Hidden.

Authors note:

Hello there everyone. This is my first fanfiction ever, and I feel like I've worked a great deal on the first chapter. Please let me know what I can do to improve, and any other things you'd like to see in the later chapters. :D

So, without further ta do. Here we go.

–

"I didn't think this would ever have happened.. " I thought to myself quietly as I sat in front of the little crowd that had been gathered, a large casket in front of me. "I didn't expect father to leave the three of us alone.. ". I wasn't very close to him.. but hey, he was my father after all, but even then, I didn't know the right emotions to show.

Sadness.. It was an emotion that I thought people around me overused, true sadness is very hard to come by, as I have noticed.

Anger.. At why father would leave Temeri, Kankuro and myself alone, even after mother died.

Pain.. The emotion that I didn't feel in the least. He was never with me or around me, he never acknowledged me for anything.

All I could really feel was emptiness. I never loved my father.. but he gave us a beautiful house to live in, and made our lives as easy to live as possible. But I suppose since I lacked the love of parents in general, my feelings towards him were.. always foul. But sometimes, I don't blame him. Our mother died in childbirth, giving birth to me. I don't blame my father for having any harsh feelings towards me, since I did, in a way, kill his wife. I still, to this day solely blame myself for the loss of my mother, even though my siblings strongly like to disagree with me.

Snapping back to reality, I sat on a chair, in front of the casket of our now deceased father, and sitting on both sides of me were my elder sister and brother, Mayurama Temari and Kankurou. Temari was the eldest, and she was stern and could control a lot of situations just like our father. Kankurou was the middle child, he was slightly neglected but not as bad as me. He had a strange obsession with puppets.. his room was almost completely filled with them. But I wasn't too worried. He had been more normal then I had been anyway..

I snapped back again, Why the fuck couldn't I focus on what was going on right in front of me. I never liked to pay attention to major things but pfft, this was my fathers funeral and I had to be the depressed, sad and tear filled son. Argh, not my style. After his close friends had finished paying their last respects, the 3 of us had been called up to say a few words on him, because we were the only direct relatives there. But when they asked us to do that, I felt my tongue turn to sand. (Authors note: Pun intended :P). I had no words to say about the man, everything that I would say would all be negative. But somehow, I had to manage to do some buttering up. Say some good things about him.

"Good things about him.. ", I thought to myself, and at that moment my mind was a mess, as if small neutrons had been running around opening drawer after drawer to find something good about my father in my brain.

"Well, there was the house? And all the services and things.. ". I had been blank.. I couldn't think of what to say, and before I knew it, Kankurou was done saying what he had to say about our father to the masses. It had been my turn. Generally I wasn't very good at speaking to the public, I was what some people liked to call "Anti-Social". So when I stood behind the podium, my body froze. I somehow, in some way mustered the strength to say a few (barely manageable) good things about my father.

"My father.. was a great man". I gulped.

"He had managed to live through things, that other people, probably could not. He managed to live life everyday as if it were new, forgetting anything that might have happened the day before.. He.. had always been nice to the three of us. He gave us a beautiful house to live in, and made life very comfortable for us all. He was a loved father, and was also a loved husband, or so I think".

I shot a quick glance to Temari who was giving me a soothingly sisterly smile, I continued.

"He -he lived through my mothers death, and still gave us the love that two parents were meant to give, and it is a saddening thought that a man of his stature, has left us. I shall pray for him, and thank you all for coming out."

With that, I swiftly moved off the podium and quickly seated myself between my siblings. The funeral was at its end, and it had been time to lower the casket 6 feet under. It slowly moved downwards into the soil, and all three of us stood before it. I took a quick look from left to right, to scan my surroundings once more. Everyone was wearing black, naturally, since it was a grim day. Temari wore a black dress going down to her knees and wore black gloves and a elegant looking black hat, most of her hair hidden under it. Kankurou was wearing a black suit with a black tie, very fetching since he always used to be in ragged clothing at home. I looked down and also noticed that I was wearing a suit and I normally don't like wearing the damn things. It was too formal.

