Disclaimer : I do not own X-MEN First Class.

This story is canon!AU. Post beach.

Erik didn't left and Charles still got shot. Characters might get out of characters, I'll try my best to control that. I've also started with a new story about deaged Alex ( it's Halex ) and it's still in progression, courtesy of a prompt in 1stclass_kink ( I really should stop reading unfilled prompts, am I? )

Thanks to Captaingeek for betaing this chapter! :D

The first thing that Erik noticed when Charles woke up two days later after the incident with Shaw was that his eyes had lost their shine.

It didn't take much for Erik to figure it out. He knew the brunette from inside outside and no matter how many times Charles kept on trying to convince him that he was okay, Erik wasn't going to believe him. It left a bitter feeling on his tongue and in his heart, as he watched the now half paralyzed man gave his fake – sick – smiles to all the children. It felt wrong; because Erik shouldn't have stayed to go through this.

This was the aftermath and Erik had never been the one who deal with loss and consequences.

But as he sat down on the chair beside Charles' bed, drinking in his face and his presence, Erik was sure that he would suffer more if he chosen the alternate road before. Charles looked down on his lap, his fingers fumbling with each other and Erik carefully reached out, placing his own on top of his.

The movement stopped.

Erik wished this was all a dream. Nothing but a dream.

"… Why did you choose to stay, Erik?" Charles softly murmured; blue eyes staring down, refusing to make any eye contact with him. Erik tightened his hold on their hands, he bit his lip before he took a deep breath.

The room was only occupied by them, the children were gone to do some works or maybe just to evolve themselves in what they still got left. Erik hung his head down, his mind was empty of words and Charles didn't seem to care when it felt like forever before he got the courage to answer.

"I don't know."

It was true.

Erik didn't know why he stayed at the first place.

Perhaps it was because of his revenge was fulfilled. Or maybe because Charles was injured. Or it could have been because Erik just simply didn't have any other choice to take. He couldn't leave Charles behind just like that because no matter how cold Erik might seem; what kind of heart didn't look back?

Charles took a deep breath, his fingers remained immobile in their hold and he titled his head up slightly, looking at the dull white wall in front of him. Then he slowly closed his eyes. Erik waited for the bomb to explode, wait for it just happen or something or anything so that it could kill the silence that now threatening to drown him, cruelly without mercy.

It didn't take long for Charles to finally look at him.

It was unnerving how those cerulean blue eyes actually capable of looking so broken but accusing at the same time. Erik almost wished that he didn't look at him at all but that would cost him his sanity.

Charles waited for the older mutant to say something to defend himself or maybe to ask whether he was feeling all right but nothing came out. Erik was staring back at him while Charles tried his best to manage eye contact without cowering away. His icy blue eyes seemed to have many secrets buried inside of them and Charles ached at the knowledge that he wouldn't be able to know what they were.

Erik Lensherr would forever be a mystery that Charles Xavier wouldn't be able to divulge.

Even when the reason of why they were here now, in Charles' room, not somewhere a lot more comfortable – the study, perhaps – was fact that Charles could no longer move – with his legs. Charles would forever remained locked away from Erik. Erik that stayed behind because he didn't know what else he should do other than looking at him with sympathizing eyes and unconsciously, cruelly reminded him that he couldn't walk.

Not anymore.

Erik pulled him back from his reverie, of his hands idly touching his knee, felt nothing and sensed nothing. Charles was so near to grab anything close to stab his legs with at the moment when Erik touched his arm, his eyes staring as if he could see right through his soul.

"Charles?"

"Okay."

"What?"

Erik looked as if he was taken aback by Charles' respond to his concern. He blinked his eyes and leaned slightly forward as if it could make disappear of the distance between their shattering feelings.

Charles looked away, back to defend his unstable emotions and he could felt the other man radiating hurt and disappointment.

"Okay. I understand your answer." He chose to repeat his words with a mere explanation followed. Erik refused to tear his eyes away from him and Charles felt those eyes burned hole on the side of his head. But Erik said nothing to further bring this discussion into any worse circumstance; he just simply nodded his head and squeezed his arm for a second before finally letting go.

