Written by: BWinner

BWinner's note: I'm finally getting around to writing some fan fiction for one of my all time favourite series. I've loved FMA for about eight years now, and I never managed to do any writing for it. In a sense I'm kind of satisfied; my tastes have changed so drastically over the years and I can meet this series head on with new inspiration. Roy has always been one of my favourite characters and re-watching Brotherhood has me completely entranced with his relationship with Hawkeye. The level of devotion those two have for one another is incredibly beautiful, and since I'm devastated they'll never have the "traditional" romance I want for them, I had to get creative with alternate scenarios. I've seen fellow authors tackle a blind Roy scenario before and it seemed like a fun challenge, so this is my interpretation of a few of the events before his sight was restored.

Disclaimer: I have no ties to this series what so ever; it belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. I do not profit from this work of fiction

Warnings: Language, "angst", borderline OOC

Pairing: Royai(Roy/Hawkeye)

Crossing the Line

The silence of the hospital room in the evening had given Roy entirely too much time to think. The events of the past few weeks had happened far too quickly to properly reflect on; but lying in bed when the bustling of the hospital had settled down and when all other patients finally fell asleep, left no distractions from the visions that consumed him. Roy showed no remorse on the battlefield, however, that didn't mean his actions didn't still tear at him when things were said and done. It ate at his spirit, remembering the hatred that coursed through him, the sick satisfaction he had felt delivering burning vengeance upon the vile creature that took his best friend. Roy thought that he knew his own goals and ambitions and that nothing would cloud that vision; to have to come to terms with the fact that he was weak enough to let hatred and a desire for revenge nearly steal those goals from him was difficult to come to terms with. The agony of being forced into a sacrifice for human transmutation paled in comparison to the fact that he had almost let go of the man he thought he was, that the last pieces of humanity might have been stripped with those actions. Then there was Hawkeye, and the idea that he could have hurt the Lieutenant so deeply. Roy felt terrible enough for all of the physical anguish she had gone through, but he knew that the mental anguish in the last week had been far worse; he fought with himself constantly to keep those thoughts in particular from his mind. Hawkeye's whole mission was to keep him on the right path, to keep him honest and to protect him, even from himself. He had nearly made her take the most drastic action possible and it ate at him to the very core.

Roy knew that he led his Lieutenant into a great deal of danger and that his goals walked a fine line on treason, which could have easily landed her and his entire crew in front of a firing squad at any moment. While he was grateful for such loyalty and devotion sometimes guilt still bore at his conscience. It was probably an insulting idea to Riza Hawkeye's strength but there were times when Roy wished he could relieve her of the burden of being his adjutant and the danger such a title entailed, what being by his side all the time entailed. Roy would never give up on his goals, but that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to curse his dangerous ambition from time to time and the ramifications of those goals putting his loved ones in danger. His one solace was that the main fight was over, and while there would still be aftershocks in the government regarding Bradley's death, most of the immediate dangers were over for now.

Roy didn't get a lot of sleep that night so the clamor of the hospital as patients awoke and more doctors and nurses arrived woke him far sooner than he would have liked. Roy gave a tired blink and tried to get his eyes to focus before being harshly reminded of the darkness that ruled his world right now. Before he could have time to start a new wave of remorse a light tapping at his door startled him and he turned his head to the sound of light footsteps coming closer to his bed.

"I'm sorry to intrude Sir, but I thought I would come by and inform you they're going to be letting you out of here today," a gentle female voice announced.

It was Hawkeye of course. The hospital had released her a few days prior, but she had dutifully come back to help Roy with more studies regarding Ishval and its cultures. He was incredibly grateful for that, just one more subtle way of keeping him on track. The idea of The Ishval Policy couldn't be lost in the waves of self-pity that continued to crash against his spirit. He suspected she knew that, and so everyday she came.

"I see, thank you Lieutenant." It was all he could really think of to say at that point.

"I have a car waiting for us, and I've taken the liberty to sort out your discharge papers and gather your personal effects. A nurse should be in shortly to help you change."

It took a few minutes for the nurse to arrive with his clothes, Roy still felt damn awkward having others help him with these everyday tasks. Hawkeye soon entered the room once more after the nurse left and led Roy out to the waiting car. One thing he noticed right away was how warm and refreshing things seemed outside; weeks in a hospital bed had made him feel like he was in a small prison. It left him with a sense of disappointment to be stuck in a vehicle with the way the breeze had flowed across his face and fresh air filled his lungs.

"May I roll down the window Lieutenant?" he asked once seated in the vehicle.

"Of course, Sir, as long as you'll be comfortable." Her voice was more eased and relaxed, nothing like a few moments ago in the hospital room. It was a subtle difference, one Roy had come to notice; Hawkeye was like that, very rarely did she let her guard down even in such a supposedly friendly environment.

It took some fumbling but Roy finally located the window crank and rolled his side window down. The sharp breeze was cool and refreshing. "So, Lieutenant, which one of the guys got stuck taking care of the incapacitated leader?"

"None of them."

Her response was so quick and frank Roy couldn't tell if the shock on his face was evident or not, but he did note that his cheeks felt a little hot. If it wasn't any of his other men then that meant it was Hawkeye. "I see, and you're comfortable doing this?"

"Yes, Colonel. It's a very vital time right now; without a person with you to aid you in some everyday tasks you're only slightly more useless than when you're wet. I'm aware that we no longer have the threat of Furher Bradley, and that Edward defeated Father, but that doesn't mean there might not be any kind of attempt on your life. As your guard I don't want to take that risk." There was a distinct tone in her voice that told Roy not to argue, but even still…

"That was a bit of a low blow." He felt slightly childish mumbling it, but he had to get a bit of a word in edgewise.

