Criminal

1

Sequel to Jailbait oh yeah partay. If you haven't read Jailbait, I suggest that you do so, or this one probably won't make much sense – then again, you could always just wing it and read this anyway...but Jailbait is pretty good, if I do say so myself...the over 400 reviews agree with me...

And if you've been reading my stuff for a while, hi! Welcome back! You're all looking as sexy as ever *wiggles eyebrows*. In fact, hello to everyone! There, I think that covers it. I probably won't be updating this one as quickly as Jailbait, but you never know...

And you know how Jailbait's 'song' was 21 Guns by Green Day? A link to the OFFICIAL PLAYLIST (compiled by yours truly with some help from Jen-who-Lily-is-based-on and wolfshadow32) for this and Jailbait can be found on my profile page. It's a bit random, but listen to the lyrics and I'm sure you'll find a place in which they link in. There's no particular order to it either – just put it on shuffle and enjoy! I also recommend that you DON'T subscribe to that channel, as it's just the one I use for my subscriptions, so I'd only clog up your feed with likes and comments and stuff. If you really feel the need to subscribe to my face, sub to TheExplodingLlamas instead ^_^

Not got the plot of this one completely hammered out in stone yet, but we'll get there, promise! Hope you enjoy, and leave me a review – it's really easy now, you don't even have to click on a link to get the review window up anymore! Xxx

I rolled over, squinting from the bright morning sunshine. My arm flopped out across mattress, and I frowned. There should be a person there...where had he gone? I sighed heavily and looked around the room. I was alone. I tilted my head to one side and grinned as I heard the toaster pop up. I pulled myself up from the bed and grabbed the man's dressing gown from the back of the door, wrapping it round myself and tying a loose knot in the cord. I stifled a yawn as I padded down the stairs and into the kitchen. Standing at the counter in green stripy boxers shorts was Loki, ex-God of Mischief, and my sort of boyfriend. I grinned as he winced when the toast burnt his fingers, giggling as he dropped the slices onto a plate with a curse.

The hell I did.

What really happened was I woke up lying next to Loki at around 11am. I had a strip of about 30cm wide to lie on as he was sprawled out across most of the double bed, and he was snoring. Loudly. I didn't want to check for drool. I get the feeling that if I saw any, I would suddenly find him strangely unattractive. That of course, would be ludicrous, as he is one of the sexiest men I've ever seen. However, he is most certainly NOT a morning person.

"Wakey, wakey." I poked his bicep. He didn't respond. "Good morning sunshine, I hope that you're well..." I sang softly as I continued to poke him. He groaned and slapped at my hand groggily. "It's gone 11am, Loki. We said that we'd be at S.H.I.E.L.D at 12 for the check up thingy."

"We didn't say anything. You said we'd be there." His eyes flickered open and I propped myself up on my elbows to look at him properly.

"Mehh. Get up and get in the shower." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Make me." I grinned.

"You know that I will. And you forget, I'm much stronger than you now." He smirked and pushed me sharply off the bed, eliciting a small scream from me as I landed in a heap on the floor. "Hey! No bad behaviour, remember!" He leaned over the side of the mattress and his eyes flashed mischievously.

"You know exactly how bad I can be, Lily." I flushed at the blatant innuendo.

"You've yet to actually show me, Loki." I retorted as I stood up. "Get in the shower." I threw a pillow at him for good measure, which he caught due to his freaking lightning fast reflexes. Yawning, I left his room and made my way down to the kitchen, filling the kettle up and flicking it on. I grabbed two mugs from the drainer and dropped a teabag in both of them before heading back up the stairs to have a shower. As I walked past his room, I couldn't help but notice that the infernal man was still in bed. I sighed, and ducked into the small bathroom on the landing and quietly filled up a glass of water. I snuck back into his room and stood behind him (he was lying on his front with his face buried in the pillow). I had no doubt that he knew I was there, but I'm fairly certain that he wasn't expecting to have a glass of water dumped over his bare back. He shot up, roaring in surprise. I backed up to the doorway, cackling evilly. He shook his head, water flying off his dripping hair, and I raised an eyebrow as I noticed the way some of it was clinging to his smooth, pale chest. He stalked towards me menacingly, which only made me laugh harder.

"I told you to have a shower, Loki!" He stopped, looking down at me where I was pressed against the wall. I smiled innocently and he scoffed, stepping back and allowing me past. I walked slowly back across the hall and reached into the airing cupboard for a towel.

"ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as I felt strong arms wrap around my waist and lift me up. He held me upside down over his shoulder, and I beat his back feebly, finding that it was very difficult to put up much of a fight when you were laughing so hysterically you could barely breathe. I clicked my fingers and a pillow flew to my hand, which I then used to continue my assault on his back. He walked through to my room and dumped me unceremoniously on my bed. I pushed my hair out of my face and glared at him.

