"Broken Glass, Broken Dreams"
By: Angel
Disclaimer: *sigh* ok…we all know how much I hate disclaimers…no…Digimon does NOT belong to me….
Just don't sue me okay…I have uh…*checks pocket* a penny! No wait…that's a piece of lint… You can sue me for a piece of lint…
Um…okay…this story has a lot of bad words in it…and scenes that aren't so pleasant…so I think I'm gonna slap a PG-13 rating on this…
Look at the title…THIS IS A SAD STORY… Just warning ya now…
This is dedicated to all those people who have suffered in silence. You're not alone…
"Broken Glass, Broken Dreams"
By: Angel
I was laying on my bed, the music blasting. I could still hear them fighting…even with the music blasting… I tried to read a magazine…pretending like nothing was happening…it wasn't working…
Suddenly, I heard the glass shatter. I jumped, startled. I froze…they continued to fight. I could hear my mom sobbing. I knew this wasn't any good. I bounced off the bed and grabbed the phone. I knew he would be in my room any second…
Stupid me…stupid, stupid me… God! I shouldn't have gone to soccer…maybe none of this would be happening…
More glass shattered behind my closed door. I went to the corner of my room, and huddled there… I held the phone in my sweaty palms, praying to god that I wouldn't have to call 911 again…
I heard a loud thud against my door. Startled, I dropped the phone to the floor. Shakily, I picked it up and held it in my hands again. Please…please…god…
My thoughts were interrupted by the door to my room opening. I dropped the phone to the floor and shakily stood up. He came towards me…mad as hell… I braced for the pain…
He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the center of the room. I tried to block out the pain from his crushing grip…I thought my arm would snap in two pieces…
"Bitch!" he said angrily, slapping me hard across the face. "I told you not to go to soccer!"
He slapped me again…harder than before… My face singed with pain. The mind-dulling pain… I couldn't even look at him…until finally…
I stared defiantly into his eyes…which was another stupid thing…BAKA!!! I wasn't going to make the same mistakes my mother did though…but even then…I got hit harder…
"And I thought mom told you not to go to the liquor store!" I said, a little too loud.
"Bitch!" he slapped me even harder than the first two times and his grip on my arm tightened. "Don't talk back to me!"
BAKA!! Stop doing that!! You're only asking for more slaps and hits!!
I couldn't help myself…it was instinct to do that… I always talk back…to my friends…everyone! Nobody cares…but…he does….
"If you ever do that again, I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget…"
He slapped me again, the hardest yet… sending me spinning to the floor. With that, he left my room slamming the door behind him. When I regained my thoughts, I slowly sat up. I surveyed my body for injuries and pain. My arm throbbed with pain and my face felt numb. I clutched my chest. It hurt…from the force in which he threw me to the floor.
I slowly got up and went to my desk. I slid into the chair, wincing when I hit my arm on the corner of the desk. I looked at the objects that were on it. Pictures, school books, pens, pencils… Then I saw it… The object I hated most in the entire world…the mirror….
I stared at it…looking at my reflection in the cursed object…I saw the way I looked…hated the way I looked…and with that, the tears finally began to roll down my cheeks. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. After a while I looked up…an object catching my eye. I turned in the chair and looked at it-the phone…
I thought of calling him…the one I could always count on…but I couldn't… not about this… I could tell no one of this… this was my secret…the private secret that slowly destroyed my life…crushing my hopes and dreams…
The bell rang… Time to go through the halls towards the next prison cell… The worst part of my day-changing classes. The time when my arms would take a brutal beating, trying to squeeze through the people to get to my next class. Thank god that this uniform had long sleeves…I wouldn't want to make up an excuse about the huge bruise that had formed there overnight….
I squeezed through the people, trying my best not to bump my arms on anyone or anything. WHAM! Someone hit me right in the arm. I winced in pain, and my arm began to throb.
"Gomen" they mumbled and continued on, squeezing through the kids.
I nodded in acknowledgement of the apology and made my way out of the crowd.
"Sora-chan!"
I looked up and around me, hearing my name being called. I tried to find the source of the voice. There it was…the one who called me…
"Taichi-chan!" I called back, happily.
It was nice to see a familiar face. I went towards him.
"Hey Sora-chan, how are you doing?"
"Good, you?"
"Pretty good"
I smiled at him.
"So are you up for the soccer match tonight?" he said, smiling.
I felt my face fall… I looked to the floor a moment, then back up at him.
"Um…Taichi…about that…."
He looked at me in worry.
"Sora are you okay? Is something wrong?"
"No…its not that…um…Taichi…"
"What is it?"
"I…I…can't play soccer with you guys tonight…"
"Oh that's okay! We can play tomorrow after school or we can play in the park, like we do every Saturday"
"No…that's not it…"
"What is it then?"
I heard the bell ring. We both looked up at it, then back at each other.
"Look, I'll talk to you about this later…We're both late for class now…"
"Alright then…I'll see ya later okay Sora?"
"Yeah…ja ne Taichi"
I left him, running towards my class.
I opened the door to my house, and stuck my head in. There was silence. I closed the door and leaned against it, breathing a sigh of relief… no one was home. I began to move towards my room, so I could do my homework.
"What are you doing here?"
I froze at the sound of his voice. I looked at the couch. There he was, sitting on it, with a beer in his hand. Beer cans littered the coffee table and the floor around him. I blinked a bit, trying to check if I had just imagined him there. But it was real…all too real…
"I…I came home like you told me to…I didn't go to soccer…I came straight home…Isn't that what you wanted me to do?".
