Title: Chaotic Hearts
Author: PNS
Notes: Takes place now. Dru remarks on stuff and ponders Spike.
There's so much beauty in the world. It seems only I see it all. Everyone else is so bogged down in their pain and misery. They aren't touched. They don't feel.
I remember when I first saw Spike. He spoke to me. His heart beat rhythms I remembered from my own. He was like a beckon to me, giving the chaos in my head light. Then I snuffed him out. I wish I hadn't. What I got after, was a comfort but was nothing like the thing I had ruined.
He was never mine. His heart pretended to beat with mine, for loneliness, but there was something more out there for him. Something I couldn't see then. For awhile we were the best of friends, and lovers. We shared the same need for death and carnage and luxury.
Angel never held me either. No one has anyone, truly. We're all just little bits of each other saved for darker days. I wonder why I can't stay away from them? I want to start over, alone but I keep coming back, remembering the good old days. No matter how old or dead you are, the past is still so lovely. I'm like a little birdie who flies to close to the cat with his wild, green eyes.
The Slayer still haunts my nightmares. She stole him from me at last, tearing the last few heartstrings that held us together. I'm not bitter. He was my unsouled mate, but his soul flies with her. I saw it with my own eyes, and it whispered to me. It found haven in her because it despised me.
Out there I seem mad, but in here, it makes perfect sense. The sun, the earth, the blood, the whispers. I don't mind the loneliness. There's so much beauty.
Author: PNS
Notes: Takes place now. Dru remarks on stuff and ponders Spike.
There's so much beauty in the world. It seems only I see it all. Everyone else is so bogged down in their pain and misery. They aren't touched. They don't feel.
I remember when I first saw Spike. He spoke to me. His heart beat rhythms I remembered from my own. He was like a beckon to me, giving the chaos in my head light. Then I snuffed him out. I wish I hadn't. What I got after, was a comfort but was nothing like the thing I had ruined.
He was never mine. His heart pretended to beat with mine, for loneliness, but there was something more out there for him. Something I couldn't see then. For awhile we were the best of friends, and lovers. We shared the same need for death and carnage and luxury.
Angel never held me either. No one has anyone, truly. We're all just little bits of each other saved for darker days. I wonder why I can't stay away from them? I want to start over, alone but I keep coming back, remembering the good old days. No matter how old or dead you are, the past is still so lovely. I'm like a little birdie who flies to close to the cat with his wild, green eyes.
The Slayer still haunts my nightmares. She stole him from me at last, tearing the last few heartstrings that held us together. I'm not bitter. He was my unsouled mate, but his soul flies with her. I saw it with my own eyes, and it whispered to me. It found haven in her because it despised me.
Out there I seem mad, but in here, it makes perfect sense. The sun, the earth, the blood, the whispers. I don't mind the loneliness. There's so much beauty.