I can't help it, I know I'm an obnoxious jerk and I act like I hate you but I don't and I just can't help it…" It came out in a breathless rush, an attempt at getting the words over with faster.
ANSWER! Matt screamed in his mind.
"Wow… I mean, Matt, I don't—"
"I knew it." Matt started to walk again.
"Wait!" Tai grabbed both of his shoulders firmly, threatening him not to try and get away until he was done. "Look, Matt, I had no idea, and still, the idea of a relationship… I mean, I'm just a kid! I like you Matt, but not in that way." He took a deep breath, stalling until he found the courage to get out the next sentence.
A bright orange glow emitted from his chest and the two both smiled, sad, bittersweet smiles.
"But… you never know. I mean, who knows, one day… I don't know a thing about love, but maybe a day will come when I realize I do feel for you, and I'll be sure to call you when it comes." He grinned.
"Good-bye, Tai," Matt said softly.
"Bye, Matt."
The two parted and walked in opposite directions, not glancing back.
-
Matt sat up with a sigh and stared at the phone. It's been years. You're kidding yourself, Ishida. Let it go already.
Then he remembered Tai's crest glowing that day, and he suddenly had courage himself. Courage to hope. Hey, he thought, maybe one day…