"Sora…" he said getting up of the couch.
I froze. I wanted to run to my room…desperately wanted to…but my body froze in terror…
"H…hai?" I said, trying to sound like I wasn't scared of what he would do to me next
"I thought I told you to go work at the flower shop with your mother" he said, walking towards me
I searched my memory for that direction…
"You never told me that…" I said, trying not to sound like I was defying him or talking back.
"You dumbass bitch…I told you to go work at the damn flower shop!" he yelled, grabbing my right arm.
I cowered away in fear…which was the last thing I wanted to show him… No fear, I told myself…but if I did show him no fear…I would get beat harder…
He slapped me across the face and swung me in front of him. I stumbled, and tried hard not to let myself fall to the floor. He came up from behind me and started to punch my back. I felt the pain radiating all over my back. The punches came harder and harder each time… I thought my ribs would break…
"Dumbass…bitch…baka…" The cussing and name calling kept on rolling off his tongue…it was like music to his ears.
It got to the point where I couldn't feel my back anymore…it was totally numb with pain. Even then…I felt the pain of the punches. I thought I would collapse from the number of times he had punched my back…then finally…
"Listen bitch!"
He turned me around. I looked to the floor.
"Look at me!" he yelled, shaking me fiercely until I finally did look at him.
His reddish-brown eyes were filled with rage… I was scared to death…
"You go down to the flower shop and you help your mother till midnight, you understand me?"
I blinked away the tears…I couldn't show any… But to spite me…they rolled down my cheeks.
"Are you crying? Do you want me to give you a reason to cry?"
I shook my head, quickly. I forced myself to stop crying.
"Go to the bathroom and wash your face…change out of the uniform…and go to the flower shop"
I nodded. He threw me into the bathroom, and left me to my business. There was another one…another cursed mirror… I looked up at it and saw my tear streaked face…
Suddenly the door opened. He threw in some clothes and slammed the door shut again. I just stared at the door for a while…He wouldn't be coming back…
I then looked at the mirror again. I stood there for 5 minutes…just staring at my pathetic reflection… I hated the way I looked… My red eyes and my puffy cheeks didn't help my complexion either… I turned on the faucet…the sound of the running water made me feel better for some reason… I splashed the cool water on my face…it felt good…
I looked back up to the mirror as I wiped my face with a towel. I ran my fingers through my hair and looked around me for the clothes he had thrown in the bathroom with me.
I changed quickly and stepped out of the bathroom. I went to the door.
"I'm leaving ok?"
No answer. I looked to the sofa and saw him-asleep. He had passed out again. I sighed and walked out of my house.
"Sora-chan!"
I turned around. Mimi was calling my name. She stopped in front of me.
"Hi Mimi"
"Wanna go to the movies?"
"I can't Mimi…I really can't"
"What are you gonna do that's so much better?"
"I have to work"
"Sora! Come on…you can skip a day of work… Taichi's gonna be there…you're coming!"
She dragged me along with her.
"Mimi! You don't know what kind of trouble I'm gonna get into…"
"Oh come on Sora…getting grounded for a weekend isn't so bad…"
If you only knew Mimi…if you only knew…
"I can't! Seriously Mimi…I'm gonna get into so much trouble"
"You're coming!"
She dragged me to her house.
Mimi pulled out some clothes for me to wear to the movies.
"How bout this?"
"Mimi… I can't go to the movies! You don't understand how much trouble I'm gonna get into… I have to go to work!"
"Sora…your mom will understand…here call her"
She handed me the phone. I stared at it for a minute, thinking about the consequences that this would bring me…another brutal beating…
"Hey Mimi…?"
"Hai?"
"Can you leave me alone for a minute, so I can call her?"
"Sure thing"
"Arigato"
Mimi left the room. I continued to stare at the phone. I dialed the number.
"Mom?"
"Sora?"
"Um…would you mind if I went to the movies with Mimi?"
"Sora! How can you ask me that?! Where the hell are you?! I need your help"
"But Tai-"
"I don't care Sora…I want you to come straight down here do you understand me?"
"Hai…"
I hung up the phone. I took a quick look at my arm before I called Mimi back into the room. The bruise was going away…nothing a little powder couldn't hide… What am I thinking?! I can't go to the movies! My father will…
I didn't even want to think about it…he would snap…he would probably kill me…
"Mimi you can come back now"
She came into the room. She bounced onto the bed next to me.
"So…what's the verdict?"
"I can't go Mimi…I have to work…"
"Aww…Sora…come on…"
"Mimi! You can't possibly understand…I have to go to work…"
I got up and left her house.
I slowly walked back to my house. I glanced at my watch. 1:00. One fucking o'clock in the morning…I was exhausted. The work at the flower shop totally knocked me out. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and sleep…
"Crap…damnit…"
Just then I remembered that I had a ton of homework to do… There is no way in hell I would be able to sleep…
"Damnit!"
I walked up to my house. I climbed the flights of stairs till I got to my apartment. My parents were fighting-again. I could hear them from outside the apartment door. I walked inside and took off my shoes.
They were screaming at each other in the living room. I walked by them, stepping over broken glass and a broken vase. The glass and shards of ceramic were piercing through my socks. I ignored the pain as I slowly walked to my room.
I went in my room and gently closed the door. I could still hear them screaming at each other. I sat on my bed and decided to look at my feet.
