Survivor's Guilt
By,
Aestivate
Fandom: Young Justice
Characters: Jaime Reyes/Blue Beetle, Bart Allen/Impulse, Khaji-da/Scarab
Rating: K+
Word Count: 1822
Summary: In the aftermath of Endgame, Jaime blame himself so much for Wally's death to the point where Jaime can't even face Bart. So Jaime's scarab takes matters into its own hands in order to get them to confront each other. Bluepulse.
"The Kid Flash won't take too kindly to your avoiding him, Jaime Reyes."
"He needs to spend time with his family for a while."
"This scarab would like to point out that you have half-a-dozen unanswered calls and ten messages from the Kid Flash on your primitive cellular device all within the last 78 hours."
"Scarab, I'm not avoiding him, so drop it!" cries Jaime defiantly. "And quit calling him 'Kid Flash!' It's too soon after Wally West..." His voice trails off and he shakes head rapidly to clear the traumatic memory of that horrible Independence Day in the Arctic.
"This scarab was under the impression that 'Kid Flash' was the new designation of the one that was previously known as the Impulse. Do you have another designation that this scarab may use?"
"Whatever. Just call him 'the Bart Allen' or something."
"Designation accepted. Jaime Reyes, you should really respond to the Bart Allen."
"I'm not going to let you live out the rest of your days in my spine if you're going to keep chiding me, Scarab," replies Jaime with a low growl.
"Your guilt is misplaced, Jaime Reyes. This scarab is certain that even our intervention would not have stopped the previous Kid Flash from ceasing his existence. Need this scarab remind you that sixteen seconds was not sufficient for our intervention?"
Jaime clenches his teeth and balls his hands into fists. "I..."
"He needs you, Jaime Reyes."
"But what if, you know, hermano?" Jaime nibbles on his bottom lip and his shoulders droop. "What if he... blames us?" He shivers despite the scorching El Paso summer heat.
"This scarab admits guilt and apologizes for the lack of sufficient scanning methods. If anyone deserves blame, it is this scarab and this scarab alone, Jaime Reyes. It is not your fault."
"The whole planet would be destroyed if it weren't for you, Scarab," whispers Jaime consolingly, smiling softly.
"Correction, Jaime Reyes. The whole planet would be destroyed if it weren't the collective effort of you and your friends. The Kid Flash did not die in vain. You are not responsible. As it were, you are, however, responsible for further discomfort and unease of the Bart Allen."
Jaime closes his stinging eyes and feels the familiar hardening of the Blue Beetle armor folding over his body. He takes a deep breath though his nose and sighs. "Estimated time of arrival in Central City?"
"13.8 minutes. 10.2 minutes at top speed."
"Then let's fly."
"I thought you would have never asked, Jaime Reyes."
Jaime makes it at full speed with time to spare.
"This scarab believes the proper tactic would be to knock on the door, Jaime Reyes."
"I know that," Jaime grumbles. His fist lingers over the Garricks' front door anyway. He inhales deeply and is about to knock when the door swings open and Joan Garrick's wrinkled form appears in the shadowy doorway. There don't seem to be any lights on in the ground floor.
"Jaime? It's so good to see you dear," Joan smiles despite Jaime's unannounced visit, even though it doesn't seem to fully reach her eyes. "It feels like it's been forever since we've last seen you around, especially since..." Her voice trails off and she looks all at once both confused and crushed. "Bart is upstairs," she indicates as soon as recognition returns.
"Th-thanks, Mrs. Garrick."
"Please, dear, I always tell you to call me Joan!" laughs Joan with her tinny, elderly voice as she shuffles awkwardly aside to let Jaime in.
"Sorry, I ... er... Keep forgetting. Sorry, Joan," apologizes Jaime as he takes his shoes off.
"Bart!" calls Joan. "Jaime is here to see you!"
Jaime winces inwardly as he makes his way to the staircase. He hesitates in front of Bart's room and considers flying out of the open hall window right then and there.
"You came all this way, Jaime Reyes. You owe him," says the Scarab at the exact same time that Bart says, "Oh, nice of you to finally show up." His voice is muffled through the door, but Jaime notices a far-away and pained quality in his words.
"I know that,"growls Jaime crossly to his partner, gritting his teeth. "Not you, Bart," he says, pushing the door open past the point of no return, anxiety having grown to critical levels in his chest.
Bart is sitting cross-legged on his bed with a laptop open in front of him. Jaime's stomach squirms uncomfortably and lurches when he notices the redness in Bart's eyes.
"Hey, hermano," says Jaime tentatively, because he really can't think of anything else to open conversation with. He nervously shuts the door behind him and makes no motion forward.
I'm an idiot for coming, he thinks inwardly. Maybe I should have just called.
"Hey," replies Bart in an angry monotone.
"H-how have you been holding up?" asks Jaime cautiously.
