Age Old Question

In the anime world there must be plenty of victims who have gone through so many experiments that it affected their aging. Two that come to mind are Faye Valentine and Vincent Valentine (No relation).

From the twisted mind that brought you The Untold story of Relena Peacecraft, comes a new exclusive.

A!

True Anime stories

Faye valentine:

Well, where do I begin? The 90's were a good time period from what I could gather. Things were simpler and what seems like a heap of junk now was new age technology back then.

A!

How did this affect you as a person from two different time periods, and the people around you?

I was a rich girl…I went back to my home that use to be a mansion, and it was gone. It hurt me in such a way because here I am busting my ass! And going with out food for days because I'm in a ship full of dumbasses! The only good thing that I can think of that came out of being frozen is I still have my beauty. Because most of the income that comes in is because of me! Do you really think Spike could get anywhere wearing a mini and plunging V-neck? Only in a gay gutter!

How do feel about being frozen, and the things those scientist have done to you?

They really are assholes! Did I ask to be saved from an exploding rocket? People died in that accident! Why save me and then expect me to pay a huge flippin' debt? I hated the future so badly, because everyone I came in contact wanted to take advantage of me! I wasn't always like this…I was rich! I dream at night about the mansion, waking up to English muffins and a handsome fiancé with a yacht and summer home in Tuscany. I'd have the finest silk and perfumes and I'd travel the world, but then I wake up to the sound of my growling stomach, or engine parts scarping against the floor.

How's your love life? Do you feel awkward being 77?

I may be 77, but I sure as hell don't look it, ok? And what love life? I have none! No time for it! I'm going to bounty hunt 9 to 5 and then get ready for a date at 7? No one is to be trusted in my book, because to me people come in and out of life like shit.

What about Spike?

What about the stupid ass? So what if he's tall and handsome, and the way that fuzzy green hair just curls slightly around his face is mind blowing? The asshole is stuck in the past! How ironic you know? I'm in the future trying to get by, while he's still in love with some blonde bimbo…that is dead! (slight sniffle) I'll tell you why he doesn't notice me!

I never asked—

See it's because I'm too much for him, he just can't handle an older woman with a mind. That's like Spike, he has to be in charge of everything. Don't fall for that cool guy thing that he does, because it's bullshit, try living with him!

Commercial break

A!

Vincent, you too have been affect by aging experiments?

Vincent:

I wish it was just that, but when you have an affair with a mad scientist's wife, you get more than aging experimentations.

Was the affair worth it?

…………(menacing glare)

Er….um…do you remember anything?

Everything….how could I forget the sadistic look in his eyes as he strapped me down like an animal and sliced through my flesh peeling back my skin. My blood just slid down his latex gloves like sorrowful tears on a porcelain face.

……(holding back vomit)

Than came the mutations…I would like to see how you would handle watching your body deform and reform from man to beast to…thing. He didn't want me to die…that would have shown mercy. No, he wanted me to suffer as long as I could, and remaining alive to see the damage…feel the damage….be the damage.

H-how has your aging affected your love life?

I desire no love or life.

Does it feel strange that you are in your 50's and hanging around a bunch of kids?

Cid isn't a kid….neither is Barret.

They are years younger than you, is this a mid-life crisis thing. Do they make you feel hip?

Yeah, saving the world from a lunatic just makes me feel like a spring chicken.

This Lunatic you speak of, would that be Sephrioth? Who may be your son?

(gets up and shoots the reporter in the head)

Faye:

I am never doing these interviews again.

Vincent:

And I as well

The questions they ask are so retarded! And then you go into public and some nerd cosplaying as you comes up to ya with a million questions.

Yeah, I hate the ones about romance fanfics…."Vincent do you and yuffie have a thing? Like omg! That's so sweet, but I think you should be with Tifa…" on an on! No child could ever satisfy my needs!

(raises eyebrows) Hey….I'm 77.