Hey everyone, this is a little story that came to me one day, and I've been working on it for a while now.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I loved writing it :)
xoxo AussieGal20
A/N: While my mother works in the NICU and I grilled her for information on what they do regarding stillborns, and most of the information is fairly accurate, this story still involved a lot of creative license.
Please enjoy!
"Minimal Loss" – Extended Cut
"Clear."
"Clear."
"Clear."
"Clear."
Everyone was announcing the same thing. The same thing Agent Emily Prentiss had expected. Their unsub, Steve Farsch, wasn't in the house. Emily was halfway up the stairs to the attic when she heard through her radio that the rest of the house was clear. She had to check the attic anyway, but there was no way anyone with an IQ as high as Farsch's, would hide out in an attic where there was no escape path. Emily was wrong. As she burst the attic door open and made her way into the room, she made one vital mistake. Emily didn't check her blind spot, behind her shoulder, as she barged into the room. One second later she felt a great force connect with her head. Her entire body was slammed backwards and she tumbled down the staircase to the attic, landing in a heap, unmoving.
Downstairs Morgan and JJ heard the commotion, and noticing they had not heard Prentiss over the radio, they both raced up the first flight of stairs. The two team members were greeted with the sight of their friend and colleague lying still, either dead or unconscious, at the foot of a staircase. Both agents immediately drew their weapons and approached Emily. Morgan saw movement in the attic, so he made his way up cautiously, not wanting to have the same fate as his dear friend. JJ, on the other hand, left the apprehending of Farsch's to Morgan and tended to their friend.
"We need a medic up here, we have an agent down," JJ said into her radio, sounding calm yet feeling the exact opposite, fearing for one of her best friends.
It was an excruciatingly long 4 and a half minutes before the ambulance arrived. During that time, Steve Farsch had been apprehended, and that affair had required Morgan to draw on his karate skills. JJ blatantly refused to leave her friends side, so she accompanied the still unconscious Emily Prentiss in the ambulance, while the rest of the team finished at the scene before making their way to the hospital.
Emily awoke to the sound of annoying beeping and to the sight of her best friend lounging in a chair by her side, feet on the bed Emily realized she was lying in, and reading a magazine.
The machine beside Emily's bed, the one measuring her blood pressure began beeping faster, indicating a change in Emily's heartbeat. JJ looked up from the magazine in her hands and realized her friend was awake.
"Oh hey, welcome to the land of the living," JJ said in a joking tone, yet the relief she felt was etched all over her face.
"What happened?" Emily asked groggily, trying to remember past the blur in her mind. She sat up and immediately regretted the action when her head began to throb.
"Well, you went up to check the attic, and Steve Farsch was lying in wait for behind the attic door. He whacked you pretty hard with a metal pipe and you rolled down the stairs."
"That would explain why my body feels like it's been hit by a train, and a hammer is pounding away at my head," Emily said.
"Yes, it would," JJ agreed. "Morgan and I heard the noise from downstairs and we couldn't hear you in our radios. We both charged upstairs to find you lying at the bottom of the stairs and the attic door open. Morgan raced up there and got Farsch, don't worry. We called an ambulance, they came and now we're here," JJ explained to Emily.
"How long have I been out?" Emily asked, unsure as to whether she actually wanted to hear the answer.
"Its 3:30 in the morning now, so around about eleven hours," JJ informed her. Emily was relieved at this news, glad that she hadn't been out for days.
"The rest of the team was here earlier for a couple of hours, but they were kicked out by the nurses'. They're back at the hotel now and I chose to stay behind just in case you woke up," JJ said.
"JJ, why didn't you go back to the hotel too? Or at least sleep," Emily said, hating that her friend lost sleep over her.
"Don't be silly. I have a nineteen month old son, I'm used to functioning on minimal sleep," JJ scoffed. "And besides, I knew that if you woke up alone, you'd be frustrated not knowing whether Farsch was caught, and you storm out of here AMA," JJ added.
Emily was about to argue, but she knew it was true, and she was just too exhausted. Instead, Emily stretched her arm out and squeezed JJ's hand in thanks.
"Ah you're awake." Emily looked up to see a young, kind looking nurse standing in the doorway. The nurse checked Emily's various monitors and temperature which didn't take too long. "Wait a few minutes and I'll be back with the doctor," the nurse, Beth, her nametag read, informed them before bustling out of the room.
Twenty minutes later, a doctor arrived holding a clipboard.
"Agent Emily Prentiss?" she asked.
"Yes," Emily replied.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Bonday," she introduced herself. The doctor checked Emily, much like the nurse Beth had, and she also checked Emily's reflexes.
After scribbling in the clipboard for a few minutes, presumably filling out various details about Emily's condition she spoke.
"Alright, Agent Prentiss, you're right to leave, but I'd like to warn you of a few things. Don't go into any extremely high or extremely low air pressures; that means no flying, for the next week or so. That will aggravate the headache you are undoubtedly sporting and also, I want to you monitor your body, if you experience any pain anywhere, please come in straight away," Dr Bonday said.
"I'll be fine," Emily said, positive that there was no way she would voluntarily come back to the hospital.
"Alright then, with that said, I recommend you take some paracetamol for the pain, but it's not for long term use. I'll be back soon with your discharge papers," Dr Bonday said.
"I'll leave you to get changed," JJ added, as she slipped out of the room behind the doctor.
Emily slowly dressed herself out of the hospital gown she had been dressed in some time while she was unconscious. Her movements were slow and stiff, and she found that any sort of movement cause her already raging headache, to flare.
As she was putting on her second shoe, JJ and Dr Bonday came back into the room.
"Alright Agent Prentiss, you're cleared. Your friend here can escort you out," the doctor said smiling.
JJ hated to see her best friend like this; clearly in pain, but desperately trying to hide it. JJ felt it best not to offer her friend help, but to allow Emily privacy getting changed. JJ knew she would struggle, but she also knew Emily wanted to have as much dignity as possible. JJ followed the doctor out and as soon as the door was shut, Dr Bonday turned to face JJ.
"Ma'am," she said.
"Agent Jareau is fine," JJ said.
"Agent Jareau, your friend seems to be the somewhat stubborn type. I can sense that if she does feel pain, she won't say anything and she certainly won't come in to get it checked out," Dr Bonday.
"Dr. Agent Prentiss is a tough person, she believes she can take anything," JJ said.
"In any case, I believe it would be in her best interests if you kept an eye on her. Just looking for any signs of distress, and if there is, urge her to get it checked," Dr Bonday said.
"Absolutely," JJ agreed.
JJ waited patiently outside Emily's room, watching the activity around her, nurses, patients, doctors, family, all busy doing their own things. It was almost forty minutes later that the doctor returned.
