A/N: A little bit of angst, a bit of lemon, a bit of fluff- and not necessarily in that order.
Warning: Sexual situations, language, and serious OOC-ness everywhere.
Letters to You: Delicate Moments
She was bored- bored and disgusted and he couldn't blame her.
The day had begun perfectly, the sun slicing through the low hanging clouds as a calm breeze held off the thick humidity that had hovered over Central for the past week. The conditions were optimum as was her determination, something that surprised Roy. Generally, the weekends were given over to laziness, dawdling idly with whatever she and Luce concocted with Danis toddling not far behind, leaving Roy to shuttle away to his study to work. It wouldn't be long before he'd given up on his task and sought out his family, usually finding them huddled with their mother as she read to them, their attention rapt and hanging on every word. Ed rarely made plans to venture out and the sudden downpour had effectively soured her on the idea of future outings resulting in her taking up a perch at the bay window, gazing out into the dreariness with a sort despondency he hadn't seen since that day. Even Luce's insistent requests for a story and Danis' jubilant chatter hadn't driven away the dejected plans of a day spent in the wind.
And he thought he hated the rain.
Roy smiled as he jostled the bound envelopes in his hand making his way toward the library. If he knew Ed- and he rather thought he did- she'd given up on the pouting and engaged in something productive by now. Half expecting to see her curled up with Luce at her side, Roy turned the corner and peeked inwardly, stunned to find the room unoccupied. Roy frowned and glanced down the hall toward the front of the home, listening for any tell sounds of the trio elsewhere. The ambient sounds of the home melded perfectly with the serene cascade of the rain as it fell, bringing about a calm peace that he hadn't experienced in a long time. It was sublime and rather enjoyable yet uncommon. The silence denoted a problem and he wasn't about to let it linger. So he'd decided that he'd try his hand at lifting her spirits a bit.
Coming to rest at the threshold leading to the spacious living room, he leaned against the door jamb, crossing his arms about him, the stack of envelopes held tightly in his hand. A small smirk made berth as he watched Ed, taking note of the way her shoulders slumped as she huffed wearily, her forlorn gaze deepening as the rain fell in sheets. Roy bent his lips inward in an attempt to muffle the laughter that bubbled up at the sight of his generally fearless wife lamenting her misfortune.
"Rain, rain go away," Roy intoned humorously as he approached. Startled, Ed swung her molten gaze toward him, ablaze with annoyance. She grimaced, shifting slightly to rest her chin on her palm, returning to her longsuffering post as sentinel over the rivulets of water streaming down the window. Roy stopped just shy of her, lifting his eyes to the maelstrom of wind and water. Absently, he thought of a random alchemic principle from years ago as he watched the tempest intensify. He could've mentioned the principle to Ed, effectively providing him a way past her morose temperament but he was aiming for something more…fruitful.
"It's a washout," Roy remarked glibly, garnering Ed's piercing glare. He held up his hands in submission, the smile widening, "Just stating truths."
"Fuck truths," Ed mumbled bitterly. Roy watched her eyes, his lips peeling back even more as the dull gold shimmered to life. She lifted her hand toward him, her focus resolute, "Hand them over, Mustang."
Roy stepped back and regarded the envelopes with a calculating smile, "You want them you're going to have to pay the price."
"Price, what price?"
Roy turned to walk out, casting a taunting glance over his shoulder, "Follow me and find out."
That got her up and moving. Roy continued toward the library, listening as her nimble steps took her toward the children's room briefly before charging back toward him, each footfall amplifying the curiosity. He'd known of Ed's obsession with his stash of letters and her desire to acquire them. After their wedding day five years ago, she, in so many terms, demanded he turn them over. Of course, he wasn't inclined to acquiesce; the response to his heartfelt words had been deeply rewarding and there was no way in hell he'd give up such leverage.
Mere minutes later, she arrived, the despondent glaze gone from her eyes. They were alight with equal parts curiosity and desire as if she'd found the treasure she'd sought. Roy couldn't help but laugh at the excitement that seemed to radiate from her body.