Charles fought the urge to pull him back because he didn't want Erik to leave just like that. But his mind and conscience chanted 'He did this, He did this to you' many times, over and over again and it hurt to know that there was no one to deny the fact.

He believed that Erik knew about it too but he didn't have the heart to bring it up with Charles. Because he pitied him and Charles hated himself so much at the moment for hating Erik on that. It was ugly, that he actually still couldn't accept that within many people and souls, it was him who Erik hurt at last.

Erik leaned down slightly to press a light kiss on his temple, as if he tried to make him feel better and Charles wanted to scream 'no'. But he kept it all to himself and only watched as Erik made his way out.

The tension was left hanging up in the atmosphere. Untouched and unspoken.

The children were back to their routines.

Raven appeared more in her real skin rather than the blonde that Charles had known all throughout his life but she seemed to be more than happier. Charles could only smile and pulled her into a hug when she came to bring him dinner one night. He realized that he was being unfair before, wanting Raven to hide who she was and it was unforgivable. But Raven, beautiful Raven didn't even blame him for that. She was even grateful that Charles had started to accept that she wouldn't be the same old Raven he met first at his kitchen, disguising as his mother and was afraid of the world.

Raven was now a lot more than that. She might not be the bravest person but she certainly didn't scare of anything anymore.

Hank was in progress to accept what he truly had become. Charles watched as he tried to get over the fact that past would only stay as past. There was no way for him to fix what he had put himself into and the only way for him to heal was to move on. Charles realized that after his transformation, he seemed to be a lot more open about his feelings and his abilities. He didn't afraid or shy away every time something happened under his supervision and Charles could almost say that his brilliant mind had take on a positive outcome when it came to build new things.

He'd learnt in time that there was nothing for him to regret about his mutation when all it gave to him was what he needed the most.

Alex had taken a path that Charles found himself surprised to find out. The usually ruthless blond, hot tempered and young blood seemed to have found peace after the incident at Cuba. He was a lot more than a child that Charles had taken away from the jail months ago. His maturity had started to show and Charles knew that if something were to happen to him, he could count on the blond to take over his lead. Alex still had the same qualities in himself that labeled him as one Alex Summers; he still pulled pranks on Raven, he was still bullying on Hank and he still loved to mess around just for the sake of it.

If Charles had closed one eye, he wouldn't see what Alex had become, how his mind had fixed a target to find others like them and to protect them from any harm, and Charles was grateful that he didn't.

Sean was the one that managed to bring Charles back to who he was, only for a bit, but still. The young redhead was bright with life, his happiness and his excitement rushed through Charles when he practiced in the open field. Charles would spent his time watched the redhead from the open windows of his bedroom, taking in the beauty of the boy's soaring soul when he flied like he owned the sky. And when he realized that Charles was watching him as well, he would either give him a wide grin or a wave of his hand, surprisingly aware of his doing at the same time.

Charles wished he could be there too; flying because walking wouldn't be an option for him anymore.

And Erik, Erik was nothing like what he was before. Charles found himself deprived of the man's company but also wanted to have nothing to do with him anymore. Erik took his role to care for the children, to accompany them during practices and he even gave them some lectures about things that he knew about. Languages, Raven told him that Erik taught French, Italian and German to them. Physics, Hank was more than thrilled when he explained some new theories he had learned from Erik. While Sean and Alex had to deal with more practices when concerning Erik but those two seemed to improve so much better in such short term.

Charles noticed that when their eyes found each other, Charles was the first to look away and the senses of disappointment and aches that exuded from Erik, never seemed to fade.

"You should do something, you know?"

Erik stopped in his doing, titling his head up to see Alex who was sitting across the table, in front of him. Alex had this rare look upon his face, the one that either pitying him or empathize with his feeling. Erik decided that he didn't want to find out but Alex was fast to call him again.

"Mr. Lensherr, Professor is acting weird-"

"And what makes you think you know better than I do?" Erik unintentionally snapped at the young blond, causing Hank who sat next to him to twitch slightly. Erik paid him no mind as his focus was now solely for the younger one.