"Crash. I'm perfectly crash. It's not the first time I've seen people die and it's not the first time people have died and it's not the first time they've died because of me and –"
Bart lets out something like a cross between a howl and a wail, and when the dam breaks, Jaime crosses the room in one fluid motion and wraps his arms around the smaller boy. "It's okay, hermano. Shhh, it's okay. It's alright. It's alright." Bart relaxes instantly into his chest and then clings for dear life, sobbing unabashedly. Bart's auburn hair tickles the bottom of Jaime's chin. This only makes the older boy pull the younger boy even closer.
"Why didn't you answer your damn phone?" whispers Bart dejectedly, his rapid breath warm through Jaime's thin shirt.
"I thought if you knew the truth you would never want to see me again," Jaime replies hoarsely, voice breaking. "And I couldn't face that."
Bart hiccups and lets out a hysterical little laugh that sounds a little bit like a cough. He shakes his head. "You're a moron if you think what happened to W-Wally was your fault. Why didn't I just slow down? Why didn't I just run at his speed?"
"I should have caught that last bug, hermano, I'm sorry. That's all on me."
"I should have just run slower. Why didn't I just run slower? Grandpa Barry told me to run slower! It shouldn't have been him."
"Neither of you would have had to be in that position if it wasn't for me. And don't even think about thinking that it should have been you. I messed up. You know that," says Jaime, closing his eyes, the weight of guilt threatening to suffocate him at last. "He wouldn't have had to make that decision if I had caught that extra bug earlier."
"Dude, we'd all be smoldering meat from all of those bugs if you hadn't hacked Black's scarab."
"I should have scanned properly. Scarab and I – we accept all of the responsibility for this one. In fact, I'm here to tell you I'm going to quit the gig."
"Are you sure this is wise, Jaime Reyes? Whatever your decision is, I will respect it, but it seems to be a waste of your considerable talents..." echoes Jaime's scarab in his brain.
"No! You can't do that!" cries Bart. He wrests himself from Jaime's embrace and takes both of his hands in his smaller ones. He presses his forehead into Jaime's... and laughs. And laughs and laughs. He's nearly out of breath when he finally stops and gives Jaime a watery smile. "Oh man, do you hear us right now? We sound ridiculous. Like we're moded or something. What are we going to do with each other?" Then, more softly, he continues, "You blame yourself and I blame myself. We're kind of idiots, Blue. We can't both be right. And we can't keep guilting ourselves to death either. Therefore, it means we're both wrong." His eyelashes flutter against Jaime's cheek.
"But..." starts Jaime, still unconvinced.
"No 'but's.' Just... Blue, next time one of my mentors whom-I-idolized-every-minute-of-my-life-in-my-bad-future-and-met-after-a-trip-to-the-past kicks the bucket because he's a selfless human being bent on saving the world and not because of familial or teammate oversight, can you please pick up the phone at the very least?"
The corners of Jaime's mouth turn slightly upward and he lifts his chin to press his lips to Bart's forehead. "Deal. And I'm so, sorry." Jaime pulls Bart into his chest again, and they both settle together on Bart's bed, weary from exhausting the limits of their mutual guilt.
"Hey, what did I say about apologizing about things that can't be helped?"
"Right. Umm... You were right, by the way. He was a real hero, Bart," says Jaime reverently. "I can't wait to see you in the yellow and red."
"Uhh... About that. I can't put that costume on."
Jaime's eyes blow wide and he tries to raise himself up on one arm. "What are you talking about? You have to!"
"No, I don't," replies Bart, gaze directed ahead, determined not to meet Jaime's eye.
"It's like you telling me I shouldn't quit the hero thing. Didn't you just say we shouldn't feel guilty not sixteen seconds ago? You have to become Kid Flash!"
"That's just it, Blue. I can't be Kid Flash. No matter how hard I try. Not out of guilt or whatever. But because I can never live up to that. That costume holds so much history. I don't want to dishonor it."
Jaime rolls his eyes and grasps the smaller boy's shoulders. "Bart."
Bart's green gaze is trained everywhere except on Jaime's brown gaze. "Jaime."
"You have to think about what you've done. You saved me from the Reach, you saved everyone pretty much just by coming back to the past."
"I had a lot of help," mutters Bart.
"You are a thirteen-year-old kid. The fact that you could save anyone makes you a bigger hero than you give yourself credit for. You have to do this. It's not about deserving anything when you've already earned it. You're already living it. That's why Wally wanted you to become Kid Flash, not simply to uphold a legacy or whatever."
There is silence as Jaime's words sink in. Then:
"You know, this is exactly why I wanted you to pick up your phone," says Bart in a low voice, turning his head to face Jaime at last, smiling wryly.
"You should thank Scarab for that, actually. I was still too chicken to even look at my phone let alone fly on over here. It took a combination of his constant sassing and our collective mental breakdown just now for me to snap out of it," replies Jaime sheepishly. "It won't happen again as long as you put on the freaking costume."
"Fine, fine, sheesh. You're so pushy when you want to be."
Jaime chortles and quips, "You love me for it anyway, ese."
"That I do, her-man-oh, that I do."
Fin.