"Anxious are we?" He held on to the bundle as he maneuvered around the stacks of books populating the floor at random points, shaking his head woefully. Soon, he would have to add yet another book case to join the ones currently lining the walls. Settling at the fire place, he bent to add a couple of pieces of wood before standing and going to the couch. He sat and pulled his legs up, extending them downward. A snap filled the air, followed by the crackling alchemic energy that exploded into a ball of fire that now devoured the wood. Glancing back at Ed, he asked, "Kids okay?"
"They're fine," Ed answered as she entered, heading directly for him. She stood before him and extended her arm again, "At least let me pick them, Roy."
Roy considered it for a moment before shaking his head, "If I did that, it would take all the fun out of it. Don't you trust me, Edaline?"
Ed grunted as she reached for his legs, "Make room, Mustang." He relented and opened them, his heart thumping wildly as she settled between them with ease, her back resting against his chest. She glanced up at him and grinned, her hand reaching to cup his cheek. The strain and desolate shadow in her eyes had dissipated quickly, leaving the warmth of her tender gaze. For a moment, he was rendered speechless, arrested by the love he saw swimming within those golden depths.
He couldn't think of a luckier man.
Grasping her fingers, he kissed them one by one, holding her tender gaze. It wasn't often that his wife showed such vulnerabilities. It was always piss and vinegar with her, a defense mechanism she'd perfected over her long years as a State Alchemist. There was a sort of resonance of failure in her actions and Roy figured that it stemmed from the alchemic accident that had cost Alphonse his body and Ed her limbs. No matter the accolades and stellar accomplishments she'd felt as if she had to prove herself time and again to make up for her hubris. It was why Roy cherished these delicate moments alone so that he could prove to her that she was more than enough.
A sudden jerk brought Roy out of his musings and he'd reacted just as she reached for the bundle. He laughed lowly as he lifted his hand well above her reach. She was craven for his words, the sentiments and emotions they provoked as if desperate for a tether to keep her close. Exhaling, he lowered the bundle and placed it in front of her, her exuberant squeal cosseting him with warmth. When she reacted like this, he found it difficult to deny her.
"One thing before we start," he said as he placed his hands on hers. She'd already been at work loosening the twine that kept the bundle bound, her slim fingers working deftly to unearth her most cherished treasures. She groaned and turned her head sharply, pinning him with a defiant glare and he merely shook his head as he plucked the bundle out of her grasp, "Give me a month and a year."
The wounded expression she'd thrown him tugged at his heart but he wasn't going to concede. If she had her way, she'd spend the rest of the day ensconced within a world of words and love- not that he minded in the least bit. He was selfish in a manner, wanting to share those words and love with her. Her shimmering, luminous eyes tempted him but he stood firm. She'd have to play the game his way.
"You and your concessions," she relented. Giving up on her quest to obtain her treasures, she settled against his chest again, crossing her arms about her chest in a huff. She was pouting but it wouldn't last long. Roy thumbed through the bundle, waiting for the inevitable. Seconds later, she responded in a hushed tone, "December, 1922."
Roy frowned. She'd made an interesting choice.
"Any particular reason you chose that date, Ed?" She shook her head silently and leaned back further, telegraphing her need to get closer. He understood that desire to get as close as possible if for nothing more than to ward off the foreboding melancholy that accompanied the memory. He pulled the envelope out with ease and dropped the bundle to the floor where it was promptly forgotten. Quietly, he slipped the piece of paper out of the envelope and unfolded it, taking in a shaky breath as he pulled her closer to him. Clearing his throat, he asked, "Are you sure, Ed?"
She grasped his free hand and linked their fingers, tightening her grip, "I have to know, Roy."
"Alright then." Roy exhaled and blinked rapidly as he stared at the grimy paper, the dirt stains mingling with dried blood. In an instant, he was transported back to that cold place, a place he'd never thought he'd leave. "Dearest Edaline… I didn't want to write this…"
Ed's grip tightened more but he kept going.