Alex met his eyes, determination visible in his pair of blue orbs as he clenched and unclenched his fists on top of the table. Erik waited for him to retort or anything but he was slightly taken aback by the next words that came from the boy.

"Just do something, will you? You're the closest person he has as a friend and we're nothing more but his children." Alex murmured under his breath, looking away at the same time as if he hated himself for caring too much. Hank only stared at the blond like he just grown another head while Erik blinked his eyes, words failed him to respond.

Later that night, Erik gathered those small pieces of courage that he had, standing upon the closed door that led to the room belonged to one and only Charles Xavier. He put his fist on the door, debating with himself for the last time whether or not to knock when a voice echoed in his mind.

'Come in, Erik, the door is unlocked.'

Erik mentally cursed but made sure not to make it audible for Charles to know. He slowly opened the door and peek his head in. Charles was sitting on his wheelchair near to the open balcony, a book on his lap and he smiled that fake smile Erik loathed so much.

Despite their circumstance, Erik wanted to scold Charles that it was dangerous for him to sit too near the open balcony; regardless that his room was now in the ground level. He could have fallen out from it and no one would realize that. Someone could have entered his room and harm him and no one could sense it earlier.

It was devastating how worried Charles could make him felt and how ignorant he was sometimes when it came to Erik's feeling.

Erik quietly entered the room and closed the door behind him. Charles still staring at him, waiting for him to tell or ask for anything that he needed, like that was supposed to be the only reason why Erik would want to see him now. No more chess, no more late night talks and no more beers.

They had become what they were when they first met each other.

"I need to tell you something." So he started with something that he knew would led to somewhere rather than a sickly heartwarming 'how are you doing?' because Charles would answer with a mere 'Fine' and Erik wouldn't know what else he should say.

Charles titled his head slightly to one side, the small smile stayed on his lips and Erik clenched his fists on his sides, hating the way Charles unconsciously played with his feeling.

"What is it, my friend?"

"I'm sorry." It tasted bitter on his tongue, the regret and the guilt he tried to make disappear, and they tasted worst when they were spoken into words. Erik watched as the smile fell from Charles' lips, his blue eyes lost their façade and he looked so much real now.

Like what he was supposed to look as; like he had been hurt.

But the torment hadn't stopped yet. Not yet.

"What are you sorry for, Erik?" Charles whispered, his words brought to Erik by the cold night wind and Erik had to hold in his shivers. He held his ground and looked into Charles' eyes, his usual kindness shielded by walls, within walls, within concrete walls. His Charles wasn't there, he probably died at the beach last fortnight, where Erik had held him close and taste tears on his tongue.

"For dragging you into my problem, for causing so many messes, for causing you hurt and for making you like… like this."

"This is called cripple, Erik," Charles' words were sharper than any knives and Erik found his inside started to bleed like it couldn't be stopped, "Cripple, call it that. I can't feel my legs. I can't move my legs. I can never walk again, Erik. I am a cripple."

Erik struggled to stop him, his fists clenched and unclenched nonstop on his sides, "No, Charles-"

"No, Erik, you know what happened to me, why are you acting like I'm still normal? I can't walk anymore, don't you know that? I can never walk and run or anything with these legs anymore and you know who did this to me?" his voice was filled with frustration and anger and sadness and Erik found himself speechless by the question.

Erik remembered the feeling of sands underneath his feet and a warm body closed against his chest. He remembered tears, he remembered blood and he remembered the cold metal called bullet he had on his palm. He remembered Charles looking at him, lips trembling and Erik remembered his whispered words.

The silence that lingered in the room suffocated them. Erik wanted to leave, to run away, to just disappear while Charles' blue eyes, brimming with tears were staring straight into his.

Erik clenched his eyes shut, unable to fight the ugly truth that was just becoming uglier. He turned on his heels and went to leave the room but before he closed the door, he heard Charles saying something in a small voice.

"If you were truly sorry, Erik," Erik was stopped only to listen to his next words while Charles closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.

"… You wouldn't have done it in the first place."

A/N : It had been a while since I last wrote angst. Do you want me to continue? x3

Review please.