Counsel

Part 1 of...1

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Middle-Earth, or anything Tolkien or Peter Jackson or anyone else created. I also refuse to take responsibility for the stupidity of this story, and instead will blame it on...teachers.

Warning: This is AU. It will indeed included randomness, stupid stuff, stuff that I think is funny but really isn't, bad writing, manipulation of Tolkien's world, and other ridiculous stuff.

The Council of Elrond

Elrond smiled triumphantly at the group of people surrounding him. Erestor glared back. No one else bothered to make eye contact. Aragorn scraped the bottom of his boot along the ground with a bored look on his face.

"Frodo shall take the ring", the Lord of Rivendell decided.

Frodo looked suddenly miserable. Most people looked up.

"With him shall go eight others, one to represent each of the nine Nazgûl, and each shall be a representative of the free peoples of Middle Earth", he continued cheerfully.

("I didn't know there were nine groups of free people in Middle Earth", muttered Gloìn under his breath).

Something like a snore came from Bilbo's general direction, which Elrond ignored.

"Frodo shall, of course, represent the Halflings", he said, " And I believe Aragorn son of Arathorn will represent the race of Men, if he is willing".

Aragorn looked up from studying the floor pattern, "Of course I will", he said quickly, "I promised to help Frodo in any way I can"

Boromir coughed loudly. As far as his mind could tell the ring didn't seem to be coming to Gondor.

"I think we can count on Gandalf Greyhame to fill the quota as our Maia" continued Elrond with a sideways glance at the Wizard, whose eyes were glinting, though his face hid any sign of emotion.

"Aye", said Gimli, standing up, "And I shall come to represent the dwarves, if I may"

Gloìn looked rather horrified, but said nothing.

"And I for the elves", said Galdor, seeing his chance and taking it quickly. He attempted to stand up in his spot, but ended up getting his foot caught in part of his cloak.

Elrond swore quietly. He had been hoping Glorfindel would've stepped in and offered to go.

"Well, what about the other races?", asked Erestor dully, "We have five people, what of the other four?"

"You guys need a Valar" said Bilbo sleepily. He pushed himself up in his chair, "And, perhaps, an Ent, or some other tall and powerful creature"

"The other two shall be Tom Bombadil, and an Eagle!" exclaimed Frodo promptly, rather excited by all the commotion.

And so the Council of Elrond ended...for the most part

Arrangements were immediately set for Elladan and Elrohir (who had been detained and locked in a room with Merry, Pippin, and Sam during the Council of Elrond) to travel to Fangorn Forest to find Quickbeam. Meanwhile Gandalf, after being asked politely by Elrond 43 times to go find an eagle, had set off mumbling something or other to himself about moths and incompetent movie producers.

Glorfindel lead a group of elves, (containing a rather grumpy Legolas and an Aragorn) back towards the Chetwood to seek out Tom Bombadil.

Galdor spent most of his time running around screaming and singing and bumping into things.

The hobbits planned their pitiful good-byes.

Boromir planned out ways to convince Aragorn that he should join the Fellowship. He also wrote 4 essays about why the ring should go to Gondor.

Elrond attempted to contact his father in attempt to contact a Valar. He was having little success.

Eventually Elrond's sons returned with Bregalad. Gandalf had managed to convince Gwaihir to come and visit, and Elrond had somehow managed to get Lòrien* to come to Middle Earth (how, exactly, he managed this feat, I doubt anyone will ever know).

Glorfindel returned with Tom Bombadil and Legolas had broken his leg from falling off his horse.

Aragorn had fallen off a cliff.

The Fellowship made ready to depart.

It was at this point that Lord Elrond realized he had not left space for himself. He was toying with the idea of becoming a tenth walker, when some psycho fangirl randomly showed up in the Dining Hall and attacked Legolas.

Elrond decided to stay home after all.

The end. For now.

*Lòrien is the Vala (a kinda Middle-Earth god) of sleeping. He sleeps. And stuff. Yeah.