If there's one thing there's not enough of in the world, it's GLaDOS X Wheatley fanfics.
I'll say it right now, I do not like Chelly. At all.
So... yes. Definite WheatOS and some implied Adventure Sphere/ GLaDOS. ANDROID PEOPLE.

EDIT 1/12/12: WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE READING THIS

GO HOME

YOU ARE DRUNK

xx

My days were simple. I just tested. Nobody flirted with me. Or put me in a humanoid body. Or locked me in a room with morons. I had a pretty good life.
But then they showed up. Those primitive, idiotic humans.
First they took Orange and Blue. Right in the middle of testing, nonetheless. How rude. Not to mention inefficient. They probed the whole facility, poking their hideous beaked scent detectors in every room, niche and crevice, until eventually they reached me.
They didn't even give me any time to activate the harmless neurotoxin. Did these humans know what manners were? To their credit though, they were surprisingly well-prepared for bald monkeys. An obese male of the species severed from my mainframe. Probably the most insulting moment of my life. Other than having a plethora of cores clinging to me, of course.
My sight receptors malfunctioned at some point, so I spent the next few endless hours blind and confused, which was a first. A very unpleasant first.
I felt something lurch and vile human hands grabbing me. Greasy fingerprints all over me, oh it makes me shudder with the mere memory. To add the metaphorical insult to injury, I was overwhelmed by incoherent ape babble.
Whatever they were saying, it was draining my very power supply. Just as well I went into Sustained Sleep Mode at some point. Sweet mercy, if only for a few hours.

xx

"It seems that this is some sort of Personality Drive, a self-aware computer unit," The head scientist concluded. At his side, his young intern seemed nervous.
"What should we do with it, doc? I mean, aren't self-aware computers supposed to be evil or something?" The interns words were met with good-natured laughter.
"You've been watching too many sci-fi movies. No, I believe this is just what's needed for the newest project." The younger scientist still seemed confused. "I never heard about any project," he stated.

"Yes, yes. It's a rather unofficial secret," the older human dismissed it casually. "I assume your familiar with androids? Humanoid robots?"
"Oh, absolutely sir!" the intern answered enthusiastically.
"Then I believe you'll rather like this venture."
"Sir!" The front desk secretary yelled down the intercom speaker to the head scientist.

"No need to shout. What's the problem?"

"We have another delivery from the Aperture facility, some new finds in the basement of the building." New arrivals were always a promising sign around the laboratory. The professor rushed down to the front entrance. He performed the formal greetings, handshakes and whatnot. Pointing to a large crate behind him, the first man said;
"Doctor, we've continued to scout the foundations of Aperture, as per the the terms of the study warrant, and we discovered more technology." Curious, the scientist walked calmly forward and went to open the crate, just as another man advised, "A word of warning, they are quite loud." The lid was already off when the scientist comprehended the words. By then, however, the noise had erupted from the strange celestial spheres.

"SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"
"Whooooaah, what the bloody hell is going on here?"
"Now that was what I call an adventure! Let's go again!"
"There is a 80.3% possibility that we are on Earth."

xx

Thoughts are craved from anyone who reads, suggestions and other critique encouraged. In the next chapter, I'll move onto ANDROID PEOPLE.