My socks were red. They were white before, but now they were red from the blood. I held my breath as I took off the sock. I looked at the heel of my foot. There were deep gashes in them from where the glass had pierced through my skin. I opened the drawer to my desk and pulled out my first aid kit. I pulled out the Neosporin and the bandages. I cleaned off the wounds and dressed them with the bandage. I got up off my bed and went to my desk. I found my messenger bag and pulled out my books and homework. It was going to be a long night…
Someone shook me awake. I looked around me. There was my books and homework right where I had left them. I had fallen asleep doing my homework… I looked in the mirror. There I saw him…towering over me… I gasped and turned around in the chair.
"Sora… what are you doing?"
"My homework"
"Well it seems you were more interested in sleeping more than anything else…"
"Oh yeah…I'm sorry…really I am…It's just that I have been awake since 6:00 this morning and I haven't gotten a break. I guess I'm just a little tired…"
"Would you like me to help you get awake?"
I didn't like the tone of voice he said that in. I knew he meant that he was going to beat me awake…
"No thank you…I'm awake now…really…"
"No you're not…"
He grabbed me by my shirt collar and pulled me out of my room. I stumbled behind him the whole way.
God no…god…don't…please…
I didn't have the guts to say what I thought out loud. He dragged me into the kitchen. The fear in me rose. I couldn't breathe…I couldn't move…
God…what if he pulled a knife on me?
He turned on the faucet and filled the sink with water. My eyes widened in fear.
What are you gonna do to me?
He grabbed me by my hair and stuck my head under the faucet. I winced in pain. He stuck my head under the water. I closed my eyes. I tried to pull my head out of the water, but his hand was pressed tightly against it.
I panicked. He was trying to drown me… I tried to wriggle free of his grip but I couldn't move. I felt my breath getting shorter and my lungs were burning for air…my head was pounding and I could hear my heart in my head… I was going to die…
Suddenly I felt his hand move away. I snapped my head out of the water. Water flew in all directions from my hair. I took in gulping breaths. I thought I was going to pass out…
He grabbed me by my shirt collar and threw me into my room.
"Don't ever let me catch you sleeping while you are doing your homework again. Do you understand me?"
I couldn't speak. I just nodded. He slammed the door to my room. I fell back onto my bed. I closed my eyes and just cried.
Before I went to bed, I did something that I never usually do. I got down upon my knees and thanked God that he didn't kill me… I prayed to him to protect me when he got out of control like that…or whenever he was near me…
God help me…God protect me…or I will join thee sooner than I should…
I slowly walked back to my house after school. I ran into Taichi on the way.
"Hey Sora!"
"Hi Taichi"
"You up for a game?"
I glanced at my watch.
"Sure. Why not"
"Great. Let's go"
I walked with him to the soccer field.
I found a bathroom and changed into my practice clothes. When I came out, I found everyone staring at me.
"What?" I asked, annoyed.
"Uh…uh…" the team stuttered.
I looked at myself. I was wearing a blue sports bra and jean shorts.
"Yyyeah…?" I said, getting really annoyed.
"Alright will you people stop staring at her already? It's not like you haven't seen her wear that to practice before" said Taichi.
"Can we just play? I have to go soon"
We started to play. I felt the adrenaline rush through me. It was a great feeling. I just got lost in the game, not worrying about anything…just winning.
Playing soccer was my life. I loved it. If I ever got this taken away from me…I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
"Hey Sora! Your dad's here!" the coach screamed.
"WHAT?!"
I panicked. I searched the field for him. There he was walking towards the coach. My body froze. I looked to the side and saw Taichi there. I pulled him in front of me.
"Sora what are you--?"
"What the hell is he doing here?!" I whispered.
"He's here to pick you up probably"
I looked to the floor. I caught a glimpse of what I was wearing.
"Oh my god…give me a shirt!" I whispered.
"What?"
"Are you deaf? Give me a shirt! My father is gonna kill me if he sees me like this around a bunch of guys"
He took off his jersey and gave it to me.
"Here wear this"
"Domo arigato"
I pulled on the jersey. Everyone jogged towards the coach and my dad. I was slow to join them.
"That's a real shame" I heard my coach say.
"What is?" Taichi asked.
"Why didn't you tell me before Sora?" the coach asked me.
"Tell you what?" I asked confused.
"That you're leaving the team"
I felt my mouth drop. My heart was crushed. My dad had told him that I was dropping out…not because I wanted to…because he was forcing me to…I had no choice in the matter…it was obey him, or get beat…
I took me a bit to speak again.
"Leaving?" I said, looking at my coach then at my dad.
"Yes Sora. I don't know why you want to drop out…soccer is a wonderful sport" I heard my dad say
Why you mother fucking asshole piece of shit… covering your ass aren't we…
"I…don--" I began.
"Come on Sora get your stuff. Its time to go home"
He walked away. I just stood there, in stark horror…I felt like screaming…I felt like calling him every fucking name I knew…
The tears came. I tried to force them back but they came anyway.
"Fucking asshole" I said quietly.
I ran to the locker room.
I was sitting on the locker room bench, crying my heart out… The thing I loved most in my life was gone… he took it away from me…
I heard the team come into the girls' locker room. I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up. They went into the room I was in with worry and concern for me. All for me… I didn't deserve any of it. At least that's what he taught me…
"Sora are you okay?" they all asked.
I covered my eyes with my hand and waved them all away. I went into the showers and just slid down the pink tile wall. I began to sob again. I saw Taichi's head peek out from the side of the wall.