"Sorry, I called to some other patients," she explained.
"That's fine," JJ said.
The two completed all the paperwork before making their way into Emily's room. JJ was pained to see that Emily was only just finishing getting dressed after forty five minutes had passed.
"Alright Agent Prentiss, you're cleared. Your friend here can escort you out," the doctor said.
JJ was utterly shocked when Emily just sunk into the wheelchair without out any complaints or arguing. Although she didn't say anything, JJ was intensely worried for her friend's health.
The entire trip to the hotel, JJ watched Emily like a hawk, watching for anything to show that Emily was feeling intense pain, but it was useless. Emily was talented at keeping a poker face, and she would never let on if she was in pain, instead, she just stared blankly out the window.
The rest of the team were worried, the complete vulnerability they had never seen before in Emily was scary. While the doctors and nurses kicked them all out, and JJ insisted that they return to the hotel to get some rest, none of them did. They were all lying awake on their beds, waiting until visiting hours, when they could go back and see Emily. Morgan was glad that JJ had remained with Emily, he knew someone would have to, and with JJ being the only other female on the team, it made perfect sense that she be the one to stay behind. Morgan rolled over and looked at the clock by his bed which read 5:13. Morgan sighed in frustration, he still had another three hours before they could leave to be at the hospital by 8:30 visiting hours. He was just about to have a shower and drive in early – screw the visiting hours, he thought – when he heard a knock at the door. He grabbed a t-shirt, hardly thinking it was appropriate to answer the door in just boxer shorts. Morgan flung open the door and was surprised to see JJ.
"JJ, what are you doing here? Is Emily ok?" he asked.
"Yeah she's fine, she was released from the hospital, but she's not allowed to fly for a week or so, so I have booked the two of us a hotel room until next week. The doctor told her to watch herself and if she feels any pain, she had to go back in, but well, you know," JJ said trailing of. Yes Morgan did know, Emily had always thought herself weak if she showed any signs of pain.
"Well, in that case, I should book myself a room until the end of the week as well," he said.
"I don't think Em will like that," JJ said.
"I don't care what she does and does not like, I'm her friend, and I'll be here," Morgan said.
"She'll hate knowing that you're using your time off to stay her with her," JJ reasoned.
"You're staying aren't you?" Morgan countered.
"Yes, I am," JJ agreed.
"Well then, I am too, she's my friend too," Morgan said.
"Look, I like that you're staying here. Emily's defense mechanism is snapping at everyone and closing up, if you stay, that means she'll yell at me half as much," JJ smiled.
Derek smiled with her, they both knew, from experience, that Emily's defense mechanism was snapping at people, and they had both copped it at one stage or another, and she was also well known for her shutting others out.
"Well, I best go tell the others, I left Emily alone in her room, and the doctor told me to keep an eye on her, and I can't do that when I'm gone," JJ said.
"Alright, thanks JJ," Morgan said. He didn't really know what he was thanking her for. Letting him stay behind with them? Letting him know that Emily was okay? Looking after his friend when he couldn't?
Derek Morgan shut his bedroom door and had a long hot shower, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get to sleep now.
When he got out and dressed, he saw his phone flashing on the bed. Checking the message, he saw that Hotch had requested everyone to be in his room in five minutes time.
Morgan brushed his teeth and put on his shoes before heading down the hallway to Hotch's hotel room.
When the door was opened, he saw that everyone was there, including Penelope on Skype, but Emily was missing.
"Good of you to greet us with your presence my chocolate god," Garcia voice came from the laptop.
"Alright, according to JJ, Prentiss is asleep, so she will not be missing our company. JJ has let me know that Prentiss is not allowed to fly for at least a week, and reviewing our options, I have found that we have two practible choices. JJ will stay behind with Prentiss until next week and they either rent a car or take a commercial flight home, neither of which are paid for by the bureau; or we can all take a week off, stay until next week and we take the jet home. What does everyone think?" Hotch said.
"If we go home do we just have to do paperwork until Prentiss and JJ are back?" Reid asked.
"Yes, a week is too short of a time to have to find a new team member and a media liaison," Hotch said.
"I vote option two," everyone immediately said.
"I thought you all might," Hotch said. "I have already extended everyone's stay until next Tuesday."
Emily woke up, again in confusion. She knew she had been to the hospital, and that JJ had been there. It took her some time to recognize the walls of the hotel room she had had for the case they worked on. Emily had no recollection of leaving the hospital or of arriving at the hotel. Emily wondered how on earth JJ could have gotten her into the car, out of the car and into her hotel room and into bed. Her head hurt too much to think about it. Emily just sat there staring into nothingness her head pounding and her entire body aching. She noticed she was still wearing the clothes from the previous day and she knew she smelled like sweat and hospital. She was desperate for a shower, but her energy levels had sunk to an all knew low. Seeing as no one was here, Emily decided on the easy option and let herself sink back into the bed and fall asleep.
When she woke next, Emily knew she was not alone. She could hear the TV without even opening her eyes. Emily groaned quietly, hoping she didn't wake whoever was in the room.
"Hey sleepy," Derek Morgan's voice said.
"What are you doing here?" Emily said exhausted and confused. Even not knowing how long she had been asleep, she was sure the others should have left for now.
"Well, JJ is your chaperone until you're better, but she really needed some sleep, so I volunteered to keep an eye on you," Morgan said.
"What?" Emily tiredly, almost too tired to argue. "What time is it? Shouldn't you be in Virginia by now? Or at least on the plane?" Emily asked.
"No way baby girl. Hotch got us all a week off until you're allowed to fly again," Derek told her. "It was either that or you and JJ had to rent a car or take a commercial flight home, not paid for by the FBI, and the rest of us saddled with paperwork till you two got back. It's safe to say how everyone voted," Derek Morgan added, a smile on his lips.
Emily wanted to argue, she really did, but she was too exhausted.
"Fine, well, I refuse to waste away in this room, I'm going to have a shower then go for a walk," she said.
"Fine, but I'm joining you on your walk," Derek called out, his attention back on the TV.
25 minutes later, Emily Prentiss and Derek Morgan were strolling around the hotel. Emily wanted to go down to the bar, but Morgan insisted that she had recently been pumped full of drugs, and adding alcohol to the mix wouldn't do any good. He also added that it would make her headache worse. Emily had been slightly fuming for at least ten minutes. Angry that JJ had told the entire team that she felt like shit. She knew that all of them were treating her like a paper doll, and she hated it.
The team spent dinner together, Emily had been up and about since 11:30 in that morning and although she was slowly succumbing to the pain she felt on the inside, she showed nothing but strength on the outside.
