Authors Note: This is like a little venting project for me. I'm just posting it 'cause I can. It's awful, I know. So, bring on the hate comments! WOO!
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious but man I wish I did!
"Just talk to me Jade!"
"Fuck off Vega!" I all but ran away from her. The last thing I want to do right now is talk to her about 'us;' there is no 'us,' she's freakin' insane. If I can just make it to my car I can get the hell away from her at least until Monday. But no; sometimes I forget how in shape she is. I wasn't walking fast enough and just a few feet from my car I feel her hand close around my wrist. I jerk to a stop; she's not being gentle about this at all, she's holding my wrist so tightly it hurts.
"We're talking about this whether you want to or not!" She's pissed and I can't really blame her. Guess I finally got to her, finally pushed her to her limit. She pulls on my arm, roughly; I spin and face her. I've never seen her eyes glazed over with this much anger before; I don't think anyone has seen a truly pissed off Tori Vega. It's quite a sight really; man, if looks could kill.
"Okay, you got me, now what? You gonna stand here until I fess up? If you've got no plans for the rest of your damn life that's fine by me. I'm not saying a damn thing to you." I smirk at her, an expression of mine that she knows all too well.
"You're gonna tell me what the hell your problem is and you're gonna tell me now!" She's right in my face and now I'm really impressed. Not only have I brought out her angry side, I've got her swearing at me. I let my expression soften and act as if I've given up.
"Alright Vega, what do you wanna know? Go ahead, ask me anything." Her hold on my wrist tightens; I'm gonna have a major bruise before this is over.
"Why do you hate me?" Her anger falters and her voice cracks, she sounds like she's about to cry. Don't tell me this bothers her that much. She can't be that weak, can she?
"Why do you think I hate you?" There's so much teasing anger in my voice and she picks up on it quickly.
"Don't fuck with me Jade, answer my question!" Whoa, guess she didn't like my answer. Alright, she wants to know, fine. She's gonna regret asking and it's gonna fuck up everything for everyone but I could care less right now. I feel my heart pounding in my chest, beating against my ribs hard enough to break them. I keep my expression calm, cold, hate-filled. I'll play this out to the end.
"I've got a lot of reasons to hate you Vega. It's all your fault too. Hell, you didn't exactly make a great 'first impression' when we met. But I can't use that little event as an excuse anymore now can I?" Beck had moved to Canada; good riddance, he was just a play-thing for me, I didn't care. "Everyone thinks you're so damn perfect; that you don't have a single freakin' flaw. Everyone thinks so highly of you and it's all total bullshit. You're not better than any of us; you've got your flaws just like everyone else. We're a lot alike you know, constantly having to fight for what we want, always getting put down by somebody. I hate it; I hate the way I feel around you." I yank my wrist from her hand; I can't stand having her touching me, not now. "I just hate the way you make me feel." I turn away from her; letting all of this out is just going to blow up in my face but I've already said so much. There's no turning back now, I'm totally screwed.
"Jade…I-I had no idea you felt that way…" She sounds hurt and it just pisses me off even more. What gives her the right to be hurt by this? I'm the one opening up my heart right now; I'm the one going against everything I've learned about how this kind of thing goes!
"Yeah, you had no idea, no fucking idea! You're so perfect, so damn innocent. What the fuck makes you so special?" That's it, I've lost it now. I feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks; she's broke me. She wins, that's all there is to it. I drop to my knees on the pavement; I'm done, I'm just done. I look up at her, she looks so lost and confused; who the hell wouldn't be? "I like you…" It comes out as a rough whisper and I hardly recognize my own voice.
"Jade…" Her voice is soft, gentle. She kneels down onto the pavement next to me and places a hand on my shoulder. I turn away; I can't do this, I just can't. "Look at me." Her other hand cups my cheek and she forces me to look at her. "Why didn't you just come talk to me about this?" She's not mad, she's acting like she's totally fine with this; she can't be that nice.
"I was scared; I'm still scared." I hate admitting this but I can't stop myself. I can't lie to myself about this anymore; I can't lie to her anymore. "I don't really hate you; I hate myself for wanting you. I hate myself 'cause I've never been good with relationships. I hate not knowing how to handle this kind of thing. I just didn't know what to do and I thought if I tried to cover it with hate it would just go away." I'm not one for the whole 'feelings' thing so now I just feel awkward just sitting here with her. "So, now what?"
"Now we try and figure all of this out and see where things go." She smiles and for once I feel comfort in it.
I'm sure things will be hard for us, but maybe this can work. A love born out of hate, how good can it get?