Lost and Found
The moving boxes were still being emptied. The new house wasn't quite organized, there was still a mess of random objects that my new family and I hadn't been able to put away yet stacked by the wall. Still I couldn't help thinking that my husband, young stepson and I needed a break from the stress of moving, and a chance to get to know the new neighborhood.
And wouldn't you know it, there was a Spring festival that weekend.
It didn't work out the way I had anticipated it though. For one thing, all our festival clothes were still in the boxes. Then there was the fact that my husband Kousei was called in to work as soon as the three of us had reached the outskirts of the festival.
"I'm sorry, Satomi. I have to take this...Kawasagi and Suzuki both called in sick, and they're getting overwhelmed at the firm." Kousei flipped his cell phone shut. "I'll make it up for you next weekend, all right? Have fun."
And he kissed me on the cheek, ruffled Kouji's hair and was gone, leaving me with my nine-year-old stepson. "Fun" wasn't the right word for it...No, that wasn't nice. It wasn't that Kouji was a bad kid, quite the contrary. It was that Kouji was very...I bit my lip awkwardly looking down at the sullen son of the man I had married. Independent, that would be a good word for him. He never interacted with me unless Kousei forced him to, and in the three years I had known him I had never seen him play with other kids.
And here Kouji was, glaring up at me with irritation clear in his blue eyes. Was it because of being alone with me? I wondered. Or was it because his father had left so quickly?
"Well, we're here...We might as well make the best of it. What do you want to do, Kouji?"
The glare never wavered. "I want to go home."
I stiffened at the tone of his voice. It wasn't precisely angry, just blunt to the point of being rude. Trying to relax a bit, I tried again.
"Kouji, isn't there something you want to do here? Maybe we can try some of the games...
"I'm fine, S...Mom."
There was the resentment again. Like he was being forced to call me Mom instead of Satomi. I had a feeling that Kousei was behind it. I mentally made a note to tell Kousei to stop it. Honestly, I wasn't Kouji's mother. How could I fill the shoes of a woman who had died when Kouji was only two?
"Well, there must be something you'd like. How about we wander around and see what's there, then we can go home."
He thought about it for a moment. "Okay...But, I don't think we'll find anything."
The festival was crowded, the streets packed with people going one way or the other, occasionally stopping at the booths that lined the way. I had a hard time keeping track of Kouji in all that, and at one point was tempted to grab his hand or even a shoulder to keep better track of my stepson. The only reason I didn't was because Kouji didn't like being touched all that much, and the last time I'd tried taking his hand he'd blown up at me for it. All I could do was keep an eye on that mop of dark hair as it ducked and darted through the crowd.
It only took an instant. I had to wait a moment for a couple of teenage boys to get by me, and Kouji was gone. My heart skipped a beat.
"Kouji! Where are you! Kouji!"
The deafening roar of the crowd drowned out any sound I might have heard from my stepson. I tried not to panic. Kouji might be young, but he was a sensible boy. He would probably turn up either at the festival's lost and found or even at home.
But, where was the lost and found? I had no idea. I had only just moved to the neighborhood two days ago. No, I couldn't fall apart now. Kouji needed me. Taking things one step at a time, I walked along the line of stalls desperately scanning the crowd trying to find Kouji.
I saw the top of his head behind one of the food stalls, talking to the man behind the counter. I quickened my pace, trying to get around the stall.
"Kouji!"
He turned and looked at me...
It wasn't Kouji.
The boy could have been his twin though. Same face, same blue eyes. The hair was shorter, however. Kouji's hair was almost long enough that he could tie it back, although he had point-blank refused any of my offers to cut his hair. This boy's hair barely went past his ears. The clothes were different, too. A festival-style yutaka, instead of the white shirt and shorts Kouji had been wearing. The eyes were also rimmed with unshed tears, something that I had never seen on Kouji.
"Oh...I'm sorry." I tried to hide my disappointment. "I thought you were someone else."
"That's okay," he said in a soft voice. "So did I."
He ducked out from the stall.
"Maybe the person you're looking for went to the lost and found?"
"He might have...I don't know where it is, though." Come to think of it, neither did Kouji. I had to do something though...
"I can show you. I was just going there." He sniffed a little and wiped his eyes.
"Did you lose something?"