The BAU team chatted casually, and while Emily knew everyone was keeping a close eye on her, to see if she was eating, drinking, looking too pale and all the rest, no one brought up the subject at all. It made her pain that much easier to ignore.
It wasn't until 9:15 that everyone was heading off to their own hotel rooms the case they had finished the day before had been an exhausting one, they had all been awaked for 25 hours straight, and none of them had recovered from the sleep deprivation yet. Emily was still among them, after fighting off many protests hours ago about needing rest. She'd rest for eleven hours straight with no complaints. Of course, she'd been in a coma and hadn't been able to complain.
Emily was in a very light sleep, the headache and spasms of pain wracking through her body made it difficult to drop off entirely, and she didn't want JJ, who was sleeping in the next bed to be suspicious when she got up for some pain medication or a glass of water. Instead, Emily lay there, curled in a tight ball, trying to hold her body together, when the pain felt like it would shake her apart. It seemed like hours and hours before Emily was sure JJ was sound asleep and she let her first whimper escape her mouth.
JJ's maternal instincts kicked in. She was still half asleep but she could feel something was wrong. It was the same feeling she got when Henry was only just whimpering quietly, not loud enough for the baby monitor to pick up, yet JJ could sense when he was awake and restless. JJ came back to reality, her eyes still shut, but her ears were picking up a sound. JJ sat up quietly, not wanting to startle Emily, in case it was nothing. It took only a few seconds for JJ realize that it was Emily that woke her up. JJ could see the outline of her friend in the shadows. She was tightly curled in the foetal position, and the noise that had woken JJ were the whimpers and soft sobs of her friend.
"Emily?" she said softly.
Immediately Emily went quiet.
"Emily?" JJ repeated. "Are you alright?" she asked.
"I'm fine JJ," Emily said, not moving from her position.
"Emily, don't lie to me. What's wrong?" JJ asked.
"I'm fine JJ, go back to sleep," Emily argued pitifully with her.
"Emily, if you don't tell me what's wrong now, I'll go and get the rest of the team and then you'll have to tell everyone," JJ argued firmly.
"Fine," grumbled Emily. "Boy, you can be tough when you want to be," Emily whined to her friend.
"I have to be Em, I deal with the press, and a one and a half year old and a husband at home," JJ said smiling. "Now tell me what's wrong."
"It's nothing really, just some abdominal pain, I'm sure it will pass," Emily said shrugging. "We should just get back to sleep."
"To hell with that Em, we're going to the hospital. How long has this pain lasted?" JJ said, already changing into some clothes.
"Since I woke up, I just figured it was a really bad case of cramps, but it's just been getting worse," Emily admitted.
"What? Why didn't you say anything?" JJ said, half angrily.
"Because I figured, it gets more painful before it gets better, and that means it's healing," Emily halfheartedly argued.
"Come on Em, we're definitely going to the hospital now," JJ said determinedly.
"No JJ, I'm not wearing anything decent," Emily protested.
"Em, just chuck a jacket on, you're already wearing sweats. It's the hospital, not a fashion show," JJ said rolling her eyes.
"JJ, I'll be fine," Emily tried to argue, she was just too exhausted to have to walk all the way to the car.
"Do I have to threaten you with telling the team again?" JJ warned.
"Fine," Emily relented after a few seconds.
The two women made their way from their hotel room to the car, taking more than five minutes due to Emily's slow stiff movements.
With JJ's fast driving, they made it to the hospital in less than 10 minutes, and admitted in less than three when the nurses heard the words 'FBI agent' 'admitted earlier' and 'severe abdominal pain.'
Half an hour later Agents Prentiss and Jareau were hearing the verdict of Emily's conditions.
"Agent Prentiss, it seems as though your tumble down the flight of stairs has triggered a miscarriage, although at this stage, it is more appropriate to call it a stillbirth. You were 28 weeks pregnant, I'm so sorry for your loss ma'am," the doctor informed them.
"What?" Emily said shocked, sinking backwards into the pillow. "How is that possible? I've had my period for the last seven months, and I'm not showing at all," she said, completely shell shocked.
"Agent Prentiss, some women's periods do not stop altogether, and they experience some light bleeding at the time their normal menstrual cycle would be. As well as this, some women's stomachs do not show as much as others. Again, I'm sorry for your loss," the doctor explained.
Emily was in shock, barely listening to a word the doctor told her. But JJ on the other hand was listening intently. As she rubbed her friend's hand soothingly, she listened as the doctor told them that Emily was too far in the miscarriage to do anything else but allow it to pass naturally. JJ also listened as the doctor informed them that the process could take up to an additional six to 24 hours.
As the doctor excused himself, JJ looked over to her friend's stony, detached expression.
"Em, I'm so sorry," JJ said.
"I can't believe it," Emily said slowly. "I had no idea I was even pregnant."
"I know Em, it's alright," JJ tried to comfort her.
"I feel like such a failure," Emily admitted to her friend.
"Oh no Em, it's not your fault. Like the doctor said, this has happened to other women," JJ said.
Instead of arguing Emily just nodded at JJ, another contraction ripping through her body. On top of her headache, the pain was almost unbearable.
JJ immediately stood up from the chair beside Emily's hospital bed as Emily curled her body into a ball and her face contorted with the pain.
Just twenty seconds later, the pain subsided and Emily was breathing heavily.
The doctor returned then, this time holding paperwork.
"Emily, I have been informed by the nurses upstairs that there is a private labor room upstairs available, would you like to be moved?" The doctor asked.
"I'd appreciate that doctor," Emily said grateful that she didn't have to go through this ordeal with a large audience.
"Well I need you to sign this discharge sheet and this check-in sheet as well," The doctor told her. Emily signed them immediately and minutes later, a nurse was pushing her in a wheelchair towards her own private room, with JJ by her side.
The next four hours past painfully and monotonously. A contraction would hit and Emily would writhe in pain for an average of twenty seconds and then it would pass, and just as Emily was about to fall into a light slumber, a contraction would hit. Every half an hour or so JJ was ripped up from her slump in the chair as she hovered above Emily, not knowing what to do. Sometimes she would roll Emily over and knead her lower back, and sometimes she would dab at her forehead with a cool cloth, or she would just hold her hand and let Emily squeeze until she was sure it would fall off. But the whole time JJ was able to keep a calm voice and reassure Emily that the pain would be over soon.
JJ hated that her friend refused to take any sort of pain medication, and what frustrated her more was that Emily wouldn't tell her why. Instead, Emily was forcing her best friend to watch her in pain without being able to help at all.