"Get in the shower, Lily." He mocked. I grabbed the pillow and threw it at him (I seem to do that a lot). He laughed as he picked it up, offering me a hand to help me up. I begrudgingly took it and squealed as he suddenly pulled me up against his (still bare, still very, very, VERY hot) chest. He bent down and kissed me quickly before releasing his hold on me and walking out of my room. I exhaled, rubbed my face and headed to my shower. On the way past my table, I noticed the time. Twenty past eleven. The car to take us to S.H.I.E.L.D was due at half past. Bollocks.

~X~

If we're going to be late, I may as well take the time to look presentable, I thought to myself as I rubbed shampoo into my hair. It wasn't long before my thoughts wondered to Loki, as they so often do. It was...difficult, shall we say? We'd been living together for nearly two weeks now, and while it did have its bonuses (a constant source of intelligent conversation, witty and/or teasing banter and general sexiness), there were definitely downsides. His laziness, for example. His refusal to do anything to help with, say, the washing up or preparing meals (on that subject, I'm really surprised I haven't poisoned us both yet with my cooking). If I had any choice, I would move out (or make him move out). He's absolutely fantastic, but living with him 24/7 really grates on my nerves.

I think it would be better if we could actually clarify what we were. The only label that I can definitely say applies to us is 'housemates'. I mean...considering he killed me, can we be friends? Considering I volunteered to live with him, can we be enemies? Can I be his babysitter if really he can take care of himself? Can we be a...couple...if there's no romance at all?

I mean, seriously. The first night, we were both a bit soft, and were going on about 'Oh, I'm so glad we're together again' in between making out for about four hours straight. The second day, we spoke to each other the same as we always have done – except perhaps with a little more flirting and sexual tension. That night, again, he pulled me into his room and we made out before sleeping together. The operative word being sleeping, as that's all we did. That routine has pretty much continued up until today – flirting during the day, sleeping together during the night. Each evening has contained less and less kissing. In the early days, we'd both be in our underwear before he stopped us and decided it was time to sleep. Now, I struggle to even get his shirt off before he announces that he's tired. Last night, we talked for hours after he said he was tired. There are two conclusions I can draw from this:

1 – he's already bored of me, and after seeing me with morning bed-hair and no caffeine in my system, has decided that in fact, there's no way he could ever be attracted to me.

2 – he's frigid. And from what Alva told me back in Asgard...Loki is nowhere near frigid. Apparently half the maids in the castle have slept with him at some point – and that's while he was married.

So, as neither as of these conclusions make sense to me...I'm just going to ignore them. Loki's messed up, I know that. Maybe he just needs some time to adjust or something.

I shut the shower off and wrapped a towel around myself before walking back into my bedroom.

"The car's outside already, Lily." I screamed and clutched onto my towel, staring at the man sat on my bed.

"Jesus, Loki, you gave me a heart attack! Get out!" He tilted his head at me, not bothering to disguise his wandering eyes. I sighed and shoved him off my duvet and propelled him towards the door. Thank god he was wearing clothes...if he was sat on my bed in a towel...well, at least he'd actually had a shower...

"You love it really." He teased, a grin spreading across his face almost as fast as a blush was spreading across mine.

"Sure I do, Loki. Now go make me a cup of tea while I get changed; the cups are set out, the kettle is full, all you need to do is boil the water, pour it, stir, hook the teabags out, put some milk in it and stir, now shoo, shoo." I succeeded in pushing him out of my room and shut the door behind him.

I couldn't work out whether situations such as that were bonuses or negatives.

~X~

I finally made it downstairs, having put on the tight black jeans and black long sleeved t-shirt that constituted my uniform and pulled my wet hair back in a plait. I dumped my not-leather leather jacket on the bag of the chair and took the mug that Loki offered to me gratefully. I quickly opened the front door to see the driver of the black car leaning against the hood looking at his watch pointedly.

"I'm sorry, alarm clock didn't go off...we'll be out in ten minutes, just let us get something to eat first – did you want anything?" When in potential doo-doo, be as nice and polite as possible. It's worked pretty well for me in the past.

"I'm sure your alarm didn't go off, Agent." I blinked dumbly at the man's rudeness. "I'm sure you've eaten plenty. Any sausages, perhaps?" My jaw set in an angry line. He knew exactly what he was insinuating and he was doing it just to be a dick. I set my mug on the wall by the gate and stepped up to the gate.

