A/N: This is a sequel to my other story 'Leaving for good'. Again it is based in CP Coulter's Daltonverse and I am using her lovely characters Logan and Julian.

Julian stood in front of the large mirror in his bedroom putting the finishing touches on his outfit. He hated those formal charity events. They always reminded him too much of the times when he was younger and his parents dragged him with them. But even worse were the memories of his school and his friends, especially…. No! He wasn't going to go there tonight. He would have to be happy, carefree and presentable in less than an hour. There was no time to dwell in painful memories now.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror. The impeccably pressed dark suit fit him perfectly, clinging tightly in all the right places. The light blue dress shirt underneath showed off his toned chest nicely. The only thing he dreaded was the tie. Whenever an event allowed it he would not bother with a tie but this was one of those events where he had to wear one. It just reminded him too much of his everyday routine at Dalton. There, he had thought the dreaded name. He avoided to even think about it, it just brought back all the memories.

Julian sighed deeply, threw the tie in his hand back onto his bed and walked into his kitchen. Opening one of the cabinets he pulled out a glass and set it onto the counter. Normally he didn't drink before the charity events because there were enough people giving him drinks as an excuse to start a conversation. But at this moment he needed the dark liquor he pulled out of his fridge and poured himself half a glass. Swirling it around before taking the first sip he wondered why all those memories came rushing back tonight.

There were enough other occasions where he was wearing a suit or getting ready for a charity event but normally he shielded himself well enough to not succumb to losing himself in the past. Why was tonight different? He couldn't put his finger on the feelings and thoughts running through his mind.

So much had changed since he had left that night. He moved into this fancy apartment when he turned 20 last month. He had taken on more complex and difficult roles to distract himself from everything else. And the biggest change had happened the week after he had left school.

Julian stared at the phone in his hand. 76 unread messages and 132 unanswered calls from Logan.

He was so tempted to read the messages and possibly even answer a call but he couldn't. Julian knew that once he read whatever Logan was sending him, he would cave and probably end up back at Dalton while Logan was just playing one of his games to prove his power over him. He couldn't do that. He needed to leave all of this behind in order to have a chance of moving on.

Julian knew that this was a shitty plan and would hurt his friends but for once in his life he needed to put himself before caring about Logan and his feelings.

An hour later he was back from his little shopping trip with a new phone and a new number. Once again he pulled the old one out of his pocket and sent a message to Derek explaining that he would change numbers but would call him soon. Then he paused for a moment trying to figure out what he could possibly tell Logan. Maybe reading one of his texts would be good to at least see what the blonde boy wants.

Hesitantly Julian scrolled through the texts and decided to just randomly open one.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Julian? Answer your fucking phone. You can't just leave. We need to talk! Please…"

That was almost exactly what Julian had expected. Except for the last pleading word. Logan had never been the pleading type of guy. Julian could feel his inside turning and his decision to leave it all behind wavering. No! He needed this.

So he opened a new text and typed. "Logan, I just need space right now. I'm sorry for what happened, I lost control. I'll talk to you soon!"

Those were the last words he had exchanged with Logan. After sending the message he turned off his old phone and put it into his nightstand.

That was three years ago. He had talked to Derek at least once a month on the phone but had asked him not to tell Logan. Only twice did Derek bring the topic of Logan up. It seemed like Logan had been even more confused after Julian had left and the doctors had upped his medication.

Of course he felt guilty about leaving Logan behind after their kiss but it was the right decision.

So much had changed but more importantly, so much had stayed the same. No matter how hard Julian tried not to think about the blonde boy or wonder how he'd look now, at one point he'd always end up comparing people on the streets to Logan.

Julian dated around quite a lot. Well, not so much that it would be bad for his reputation but he was young and had desires. The problem was, he could sleep with a girl (and there were many to choose from) but he'd never be able to completely let go with her. Somehow during the act the picture of Logan would pop into his mind and he'd be distracted and depressed. The girls never noticed anything but as soon as Logan popped into his head, Julian only wanted to get it over with and get rid of the girl.

He was very careful about showing himself in the public with girls and only ever brought the ones he knew better or was friends with to premieres or charity events. At least he wouldn't have to deal with them being clingy, that was a plus to female friends.

From time to time tall, toned, blonde guys would find their way into Julian's bed. At first he hadn't noticed that he always picked up guys who resembled Logan so much. His subconscious seemed to do that automatically. The problem was that none of them could give Julian what he wanted, what he needed.

Most guys were gentle with him where he needed them to be rough. No one ever talked back. They worshipped him, glad to get into bed with a celebrity. That was one of the problems of picking up fans. A second one was the obvious problem with them not talking about this because the public image of Julian was still straight. But even the other actors he hooked up with could never really give him what he needed. So after some time he gave up on picking guys up it just wasn't worth it when he knew exactly what he wanted or to be more precise who he wanted.

Logan

Julian brought the glass back up to his lips and drank the rest in one big gulp. The liquor burned in his throat but he didn't care he needed the memories and thoughts to stop. Without thinking he poured himself a second glass that he downed completely in one swig.

