Announcer: It's the Top Ten with scott194
Me: Welcome to the show everybody, I'm scott194 and welcome to the Top Ten. Joining me today is the cast of the hit series One Piece: Hancock, Jimbei, Zoro, Nami, and Luffy.
[Camera pans to Luffy and co. while the crowd cheers. Luffy and co. smile and wave at the crowd and wave at me in their nice suits]
Me: Welcome to the show guys, how's it working for you.
Luffy: Pretty good scott194. We get our first vacation in years and decided "why not".
Zoro: Still would've great if Letterman booked us.
Luffy: Zoro we all knew that was never happening.
Me: So now you're stuck with me or any weird talk show they have in Japan. By the way, how do I understand you guys? I don't speak Japanese.
Jimbei: We're talking in our English dubbed voices.
Me: But you don't have a… oh whatever. Let's get on with tonight's Top Ten. Tonight's theme is Top Ten Coolest Things About being a Pirate. Are you guys ready?
Nami: Ready! [thumbs up]
Me: Ok, here we go…
Number 10
Zoro: If the toilet's backed up, don't sweat it, just piss or take your dump overboard.
Me: OOHH! A gross start. You do know the sea is home to the Fishmen, right?
Jimbei: Where do you think we go?
Me: Fair enough, moving on…
Number 9
Nami: Being a pirate, you are exempt from court issued duties such as jury duty or the draft.
Me: That's something I would consider…
Number 8
Hancock: It's more profitable, as is any seafaring job, because our world is, unrealistically, mostly water.
Number 7
Luffy: Women are an easy lay so long as the man to woman ratio on any ship works to your advantage.
Me: Oh, that's hot. [takes a mint and eats it]
Hancock: You don't need a ship to get me in bed, Luffy. [wink towards Luffy]
Number 6
Zoro: All the people you could possibly want to rob out on sea have all the coolest stuff.
Nami: We were able to steal more than 300,000,000 of Moria! Aaaahhhh, memories.
Number 5
Jimbei: That whole "sailing into the sunset" thing is loses its impact when you're on the ship, but you feel less like a douche for sailing into the sunset.
Number 4
Nami: You're far enough away from Matthew McConaughey's horrible films.
Me: What about Tropic Thunder?
Luffy: They could have easily replaced him with any other actor, it didn't need to be him.
[drumroll]
Me: Up to the top 3 people!
Number 3
Hancock: The strange thing is—I'm not saying this…
Jimbei: Don't wuss out, you drew the straw for this one.
Hancock: Fine…[sighs]… the strange thing is, the sea in the middle of nowhere is the perfect place to masterbate.
Me: Ooohhh, I can't believe she just said that!
Number 2
Jimbei: International waters, we'll let your imagination run wild with that one.
[bigger drumroll]
Me: Aaaaannnnddd finally…
The Number 1 Coolest thing about being a Pirate
Luffy: Anybody will join your crew, regardless of their opinion on pirates, so long as Johnny Depp is somehow involved.
Me: And there you have it. Join us next time when we have the cast of Naruto in to present the Top Ten Uses for a Ninja. And please send in any ideas you have for the next theme.