December, 1922
Dearest Edaline,
I didn't want to write this…
No, let me start over. I have been given two sheets of paper and a pen with instructions to write my last will and testament. That's not what I'm going to do. What I'm going to do is tell you everything that I haven't told you, share with you the memories of how it felt to fall in love with you, and the absolute joy I found when I'd finally had you- and not necessarily in that order.
They should've given me more than two sheets, but eh, I'll work with what I have.
Admittedly, this is ill timed. We were married a mere six months before I was assigned this mission. Just six months. I was given such a short time to share my love, my life with you. But I have to say, those sinfully short months were the best I'd ever had. I've never talked, laughed, or loved as much as I did in such a short amount of time- and that's saying a lot for me. I figured I had to make up for lost time. We spent so many years at each other's throats, denying the truth even as it stared us both in the face. It's the only thing I regret now- well that and not having babies with you. They would've been our greatest achievement, Edaline.
I can remember the moment (aside from the one where you kissed me in some dank alley) I truly fell in love with you. You'd just gotten back from Southern Command and you were in one of your moods, your lovely golden eyes trembling with such animosity, I couldn't help myself. I'd been so used to your obstinate disposition and your fiery ire that further riling you up was just par for the norm. But on this day…this day, you didn't fall for the bait. Instead, you walked away. I was left thinking not about how you'd one up me but about how mature you'd become in such a short time. After that, I paid attention to your words, your mindset, your emotions and of course, the way your body moved (I am a man, after all). I found myself wanting to know you better. I guess my attempts laid the foundation for that night in the alley. You wouldn't have felt compelled to pin me to a wall and have your way with me. Not to say that you'd run away but I think you went out on a limb because you knew, somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew the outcome. I'd wager though that you didn't know just how far we'd go.
Or how far we had left to go…
Roy paused briefly, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. As much as he had wanted to keep the optimistic tone, the words had slowly morphed into melancholy, echoing the sense of despair he'd held in those last days. Edaline hadn't moved an inch, her breathing shallow and quick. She was probably reliving the moment she'd seen him again, taking in the damage he'd suffered during those long months in captivity. She squeezed his hand before turning to face him.
"You were gone for seven months, Roy. Seven months without a word. I didn't know if they were going to ship you home piece by piece…"
"But I didn't. I came back to you whole."
Dark locked with golden, the silence between them saying everything.
Roy smiled as he reached to run his hand through her long golden locks, the memories of his return and his subsequent stay in the hospital rushing forward. Dropping his hand, he smirked, "I'm picking the next one."
Ed frowned, "Hey, that's no fair. You said I had dibs!"
"Trust me; you're going to love this one." Roy chuckled lightly as he reached for the bundle and sorted through them rapidly, his fingers finally landing on the one he wanted. Clearing his throat he began, "December, 1924. Two years ago, I was facing my darkest moment…"
December, 1924
Ed,
Two years ago, I was facing my darkest moment; facing leaving the one I love most, leaving you in this world alone. They demanded that I write a last will and testament, instead, I wrote about my love for you, my hopes, and my unrequited dreams. My heart broke at the lost opportunity; we hadn't had a chance to even plan for children and I'd spent the last hours before my eventual liberation lingering in that regret.. It wasn't until I woke up in the hospital to a healthy two month old daughter that I realized my faith was found wanting. Had I known you were pregnant before the mission, I would've refused to go. You needed me and I wasn't there. I'm not sure if there are words to express how I felt knowing that you had to weather Luce's birth alone. It's not that I didn't trust in your strength, I…I wanted to be there. As I held her in my arms that day, I cried for all the moments I'd failed her, failed you. I thought I would never have a chance to redeem myself…
Of course, you had proven wrong yet again.
Right now, I'm sitting at my desk, watching Danis play with his big sister and words cannot express what I'm feeling at the moment. I look into my son's eyes and see a culmination of my dreams; I feel the warmth of my daughter's embrace in her delicate laughter. Most of all, I feel your love through them both. You've given me so much, Edaline, that what I have to offer will always fall short.
"One of the few things you're right about," Ed interjected. Roy watched as she fingered the delicate paper thoughtfully as if considering her next words. She exhaled, "You are right, Roy. Our children are priceless gifts, everything we've ever hope to dream resides within them. But you are wrong in a sense."