Throughout the entire ordeal, Emily Prentiss had been able to keep her lips clamped shut and not let a sound escape her mouth, but the next contraction caught her off-guard and was twice as intense as the previous ones. Much to her dismay, Emily let out an almost guttural scream as the contraction hit her body. JJ jumped up in fright and placed one hand gently on her friend's forehead, the other in her hand and spoke to Emily, trying her best to comfort her.
It was that second that both JJ and Emily were shocked by a loud deep voice coming from down the hall.
"What the hell is going on here?" JJ looked up, but Emily was still fighting the pain of the contraction and didn't move. Derek Morgan was storming towards them from the entrance to the ward, his posture angry, but his eyes showed worry and concern.
"Morgan?" JJ said confused. Relaxing slightly as Emily did.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Emily said in a labored tone.
"I went to your room and when no one answered I kicked down the door. When I saw no one was there, I knew something was wrong and the only place you would be was here. So I got in the second car and hightailed it here. What's going on, I thought everything was fine?" he explained.
"We thought so too," JJ said.
"Emily's been experiencing cramps since she woke up, but she didn't say anything," JJ half glared at her friend. "They just kept getting worse, eventually she told me and I drove her here to check it out," JJ explained.
"So what is it? What's happened?" Derek Morgan asked.
JJ looked at Emily unsure as to whether Emily wanted anyone to know. Emily, too tired to care just nodded for JJ to continue.
"Emily's having a miscarriage. She was 28 weeks pregnant, and the fall down the stairs triggered her to miscarry," JJ said quietly.
"You were pregnant? Why didn't you tell anyone?" he inquired.
The emotions and pain she was feeling overwhelmed Emily at that moment and her eyes welled up with tears.
"I didn't know," she wailed.
"Emily, I'm so sorry," Derek said, utterly stunned to see his friend completely lose her usually calm demeanor like this.
The three friends talked quietly until another contraction hit. This was Derek's first contraction and for a moment he froze, but JJ was immediately out of her chair, rolling Emily over, methodically massaging her lower back until the pain passed. When it did, she rolled Emily onto her back again, while Emily tried to slow her breathing.
"Em, is there anything I can do?" Derek asked feeling utterly helpless.
"No, I'm fine, a couple of hours and this should be over," Emily said.
"Don't sugar coat it Prentiss," he snapped.
"Fine," Emily snapped back. "I'm thirsty and hot, can you get me some ice chips?" she asked.
"Sure, see? Was that so hard?" Derek asked her. Emily somehow found the energy to glare at him in return.
Derek set off in search for some ice chips while JJ began to talk to Emily, trying to distract her from the pain.
When Derek returned, a good fifteen minutes later, he was greeted by the sight of Emily's head drooping to the side and JJ slowing rubbing circles on her forearm.
"She's sleeping?" he asked quietly.
"No," came Emily's voice.
"She's so exhausted she can't keep her eyes open?" Derek asked incredulously. JJ nodded, confirming Derek's disbelief.
"Took you long enough," she said.
"The ice machine was broken, I had to travel a long way to find this," Derek said.
"Thanks," Emily said as she accepted the plastic cup. She immediately picked an ice chip and began sucking it.
Seconds past and Emily began to groan. Derek quickly grabbed the cup before it could fall and spill everywhere, while JJ began to massage her back as well as wipe her forehead.
As Emily let out a scream of agony, her left leg shot out in a spasm.
"What's wrong Em?" JJ asked.
"Cramp," she was able to utter. Derek rushed to the end of the bed, ripped away the bed sheets and began to massage out the cramp in Emily's leg. When both pains were gone and Emily was able to relax back into the bed Derek noticed the blood on a plastic sheet below Emily. He quickly placed the blanket back over her, as he noticed the doctor making his way towards them.
"Emily, how are we going?" he said. Emily Prentiss simply looked up at him, exhaustion written all over her face.
"We're moving along slowly," JJ said.
"How far apart are the contractions?" the doctor asked.
"They're still about twenty minutes apart," JJ explained.
"Well, it sounds like its moving along, just slowly. I'll come by to check on you soon," the doctor said.
"Wait doctor," Emily said breathlessly.
"Yes Emily?"
"I've been lying in the same position for hours. My body is stiff and sore, and my leg's started to cramp. Can I please walk around?" she almost begged.
"I think that might be a good idea, sometimes a walk can help, and it might help you get your mind off things," the doctor said. "I'll just call a nurse to help clean you up and get you a new gown. This means you two will have to leave for a few moments," he said gesturing to JJ and Morgan. They both left Emily's room as the doctor drew the curtains around her bed and the three nurses entered.
The two stood against a wall only ten feet away from the curtain enclosing Emily. Neither of her friends could bear to be any further away when she was in such a vulnerable state.
After fifteen minutes of waiting, they heard a cry from behind the curtain. JJ, remembering the birth of her son, felt so much heartache on Emily's behalf, knowing she was going through so much pain, and yet at the end of it, she wouldn't be able to go home with her child. The two heard the doctor and nurses coaching Emily through the pain, and Emily's heavy breathing as she tried to cope with it.
Eventually, not long after it had gone somewhat silent, the curtains drew back, and Emily was lying in a new hospital gown, blue this time as opposed to the green one before and the bed sheets had been changed as well.
"Emily, you're allowed to walk around the hospital for a while, but I think it's a good idea if you stay close. I also want you to sit down every now and again, you shouldn't tire yourself out too much, and if the contractions become closer than five minutes together, you must come back immediately and let me know, alright?" the doctor said.
"Yes doctor," Emily said.
"We'll make sure that she does what she's told," JJ said.
Emily gingerly slid out of bed, refusing the helping hand Derek offered, wanting to bring back at least a little dignity.
Derek Morgan was impressed with Emily's strength and effort. He had heard stories of childbirth, the pain and how hard it was, but the joy and happiness felt when holding the baby for the first time. To see Emily go through all of this, knowing that there would be no bundle of joy at the end must have been horrible. It pained Derek to know that Emily was in so much pain. So far, she had been relatively quiet, a sob once or twice, and a single scream. Derek stood on one side of Emily while JJ stood guard on the other. Both had an arm hovering behind Emily to catch her or hold her weight if a contraction should hit her while they were standing.
They walked around, Derek silently, listening to JJ ramble on about Henry, trying to keep Emily's mind occupied and away from the pain.
Not much time had passed when Emily froze completely, tucking her elbows in to her sides and her hands in front of her, as if bracing herself for something. Derek gripped Emily's upper arm, ready to hold her weight, while JJ did the same on the other side. Derek watched as he saw Emily's face scrunch up in pain, but she did not make a sound at all. Eventually, the contraction ended and Emily slowly began to hobble forwards again.