"Yeah, my Grandma. I was trying to stay close to her, But, then I saw some jugglers...I stayed to watch them. I thought my Grandma was right behind me, but she wasn't." His voice caught on a small sob. "So I tried looking for her. I couldn't find her, so I was just gonna go to the lost and found and see if she was there."
"Well, maybe we'll both find who we're looking for there. What's your name, anyways?"
"Kouichi...Kouichi Kimura."
I felt some odd fireworks going off in my stomach. It was such a similar name to Kouji's. And the two boys looked so much alike. It couldn't be a coincidence. They had to be related, on Kouji's mother's side most likely. Kousei had no near relatives. I didn't know anything about his mother's family, but it was a good guess that he was Kouji's cousin. Maybe I could ask Kouichi's grandmother when we found her.
"It's nice to meet you, Kouichi. My name's Satomi Minamoto."
He nodded, and reached up a slightly damp hand to hold mine. I felt another strange jolt in my stomach. Kouji had never done that to me. Not willingly, at least. It was funny, the boy I thought of as my son never offered a hand to me unless he had to. The strange boy who I'd only met a minute before offered his hand without hesitation...
"Who are you looking for, Satomi?"
"My stepson, his name's Kouji. I think you might be related to him, he looks a lot like you. He even looks about the same age. He was walking ahead of me, and I had to let some people pass by...Then I couldn't find him. I feel so awful for letting him out of my sight. I know he's not a baby and that he doesn't need me to watch him all the time, but we just moved to this area a couple of days ago and none of us knows this area well yet, so I'm worried about him."
"You'll find him."
I found myself looking down at Kouichi's determined eyes.
"I know you will," Kouichi squeezed my hand gently. "He'll be just fine. Besides, he's got a nice stepmother who's looking out for him."
"Thank you, Kouichi. I really needed to hear that."
We wound our way further through the crowd. Past the food sellers, and on past the line of performers. We were just approaching a row of games when I saw a familiar thatch of dark hair.
"Kouji!"
Kouji looked up and scowled irritably.
"Yeah?"
"Don't 'yeah' me, Kouji. I was worried sick about you! Don't scare me like that ever again!"
Kouji wasn't paying attention to me. Instead he fixed his glare on Kouichi, who was hiding behind me.
"Who is he?"
"His name's Kouichi..."
Kouji once again ignored me, instead walking around me with the scowl still on his face. Kouichi gave a squeak of terror and slipped to my front, keeping me between him and Kouji.
"Who are you?" Kouji demanded. "Why do you look like me?"
"Why do you look like me?" Kouichi answered.
"Kouji..." The two boys continued circling around me. "Kouji, stop it!"
Kouji stopped in front of me, causing Kouichi to once again shrink behind me.
"I was trying to get a good look at him."
"That's very rude, you know. How would you like it if someone did that to you?" I asked pointedly. Kouji scowled and glared at me, but didn't do anything else.
"I...You found who you were looking for." Kouichi's voice shook a little. "I'm glad, you don't have to worry anymore."
"But, you haven't."
"Y-you don't have to, Satomi. I'll be all right." I turned slightly to see a blue eye nervously peering up at me from my side. He was a very modest boy, I would give him that. But I was still...Should I say, emotionally charged from almost losing Kouji. Besides, after how sweet he was to me I wanted to see him get that happy ending.
"Tell you what, you can still show me where the lost and found is. You can show Kouji, too in case he and I get split up again."
"I..." His voice faltered. "Okay, I will."
He slipped his hand into mine once again. This time I used my free hand to grab Kouji's, in spite of the renewed scowl, glare, and attempt to pull away. I wasn't losing him in the crowd again.
"Do you live around here, Kouichi?" I asked.
"No, we live a half hour's train ride from here, but my Grandma said I needed some fun and took me here. My Mom wanted to come, but she was working today..."
"Where's your Dad?" Kouji asked.
"My parents got divorced when I was little. I don't remember him."
"Oh."
There was a moment of silence. Kouji was likely thinking of his dead mother. I know I was.
"So, how old are you?" I asked.
"I'm nine. Almost nine and a half."
The fireworks in my stomach went off again. Almost nine and a half? That was Kouji's age. Something was going on here...
We were almost at the end of a row of stalls when Kouichi suddenly released my hand and began running.
"Grandma!"
I saw an older woman standing in front of a large tent at the end of the row. The poster at one end had the words "Lost and found" written on it. Kouichi managed to slow down before he hit the older woman, but that didn't stop either of them from hugging each other tightly.