"Hey…are you okay?"
"Does it look like I'm okay?"
He walked towards me and sat down next to me on the cold tile floor.
"God…Sora…don't cry…it's okay…"
"It's not fair…it's not fair…"
I put my head on his shoulder and cried. He gathered me into his arms and began stroking my hair.
"He did this to me on purpose…cause he's a fucking asshole…"
"What are you talking about Sora?"
"I don't want to drop out of soccer. My dad's making me drop out…"
"Why?"
"I have no idea…just…don't say anything okay?"
"I wont"
"Oh yeah…this is yours"
I got out of his arms and pulled off the jersey. He took it from me.
"Arigato"
"It was nothing"
I rubbed my arms.
"God…this tile is freezing! It adds to how damn cold it is in here…"
"Hey! Can someone throw Sora's jersey over here!" Taichi called out.
Someone threw the red jersey over the pink tile wall. We both laughed.
"Arigato"
I leaned my head against his.
"Wow…I'm gonna miss this… Just hanging out after the game…I'm really gonna miss it…"
"Yeah…"
"The only girl on the boys soccer team" I chuckled.
"Yep" he chuckled.
I watched as he looked around the place.
"Wow…so this is the girls locker room… I have never been in here before…"
"You haven't missed much…I'm the only one in here" I chuckled.
"Then I've missed a lot"
I laughed and playfully smacked him upside the head. I stood up.
"There is just one thing I have to do before I leave"
He stood up next to me.
"Oh yeah and what's that?"
"I have to go see the boys locker room" I said smiling.
"Alright…if you want to see it, I'll take ya"
I laughed.
"Let's go!"
I walked to my house in my jersey, shorts, and flip-flops. I got up to my door. Already I could hear them fighting. I opened the door to my house. I heard a door slam. My mother had locked herself in her room again. I sighed. She wouldn't be coming out for the rest of the night. I guess I have to fend for myself for dinner tonight…again…
I looked at the floor. There were shards of glass and pieces of vase everywhere…all over the green carpet… I kept my flip-flops on so I wouldn't cut my feet anymore than they were. I walked through the living room. All I could here was the sound of another beer can opening. I closed my eyes and hoped he wouldn't notice me walk in.
"Sora…what are you doing with your shoes on inside the house? Take them off right now."
"But…there's glass on the floor and-"
"I said take them off Sora"
I swallowed and nodded. I lifted one foot and took off the flip-flop. I did the same with the other foot. I put them by the door and walked through the living room again.
I heard the glass crunching under my bare feet. I winced each time a shard of glass pierced through my skin. A trail of blood followed me to my room…the carpet would be forever stained…
I went into my room and got out the first aid kit. I tried to stop the bleeding… I didn't know what to do…
I saw my white cordless phone lying on my bed. I reached for it and dialed the number…
"Hello?"
"Taichi? Is that you?"
"Yeah it's me. Hey Sora how are ya?"
"Not so great. Um listen…do you know how to treat deep wounds?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I need your help then"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine. I just need to know for health class" I lied.
I couldn't believe I had just done that. Lied…straight out lied…to my best friend…
"Oh well it's easy"
I listened as he told me step by step what to do. I tried to go as fast as I could so I wouldn't miss a step.
"Okay great…thanks so much"
"You wanna keep talking or are you busy with health?"
"Um…I would love to talk but I cant. I'll call you back okay?"
"Alright"
"Thanks again"
"Sure. Ja ne"
"Ja ne"
I hung up the phone. There was a huge red handprint on it. My blood had stained the phone.
"Great another thing to clean…"
I grabbed the phone and limped across the hallway to the bathroom. I cleaned up the phone and limped back out to the hallway.
"Sora!"
I froze when he called my name.
"Hai?"
"Clean up this mess"
"But…I cant even walk right…I cant clean this now…I'll clean it tomorrow…"
"SORA DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME! NOW!"
"Hai"
I limped to the kitchen and got the broom and dustpan. I limped back to the living room. I knelt on the glass and heard it crush under my knees. I winced each time one of the shards pierced them. I hurriedly cleaned up the bloodstained shards of glass. I got up and threw the glass away. I began to limp back to my room when…
"Sora!"
"Hai"
"Clean up the carpet. Scrub it…"
"Hai"
I went back to the kitchen and got all the crap I needed to clean the carpet. I began my endless task of scrubbing the carpet clean…
I limped out of the apartment with the two huge garbage bags to take them to the garbage bins.
"Sora!"
I turned around. Masanori-san was calling my name.
"Ah! Masanorico!"
He ran towards me.
"Hi! Need some help?"
"That would be great. Arigato"
He took the garbage bags in his hands and we both walked to the chute.
I sat on the rail.
"So how have ya been?" he asked me.
"Pretty good I guess… I had to drop out of the soccer team though…"
"Yeah? Why? You were the best player…along with Taichi that is…"
I playfully smacked him.
"Whose side are you on? I'm kidding… My dad made me drop out…he's a fucking asshole…he makes me drop out then he tries to cover his ass by saying 'oh Sora why do you want to…soccer's a great sport' and all this bullshit"
"God…that sucks"
"Yes it does…Ah well…soccer isn't everything…ne?"
The tears welled up in my eyes.