This same pattern repeated itself for over an hour and a half, the only variation being the slow decrease in time between each contraction. Over the hour the contractions had increased from every twenty minutes to every twelve or thirteen minutes.
"JJ what's wrong?" Emily suddenly asked.
"Nothing I'm fine," JJ said. "Besides, I should be the one asking you that," she added.
"Really? Nothing's wrong? Then those pained looks you have on your face every time we pass a bathroom is just nothing?" Emily snapped. "I may be in pain JJ, but it doesn't mean I'm blind. What's wrong?" Emily said in a no nonsense tone.
"I'm fine Em, really, I just need to go to the bathroom, but I can wait," JJ admitted.
"Wait for what?" Emily asked shortly. "Just go to the bathroom, Derek and I will wait here," she ordered. And JJ, not one to disobey the woman in pain and make her more stressed, did as she was told, but not before shooting Derek an you-better-keep-an-eye-on-her look. Not twenty seconds after JJ retreated into a bathroom, Emily suddenly yelped in pain. Derek more accustomed now, quickly stood behind Emily, elbows bent and arms at her sides. She immediately grasped his hands and squeezed so hard Derek thought that she could have broken them. Even though Derek was unable to see her face, he knew Emily was in more pain than she had been in any previous contractions. The continuous scream of agony Emily emitted broke Derek's heart. This contraction seemed to last a lot longer than the others had, and this drained almost all of Emily's energy. As the contraction ended, she sunk against Derek's body, allowing him to hold all her weight. Under any other circumstances, either one of them would have made some joke, but not one of them made a sound. Emily exhausted and too tired and sore to care, and Derek, just happy that his friend was finally letting go of her pride and listening to her exhausted body.
It didn't take Emily long to catch her breath and gather some energy and she walked over to the chairs by the bathroom.
Even though Emily had only been seven months pregnant as opposed to nine, she did not have a large stomach, and while most women were showing at this stage, Emily was only barely showing, and it had fooled her into thinking it was just the normal bloating. Nevertheless, Emily's body was so sore and tired that Emily had just as much trouble sitting down into the chair as a woman who was 40 weeks pregnant would. It was no more than thirty seconds after Emily had sat down, that JJ emerged from the bathroom. Emily groaned as she realized she would have to exert more effort to get out of the chair. Within moments, Derek was by her side and had helped her out of the chair.
"I could've done it myself," Emily snapped at him.
"Sorry, sorry," Derek said immediately, not wanting Emily's condition to worsen. JJ looked at Derek apologetically, silently apologizing on her friend's behalf for her short temper. Derek didn't need the apology though, he felt Emily had every reason in the world to be short tempered at the present time.
"Should we make our way back to the ward Em?" JJ asked calmly.
"Not yet, I don't want to see the same three walls more than I have to," Emily said.
"Alright then," JJ agreed.
The three of them set off down the corridor, walking around the hospital in circle as they had been. Derek checked the large clock suspended from the ceiling ahead of them. The clock read 4:54. JJ had told Derek that they had arrived at the hospital at 10:40, and Derek quickly calculated that they had been here for over six hours.
Emily walked on and on with Derek and JJ at her sides. Sometimes she felt like crying, sometimes, she appreciated that they were here for her, but most of the time she felt like yelling at them to give her some space. These emotions came and went within seconds of each other and barely lasted five minutes at a time. The hormones, mood swings and exhaustion Emily felt was immensely frustrating. After JJ went to the bathroom, they walked around for another 25 minutes when they realized the contractions had rapidly increased from twelve or thirteen minutes down to six minutes.
"Em, we're going back to the ward alright," JJ said firmly. Emily was exhausted, and had been forcing herself to walk around for the last forty minutes in the hopes than this exercise would quicken the process. Evidently, it had done the job.
"Alright," she agreed quickly.
Within five minutes they were back in the ward and Derek had hurried off to find the doctor.
"Oh God," Emily heard herself scream. This contraction lasted slightly longer than the others had, and Emily knew in her heart that this was almost over. Derek Morgan and the doctor appeared then and instead of turning her head in the direction of the doctor as he was speaking, Emily let her head loll to the side, as she closed her eyes.
"Emily if the contractions are six minutes apart now, I estimate that you have around forty minutes left until this is all over and you can rest,"
"Okay, thank you doctor," Emily said.
I'll check on you every ten minutes or so now," the doctor told them before leaving.
Emily wished the doctor hadn't told her how long she had left. Every ten seconds she would glance at the clock in front of her, guiltily wishing time to pass faster. She hated the pain, yet she knew it was the only way to feel her child, the child that she had failed to protect.
The next forty minutes passed excruciatingly slowly. Not only were the contraction getting closer together, leaving Emily less time to prepare for the next one, they were also increasing in length and double in pain.
The agonizing contractions were now thirty seconds apart and Emily stomach suddenly dropped.
"Urgghh not now," she said in frustration.
"What? What's wrong Em?" JJ asked.
"I need to go to the bathroom," Emily said as she began to lift herself out of the bed.
"No, no Em, that's the baby,"
"Yeah, I don't think it is," Emily argued.
"Emily, I've done this before, it's the baby pushing, it's time sweetie," JJ assured Emily.
"Really?" Emily asked.
"Really, really," JJ confirmed as she pressed the button above Emily's head, which summoned the doctor.
Emily screamed in agony as she felt another contraction seize her body. JJ held her hand, while Derek was on her other side, calmly wiping a damp cloth over Emily's face. Eventually the pain subsided and Emily was able to control her breathing a little easier, getting herself ready to brace the next contraction.
"What's wrong?" the doctor asked immediately.
"I think it's almost time," JJ said.
"Alright then," the doctor said and sat on the chair at the foot of Emily's bed.
Seconds later the doctor confirmed what JJ had told her.
"It's time Emily. Now, there isn't much room to work with here, so I am going to have to ask that at least one of you to leave the room for a few minutes please," the doctor asked.
That absolutely terrified Emily for reasons unknown to her. She desperately wanted at least one of her friends to stay. Emily wasn't sure if she had the strength to do this alone.
Morgan must have seen the terror and desperation on Emily's face because he immediately opted to leave the room. Or maybe he was just slightly squeamish. Whatever the reason Emily was glad that JJ was staying with her.
"I'll go," Derek said, "you stay with her JJ," he said, and he left the room with one last look of encouragement at Emily.
"Alright Emily, with this next contraction, I'm going to ask you to push, can you do that for me?" the doctor asked.
"Yes," Emily replied wanting to just get it over with. At that second a contraction hit and Emily pushed with all her might.
"That's the way come on Em, you're doing such a great job," JJ's voice said from somewhere in the room. "Come on Em, push."
"Ahhh," Emily heard herself scream, in pain and frustration.