When the casket had been buried, and the dirt had been dumped upon it, people had begun to leave. People who were left came up to Temari and Kankouou and paid their respects. I, however, walked off towards where my car had been parked. I didn't want to, neither did I have to mingle with the people who were there. There is an advantage to being the youngest, people tend to think your the most hurt and leave you alone. I walked slowly and looked up slightly, the clouds were coming, it seemed it would rain in a few minutes or so and in the city of Konoha that wasn't something unusual. So I hastened my pace and found myself sitting in the drivers seat of my black Land Rover. I reached for the glove compartment and stuck my hand in trying to find the packet of cigarettes I had bought on my way here. I unwrapped the loose packing and flicked one out. I put the packet back in the compartment and took a lighter out of my briefs and lit the cigarette and took one deep drag.. and let it out slowly. I wouldn't leave just yet, I would leave just when Kankurou and Temari were done with the people, I thought it'd be best if we all left together. Plus, they wouldn't want their younger brother at the tender age of 20 to run off alone without telling them.

I sat there for a while, around 15 minutes before Temari and Kankurou were done tending to the attendees. They made their way to the car and saw me already sitting in the drivers seat. Kankurou called shotgun and Temari sat in the back seat. When they sat in the car, the first thing Temari had to do was complain.. nothing new there.

"Gaara! How many times did Dad used to tell you not to smoke in the damn car!" She half yelled, what was wrong with her all of a sudden? My smoking never did bother her before that much..

"Well.. Dad isn't here to tell him to stop anymore Temari." Kankorou said almost care freely.

We both shot our gazes towards him in amazement. We rarely heard Kankurou say anything the whole day, and now he decided to break up an almost harmless fight?.. something was different today.. Oh right.. My father was just barried.

"Look Temari, if it makes you feel any better I'll put it out alright? Just don't get angry today out of all days." I rasped. I didn't want thing to get any worse then they already were. So I put out the cigarette in the ashtray of the car. I looked around for a quick second, there was complete silence in the car.. no one shrugged, no one even moved. I shifted my position to look at the back seat where Temari looked like she was on the brick of tears, she had controlled herself through out the whole funeral only so her hard exterior remained. I looked at Kankurou who looked much more lost then he usually is. I blinked.. I wasn't very good at these situations to begin with, and I honestly didn't feel as bad as both of them must have felt. I don't know why really, I wasn't very good with emotion.

All of a sudden, out of no where, Temari started to sob out loud. I looked back suddenly.. I was so clueless to what to do! And Kankurou just stared outside the window. She was on the brick of walling now and I just thought I'd do what I've seen other people do. I got out from the drivers seat and open the door to the back seat, I pushed myself in and looked at my elder sister.

How broken she looked, not normal for me to see, since I've almost always seen her composed. I slowly reached my hands around her and pulled her into a deep embrace. I hugged her tightly and she hugged back, crying into my suit jacket. She seemed so broken. I wanted to sort all those pieces back and glue them together to form the same sister I knew and grew up with. I loved her so much.. it was hard to see someone you love to break down like this. I tried to calm her down as much as I could, but she seemed to just.. not care. She cried and cried until she felt the need to calm down. This went on for around ten long minutes.

Eventually, Temari calmed down, gave me a pat on my back and pulled away from the hug looking at me, she gave me a smile that said "Thank you little brother". I gave her a quick little smile and nudged at her that we should leave this place, she nodded and gave me a quick kiss on my forehead, pausing for a second and then sat normally. I got out of the back seat and climbed back into the drivers seat, Kankurou seemed to somehow be touched by the event that just took place, but again, he seemed so uninterested, if you didn't know him even you'd think he just didn't give a rats ass. But we knew him, we knew what he felt even with that blank expression.

What felt weird was, my siblings, in no way or form, have ever been able to read me, as a human being. They say I'm just too confusing for them to figure out, and I simply accept that. I am different, I couldn't care less about the funeral then both of my siblings did, but then I had to think about something at home.. "Why don't I fucking care at all? Its annoying thinking I didn't love the man.." With that quick thought, I turned the keys to the ignition and the engine of the Land Rover rose to life. I looked around the area, and quickly pulled out of our spot and drove slowly back home.

–

It took us 15 minutes to get home, mostly because the traffic on this rainy Konoha day, but thats all I could possibly blame it on. Its not like my driving is that horrible. I was also amazed at myself, how could I be thinking about such trivial things on the day my FATHER was BUIRED! How cold and distorted was I? This might just end up being a problem. I couldn't focus on what was going on in front of me. But I brushed that issue aside labeling it "Something I'll have to think about another day".