"Its not fair Masanorico…soccer is my life…God…it means everything to me. That's like saying that you can't play the guitar anymore"
"God…if someone took that away from me, I don't know what I would do with myself…"
"That's how I feel right now… You don't understand how I felt when he announced to the team that I was leaving… I can't even put it into words…it was like…I don't know…like someone took my heart and put it in a blender…"
He had a funny expression on his face. I chuckled.
"Well…that's not the right way to put it. Like I said, I can't put it into words"
"Ah well… don't worry about it Sora. Things will get better…you'll see"
"At this rate…I don't think so"
"Why what's going on?"
I looked down at the floor and leaned forward on the rail.
"Well…um…I can't…well…uh…"
"Sora what is it? Come on…you can tell me anything…"
"I know…but…not this…its just…I don't know…I cant tell you or anyone…no one would understand…"
"Well if you ever feel like talking to someone, you know where I'm at"
I smiled.
"Always"
"Hey, if you got some time later, come on over. I could use a singer for a few hours to practice"
I smiled at him again.
"Sure thing. I haven't sung in a while though…it's been a long ass time…"
"Don't worry bout it. I'm sure you're the best as always"
I felt my face get hot.
"Glad you say that…at least you are being nice about it"
"Its true Angel. You got some talent"
I smiled at the use of my old nickname.
"Thanks Oniichan" I said, using his old nickname.
I hopped of the railing.
"Well I got to run. Thanks for helping me out with the trash"
"Sure thing. No problem Sora"
I smiled and hugged him.
"See ya around Masanorico"
"See ya around"
"I'm going to Masanorico's house. I'll be back later"
"Did you scrub the carpet like I asked you to?"
"Yeah I did"
"Then go. Get out of my sight"
I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought he was going to make me do something else.
"Well, while your gone, bring home some dinner"
"Alright"
I walked out of my house. I closed the door and leaned against it.
"Oh thank god!"
I walked across the street to Masanorico's apartment building. When I got there I knocked on the door to his apartment.
"Oniichan! Answer the door!"
The door opened before me.
"Sora! Hey! Nice to see ya again"
"Still up for practicing?"
He smiled at me.
"You bet. Come on in"
I walked inside. I threw my black messenger bag on the sofa. I sat down next to it.
"So what do you have in mind?"
"Well, I was thinking…if you haven't sung in a long time, we should start out with something…I don't know…a little slow paced. What do ya think?"
"Sounds great to me"
"Great. Here's the mike"
I felt my face get hot. I always got like this when I held a mike in my hand. It gave me this…rush…like I was on stage for real. I don't know how to describe it…it just feels good.
"How's Matchbox Twenty for ya?"
"Sounds great. Do you have a CD player handy? I think I'll sing better if I listen to the song with headphones on…it usually comes out better."
"Sure thing. Let me find it. Check the CD case for Matchbox Twenty. It should be in there somewhere"
I rummaged through the CD case until I finally found it.
"Here I found it" he said, handing me the CD player.
I stuck in the CD and set it to number nine and pressed pause.
"You ready?" I asked him.
"Ready as I'll ever be"
"Okay…here goes"
I put the headphones and pressed play. I listened to the guitar intro until Rob Thomas began to sing. Then I began to sing.
"If I fall along the way…pick me up and dust me off. And if I get too tired to make it…be my breath so I can walk.
"If I need some other love then…give me more than I can stand. And when my smile gets old and faded…wait around I'll smile again.
"Shouldn't be so complicated, just hold me and then, just hold me again…
"Can you help me I'm bent? I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together. Keep breaking me in, and this is how we will end…with you and me…bent"
I paused for a moment.
"If I couldn't sleep could you sleep? Could you paint me better off? Could you sympathize with my needs? I know you think I need a lot.
"I started out clean but I'm jaded, just phoning it in. Just breaking the skin.
"Can you help me I'm bent? I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together. Keep breaking me in, and this is how we will end…with you and me…bent"
I paused for the guitar break.
"Start bending me…it's never enough…till I feel all your pieces… Start bending me…Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in…"
I paused again for the guitar break.
"Shouldn't be so complicated, just touch me and then…just touch me again…
"Can you help me I'm bent? I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together. Keep breaking me in, and this is how we will end…with you and me…bent…
"Hell I'll go there again… Can you help me I'm bent? I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together. Yeah you're breaking me in, and this is how we will end…with you and me…bent…"
I took off the headphones and listened to him finish up the song. I smiled as he played the guitar. That was his passion… Ever since I met him, he's always toting his guitar-his baby… He loved that thing like a person. It was rather cute…
"Wow…that was good. Great job oniichan"
"Same with you Angel"
I smiled.
"Would you mind if I sung another Matchbox Twenty song? I like this one…number three"
"Sure thing"
He put down the guitar and sat down on the loveseat. I pressed the buttons on the CD player until I got to the song I wanted.
"I don't want to be the crutch…one step away from down…well I don't want to be the crutch…one step away from…
"Man I feel like hell so come on over…be like a love machine and I could be your friend. Ain't no shame feel strong for one another…make a real true color come end to end then…
"God damn. Change of pace…I think you got a piece of my heart on your face…it's a shame to let it waste…how does it taste? How does it taste?"
I paused.