"Alright Emily, you have around 15 seconds until the next contraction," the doctor warned her.
"What?" Emily said in fright.
"Em, it's almost over, don't give up now, I know you can do it," JJ's reassuring voice said.
Another contraction hit and Emily conjured up what little energy she had left and pushed as hard as she could.
"Emily, I'm going to need you to try harder nothing's happening," the doctor said.
"But I'm pushing, I'm trying so hard, and it hurts and I'm tired," Emily burst into tears.
"Emily, just one more big push with this next contraction, and the rest will be easy, I promise," the doctor said.
"Emily, come on, please don't give up. I know you can do this, just do this for me, please Em, it will be so much worse if you give up now," JJ said.
In her heart Emily knew JJ was right, so when her next contraction hit, Emily pushed as hard as she possibly could, somehow harder than before, and twenty seconds later the doctor said. "It's over."
JJ watched her friend on the bed. Derek Morgan had just left the room, hence leaving it up to JJ to help Emily through the hardest part of this whole process. JJ didn't mind though, she saw how much Emily needed the support. Hell she knew that anyone in this position needed the support. When it had been JJ, she'd had Will, and now it was her turn to help someone.
That second, Emily emitted a scream of pain and her face scrunched up in agony.
"That's the way come on Em, you're doing such a great job," JJ encouraged. "Come on Em, push."
As the contraction ended, Emily let out another scream, this time; JJ heard the frustration evident in it and felt her friend was close to giving up. In the bottom of her heart, JJ didn't blame her. Going through the delivery of a stillborn was torture, but JJ also knew that this would be ten times worse if Emily did give up.
"Em, it's almost over, don't give up now, I know you can do it," JJ tried to reassure Emily, attempting to subside the fear her friend felt.
With the next contraction, Emily's whole upper body was shaking with the force Emily was pushing with.
"Emily, I'm going to need you to try harder nothing's happening," the doctor said.
This worried JJ quite a bit, if nothing was happening at this stage, it could mean they were in for a long delivery. As the contraction ended, Emily found the breath to say,
"But I'm pushing, I'm trying so hard, and it hurts and I'm tired." With that, she burst into tears.
JJ's heart broke in two with the sight of her usually strong friend giving up.
"Emily, come on, please don't give up. I know you can do this, just do this for me, please Em, it will be so much worse if you give up now," JJ said as a last attempt to convince Emily to keep going.
JJ words must have worked because after the next contraction, the doctor uttered the words that they had been waiting for all night. "It's over."
JJ watched as her friend slumped back into the bed, eyes shut, but tears pouring steadily down her cheeks.
"Em, it's over, you did it," JJ said.
JJ watched as Emily opened her eyes and stared dejectedly at her friend.
"Emily, would you like to hold your daughter?" a pink bundle ready in the doctor hands.
"It's a girl?" Emily sobbed.
"That's right," the doctor said. JJ knew that mothers who gave birth to stillborns, or miscarried at a late stage, like Emily, were encouraged to hold the baby, name the baby and even have a proper funeral.
Emily reached out for her daughter and held her close to her chest.
JJ leaned in close to Emily and looked at the baby she held in her arms. Admittedly, she was surprised to see that the baby Emily held actually looked like a baby. The child Emily held in her arms was incredibly smaller than Henry had been at birth. JJ estimated that the baby was about 9 ounces and six inches long. Despite the tininess of the child Emily had, it really did look like a child; ten fingers, ten toes, a nose, mouth ears and eyes. Like another other newborn.
JJ noticed that the flow of tears form Emily had not stopped as she was looking down on her daughter. It was then that she decided to give her friend some privacy.
"Em, I'll go wait outside for a bit, I'll give you a moment alone alright," JJ said as she stood up.
"No, please, don't go. I don't want to be alone," Emily said. JJ heard the obvious terror in her friend's voice.
"Alright, I'll stay, do you want me to call Morgan in, or should I tell him to wait a little longer?" JJ asked her friend cautiously.
"You can let him in, I don't mind," Emily said. "He should be able to see what's kept him awake all night," Emily said. JJ smiled, glad that her friend's sense of humor was returning and she glided to the door of Emily's room. The second she opened the door, JJ saw Derek Morgan's head fly up from look at the ground and she beckoned him over. Immediately he threw himself out of the chair and almost sprinted to Emily's room.
He slowed as he approached and walked in calmly, so as not to startle Emily.
JJ sat in the chair beside Emily as she had all night and watched as Derek stared at the bundle Emily held to her chest.
"Emily," he said quietly. JJ watched Emily look up from her daughter for the first time since the doctor hand handed her to her. "Emily I'm proud of you," he said simply. Emily's eyes welled with tears again, and JJ knew that Derek Morgan understood that that was a 'thank you'.
"So it's a girl?" he guessed.
Emily just nodded in response.
Over the next five minutes, the doctor came in and explained what would happen next. JJ listened too, knowing that Emily probably would not take everything in right now and would need to have it all repeated later. The one thing she did pick up on was the fact that she would be able to name her baby.
"I can name her?" she asked.
"I would recommend it. It has been proven to be a therapeutic technique in coping with the loss of the baby," the doctor said. "And on that note…" the doctor then went on about coping with the loss of the baby and JJ accepted the pamphlets and sheets she was offered. She flicked through and saw they were all about coping with the loss, postnatal depression and so on. JJ noticed the doctor was now talking about seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. JJ was just about to stop the doctor when Emily's head snapped up and looked the doctor firmly in the eye.
"I'm fine, I don't need help. I don't need to see a psychologist," she snapped.
The doctor immediately sensed that this was an issue better left alone and continued on to something else.
"Emily, we have a crematorium service here at the hospital, but if that doesn't suit you, we can arrange to have a funeral parlor come by and you can have your daughter buried. Either way, the choice is up to you," the doctor explained.
"Can I have some time to think?" Emily asked.
"Absolutely, I'll be back in an hour or so," the doctor said. With that, the three friends were left alone again. It was silent for a few seconds before Emily broke the silence.
"I can't believe I get to name her. I never even considered it," she said.
"I have heard about that. Parents are encouraged to name their stillborn children as a way to cope with the loss. Are you going to name your daughter?" JJ asked.
"I want to, but I'm not sure what I want to name her," Emily admitted.
"It's alright, you don't have to come up with a name right now," JJ assured her.
Again the three fell into a comfortable silence that lasted twenty minutes, when JJ suddenly realized that Emily had fallen asleep. She leaned forward and pressed the alarm that signaled a light outside. Seconds later two nurses appeared in the room.
"She's fallen asleep, are you able to take the baby?" JJ asked quietly.
