This was inspired by "Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series" and the Lady Gaga video for the song this story parodies. I had to write it or else it would burn a hole in my right cranial hemisphere. It's also the song Kaiba is singing in "Decks Fall, Everyone Dies" (another story), and I thought that there had to be more to the song than just that little piece.
The lyrics are in italics and I wrote a very short story around the song.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own "Yu-Gi-Oh" or "Judas."
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"Shifting Cards With Yugi"-A Parody of Lady Gaga's "Judas"
The street grilled in the evening heat as the Doom bikers rode down Chess Avenue in an inverted triangle formation. Alistair and Valon popped wheelies in the front while Raphael brought up the rear. A purple cape billowed out behind Raphael as he and the wind picked up speed. A second look told any bystanders that it was not, in fact, a cape on Raphael's back, but a passenger in a purple trenchcoat.
A row of traffic cones stretched out in front of the trio and they grinded to a halt.
"Crikey! Coulda given us a warning earlier," Valon griped, making a hard left.
"If you'd have paid any attention to the giant flashing sign," the purple-clad passenger muttered.
Raphael jumped. "Who said that?" He swerved, startled by the unfamiliar voice. The unnoticed-by-him rider lost his grip and flew off the bike into the traffic cones.
Valon chuckled. "Looks like you had yourself a hitchhiker."
Alistair watched the man untangle himself. "And look who it is. What happened to your big fancy plane?"
The young man stood up and adopted a more dignified stance. Or tried to, since he had somehow gotten two traffic cones stuck over his pectorals. Not becoming on the Great and Awesome Seto Kaiba, he had to admit.
"That doesn't matter now," Kaiba said, to answer Alistair and that nagging part of his brain. "I have a duel to win and you are going to help me get there."
Raphael folded his arms. "And what if we don't want to?"
Kaiba twitched his pectorals. The traffic cones made a cocking noise. The three bikers tensed up. "It'll really get on my tits."
A few minutes later, the three bikes sped down the street, in a triangle formation. This time, the purple cloth did not billow over the back of the bike, but flopped over Raphael's seated form.
"Like Chinese water torture," Raphael mumbled. He flinched every time one of the coat's corners brushed his neck.
Music streamed through the air. The bikers were slightly surprised, but Kaiba began to sing:
"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, let me duel with Yu-gi-oh, Yu-gi-oh.
All I wanna do is duel with Yu-gi-oh, Yu-gi-oh.
Rar-rar-wro-ong song.
Get it right, come on!
Yugi, Yu-gi-oh-oh,
Come to Kaiba.
Yugi, Yu-gi-oh-oh,
Yugi, Yu-gi-oh-oh,
Yugi, Yu-gi-oh-oh,
Come to Kaiba."
The bikers arrived at the dueling field as night fell. A few gold lights made the table glow in the darkness. A rainbow strobe light threw color on odd spots in the crowd and field. Two disco balls sat behind each chair, elevated on a pole with the number 2000 at the top. They took their seats and commenced the duel while Kaiba continued to sing:
"How could he be so difficult to beat?
I'll whip his ass with my mullet if I need.
Attack him with my blue-eyed dragons three,
Although a million times he defeats me."
Kaiba leapt on the table and continued as the spectators and other duelists stared. Yugi cocked his head.
"Ahh ah ah ah ah, ahh ah ah ah ah.
You're going down, in the next round.
Ahh ah ah ah ah, ahh ah ah ah ah.
You spiky-haired clown, leather-wearing clown."
Yugi had to stop himself from dancing in his chair, in spite of the insult.
"I'm losing every duel, but stubborn as a mule,
when shifting cards with Yugi, daily.
I'm screwing all the rules, but still I'm getting schooled
I'm shifting cards with Yugi, daily.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, wanna duel with Yu-gi-oh, Yu-gi-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, wanna duel with Yu-gi-oh, Yu-gi-oh"
He noticed the referee glaring at him and sat back down. They continued the duel: Kaiba, giving Yugi a predatory stare; Yugi, looking half like he'd rather be elsewhere and half amused.
"Yugi, Yu-gi-oh-oh,
Yugi, Yu-gi-oh-oh,
Yugi, Yu-gi-oh-oh,
Come to Kaiba."
A bunch of the other duelists started to breakdance while Kaiba continued to sing and duel.
"I could not duel someone if he's sucky
Even if they claim to be god or king.
Heart of cards has no effect for me.
All of that are tales of the fairies.
Ho-o-o-o-cus Po-o-o-o-cus.
I'll take his crown, take his crown, crown.
Ahh ah ah ah ah, ahh ah ah ah ah.
Put on my game frown or I'll kill young hounds.
Why must I always duel with superstitious fools?
I'm shifting cards with Yugi, daily.
It's him I'm talking to, and not an ancient ghoul,
When I'm shifting cards with Yugi, daily."
Kaiba lost 400 life points. The disco ball behind his chair dropped.
"Dueling him is heaven, but with every loss, I get more cross.
Spying in his windows, I see he's got DOS, he doesn't floss."
Kaiba had a flashback to the previous night. He'd been looking into Yugi's window, hoping to catch Yugi practicing his dueling strategy. All he got for his trouble was a detailed demonstration of Yugi's laundry technique and a pair of dirty underwear to his face.
"Ew." Kaiba shuddered at the memory.
"In the most literal sense, I shall be wetting my pants
If I ever get a chance to read his mind.
When I break down his defense, he must leave every pretense
Of making any damn sense as Pharaoh far behind.
I…wanna duel him but something's stealing victory from me.
Yugi is the vessel, but Atem is the spirit-hey, you cheat!"
Kaiba stood up, knocking over his chair, and stabbed his finger at Yugi.
"You're cheating!"
The referee shot a worried glance at Mokuba, who took out his cell phone and dialed away while walking out of the makeshift arena. Kaiba jumped over the table, knocking it over, and lunged at the referee. Yugi managed to catch his legs and attempted to restrain him.
"I swear, that it's the truth! He's not a normal youth!
There's something weird 'bout Yugi, maybe!
Oh, god, my mind is screwed, now I'm forced to conclude
I'm not shifting cards with Yugi daily."
Mokuba returned with a man in a white lab coat. Kaiba's eyes widened once he realized what was going on and he began to slide himself away, Yugi still clamped onto his legs.
"Oh oh oh oh no, don't you tell me I'm unglued, white-coated dude.
Oh oh oh oh no, Mokuba is it all true, you're with them too?"
"Sorry, bro-thah-ah,
You've gone gaga.
I called the doctor;
This won't hurt much."
The man in the white coat stuck a syringe into Kaiba's arm. Kaiba tensed, then relaxed and flopped into Mokuba's arms.
"He'll wake up in a few hours," the doctor said as he wiped off the syringe. "I'd suggest you get him to bed, let him sleep it off."
"Thanks for coming out today." Mokuba sighed. "Again."
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Writing silly songs is fun.