"Break it down in pieces, make it simple cause you know damn well that I'm a simple man…all these things go changing like the weather and they stay that way until the weather man says…
"One down, gone to waste. I think there's still a piece of that smile on your face. And I would like it erased…there ain't no two ways about it…no…
"Well, I don't want to be the crutch…one step away from down…well I don't want to be the crutch…one step away from down, down, down…
"Bring it on then gone, use a lover like a cigarette the way that lovers do. One sweet song that starts a little slow and then goes on and on and makes you want to move--around the room in circles, everybody wants…to be you…
"Try to find my place up on the map of all the men you've been through…dig a little deeper and you'll realize all I'm building up you're tearing down…"
"I don't want to be the crutch…one step away from down…well I don't want to be the crutch…one step away from…down, down, down, down, down, down…"
I took off the headphones and laughed.
"I can't really understand what he's saying…oh well…"
"That was good Angel…you see? You can sing…"
"Well maybe not that great…Matchbox Twenty really isn't that great for singing…great for listening, but not for singing"
"Well then, enlighten me. What's good for singing?"
I smiled.
"Those boy-bands, the solo chicks…that kind of music"
"Here pass me my CD case"
"Sure"
I handed it to him. He flipped through it, finding one particular CD.
"Ah…here we are. Savage Garden. Pop her in Sora"
He passed me the CD. I put it in.
"Oh! I forgot to call Taichi! He's gonna kill me!"
"Here use my phone"
He handed me the black cordless. I dialed his number.
"You can invite him over if you want"
"Serious? Cool!"
"Yeah"
"Hi is Taichi there? Hey Taichi! It's Sora. What's up? What are you doing? Nothing? Come on over to Masanorico's house. Nothing much, just hanging out…he's practicing his guitar. All right see ya in a bit. Okay…Ja ne"
I hung up the phone.
"Okay he's coming over"
"Great. We can make a party out of it"
I laughed.
"Sora's last day of soccer party"
"Oh come on…don't be hard on yourself. Be happy. Screw your dad…you said he was an asshole anyway…forget about him. Tonight you're gonna have fun, even if it kills me okay?"
I smiled at him.
"Oniichan you're the best!"
I hugged him.
"Ha…oniichan…haven't heard that for awhile…"
"I've been saying it all day…"
"I know…it's just been a while since you called me that…before today…"
"Yeah…I haven't heard you call me Angel since the last time I sang for you"
"Yep. Let's see if you can live up to your name"
"Okay…I don't think I can sing like an angel still"
"Taichi and I can decide that"
"NO! Masanorico you can't do that to me…I can't sing in front of him!"
"Why not?"
"For you is one thing, for him is another thing totally"
He smiled at me.
"Sora…is there something I should know about?" he said smiling at me.
"NO! There is nothing!" I said, a little too quickly.
"Ah…I see…" he said, with his little smirk.
"MASANORICO!"
He smiled and laughed.
"I don't find that funny…"
"Ah come on Sora…don't be like that"
"Whatever"
The doorbell rang. I got off the sofa and went to the door. I opened it-there stood Taichi.
"Hey!"
"Hey. What's up?"
"Not much. Come on in"
We walked over to the living room where Masanorico was.
"Hey Taichi. It's been a while"
"Yep. Nice to see ya again"
"Same here"
I sat down on the sofa. I sat on one leg and the other hung over the edge. I hugged a pillow.
"So…what did I miss?"
"Sora singing"
I glared at Masanorico. Taichi just looked at me in surprise.
"You sing?"
I felt my face get hot.
"Yeah…sorta…I'm not very good though"
"Oh"
Masanorico favored me with a smirk.
"She was just about to sing again. Weren't you?"
I frowned at him. I favored him with a "I'm gonna kill you" face. I sighed.
"I guess…"
I threw the pillow at his face and got up to get the CD player. I pressed play and pressed the headphones into my ears. I waited for the music to begin.
"We were standing all alone you were leaning in to speak to me.
Acting like a mover shaker dancing to Madonna then you kissed me.
And I think about it all the time.
Sweet temptation rush all over me…
And I think about it all the time…
Passion desire so intense I can't take anymore because…
"I feel the magic all around you.
It's bringing me to my knees.
Like a wannabe.
I've got to be chained to you.
"And when you looked into my eyes felt a sudden sense of urgency.
Fascination casts a spell and you became more than just a mystery.
And I think about you all the time…
Is this fate is it my destiny?
That I think about you all the time…
I no longer pretend to have my hand on the wheel because…
"I feel the magic all around you.
It's bringing me to my knees.
Like a wannabe.
I've got to be chained to you.
I feel the magic building around you…
"I feel the magic all around you.
It's bringing me to my knees.
Like a wannabe…
I've got to be chained to you.
"And I think about it all the time…
And I think about it all the time…
Tell me it's madness I barely know you…
We were standing all alone you were leaning in to speak to me…
Ten steps back you're still a mystery…
Acting like a mover shaker dancing to Madonna then you kissed me.
I can't take anymore because…
"I feel the magic all around you.
It's bringing me to my knees.
Like a wannabe…
I've got to be chained to you…
"I feel the magic building around you…
I feel the magic all around you.
It's bringing me to my knees.
Like a wannabe…
I've got to be chained to you.
"Tell me its madness…
I barely know you…"
I opened my eyes at the end of the song. The guys just looked at me in amazement.
"What?" I asked.
"Shit…wow…" I heard Taichi say in amazement.
"Damn Angel…you are good!"
I smiled.
"Guess I lived up to my name huh oniichan?"
He smiled at me.
"Yep"
"Angel? Oniichan?"
I looked at Taichi.
"Nicknames we came up for each other a long time ago. I became Angel because of my singing voice. He said I sounded like an angel. And he's oniichan, because he's been like a brother to me ever since we met"
"Oh. That's nice"
I smiled. I went to Masanorico.