"Oh, enlighten me then."
Ed burrowed deeper into her husband's embrace, snatching the letter out of his hands in the process. She held it up, reading the words he hadn't yet had a chance to voice. "'Even then, I will not stop trying; I'll spend the rest of my life proving my worth'. Roy, you don't have to prove anything, what you give me, what you give us…is worth far more than what you believe you lack. The fact that I have to point this out to you is alarming, what with your genius intelligence and all."
Roy snickered as he stealthy slid the paper out of her hand and folded it gently, slipping it back into the envelope. Bundling it back with the others, he asked, "Requests?"
"No caveats?" Ed queried as she half turned to her husband. Her brow lifted slightly as if to challenge him, her lips thin with a knowing smirk, "You're getting soft in your old age."
Roy frowned, gathering the bundle and made to get up, "I think we're done here."
"No, no…no. Come back, Roy. I was just joking…"
Ed smiled wildly as she pushed backwards, forcing him into the couch more. Her laughter was infectious, its dulcet tone echoing in the serene silence. Although rare, her laughter was an instant elixir, both intoxicating and invigorating. Pure and unhinged, it was the one sound, aside from those wrung from pleasure, that he loved the most. There was no challenge greater than extracting a tuft of laughter from her.
In a measure of concession, he relaxed, angling her just so, positioning her in the crook of his arm. As the laughter died down, he focused on her, watching how her luminous eyes danced with merriment. It was alluring, her amusement, innocently provoking lurid thoughts that were best left for the late evening hours. Roy exhaled lightly; he'd gladly trade a heated moment for the slice of genuine happiness he'd been gifted with.
With a whimsical smile of his own, he presented the bundle, "You pick…no caveats."
Ed's eyes widened in disbelief, "You're not serious…are you?"
"I am."
"How do you know I won't pilfer one of your letters?" Even as she questioned him, her fingers were at work sorting through the countless envelopes as if she could divine her chosen letter. She finally gave up and chanced a glance, her brow furrowing as the soft rustling of the paper envelopes rustling against her fingertips filling in the momentary lull in conversation. It wasn't long before she pulled one out, her smile of triumph brightening the room effortlessly.
When she presented it to him, he took the envelope in hand. Glancing at the date, he grinned widely and answered, "Because this is important to you. I believe that it would be an entirely different scenario if you were to abscond with these letters and attempt to read them yourself."
Slipping the paper out, he unfolded the letter and leaned back, pulling her with him. She settled nicely against his chest, her warmth a welcoming sensation. Clearing his throat, he began, "My Dearest Edaline, It's quiet now, the fire's nearly extinguished and you're curled up in the blanket next to me, your breaths even and your cheeks darkened with exertion…"
August 12, 1927
My Dearest Edaline,
It is quiet now, the fire is nearly extinguished and you're curled up in the blanket next to me, your breaths even and your cheeks darkened with exertion. It warms my heart to see you resting peacefully, especially after such a terrible day. As long as I live, I never want to see the utter desolation that took up residence in your eyes today. Your empty expression was cold and lacking, your touch was searing with a weighted sorrow. I tried to hold your hand through it, to warm it with mine but in your despondency, you refused me. Afterwards, you shut yourself away from me, denying me the chance to soothe your wounds, to work through this together for my anguish was as deep- if not deeper- than yours.
Of course, I wouldn't dare try and challenge you though. As much as I hurt, I cannot take away the agony of knowing that we will not be adding to our brood. The loss is immeasurable, assuredly, but it's not impossible to navigate- if we rely on each other. Besides, we have two beautifully healthy children to guide through this life; to linger on what wasn't to be would be a disservice to them.
This is why I decided to take you away from it all. You had to face the reality of our future, despite the pain.
I have to say, the bewildered expression on your face when I told you Luce and Danis would be staying over at Maes' place was priceless. As much as I knew you wanted to hold your babies, we had to reconnect for if we're divided, our house will fall. I had to show you that there is more than our shared pain between us, that our love will be the buoy to keep us afloat.