Ever so slowly the muscles that had tensed up with the onslaught of memories started to relax. Julian knew that he hadn't had so much that he'd be tipsy after a couple of more drinks at the event but he felt like he could breathe again.

Whenever his mind wandered back to the beautiful blonde Julian felt like he was drowning. Like he couldn't breathe. He hated feeling this helpless but he had learned to live with it and had found a way to make himself breathe again. The thing he hated most was the power those memories still had over him after three years. He had made a decision not to go back and he had stuck to that. But every day in the past years he had silently regretted it.

But what scared him was that if he had to make the decision again he would still have left. He couldn't explain why, not even to himself, but it just felt right despite hurting like hell.

Julian looked at the clock on the wall and noticed that his little panic attack had cost him more than half an hour so he placed the glass in the sink and went back to his room to finish getting ready.

Ten minutes later Julian grabbed his black wool coat and left his apartment hoping that the charity event would be over quickly and that maybe he'd be able to find a little distraction to take home with him.

As his driver stopped the car in front of the large, elegant building the event was taking place in, Julian felt a lot calmer than he had back at his place. He took one last calming breath before putting his show face on and opening the car. He stepped onto the red carpet that was lined with photographers and smiled as though nothing was wrong.

Somehow this calmed him down even more. It was familiar territory. When you grow up with famous parents you get used to being dragged to those events and being told to smile. This was what he knew and did best. Acting. No one was able to see how messed up he was inside. He could totally survive this evening.

After talking to some of the reporters he made his way inside and was promptly greeted by a fellow actress who pressed a glass into his hand and stood a little bit too close for Julian's comfort. She was gorgeous there was no doubt in that with her dark brown hair and brown eyes. Unfortunately not his type at all, especially the fact that she talked way too much and never even seemed to stop to breathe. Of course the first girl he would run into would want to get into his pants. Maybe if he became really desperate later on. With the excuse of having to look for his manager he left her behind looking slightly angry.

Two drinks and half an hour later he finally found his manager, a woman in her late 40's who had worked with his mother for quite some time.

"Julian, there you are. I've been looking for you. I want you to meet some people."

"Yeah, Amanda I was looking for you too but the minute I stepped inside I had some girl all over me." Julian said nonchalantly. "What was that about meeting people? You are not trying to set me up again are you?" There were times where Julian was sure that Amanda was trying to get him a proper girlfriend he could show off at the events.

"I have never tried to set you up. How can you suggest that I did such a thing," she said jokingly. "But to answer your question: No set up, just some spoiled senator's son who everyone deems important. I don't know why though…"

The thoughts in Julian's mind were racing. A Senators' son? No, it couldn't be. Why was he freaking out so much? There were other Senators' sons apart from Logan. He took another swig from the glass in his hand. He needed to calm down, so he took a deep breath and focused back on Amanda who was looking at him questioningly.

"Why do I have to meet him? I mean I am an actor, I don't care about politics." Julian asked her. Amanda just looked at him and wondered for a second why Julian was like this all of a sudden. Normally he just went along with most things she asked him to do.

"Well, I don't know. I heard something about him being a fan of yours. That's why I thought it would be nice if you talked to him for a while. You never know when stuff like this might be important."

Julian looked at her with empty eyes. This guy was a fan of his? Great! Maybe this guy had heard about some of his affairs with men and wanted a chance. The more he thought about it the better it sounded. Well, if this guy was cute and gay maybe he was the distraction he needed.

"Okay, I'll talk to him," he said slowly, pretending to be bored. "But let me go to the bathroom first and then I'll grab another drink and come find you."

"Do that. I'll be waiting somewhere over there." And with that she wandered into the direction she had just pointed out.

Julian turned around and walked towards the bathroom. He didn't really need to go but he needed a minute to himself. In the elegant bathroom he turned the cold water on and splashed some into his face. He hated that he had panicked for a split second at the prospect that this mystery guy might be Logan.

It was pathetic that after nearly three years Logan was still so very present in his thoughts all the time and he hated himself for it. He had been the one to leave, he had made a conscious decision to go, even after that wonderful and surprising kiss, so why was it still so hard?

Turning off the water he decided that he could really use a little male distraction tonight. It had been far too long since he had taken someone home with him and just enjoyed it. So, if the guy was already interested in him why not?

After stopping at the bar to get another drink Julian, who really started to feel the alcohol in his body, walked into the direction his manager had disappeared to. While walking he started to scan the crowd, not exactly looking for people he knew but maybe he could take a guess who said guy was. He hoped that the guy was taller than him that was a must for him. Maybe this guy knew how to be a little rough with him. Hadn't Amanda said something about this guy being spoiled? He hoped that this guy might have a bit of an attitude nothing too strong but maybe he wouldn't take his bullshit. Well, one can dream right?

He didn't get very far when a soft hand touched his shoulder.

"Julian, there you are. Here is someone who would like to meet you." So Amanda had found him and the senators' son and already taken the liberty of telling this guy that Julian would meet him.

Julian put on his trademark smile and slowly turned around, only to look up into pale green eyes.

A/N: I hope you liked the first chapter. It would be lovely if you left me a review.