"Happy birthday Miku-chaaaaaan!"
I just stared sadly at the birthday video all the other Vocaloids had made for Miku. Why did they never include me in anything? It wasn't fair! It just wasn't! I'm a Vocaloid too! Kind of...
But Miku was my adopted sister! Miku was the only Vocaloid I ever spent any quality time with! Miku was... Miku... was...
Miku was selfish. Miku was spoiled. Miku was the one constantly shoving everyone out of the spotlight, especially other Vocaloids.
I felt tears welling up.
I felt depression sneak into my chest.
Why was it always like this? I was invisible! I tried so hard to be noticed, only to inevitably fail and be ignored again. I harshly wiped away my tears, got up and walked away. The walk turned into a run. The run turned into a sprint. I was running far away, somewhere where the buildings couldn't block the view all around, somewhere where I could hide away until somebody came to look for me...
I ran smack into Nigaito as I rushed down the pavement. We both toppled to the ground.
"Oh, hi Nigaito..." I mumbled as I got up.
"Hi Mikuo," the smaller, green-haired fanmade said. His voice was like a whisper.
"You seem depressed. Why are you depressed?"
"It's nothing," I muttered. "Just leave me alone..."
"... No."
I halted, frozen in mid-step. Nigaito cared that I was depressed? Why on Earth-
"Come on," he said quietly, grabbing my hand. "I'm gonna help you, okay Mikuo? Being depressed is bad for you..."
I eyeballed the thin red marks on Nigaito's wrist as a sudden gust of wind blew up his sleeve, which he had rolled up. He'd been carrying something, I briefly remembered.
Nigaito pulled me into an apartment building. They went up to the fourth floor. That, apparently, was Nigaito's whole floor.
Of course, shared by somebody I knew very well.
"Akaito," I said flatly.
"Mikuo," Akaito said flatly back. My heart sank a little lower.
Nigaito shuddered from the tension in the air and pulled me into a different room. There was a large bed there. Nigaito shoved me down onto it.
"Tell me what happened," he said quietly, his vibrantly green eyes boring two gigantic holes in my conscience.
"... It's stupid..." I muttered.
Nigaito pinned him down on the bed. "Tell me," he said weakly, tears welling up in his eyes.
How could I say anything when Nigaito was acting like this? How could I say anything when I was being assaulted by those memories, memories of that horrible time...
My heart plummeted into my stomach, weighted by depression.
"Let me up and I'll tell you!" I yelled, more flustered than I should have been.
Shocked by my outburst, Nigaito let me up. I sighed at the idiocy of the reason why I was so down.
"The other Vocaloids... made a birthday video for Miku... and they left me out of it. You can laugh now."
Nigaito sat down next to me. I was starting to wish he'd just go away. I wanted to go somewhere where I could be alone. I wanted to be somewhere where I could cry, and nobody would ever know, and nobody would think any less of me for it...
I harshly wiped my tears again. Nigaito scooted closer.
"I... I'm not gonna laugh... I know exactly how you feel..."
There was a brief silence. Nigaito looked away.
"It feels like you're invisible," he whispered, barely audible. "Then, once you think you've finally gotten past it, they start treating you like nobody again. It's like they're playing a joke on you. It's like they're toying with your emotions. And if you open up even a little bit to one of them... they're the one who kills you the most in the end..."
Nigaito was citing the events of my past perfectly. To think that he'd actually been through the same thing... I secretly wondered who had been his wrong choice.
For a moment, I wanted to be his right choice.
Tears now spilling out of his eyes, Nigaito wrapped his arms around me. He kept muttering things that I couldn't understand at all.
Probably like he wouldn't understand if I had cried and accidentally told him all about me and Aka-
I shook that thought free of my head. Nobody would know. Nobody had to know. Nobody could know, because that would mean...
Slowly, I lifted Nigaito's head from my side, where it had been buried for a while now.
"Tell me what happened," I said quietly, my voice almost a whisper. Nigaito squirmed uncomfortably, like I had done only moments before.
Wasn't he supposed to be older than me? The thought flitted through my mind as he wiped the many tears from his big eyes.
"Well..." he began, "I-"
"I've heard enough," I interrupted.
The tears looked like they were going to pour again.
"I can read your mind," I mumbled quietly. "It's got the same problems as mine. And that means you shouldn't trust me, because you've had someone like me betray you before."
"B-but... you... you wouldn't betray me..."
"You don't know that," I said bitterly.
"You wouldn't... you couldn't..."
"Just how well do you know me, again?"
He winced. That one had been horrible of me to say. I couldn't stop, though. I lied to myself, insisting I was only testing him.
"You wouldn't betray me... because..."