"Well, Agent, I'm fairly certain you'll find that I outrank you in every way possible, and I highly doubt that you want to get on my bad side. It would be so easy for me to whisper in Nick Fury's ear that you've been saying unsavoury things about my current situation, and even easier for him to throw you out on your ass, so might I suggest that you shut the hell up and stay shut up until we arrive at Headquarters?" It was his turn to blink dumbly. Sure, I may be a short 18 year old who looks like a Lilliputian compared to this mountain of muscle and fat, but there was no way I was going to stand for his douchebaggery. "Trust me, Agent, my bite is a whole lot worse than my bark. Get in the car." I smiled condescendingly as he nodded and opened his door. I turned back to the house, grabbing my mug on the way. Loki was stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, looking at me with something almost like concern. I brushed past him, heading for the kitchen and food.

"Just peachy." I muttered darkly. He followed, shutting the front door.

"I was going to come out, but you seemed to be handling that alright." I rolled my eyes as I dumped a pile of cereal in a bowl and sloshed some milk over the top.

"And what exactly would you have done, Loki?" I asked as he sat down opposite me with a plate of toast.

"I'm a God. I would've..." He stopped abruptly.

"But you're not a God at the minute, Loki." I said gently. "I know it's hard, and trust me, if I met you in a dark alley, I'd still pretty much cack myself and run in the other direction, but that guy would have no issue with laying into you, especially because you're Loki and 98% of S.H.I.E.L.D dislikes you intensely." I put my hand over his. "Thanks anyway." I gave him a small smile, and was not surprised when he didn't smile in return. His eyes were stormy and his fists clenched. He was angry. "Loki..."

"I hate this weak body!" He exclaimed suddenly, slamming his fist down on the table. The leg nearest to him splintered and gave way. I made a grab for the table top to hold it even while pointing at one of the chairs and moving it under the side of the table that was currently unsupported before I looked at him.

"Not so weak, huh?" I said lightly as I picked up my mug and was relieved to see a slight grin quirk his mouth. I raised the mug to my lips and took a sip...and instantly spat it out into my cereal bowl. I looked at Loki accusingly.

"Salt instead of sugar? Really?" I pawed at my tongue, gagging. He shrugged, pointing at himself.

"God of Mischief? I'm a prankster, remember." I stuck my finger in the poison-tea and flicked some at him.

"You're not a God, you're a douche." I grumbled as I poured it down the sink and grabbed a bottle of Coke out of the fridge instead. I turned around and flinched in surprise as I realised he was suddenly standing right behind me. He pulled the bottle out of my hands and set in on the counter.

"Sorry." He said teasingly. I punched his chest lightly (he was wearing a mossy green t-shirt...I swear he picked all the green clothes from his wardrobe on purpose).

"Forgiven."

"And I'm sorry about him-" he jerked his head towards the window, through which I could see the black car still parked illegally along the curb. "-being insensitive. I know this is difficult for you, and it's difficult for me too, not being able to do anything about it. I'm sure I'll get used to...being human...but it will take time."

"I know." I rested a hand on his cheek, noting distractedly that he'd clearly forgotten to shave and had a day's worth of stubble on his face. I shot a look out of the window and could clearly see the driver there staring at us through dark sunglasses. You know what? Sod him. I turned back to Loki and brought his lips to mine, standing on tiptoes as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I could feel his mouth curving in a smile against mine and he clearly decided to play along, as he lifted me up onto the counter so I could wrap my legs around his waist. It really was very nice, kissing Loki. I'm not sure that I'll ever get used to it, but I sure as hell enjoy it. Like, really enjoy it. Like, I don't want to go to the S.H.I.E.L.D meeting thingy and suck up to Fury I want to stay here and make out with Loki instead, sort of enjoy it. When Fury asked me to be 'Loki's babysitter', he made it clear that he didn't really care what we got up to as long as Loki behaved himself in the world-domination sense. It was common knowledge that Loki and I were...a thing...well, at least to those who knew I was alive. So I suppose that only means Fury, Agent Hill and a couple of the people on the Board of Directors. But mehh.

We eventually pulled apart and I laughed, looking out the window again and seeing the look of disgust of the driver's face. I flipped him the finger, and, for good measure, made his glasses fall off his face and into his lap. These magic powers or whatever you want to call them certainly were...useful.

"That was fun." I said slightly breathlessly.

"I agree." He murmured, brushing his lips against mine again. I leant into him for a second before pulling back and giving him a quick hug before hopping off the counter.

"Come on, we're late enough as it is." I kept hold of his hand as we both picked up our stuff and left the house. Maybe I didn't mind the whole 'No labels that fit us' thing so much after all...

Horrendously long opening chapter in which nothing much of any consequence happens. Sorry. This story will take longer to get off the ground, because I'm not writing it with the intention of it being short – it will be as long as it needs to be. Next chapter will be up in a couple of days – Jen-who-Lily-is-based-on is taking me to the Olympics tomorrow, because she's fabulous like that (happy dance). Reviewers win adorable pop-tart cats.