"Absolutely," one of the nurses said. A few moments later, the nurse had carted Emily's daughter off in a small crib and left them in peace again. The other nurse however was hooking Emily up to a bag of liquid, she inserted a needle into Emily's hand and attached a small tube to the bag, that was held on a moveable pole.
"What is that?" Derek asked immediately.
"It's just something to help her hydration levels, at the moment she's severely dehydrated," the nurse assured both Derek and JJ. She too left the room eventually, and the two agents were left to think quietly.
"How do you think she's going to cope with this?" Derek asked.
"I don't know," JJ said truthfully, and the two drifted into comfortable silence again.
Emily awoke forty minutes later, still looking exhausted. JJ and Derek had a hard time calming her down when she realized she wasn't holding her daughter anymore.
"Em, calm down, the nurse took her away when you feel asleep, it's alright," JJ said.
"But I never got to say goodbye," Emily said, her bottom lip quivering, and JJ new that Emily was fighting hard not to let the tears spill over onto her cheeks.
"I'll talk to the doctors, I'm sure they'll let you hold her again," JJ said, not completely certain of her answer, but wanting Emily to calm down before she began to hyperventilate.
"Okay, Thanks JJ," Emily said gratefully.
JJ stood up and left the room to find a nurse or a doctor.
Derek Morgan was sitting quietly on the chair next to Emily's bed, farthest away from the door. He watched as Emily hugged her dead child. He watched as she listened to the doctor talk about burying her daughter. He watched as Emily tried to fight the emotional pain she was in. He watched as she slowly drifted off to sleep. He watched the nurse take Emily's daughter away from her and he watched as Emily panicked as she awoke and realized she no longer had her daughter.
JJ left the room and Emily stared after her.
"Em," Derek said quietly, so as not to startle her. He stood up and sat on Emily's bed by her knees. Picking up her hand he said, "Emily, I want you to know that I am extremely proud of you. I cannot even begin to comprehend the emotional pain you are dealing with right now. I want you to know that I admire you so much for going through what you did, and still remaining strong. I admire your courage and strength. I want you to know that I'll be here for you, for as long as you need, and longer. Don't forget that okay baby doll," Derek Morgan said to Emily as he stared deep into her eyes. He was startled when Emily began to cry. Worried that he had somehow hurt her feelings, he backed away a little to his chair, instead Emily just choked out one word. "Thank you."
Five minutes later Emily's sobs had subsided and JJ entered the room.
"A nurse will bring her back in a few minutes, okay?" JJ told Emily.
Emily just nodded; the relief evident all over her face.
Eventually a young nurse did come by the room with Emily's baby and Emily's face all but lit up when she had her daughter in her arms again.
When the doctor returned not much later, Derek noticed that Emily's arms tightened slightly around her daughter.
"Emily, I would like to let you know that another therapeutic technique that we offer here at the hospital is allowing the parents to bath their child, and dressing their child in the clothes they have picked out, would you like to bath your daughter?" the doctor said kindly. Derek Morgan had no idea how that would help parents with the loss of the child, but he kept that opinion to himself.
"Yes please," Emily said nodding.
"Alright, I'll have a nurse bring the equipment in, it should just be a few moments," the doctor said before leaving.
When a nurse entered the room with a small bathtub on wheels, a bottle of baby wash, and a small towel, Emily felt the nerves twisting her stomach. She had no idea what to do here, and even though her daughter wasn't alive, she still felt the need to take care of her.
The nurse set the bath up next to Emily's bed, so she was able to sit down instead of stand.
After showing Emily what to do and how to hold her baby, the nurse began to leave. "I'll give you all a few minutes alone," the nurse said quietly, smiling at Emily.
As Emily was gently bathing her tiny daughter, JJ's phone rang shrilly, giving everyone in the room a shock.
"It's Hotch," JJ said as she looked at the caller id on the screen.
Emily looked at the round clock on the wall in front of her. It was past seven, she hadn't realized that they had been here so long.
"What should I tell him Em," JJ asked her.
"I don't know, I don't really want everyone to know," Emily replied, not taking her eyes off of her daughter.
"Em, you can't just go back to work as if nothing's happened, this is a big thing to deal with, you can't expect that this will just go away," Morgan said to her.
Emily sighed, "I guess. But I want to tell him myself, JJ, don't tell him over the phone," Emily said.
She had her own reasons for wanting to tell Hotch herself. She didn't want her boss to think she was in so much pain she was hiding behind her friends.
"Em, he's going to want to know where we are, what do you want me to tell him?" JJ asked hurriedly, the phone was going to ring out soon.
"Tell him the truth," Emily sighed, still washing her daughter's tiny body as gently as she could.
Emily heard JJ answer the phone behind her.
"Hey Hotch," JJ said.
There was a pause as JJ listened to Hotch.
"We're at the hospital, there were, uh, some complications," JJ said.
"She's fine, coping," JJ said.
Another pause, "I'm thinking we'll be here for a while."
"Just go to the general reception and they'll direct you to where we are, and Hotch, Morgan's with us," JJ added.
"Alright, soon, bye," JJ ended the phone call.
"What did he say?" Morgan asked JJ.
"He'll wake up Rossi and Reid, and they'll be over here as soon as they can," JJ told both him and Emily.
"Are you alright with this?" JJ asked Emily directly.
"Do I really have a choice, chances are, they'll all find out sooner or later," Emily said. Even she could hear how dead her voice sounded.
"Well, we'll be her for you," Derek said.
"We both will," JJ added. Emily felt so grateful, but she didn't say anything, she was too overcome with the love and hatred course through her. The love she felt for her daughter, and the hatred she felt towards herself, for not protecting her daughter as she should have.
When the nurse came back into the room, Emily realized she had been bathing her daughter for more than twenty minutes.
"Agent Prentiss, are you ready to dry her off and get her dressed?" The nurse asked calmly.
"Yes, but I don't have any clothes for her," she said frantically.
"It's alright, we have many clothes donated by families and nurses, if you'd like, I can take you down to pick out an outfit for your daughter?" the nurse said quickly, trying to keep Emily as calm as she could.
"Yes, thank you," Emily said immediately relieved.
"Alright, would you like me to wrap your daughter in the blanket or can you do it?" the nurse asked cautiously.
"Um, I think I can manage," Emily said hesitantly. She knew that she was probably the worst woman this nurse had ever met, first not knowing she was pregnant, unknowingly killing her child, and then not knowing how to even wrap her securely.
"Good, you did a wonderful job," the nurse said kindly. "I'm just going to ask you to get into the wheelchair to move downstairs to the storage room where we keep the clothes.