I stared at him coldly. "Tell me why," I said, still bitter. "Tell me why I wouldn't."
"Because I could never betray you!" he blurted out. His cheeks were cherry red. I blinked a few times, feeling my defenses rapidly dropping.
He looked at me again, with those big green drills of his.
Pretending not to care, I flopped back onto my back. "I... wasn't being serious when I said all that, y'know." I tried to sound nonchalant, but could only just barely cover up the shaking in my voice. "I... you're right, I really couldn't betray you..."
Nigaito flopped down next to me. "I knew I was right," he whispered. "You're too nice to be like them..."
We both were silent for a while. I did some self-exploration.
Why did I hate the past? Because... No answer came to mind. Was it because I was too sensitive? Was it because I tried my hardest not to seem sensitive? Was it because Akaito was a conniving little-
Was it because I couldn't take a joke? Was it because I was always ignored?
... Was it because the one time I wasn't ignored...
Of course it was. I already knew that. But still... why did it sting so badly?
Did I l-
I turned to look at Nigaito. He seemed to be dealing with his own troubles.
I saw his eyes flit toward me.
I saw the slight blush that appeared on his face as he noticed me staring. A thought popped into my head.
Did he l-
I turned back to the ceiling. I reached for my headset to play something rock-ish and depressing- something to fit the mood.
My headset was at home.
I turned to face Nigaito.
He didn't face me. His eyes flicked over and he blushed, but he didn't move.
I started to think about why I always got so depressed. Maybe it was because Miku was so chipper all the time, that bitch...
I grabbed Nigaito's hand. If I wasn't alone, then I had a right to be clingy. Nigaito was going to keep me grounded this time.
I started to painfully think about the days I'd spent with Akaito.
Nigaito had always been there, watching from the sidelines. Him and those sad eyes of his. I was just noticing that now.
Akaito had been my best friend. Whenever something made me upset, I ran to him. I could cry around him. He understood, he told me. He told me that I could trust him.
That was a lie.
One day, I'd found him laughing with his adopted brother, Kaito, who had come to visit. They didn't see me standing in the doorway as they joked. It all seemed fine, like two regular guys talking, and then...
My name popped up.
If I remember correctly, the joke was "and then he started bawling like a baby"...
I cringed. The worse memories still lay buried in my mind, too painful for me to dredge up. Nigaito squeezed my hand, pulling me back to reality. There were his eyes again, big and sad and beautiful and a dark shade of green.
"Mikuo..." he whispered sadly. "Mikuo, I... I'm here..."
I fought back tears.
"Mikuo, you... you can cry... you can t-trust me..."
I saw Nigaito fighting back tears of his own. "Hypocrite," I mumbled.
He smiled at me sadly. His tears spilled over almost immediately.
Did he act like this around everyone?
That sent me over the edge. Tears wormed their way through my defenses and down my cheeks. Maybe it made me a little jealous to think that he opened up to everyone... Maybe I was just worried that he would get hurt too easy...
Maybe I l-
He wrapped his arms around me again. Secretly, I was glad he was being so clingy.
Because it seemed like he l-
I mentally slapped myself. That... was a ridiculous thought. There was no need to throw around the L word. Nigaito was just a shy person. And it was fine to be clingy when you were upset.
Those were excuses. Why was I making excuses?
I didn't have an answer for that.
"... Nigaito," I said relatively calmly.
He looked up. His eyes were still filled with tears.
And that broke my heart a little.
Oh my God, I l-
"Do you..."
He blinked expectantly.
"... L-"
I couldn't say any more. I gagged on those last three letters. Nigaito blinked again.
"What is it, Mikuo?"
"D-do you l-... me..." That was all I could say. The L word was unspeakable.
Because I'd said it bef-
Nigaito blushed slightly. "D-do I what you?" he mumbled, trying to look away.
I made him face me again. I took a deep breath. I can say it, I thought. It's just one little word... that's... four letters long and starts with L...
Then it hit me. There was another L word. That one I could say just fine.
"Do you like me?" I blurted out.
Nigaito's face turned cherry red again. I was blushing too, so bad that it burned. It's definitely true, I thought to myself. If not the L word, then... At the very least, I like him. Like like.
"W-well if you mean what I think you mean... then I guess you could say I do..."
We stared at each other for a while, not sure what to do next. I'd never liked anyone who liked me back before...
"Do you... like me?" he asked shakily.
"Y-yeah," I mumbled. "You think I would have asked if I didn't?"
We stared at each other for a while, not sure what to do next.
I wrote this when I was depressed over always being ignored by my friends. Mikuo and Nigaito just struck me as the invisible type orz
I might write a second chapter if this gets any attention at all...