Hawkeye didn't retort and the remainder of the drive to his apartment was silent. Soon the car came to a stop and Roy was helped from the vehicle; hooking his arm into Hawkeye's he let the woman lead him up the stairs to the door. Roy almost couldn't remember the last time he had been in his apartment; there was definitely the distinct odor of dust in the air, and a slight chill had taken hold. She dropped his bags by the door for now and helped him out of his jacket.

"I'm not sure if you ate at the hospital before I came, but I can put together a sandwich if you're hungry." It was a modest offer, so very much like her.

"Real food sounds wonderful right about now," he agreed and felt his way from the hall to the living room. Luckily, he only managed to bang his shin on an end table before finally reaching the sofa.

The rest of the afternoon went by with little incident. Roy had miraculously managed to feed himself without making too much of a mess and when the kitchen was cleaned up Hawkeye had pulled out the Ishvalan history texts and tested more of his knowledge. She could be a taskmaster at times, but he knew this was for the greater good. The more he learned of the people the easier it would be to help rebuild their society and work with them in a peaceful manner.

Roy didn't know how long they had been going over the information when he suddenly heard the book close. "It's getting a little late, we should consider retiring and getting back to this in the morning when we're both refreshed."

"I suppose you're right, it feels like it's been a long day." Carefully he eased himself off the couch and felt around for the coffee table. Suddenly there was an arm wrapped around his waist and in a gentle motion he was guided around the table. "My room is the one at the end of the hall on the left… I never thought I would be telling you that," and he let her lead him through the rest of his home.

It felt odd to be in such familiar territory and yet have it not be familiar at all. Roy tried to picture in his mind's eye where everything was laid out, but he spent such little time in this place he couldn't bring it to memory right now. Soon enough he was turned around and the back of his knees hit his bed forcing him to sit.

"If you tell me where your nightclothes are, I'll get them from you," she instructed.

Roy felt his face flush in spite of himself. Of course, she was going to help him change… but surely there was nothing wrong with that? The two of them were professional, a commander and a subordinate. "I keep them in the second to bottom drawer of the large dresser." He hoped she hadn't heard his voice slip lightly.

"Very good, Sir."

There was some shuffling and soon Roy felt her hands at the buttons of his shirt. Her fingers moved deftly, undoing the buttons in fast measure then slipping the shirt from his shoulders and quickly replacing it with his nightshirt. His pants were changed in an equally quick fashion, although Roy could have sworn he felt her hands tremble through those motions.

"I trust you'll be okay from here. Should you need anything else I'll be sleeping on your couch, just shout and I'll come. Good night." Then before he could say anything else he heard her leave the room.

Roy released a breath he didn't know he had been holding and pulled his legs up to lie on the bed. This shouldn't have felt as awkward as it did now. Hawkeye was his friend and fellow soldier; not that he saw her as 'one of the guys' but he liked to believe he had a very professional relationship with her. Perhaps if Roy kept telling himself that he would eventually believe it. Deep down he knew he treated her differently than his other subordinates, that she was far more precious to him than that of a mere comrade. Who was he kidding giving her the codename: Queen as he took the role of the King. At least when they had an enemy to fight he could distract himself, but now there were no enemies left and Roy didn't know if he could make it presumably the next week or so in her care before Havoc arrived and Doctor Marcoh would come to use the Philosopher's Stone to heal them.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath. Roy didn't know how long he laid there before finally falling into a fitful sleep.

The next couple of days went by with very little excitement. There were some broken dishes and cursing as he fumbled his way around the apartment, but nothing that wasn't to be expected. It was the nights that were the real torment; it was when he was allowed to think. Just what were the two of them playing at here? She cooked and ran errands and did what she could around his house, any one of the other guys could have done this; why had she made it her prerogative? Could he dare to think she might hold for him the same affections he tried so hard to repress? He had noticed that while Hawkeye was strict when reciting notes on Ishval and training his mind, she was surprisingly gentle in all other aspects regarding him. Her tone would soften significantly if discussing any kind of day-to-day matter and her guard seemed to drop more and more in such a relaxed environment.

No! Stupid! It wouldn't even matter if that were true; the anti-fraternization laws barred anything from happening. Roy continued to play that thought in his head over and over until he fell into his usual restless sleep. He had only been asleep for what felt like a minute before he felt himself being shaken awake. Instinctively he opened his eyes before quickly shutting them again in frustration.

"Hawkeye, what in the- what is the meaning of this?" he asked, his tone a mix of sleepiness and frustration.

"You were crying out in your sleep, Sir. You shouted my name so I ran in only to find you tossing and drenched in sweat." Her tone to the untrained ear was flat, maybe even deadpan with this explanation, but Roy could detect the worry and confusion around her.

He felt himself blush in spite of himself and turned his face away from her gaze. At this point he didn't know what to say, he didn't even know he had been dreaming. All Roy did know was that this couldn't continue; the awful tension he felt around Hawkeye had to be addressed, for better or for worse. It terrified him, because he knew that he was risking not only demotion(maybe even discharge), but also her. For all Roy knew he really was reading too much into things and he could lose his lieutenant forever, but he wouldn't know until he stepped out into that abyss.

"Wa-wait a minute before you go back out there." He turned his head back to face her once more. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

TBC…