"I don't need a wheelchair," Emily said stubbornly, already edging out of the bed. As her feet hit the floor and she stood straight, her entire body screamed in the agony of just delivering a child, the fall down the stairs two days previously, and the raging headache she still sported, that flared with every movement. Emily had almost forgotten all the pain she was in as she held her daughter. The pain was so unbearable that she didn't argue for a second time when the nurse insisted, and she sunk into the chair, her daughter still clutched in her arms.
Morgan took control of Emily's chair, and wheeled it behind the nurse, JJ walking at her side, wheeling the IV that was attached to Emily.
They made it down to the room where clothes were kept and Emily gasped when she saw all the tiny clothes.
"Now Agent Prentiss, as you're daughter was so premature, it is likely that she won't fit into any of the clothes, but these ones here," the nurse indicated towards a number of shelves. "Shouldn't be too big, there is a table over her for you to change her on and I'll be back for you in about 15 minutes," the nurse said, leaving the three agents, staring at all the tiny clothing.
"What colour would you prefer Em?" JJ asked.
"Emily looked down at her small daughter and took a few moments deciding. She hated the colour pink, so that was out. White was too boring, and she didn't think blue would work. Looking at the clothes, she saw that there was the choice of yellow, pale green and lilac still available. Another glance at her daughter in her arms and Emily had decided.
"Yellow," she said.
JJ gathered all the yellow clothes and there was a nice pile to choose from.
With a lot of internal debate, Emily narrowed it down to a fleece footed onsie and a dress and legging ensemble.
"Which one do you think?" she asked.
"It's up to you Em," JJ said.
"Well, the dress is cute, but the onsie would make her look like she's just asleep," Emily countered.
"They're both good choices," Morgan said.
After more debating Emily finally made her decision.
"I want the onsie," she said firmly.
"Alright, that's a good choice," Morgan said.
Emily dressed her daughter, and as she was fastening the last button, the nurse entered the room.
When she saw the outfit Emily had chosen, she smiled.
"I think your daughter looks absolutely lovely," she said.
Emily smiled, but was unable to say anything, the emotions and hormones were overwhelming.
Morgan wheeled Emily out of the room, JJ close with the IV.
When they entered Emily's room again, they were greeted by Hotch, Rossi and Reid.
Emily froze in the wheel chair, she wasn't nearly ready to confront the questions her other teammates were surely going to ask.
The nurse took Emily's daughter off of her so Emily could get back into the bed. As soon as she was, and JJ had fixed the sheets over her, Emily outstretched her arms towards the nurse, afraid she would take her daughter away from her.
"Guys, I think Emily's a little overwhelmed, maybe we should do this one by one," Morgan suggested.
"Hotch you stay, Reid and I will wait outside," Rossi said immediately.
"I'll go too," Morgan said.
Emily watched as the three of them left the room, leaving JJ and Hotch. JJ was sitting in the same spot as she had been all night, while her boss stood awkwardly at the end of her bed.
"Prentiss are you able to fill me in?" Her unit chief asked.
"Hotch; when Farsch knocked me out and I fell down the staircase, it triggered a miscarriage, or stillbirth. I was 28 weeks pregnant," Emily said.
Hotch stood still his usual stoic expression in place and Emily was unable to figure out what he was thinking.
"Prentiss, I am so sorry for your loss. This experience deserves some time off; I want you to take as much time as you need, I can handle Strauss and your position at the BAU will not be jeopardized," he said eventually.
"Thank you sir," Emily said.
"Shall I let one of the others in?" he asked as he turned to leave.
Emily nodded, but Hotch paused for a moment.
"Why didn't you tell anyone you were pregnant?" he asked.
This was the question Emily had been expecting, and it was also the question she felt most guilty about answering.
"I didn't know," she mumbled, head bowed, so her boss couldn't see her bright red cheeks and watery eyes.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," Hotch said again as he left the room.
"Em, no one's going to judge you. I'm sure this has happened to other women before," JJ tried to assure her friend.
"Yeah, but those other women probably aren't agents who put their lives in danger everyday," Emily said bitterly.
Rossi walked in then and he smiled at Prentiss.
"How are you doing kid?" he asked.
"I'm fine," Emily said offhandedly.
Emily made her way through three more explanations, first to Rossi, then Reid and then Garcia, over the phone. Apparently she had called while Emily was talking to Hotch and demanded to know what was going on.
It was just after 8:30 and the entire team was still in Emily's room. Even though the nurses had wrapped the baby in an insulated blanket designed to keep bodies cold, the doctor had come by, letting Emily know that it would be best if she let her daughter go to the funeral parlor as soon as possible. Emily glanced at the clock and she realized she only had another five minutes or so left with her daughter. She cleared her throat and everyone in the room stopped talking and turned to look at her.
Everyone in the room knew that Emily was the type of person who prided themselves on their ability to compartmentalize, and hold themselves together so no one spoke, instead waiting for Emily to initiate the conversation.
"I'd just like to let you all know that I've decided to name her," she said.
"That's great Emily, so you decided on a name?" JJ said softly, reaching out and grasping her friend's hand.
"I've decided to name her," Emily choked on the rest of the sentence. "I've decided to name her Jennifer Morgan," she said.
"Are you sure?" Morgan said.
"What, Morgan's a girls name," Emily said defensively.
"No I mean, are you sure you want to name your daughter after me?" he said incredulously.
At that point, Hotch ordered Reid and Rossi out of the room, giving the other three a little privacy.
"Morgan, if you and JJ hadn't been here with me tonight, I wouldn't have been able to do it," Emily said. "I owe you both my sanity and my life," Emily said, tears now free falling down her cheeks. "I don't know what to do know," Emily confided in her two friends.
Emily could see in her friend's eyes that they were deeply concerned for their usually stubborn and strong willed friend who was literally falling apart before them.
"Emily, I know for a fact that the loss you've suffered today is an extremely difficult thing to deal and live with. I know that losing your daughter is no where near a minimal loss, but I also know you. I know that you are resilient and strong and that you can make it through this. But I also want you to know this and never, ever forget it. You. Are. Not. Alone. You have six people that care deeply for you and will be with you every step of the way. I want you to know that you do not have to deal with this alone. Anyone of us a just a phone call away. Please, please don't forget that," Derek Morgan said, leaning forward and looking directly into Emily's eyes.
"Thank you," Emily said. A new wave of tears spilling over as she saw the nurse at the door, ready to take her baby away.
"Goodbye Jennifer Morgan. I love you so much," Emily said as she placed her daughter gently in the small cot.
With JJ holding her left hand, and Derek holding her right, Emily felt that, even though this was the worst day of her life, and she had suffered a major loss, she knew deep in her heart, like Morgan had said. She wasn't alone.
Please review, it means the world to me if you do :)