So, I pampered you, pre pared a delicious dinner, and drew your bath. Once you were settled, I cleaned and returned to receive you promptly. I pulled you close to me, wrapping my arms around you gently to dry you. You were uncharacteristically silent but I understood why. Still the same, I wanted to hear you, wanted to hear your cries of pain as they segued into cries of absolute ecstasy. I wanted to absolve you of the misery before it had a chance to take up root. All because I love you.
I love you too much to let your suffer alone.
I love you too much to watch the tears fall without respite.
I love you too much to let you believe that you're unworthy of our love- of my love.
I love you too much to let this go on past tonight, to let this ruin us.
I love you too much to allow you to shatter.
I could not stand by and watch you implode. And so, I acted in your best interests.
When you thought an embrace would suffice, I proved differently. I lit the candles and made a pallet for us. Then I waged war against the torment. As I massaged your back, relieving you of the contentious knots, you finally allowed yourself to exhale. The decadent moans, the sensation of your pliable, silky skin under my hand directed us exactly where I intended us to go. And I didn't stop; where my hands had traveled, my lips followed kissing, worshiping, exalting you as a savior.
Because, you are, Edaline. You saved me both physically and emotionally. Why wouldn't I fight for you?
Once we faced each other, the battle had begun in earnest. There was a sense of defiance about you, as if you wanted to cling to your despair. I reached out to caress your cheek, watching as the flickering flames danced about your skin, your eyes shimmering as if waging war internally. Your molten eyes pleaded with me, glistening in protest as you battled your way to the surface. It wasn't long before I was inside you, battling alongside you. Each thrust, each cry of absolute pleasure was a rallying cry and it incited a carnal need to bring your pain to heel. We gave in tandem, exposing our hearts, our souls bearing our truths in the most decadent manner. I promised you liberation and made good on my promise.
It was fucking beautiful, Ed.
And now, in the serene, peaceful afterglow, I ruminate on our day together. We've waged war with an invisible opponent and were victorious. We've solidified our bond once more, strengthening our foundation in preparation for the future. I know that this isn't the end though; you're going to have you moments of despair, of sorrow but I'll be there to remind you that you're not alone.
To remind you that I love you more than words could ever express.
Yet, I continue to try.
Eternally Yours,
Roy
The soft pattering of the raindrops as they fell filled the quiet between them. Roy glanced down at Ed as she stared ahead, her eyes glittering with unspent tears. He knew the moment she'd handed him this particular letter that this would be the result and he'd been apprehensive of the outcome. It had only been two months since that day and although Ed had tried valiantly to circumvent that bound pain, inevitably, it reared its ugly head. Days like this where the grey skies hovered and the shadows grew he had to be especially attentive.
"Are you okay?" he asked, turning his full attention to her. He watched her intently, watching for the crack in the veneer. He shifted her to face her fully, cupping her jaw with his hand, "Edaline, it's okay, I'm here."
A lone tear escaped as she looked to him. "I know." She pulled at his arm and brought the letter up to her, her eyes roaming the words, "You never cease to surprise me, Roy." A sputter of laughter erupted as she pinned him with her resolute gaze, "Such beautiful words to express that we fucked like jackrabbits. Oh how thy ego grows…"
"Such generalizations," Roy responded haughtily, "are best reserved for the uninitiated. We made love."
"That we did." Ed licked her lips as she leaned forward, her eyes filled with a hint of debauchery, "I wouldn't be opposed to a repeat performance."
"Shall I call up Maes then?" Ed made to get up and Roy frowned, "Where do you think you're going?"
Gently, Ed escaped from his grasp and stood fluidly. The subtle way she devoured him with her eyes provoked a flare of pleasure and Roy groaned inwardly as she finished the circuit with a sensual lick of her lips and a coy wink, "I'm going to give you time to hide your letters, Mustang. Then you best be about your business calling Hughes. I feel the need to wage war."
Roy shot to his feet and made for his study, his heart thumping violently against his chest.
Fruitful indeed.
End