"I'm sorry I made you worry," I heard Kouichi say through a sob as we approached.
"I'm just glad I found you." His grandmother gently released him. "Your mother would have had a fit if I lost you."
"Well, I tried looking for you at first, but then I couldn't find you and then I met Satomi who was looking for her stepson, but we found him on the way, and he looks like me. I think he might be my cousin, or something..." Kouichi didn't notice his grandmother looking at me, then at Kouji and going very pale. At least, not at first.
"Grandma...?"
"K-Kouji!"
"You know me?" Kouji was scowling again.
"You don't know me, but I'm your grandmother."
His grandmother? My eyes widened. So, he and Kouichi were cousins, after all! I felt a great air of relief going through my body. If Kouji had a relative here, he would have someone his age to talk to. Someone to play with...
Kouichi looked back and forth between his grandmother and the two of us. "Wait, you're his grandmother, too? But, Mom doesn't have any brothers or sisters..."
He stopped abruptly as all my thoughts came to a complete halt. Did that mean what I thought it did? Kouichi and Kouji were brothers? But, that meant Kouji's mother was still alive...I knew Kousei didn't want to talk about his first wife, but to lie to not only me but his own son? There was a sudden stillness, like the moment you see something falling before it hits the floor when Kouji exploded.
"Is it true? Is he really my brother? Is my Mom still alive?" He whirled to glare at me. "You knew it all this time..!"
"Kouji, I..."
"Liar! Just leave me alone!" Kouji turned and ran off through the crowd.
"Kouji!" I tried running after him, but I lost him in the crowd again. I stood there trying desperately to find him, but all I could see was the crowd going about their normal business, never dreaming that one...No, two families had just been shattered. My hands started shaking, and I felt hot tears running down my face. What could I do? The most sensible thing to do was to call Kousei and let him sort out his own mess, or even the police, but I couldn't. I couldn't even move, What kind of mother was I?
I wasn't even his real mother...
"Satomi?" Small gentle hands were tugging at mine. I looked down to see Kouichi staring up at me with concern all over his face. He looked so much like Kouji...What was I doing? I had to find him.
"I need to find Kouji. Kouichi, you and your grandmother stay here in case he comes back."
He shook his head. "I told Grandma to stay there. I mean, I know where she is, now. She wanted to tell the police, but I told her not to...She doesn't know anything about Kouji. And besides, this is my fault. If I hadn't got lost, he wouldn't have run away."
"Kouichi, it's not your fault. Who says that we wouldn't have seen you if you hadn't got lost? I think the only people to blame are your parents, for lying to you in the first place."
"I guess..." He sounded dubious. I wiped my eyes, feeling Kouichi's reassuring hand in mine.
"Don't worry, we'll find him. I don't think he got too far."
We set off through the crowd again. After a minute or so of silence, Kouichi spoke again.
"Grandma said that Kouji and I are twins..."
Twins...My mind reeled again. I had wondered why Kouji had had a name that was written as "second light," a name usually applied to a second son. And to think, Kousei had told me that Kouji was named after a grandfather on his mother's side...Kouichi and Kouji, "first light" and "second light." It made entirely too much sense. All this time, they'd been living their lives never knowing about the other one...I felt tears running down my cheeks again, then felt a tissue being pressed into my hand. Or rather, a napkin.
"They don't have any tissues, but this is the closest they got. You kind of need it, Satomi."
"Do I look that bad?" Kouichi blushed and looked at the ground, but he nodded. Come to think of it, my glasses were getting fogged up, and my nose was getting itchy from the urge to blow it.
"Thanks." A shy smile appeared on his face. I took the napkin and blew my nose, loudly. Kouichi's eyes widened, and he tried his best to stifle a soft giggle. It reminded me of the way Kouji had tried not to giggle the time Kousei had spent an entire day looking for his papers, only to realize that he had in fact left them at work. Kousei...What was I going to do? I should call him and tell him everything, but I didn't trust myself to not blow up at him for keeping a secret like this from us for so long.
"What's Kouji like, anyways?" Kouichi asked as we started off again.
"He's..." I paused, trying to find the right words. "A bit of a loner, but I think that's because he and his father moved around a lot before I met them. Another reason might be that he doesn't suffer fools gladly."
"What's that mean?"
"It means he doesn't like it when people do foolish things."
"Oh."