I sat on the kitchen table, collecting my thoughts of the day. I thought from how things would change, to how things would end up staying the same. Like I've mentioned before, my father and I didn't interact much at all. We kept to ourselves, and the ones who'll really be effected by his absence would be Temari and then Kankurou. But of course we'd be there for our elder sister if the need arose.

I looked behind me where Kankurou was flicking through TV channels and as usual, he seemed uninterested in his own actions. Looking around slowly I was a little happy that we managed to keep the house. It was in our fathers will that it would go to Temari.. I expected as much, she was his golden child. I didn't feel jealous in any way however.

Temari was also in the kitchen area, preparing dinner for the three of us. She wasn't an amazing cook, but she did make some decent meals compared to when Kankurou and I ever cooked. For a 23 year old, Kankurou really seemed to be a lazy guy.. He didn't have a job, and went to the same University I did. Temari on the other hand, was the steadfast 28 year old one who could manage a job, Unlike Kankurou and me (part time jobs didn't apply). I did have my share of part time jobs, though I never took any of them seriously. Temari used to be pissed if I got fired from any of the places I worked, but then I used to think to myself why should I be working anyway? Father mostly gave us whatever we wanted, and we weren't exactly low when it came to money..

But there was a difference now.. Father wasn't around anymore, and we all, in a way, had to fend for ourselves. Temari obviously took his job in the firm he used to own, when he was alive. Temari was his assistant, and a very loyal one at that. She worked with father for over 5 years, ever since she graduated from Konoha University. I was still in my first year there, and Kankurou was about to graduate. It was a shame fathers passing had to happen so close to Kankurou's graduation. I felt a little pit form in my stomach..

Something was about to happen..

I had a feeling I knew what this was, so I quickly excused myself from the table and swiftly climbed the stairs that lead upstairs and quickly walked into my room and closed the door, locking it.

My breathing doubled.. what the fuck was going on? I had been fine the whole day, and now this manages to pop up at the time I least expected it to!

I didn't think was worth mentioning before but.. As a child, I had a problem, a Psychological problem when I was 7 years old. It formed then, but did not manifest. Only father knew about this problem, not even my own siblings knew and now I worried about their safety. The problem that I had since I was a mere child was

"Schizophrenia."

Yes, I was a Schizophrenic, but the meds that I was given had kept it mostly under control.. mostly.

I ran to the bathroom, and looked myself in the mirror, my breathing was heavy, and sweat began to disperse from my forehead.

"You know Gaara, you did well to keep me away for this long you know, but you know I'll always come back to fuck you up my little friend."

"Shut the fuck up!" I half yelled, but there was nothing before me but my own reflection. I did manage to keep this under control for so long, but fathers death probably trigged his voice to come back, that bastard!

"Shukaku.. the demon" I thought.

When I was born, my father had be "blessed" by the local priest. He had "cleansed" me not knowing how much he actually fucked me over. The priest had cursed me instead, and infused a demon called "Shukaku" to haunt me for the rest of my life.. to fuck me up. And he has been doing so, for the last few years. I had him controlled lately though..

But now Shukaku's voice is back doesn't mean anything good will come out of this scenario. He going to slowly screw me up. When Shukaku was known to my father, because I was having a raging fit around him, he had sent me to a mental institution, lying to Temari and Kankurou that I was at some prestigious summer school in the Sand city. They were completely unaware of what happened to me and what I went through, but the things I'd seen and done in that institution, I wasn't fit to call myself a "sane" person.

–

6 years ago.

"Hello everybody, this is our 5th group therapy session with you lot and we'd like to introduce our youngest and newest member". The head Nurse spoke with authority and at the same time, sounded calm. "Go ahead honey, tell them your name and your problem, don't worry, everyone here will accept you for what you are, and their all here just like you, to become better." Her words sickened me.. How could she compare me to these.. these.. people.

"M-my name is... Mayurama Gaara, I-I'm 14 years old.. and.. a-and I ha-have"

"OH OUT WITH IT, WHAT THE FUCKS WRONG WITH YOU?" A boy spoke out of turn, his hair was a shade of a very light purple, almost not noticeable and silver. He looked agitated and looked around 4 years older then I was.