"Oniichan!" I said hugging him.
He gathered me into his arms. I sat in his lap, still listening to Savage Garden.
"Oh! I love the beginning of this song! Masanorico you need to learn how to play this"
"What is it?"
"Piano. Number 9."
"Piano? I could try it on the keyboard"
"Mmm….hm…mm…" I hummed, trying to get the tune. "And she takes another step
Slowly she opens the door
Check that he is sleeping
Pick up all the broken glass and furniture on the floor
Been up half the night screaming and now it's time to get away
Pack up the kids in the car
Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write"
The tears began to well up in my eyes. I knew I shouldn't have brought up this song… This song is so true for me…and I don't want to tell anyone…or he would kill me…
"Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through
"And there are children to think of
Baby's asleep in the backseat
Wonder how they'll ever make it through this living nightmare
But the mind is an amazing thing
Full of candy dreams and new toys and another cheap hotel
Two beds and a coffee machine
But there are groceries to buy
And she knows she'll have to go home
"Another ditch in the road
You keep moving.
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through
"Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write
Another lonely highway in the black of night
But there's hope in the darkness
You know you're going to make it"
I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. My eyes were shut. I didn't want to see the reaction from Taichi and Masanorico when they finally notice that I'm crying, because then they're going to ask me a bunch of questions that I don't want to answer…
"Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Silent fortress built to last
Wonder how I ever made it…"
As soon as I finished singing the song, I threw down the headphones and ran for the bathroom. I locked the door, slid down the wall and cried.
Not even a minute later, there was a soft knock at the bathroom door.
"Sora? Are you okay?"
I tried to muffle the crying but it only made it worse.
"Do you want to talk?"
"Hai…Iie…I cant talk…" I managed to say. "Not about this…"
"Would you mind if I went in there then? Not to talk…but just to be with you?"
I reached for the doorknob. He opened the door and walked inside, closing the door behind him. He sat down next to me. I buried my face in my hands. He rubbed my back gently.
"Sora…god…what happened to your hands?"
I took them away from my face and stared at them.
"Glass" I said, barely a whisper.
"What?"
"Glass…I…" I swallowed. "I had to pick up broken glass…"
"Why?"
"Because…because…my father made me…"
"He made you?"
"Hai"
"Why was there broken glass in the first place?"
"My…my parents…they fight with each other…they take their anger out on objects…"
I hugged my knees.
"…or people…" I said, barely a whisper.
There was a long excruciating pause.
"Sora…do you…do you get hit at your house?" he asked me quietly.
I froze. I didn't know how to answer that… I mean, I knew how to answer it…but I didn't know if I should tell him… But he's oniichan…we've been there for each other for the longest time…I can tell him…ne?
Slowly, I nodded.
"God…" he breathed.
I began to cry again.
"Come here…"
I went into his arms. He hugged me and kissed my head.
"God…Sora…how long has this been happening?"
"A long time…"
"How come you didn't tell me before?"
"I wanted to…but I couldn't…"
I suddenly realized that Taichi was outside…I had to tell him too…he was going to ask about this…
"Swear to me you wont tell anyone oniichan"
"Okay…I swear it…"
He kissed my forehead and hugged me.
"God…I wish I could have been there for you…to protect you…"
"What time is it?"
"11:00"
"Fuck! Are you serious?"
"Yeah why?"
"Oh god oniichan…oh god…"
"What is it?"
"He's gonna be pissed at me…I'm gonna get hit when I get home…I forgot all about getting him dinner… He's probably drunk of his ass right now too…"
I began to cry again.
"Don't worry…I have some take out from last night…you can give him that…"
I gave him a squeeze and kissed his cheek.
"Oniichan I love you…you are a life saver…literally…"
"Always try to be"
"I better get home…"
"Call me as soon as you get there…you got that Angel?"
"Yeah oniichan I will…I promise"
I opened the door to the bathroom and stepped out with Masanorico. Taichi stood there with a look of worry on his face.
"Masanorico…tell him what I told you…I really, really have to go…you'll understand why when he tells you the story…"
I hugged Taichi and Masanorico and said my good-byes. I ran down the stairs with the food. I had to get home…now…
I stepped out of the apartment building and walked into the street. I didn't feel much when the black object rammed into me. All I felt was severe radiating pain on my right side. I bounced off the car like a rag doll. My body fell to the ground. My neck and head were bleeding badly. The last thing I remembered before I fell into the darkness was the taste of my own blood…
God…someone help me…I don't want to die like this…
My head jerked up right in the middle of telling Sora's story. Something happened to her…I felt it in my heart and soul.
"Sora…"
"What is it?"
"Its Sora…I think something happened to her…something bad…"
"Let's go" Taichi said, his face masked in pure worry and concern for her.
We both got up and ran out of the apartment building. There I saw her…lying there…in the middle of the street…
"SORA!" I heard Taichi scream. "Oh my god…"
I ran to her side. I picked up her fragile form and moved her out of the street and onto the sidewalk.
"Taichi! Go back inside and get an ambulance over here"
"Hai!"
I looked her over. She was bleeding from all directions. I looked around me, to see if the driver of the car was still there. Taichi came running back.
"Alright they're coming. Any sign of the driver"
"None whatsoever"
"Mother fucking bastards…they left her here…to die…" he said.