"He doesn't usually care what people think about his opinion..." I had learned that part the hard way. "He's blunt, abrasive...That means he tends to rub other people the wrong way, even when he doesn't mean to."
"Like when we met, right?"
"Exactly. He's also responsible, tends to tell the truth...Well, the truth as he sees it, at least." I thought of the expression of sheer outrage on his face as he had turned and run off. "If he sees someone hurt, he won't hesitate to help."
"He sounds like a nice guy."
"Oh, he can be very sweet when you get past everything else. The problem is that he's so aloof that nobody really tries, and he pushes away the ones who do try." I decided to change the subject. I didn't want to scare Kouji's brother away before he had a chance. "What about you, Kouichi?"
He blushed and looked down at the ground. "I, um...Well, I live with Mom and Grandma..."
"What's that like?"
"I...My Mom's usually at work, and when she gets home she's always tired. Grandma's the one who takes care of me when I'm not at school or the library."
"You like to read?"
"Yeah."
"What kind of books? I like mysteries myself." I also enjoyed the occasional trashy romance, but that wasn't something I wanted to tell a boy I hardly knew.
"Fantasy."
"That sounds like fun. We haven't had a chance to get to the nearest library yet...Maybe when we do you'd like to come."
He mumbled something that sounded vaguely like an assent, but I couldn't really hear it over the sound of the crowd.
Twenty minutes of fruitless searching later, I was almost ready to give up and call the police in to help me. The only thing keeping me from doing it was Kouichi's quiet presence at my side.
"Satomi?" Kouichi asked quietly. "Do you think we should be heading back? He might have gone back to the lost and found...And I'm starting to get hungry."
"You're right, we should go back. I can get you some food now if you're hungry." Getting him food was the least I could do for him, after dragging him all over the festival like that. There was a nearby vendor selling yakisoba. I got a small bowl for Kouichi and one for myself, even though I had no appetite.
"Hey Satomi?" Kouichi asked suddenly. "Can we go to that bench over there to eat this? I'm not very good at eating while walking, and I don't want to spill it."
I wanted to get back to looking for Kouji, or even to the lost and found tent to see if he had shown up, but Kouichi looked so sincere. Besides, it would only take a few minutes, right? We made our way over to the bench and sat down to eat.
"Kouji's gonna meet my Mom when this is all over, right?" Kouichi asked.
"Well, we need to find a good time when she's not at work first. And we need to know where you three live...I'll ask your grandmother when we see her." I swallowed down another mouthful.
"Did Dad really tell Kouji that Mom had died?"
"He told both of us that she'd died. Believe me, this is as shocking for me as it is for him." And Kousei was going be in for it when Kouji and I saw him again...
"So, you didn't know either?"
"If I'd known that your mother was still alive, I'd have took Kouji to see her myself. Even if I didn't know he had a brother."
Kouichi's eyes lit up. "Really? Thanks, Satomi." He finished his yakisoba and slumped back onto the bench a bit. "I'm a bit jealous, actually."
"Why?"
"Kouji's got a nice stepmother who doesn't have to work all the time, and can take him to the festival."
"I'm your stepmother, too. Besides, I work a lot." That was right, Kouichi was my stepson wasn't he?
"Yeah, but I don't think you come home every night exhausted. Mom...I know she loves me, and that's why she works so hard. Even when she should be resting. All I can do is watch and worry about her."
"So, you're just gonna sit there and watch her?" A voice I thought I'd never hear again. Kouji! I turned my head to see him standing behind the bench, scowling fiercely at his brother. Had he heard the entire conversation? Kouichi...I whipped my head around to look at him sitting there, blushing with his eyes on his lap. Did he know it all along? Was that why he had asked to sit on the bench in the first place?
"I...I don't know what else to do," Kouichi mumbled softly. "I told her she should get a new job, but she just smiled at me and said it wasn't that bad. I can't do anything."
"You can't." Kouji sat down on the bench on Kouichi's other side. "But, I can. I'll make her get a better job."
Kouichi looked up at him, hope shining in his eyes. I couldn't resist smiling at the determination in Kouji's eyes. He was very stubborn once he got into something.
"We should get back to the lost and found tent," I told the boys. "Your grandmother's probably really worried by now."
Kouichi nodded and got to his feet.
"C'mon, Kouji. If we get back quick enough, Grandma might let us stay a while longer. Maybe she'll even let us play some games."
Kouji glared at Kouichi, making him blush and look at the ground again.