"U-urm.. I h-have.. Schizophrenia." I gulped.

"Well fucking time you finished you little shit" Whoever this was was slowly getting on my nerves, and I'm not shy forever.

"Hidan, control yourself, or we'll have to throw you into the solitary cells again!" The nurse said calmly yet with authority.

He just groaned and sat back into his chair. He gave me a look that screamed "DANGER", but honestly at that point, nothing really was going to scare me, specially after everything Shukaku told me.

The group therapy session continued for about an hour and a half, and right at the end, after everyone had shared their experiences, the nurse looked at me and said "Gaara, would you like to share anything with the teen group?" I looked at her suddenly.. she wanted me to share something about my problem? Well then, I thought they'd be no harm in sharing, specially with people who feel the same way I do.

"The demon in my head, Shukaku tells me head like to rip your insides and turn you inside out nurse, and he tells me that he wants to torture every single one of these poor bastards."

The nurse and patients looked slightly disturbed.

"Oh yeah, also" I lifted my red hair away from the right side of my forehead to show a deep red tatoo, the word carved in was "Love".

"Shukaku made me carve this into my forehead with a razor blade, he said that with this, he said its a reminder that I'll always have to bear with him, "LOVE" him". I grinned a little manically, the nurse seemed really disturbed now and wrote down some quick notes in the clipboard she had been holding.

I heard her whisper softly "Poor boy..".

I retaliated to say anything else, Shukaku had made me say what he wanted me to say and now I wasn't going to let them think I'm anymore crazy.

"Come on you little shit! Let them know that they'll have empty eye sockets by the end of the week".

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed into the air, and that got everyone's attention focused on me.

"I..I-I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of the thing I said or did.. its just.. he's so fucking loud.." I said softly.

"I'm sure we can help you through this Gaara, but you just need to cooperate with us and take the medicines we give you, can you do that?" The nurse smiled lovingly to me and I felt like it was genuine, I nodded.

"Excuse me nurse b-but.. what your name?" I said a little shyly.

"My name Gaara? Oh well my name is Haruna Sakura, but you'll have to call me nurse Sakura." She smiled.

"Alright nurse Sakura" and I smiled back, but it wasn't my smile, it was the smile Shukaku forced upon my face, a smile filled with pure malice and insanity.

–

My eyes snapped open, I was in the bathroom, more so.. the bathroom floor. It seemed I had passed out, but I don't remember anything after I came into my room and ran into the bathroom.. what was I doing.. I was dizzy and I couldn't make out much but when I grabbed the sink as leverage to stand up, I looked into the mirror and was staring at myself in pure shock, firstly, the mirror was shattered, only some pieces remained intact. I looked down at my fist, I had punched it.. my fist was bleeding.. I don't remember doing any of that.

"What the fu-" I was tracked off when I walked into my room and looked into the proper mirror and almost let out a shout of terror.

"No way! No fucking way! It wasn't there! It went away! Why the fuck is it back?" The only reason I was in shock was because..

"Love" was carved across my fore head, deeper and much more visible then when I was a child. I looked at the bathroom floor, and saw that it was a bloody mess. I saw now clearly, the only reason the glass was broken was because I used it.. to carve this back.

The blood trickled down my fore head.. I didn't know how I'd explain this to Temari and Kankurou.. They didn't know about what happened to me, they don't have the slightest idea! Temari already saw the scar on my fore head from back then, but now its LARGER and more PROMENENT than before! I was fucked because I knew my siblings would be more scared of me.. then helping me.

"Oh poor Gaara, all bloody, don't you remember how much you ENJOYED the first time you did this? It was so much fun seeing that smile on your face, you just wanted to be loved, thats all, and thats all you want now.. LOVE!"

"Get the fuck out of my head you maniacal bastard! I don't need more love then I already have! I HAVE MORE LOVE THAN YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I shouted, and then suddenly I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit".

If I don't manage to make something up, I was royally fucked..

=-End-=

Authors Notes:

Well guys, let me know what you think, I'll still continue it either way, because I haven't written one before and I feel like this is going to be a somewhat long and interesting fanfic, so stay tuned!

Reviews are always welcome. :) And I'm open to criticism.

It is my first fanfic however, so go easy on me. I feel like I can do much better if I haven't too great.

~Farii.