I looked at him. His eyes were filled with pure rage. I realized then…he loved her… He loved her with all his heart…and here she was dying…and there was nothing he could do about it… I realized then that that was exactly how I felt… I loved her, like a brother, and yet there she was…dying in my arms…and I could do nothing…
Everything moved slowly…my vision was blurred…voices monotonous and barely audible... I saw the flashes of red and blue…the red of the blood on her body and on my hands…everything else seemed to be black and white…
God please let her be okay…don't take her away from me yet…don't take her away from the one she loves…please…
I held her soft, scarred hand. I looked at her face. The tubes that ran from some where to some place… She was pale…white as snow… To just look at her brought tears to my eyes…
"God Sora…you cant leave me yet… You have so much to give to the world…and even though you've been through hell and back…you still are an angel…you always will be…"
I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I shook her gently.
"Come on…wake up…Sleeping Beauty…"
I smiled.
"Ha…maybe I should get Taichi in here to give you a kiss…then you'll wake up and live happily ever after…"
I managed to laugh at my own joke. I began to stroke her hand.
"Sora…you cant go…who's gonna help me rehearse? Who's gonna sing for me when I need to practice? Hell, who's gonna tell me how to treat my girlfriend and give me dating advice that only a girl would know? Its funny…here I am a 17 year old asking a 14 year old who's never had a boyfriend in her life…for dating advice…You know that only you can do any of those things…you can never be replaced…"
The door suddenly opened.
"Excuse me. Masanori-san?"
"Hai?"
"Could you come with me please?"
"Sure"
I followed the doctor. He took me to an office.
"What's wrong? Is Sora going to be okay?"
"I'm afraid there's some bad news…"
"Is…is she going to die?"
"Iie…its nothing like that…She should be fine when she wakes up"
"Then what is it?"
"When she got hit by the car, she damaged her voice box pretty badly. Fortunately, we have repaired it fairly well. She can speak like normal, you just notice a little difference…but…"
"But what?"
"I heard you say she sings a lot…is this right?"
I froze. I think I knew what he was going to say next…but I was afraid to think it…
"Hai"
"Well, I'm afraid to say that when she wakes up…she won't be able to sing…"
"Iie…" I breathed.
I couldn't even say anything… To think that I couldn't trick her into singing for me by saying that she couldn't be called Angel anymore, just so I could hear her sing…that she can't help me practice anymore…that she can't join my band… That scared the hell out of me…
"She…she has the most…beautiful voice…its…angelic…but now…"
"I'm sorry…"
"You shouldn't be…I'm sure you did all you could"
"Yes…we tried…"
I stood up.
"Arigato"
I walked out of the office.
I opened the door to her room quietly. There I saw her, looking in the mirror attempting to sing.
"I feel the magic all around you…" she sung, barely audible…like a hoarse whisper.
I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. She pressed her fingers to her voice box and attempted to sing again.
"…It's bringing me to my knees…and like a wannabe I gotta be chained to you…"
She still sung barely audible. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. I walked over to where she was. I hugged her from behind. She turned around in my arms and sobbed on my chest. She wrapped her arms around me.
"It's not fair Taichi…I never did anything to hurt anybody… First I have to go through hell…then I get soccer taken away from me…now my singing voice… Why does God punish me like this?"
"I don't know Sora…"
I moved away from her a bit, so she could lift her face. She looked at me.
"But I do know one thing"
"And what's that?"
"That God couldn't have sent down a more wonderful person… You truly are an angel…"
She smiled and hugged me. Her expression of happiness faded away.
"There's only one problem"
"Oh yeah? And what's that?"
"That this angel has to go to hell this afternoon… I'm getting released to go home later today"
I hugged her.
"Don't worry about it…you'll be okay…"
"Yeah that's what I said and I nearly got drowned…"
"Listen to me…you call me or Masanori-san when you get home okay?"
"I will"
I smiled at her. My best friend…or was it more than that…
A few months later, he left. He left us. That was the happiest day of my life. I would no longer have to get beat or yelled at… He was gone…forever…
On the other hand…I would grow up with out a father…but maybe living without a father is better than getting beat by one…
The memory of what he did to me still lives in me…but I try not to think of it… I think of Taichi and Masanorico…the people who helped me survive through this whole thing…
For once in my life, I truly feel alive. Like this huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders…
Now I don't have to pick up broken glass and throw it away… I can pick up the pieces of my broken dreams and in time, repair them to make something new…something I can be proud of…something that I can live for…something that I wont be ashamed of or fear…something wonderful…
Finally…I am free…
ZThe EndZ
Well, what did ya think? Well…I can't say this is my best work…but…hmm…I don't know…I thought it was pretty good…it just seems real to me… (Okay…now I'm just talking a bunch of bullshit…)
Oookkkaaayyy…now that I'm done with my ramblings…now for the usual stuff…
Let's see…I'll start off with my wonderful friend the disclaimer!
Disclaimer: Okay…obviously those songs up there don't belong to me… Matchbox Twenty songs can be found on the CD "Mad Season By Matchbox Twenty". "Bent" and "Crutch" were written by Rob Thomas. Um…what else…oh yeah! Savage Garden songs can be found on the CD "Affirmation". "Chained to You" and "Two Beds and A Coffee Machine" were written by Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones.
Questions? Comments? Email me at Angel2910@hotmail.com.
:::Angel bows:::
Well, it was a pleasure writing this story for ya all…I can bet that some of you didn't like it very much…ah well…
Till next time…see ya!
:::Angel winks and puts up a peace sign:::
Ja ne!
^-^