"Why would I want to do that?"
"Because you can win stuff on them, that's why. Last year, Grandma won this big stuffed raccoon, and she gave it to me. I named him Tanooki. I still have him at home. Maybe this year she'll get an even bigger one!"
The trip back to the lost and found tent was thankfully uneventful. Both brothers let me take their hands so we wouldn't get split up again, although Kouji did so grudgingly, with the usual glare. We arrived at the tent to find the boys' grandmother talking to a police officer.
"Grandma!" Kouichi called happily. "We found him!"
"Kouji!" His grandmother turned away from the officer and before Kouji could react threw her arms around him and pulled him close. I flinched. Kouji didn't like being touched very much, and naturally he stiffened. To his credit however he didn't tell her to back off. Had it been me doing that, he would have snapped at me.
"It's nice to meet you." He had a faint blush on his cheeks, which made him look...Well, cute. At least, cuter than he normally looked.
"It's nice to meet you, too." His grandmother turned to Kouichi. "And I'll bet that you're ready for some lunch."
"Actually, Satomi got me some food when we were out looking...But, I think Kouji might want some."
"Who says I'm hungry?" Kouji glared at him again, but this time Kouichi ignored it.
"And after that, can we go back to the festival? I haven't seen it all yet...And I don't think Kouji has, either."
His grandmother laughed and ruffled his hair.
"I think we'll all see of it...together!"
Kouichi's grandmother, Aoi, was as good as her word. This time, all four of us got to wander through the festival, and enjoy the sights rather than look for the one boy or the other. Kouji surprisingly let Kouichi drag him through each stall with only a couple of objections, especially when it came to the games. Kouji won a fish from the fish catching game, and Kouichi's grandmother got a large stuffed bear off another game. Kouichi and his grandmother weren't quite sure if it was bigger than the raccoon she'd won last year, but they decided that Kouji could have it, since Kouichi already had the raccoon.
And in the end two tired, but still excited little boys sat down on the grass in a nearby park chattering happily and playing with the party favors I'd bought them while Aoi and I watched them from a nearby bench with the bear in my arms and the fish on Aoi's lap.
"This might be the best thing that happened to us in a long time," Aoi remarked. "If anyone can get Tomoko to give up that dead-end job of hers, it's Kouji. Kouichi's just too sweet to really push it."
"I think this is the best thing that happened to Kouji, too...We've been moving around so much that it's hard for him to make friends, let alone find someone to talk to." I hoped that Kousei wouldn't take any more promotions for a few years. Well, if that happened I could always tell the twins to talk to him. If it worked for their mother, it might work on Kousei.
Aoi stood up and stretched. "Kouichi, we should get going soon."
"Aww..." Kouichi rolled over to face us. "Can't we stay just a bit longer?"
"It's getting dark, and your mother will be home from work soon. Don't you want to tell her about Kouji?"
Kouichi's eyes lit up and he scrambled to his feet.
"Yeah, wait 'til Mom hears about you. She'll be so happy. And her day off's gonna be soon, you can come and visit us!"
Kouji scowled at him. "She'd better be happy."
"Of course she will, silly. Grandma says she will."
"Kouichi?" Aoi held out her hand. Kouichi grinned as he took it, waving at us with his free hand.
"Bye, Kouji! See you soon!"
Kouji started waving, then realized I was looking at him. He scowled again and put his hand into his pocket.
"So, you ready to go home Kouji?"
"I guess..." He fell into step with me as we headed in the opposite direction. For a moment, we were both silent.
"Hey, Satomi?"
"Hmm?"
"What you said earlier...About how if you knew Mom was alive you'd have brought me to see her...Did you mean it?"
"Of course. She's your mother, and you deserve a chance to get to know her."
He didn't say anything for a moment.
"Satomi, I'm sorry for what I did earlier. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that, but I always thought Dad told you everything. So, I thought you lied to me like he did...I never thought he wouldn't tell you, either."
"Don't worry about it, Kouji. We were both going through a lot back then. I'm just happy you came back."
"Well, at first I didn't come back because I liked you or anything..." His gaze shifted to the side. "I came back because I couldn't think of how to get home. Then I saw you talking to Kouichi, and I realized that Dad lied to you, too...I think Kouichi knew I was there."
"He's a sweet boy. You're very lucky to have him as a brother."
Kouji blushed faintly. "Yeah."