A mother's love
Chapter one: Mother's Day
A piercing cry echoed through Jac's tiny flat as little Harry awoke from his nap and decided that he wanted attention and he wanted it NOW. Jac groaned with effort as she began shift her heavily pregnant body comfortably off the sofa, scattering Kit Kat wrappers all over the floor in the process. "Hold on Harry, Jac's on her way," She cooed as she shuffled as fast as she could manage towards her study which had suddenly transformed into Harry's makeshift bedroom. Where was Joseph? How long did it take to run to the corner shop for Kit Kats for god's sake? It was a Sunday; surely the queues wouldn't be that long? Panting slightly, she reached the door way and leant against it for a second to catch her breath, "Hey little man, what's all that racket? Daddy will be back soon," she sang as she made her way over to the cot and with a great degree of effort, scooped the nine month old into her arms and rested him gently on her swollen stomach. At her touch the wailing child paused for a second to see who was holding him, but quickly resumed his screams when he realised it wasn't his already beloved father. Methodologically, Jac ran through her mental baby-checklist, he hadn't been fed all that long ago, his nappy was clean and he didn't have a temperature, so either he had wind or he just wanted attention.
After several minutes of gently rubbing Harry's back, the way Joseph had shown her, with no avail, Jac shifted the howling 9 month old so that they were face to face. "What do you want then?" She cried in exasperation, as her growing maternal instinct told her that the child probably had about as much idea as she did. She shuffled around the flat, rocking Harry as she went, stopping in front of the calendar- as she always did when she passed it, to count the days till her very own due date. As she traced the day with her finger to find the date, she noticed that today was embossed in bold and beneath it in italics were the words "Mothers Day." Her worst day of the year- how could she have forgotten? Mother's day was the only day of the year that Jac actually allowed herself to think of her broken family. Barely a year ago, she'd discovered that her mother, Paula, was not only a pathological user, but she actually had a sixteen year old daughter, Jasmine- the younger sister that little Jacqueline had always craved. But now Jac decided she couldn't care less, Paula had tried to use Jasmine to erase Jac from her life and accepting Jasmine into her life would only cause more unnecessary pain. A small kick in the stomach, suddenly reminded Jac that this time next year, she would be a mother properly herself and whether they acknowledged it or not, Paula Burrows would be a grandmother and Jasmine Burrows would be an Aunt.
Noticing that he'd quietened, Jac set Harry down on his play mat and nestled herself back into her spot on the sofa, and settled back into her thoughts. She'd gone from not wanting any family at all, to being pregnant with a daughter of her own and playing at families with Joseph and his son in the space of a year. She'd never been happier in her life but, recently Jac was becoming terrified that Harry and his baby sister might one day grow to resent her as much she resented her own mother. Could she even be a good mother when she had no real example to follow? Jac was so deep in thought that she barely even noticed the few tears of hurt, frustration and pregnancy hormones that trickled slowly down her cheeks. Feeling silly, she wiped them away- as long as she had Joseph, Harry and the baby, everything would be ok eventually. All of a sudden, the door from the hall burst open and Joseph appeared through it, clutching two carrier bags- one filled with jars of baby food and the other filled to bursting point with Kit Kats. Jac smiled as her craving riddled stomach growled appreciatively.
"Am I or Am I not the worlds best Dad and boyfriend?" Joseph beamed- looking more than pleased with himself as he dumped the bags and went to blow a raspberry on his son's stomach, who squealed in delight.
"Well" grinned Jac "I think, you've already thought of an answer to that and I wouldn't want to burst your bubble" she joked.
"Once the Ice-queen, always the Ice-Queen eh Harry?" was Joseph's affectionate reply as he joined Jac on the sofa, kissing her passionately and rubbing her swollen belly, making her swoon like a school girl. "Hey," said Joseph, breaking off the kiss, "Your face is damp. Have you been crying? What's the matter?"
Jac wiped her face, "It's nothing really, I just realised, its mother's day today and started to think too much. About Paula - hormones made it worse I think."
"Oh Jac, you don't have to think about her anymore, she can't hurt you, she's as good as gone." Joseph pulled her close and held her tight, as silent tears spilled from Jac's eyes.
"I know," she choked "And she's deprived my- sorry, our daughter of a grandma and an Aunt of sorts. Thanks to her I have no idea how to be a mum. What if I end up like her?"
"Jac, you won't. Look at you, you're fantastic with Harry, he's not even your son, but they way you love him, no-one would know any different. You're a different person, you're nothing like Paula and you never will be, because I will never let that happen to you. I love you too much." Joseph promised, cupping her face in his soft hands and wiping away her tears. Jac raised her watery emerald eyes to meet Joseph's deep blue ones and kissed him fervently, "I love you too Joseph Byrne" she hissed in his ear.