AN: I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate behavior, dirty, sick and twisted sense of humor, and my undying love of either Fullmetal or chocolate depending on my mood. This story has a lot of sexual innuendos mostly coming from the conversations around my house and in the car between me and my women( Noah, Riza and Winry, Envy keeps me on my toes too, I, Edward never have a dull home life.) This story consists of lots of Crack (after my last psychotic story I needed to let loose) lots of sex, and some drama mixed with confused emotion. I also brought back Lyle from my story 'May I have this dance' my nephew's character.

Sweet Hell

Amestris University was one of the top schools in Amestris where all the elites sent their children to become promising upstanding citizens unfortunately there were a few bad apples as the dean of the school looked over his list of oddball students.

First on the list was one Edward Elric. Male stripper at Sweet cheeks by night, Chemist and Physics major by day. Edward was a ladies man ever since he and his childhood girlfriend Winry Rockbell had broken up for the third time since beginning college. Now he was a handsome guy at 22 years of age and a senior, with his waist length golden locks, huge golden eyes women just fell for and his firm muscular body from being a black belt in martial arts. Still in love with Winry he tried to cover it up by sleeping with anyone he could.

Roy Mustang: Bouncer at club Sweet Cheeks (Male strip club) by night, Criminology major by day. Mustang was a muscular guy at age 22 years of age and a senior in college. His shoulder length black hair and dark eyes put him in the running with Edward for chicks. Edward Elric's best friend and partner in crime, He also carried a torch for one Riza Hawkeye who didn't even know he was alive.

Alphonse Elric: Waiter at club Sweet Cheeks by night, History major by day. At age 21 years of age Al was a handsome guy himself with his shoulder length golden hair and golden eyes that only gave his brother a run for his money. Now a junior in college he was also nothing like his brother, he was always getting in trouble leaving Ed to bail him out.

Lyle Dupre: Loiterer at Sweet Cheeks by night and pot dealer and sometimes days, Just trying to make it through school by day. At age 21 and a junior Lyle had no real goal in life except his pot. His dark long hair and huge blue eyes that were hidden behind his bangs made every girl wonder. His only real goal in school was how high he could get before class if he made it to class.

Winry Rockbell: Stripper by night at the Pouncing Pony, Mechanical engineer major by day. At age 22 and a senior she was a gorgeous blonde with ass length hair, beautiful huge sapphire blue eyes and a body any guy would die to get his hands on (and Edward had his hands everywhere on that body and then some) still in love with Edward she bounced from guy to guy never giving anything to them she had already given to Edward and that sometimes turned them off.

Alina Monrey: Waitress at the Pouncing Pony by night, Nursing major by day. At age 20 and a junior (she was very smart) she was a stunning girl with really dark red hair below her shoulders with bangs and her yellow orange eyes that Edward loved to stare into. Edward's friend for eight years she was almost like a sister to him (actually he called her his Squeak Toy because every time he came near her or touched her lately she squeaked) and she became his keeper and the one that looked out for him. Not to mention he teased her about her skirts that only went below her ass cheeks as he tried to look up it.

Riza Hawkeye: Bartender at the Pouncing Pony by night, Ammunition major by day. At age 22 and a senior she was a striking woman with long blonde hair and beautiful golden hazel eyes she was focused in her career wanting to join the military. Her days consisted of brushing off Roy's advances and focusing on her studies when she wasn't beating the hell out of guys at the Pouncing Pony.

Noah Braxon: Waitress at the local pizza place by night, Art major by day. At age 20 and a sophomore she was a dark haired beauty, huge dark eyes and a golden skin color from her gypsy background. A mousy girl that didn't talk much and secretly had a crush on Edward (then again what girl didn't) and she does everything for him. She had some trouble keeping a place to live (not making much money) so Edward had suggested she move in with them and he'd take care of her part of the rent.

As he finished looking over the list Dean Falman just sighed 'I cannot make it through another year with these kids.' He thought turning and looking out the window at the kids pulling up to start their new year. That's when he spotted Edward and his band of misfits strolling across the grass. He turned to see Mrs. Rockbell walking towards him and knowing their heated past Falman just sat back 'Oh this is going to be good.' Watching as Winry walked up with her soda in her hand there was a confrontation between her and Edward and as she turned to walk away she took the lid off her cup turned back around and threw it at him. But Edward anticipating her move ducked and it hit Lyle instead 'Damn so close' Falman said turning back around in his chair 'Welcome to another fun filled year of pure insanity Falman.' He thought shaking his head.

About five minutes later Edward burst through his door "I'd like to make a complaint I was almost assaulted on school grounds Dean Falman."

Falman knowing about Edward and Winry's relationship turned to him and sighed "Whhhy Mr. Elric did your ex-girlfriend find out you were sleeping with half the student body."

"I resemble that remark and it's not half their student bodies it's all their bodies." Edward said straight faced as Falman just face-palmed then looked up "I saw the whole thing Elric and with what you've put that girl through I saw no assault going on."

Edward scoffed "Yeah I knew you'd take her side with a body like that." Falman jumped up "HER BODY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!" although if girls looked like her while he was in school he would of enjoyed it better.

Edward turned and waved over his shoulder leaving his office "Yeah, Yeah tell me another one." Muttering under his breath, "Pervert."

Walking out of the dean's office Edward noticed a young girl he hadn't seen around before she looked of oriental descent and she was a looker. So he decided to go up and introduce himself "Hey" he said walking up behind her "Haven't seen you around here before." She turned and she had the most beautiful dark eyes he had ever seen "I'm new now if you'll excuse me I have to catch up to my friend." She pointed down the hall and Edward turned to see a guy of the same descent, with long black hair as he waved to the girl and she walked fast towards him. Edward yelled after her "Hey can I get your name?" She turned and yelled back "Lan Fan" she pointed to her friend "And this is Ling Yao."

"EDWARD" he yelled pointing to himself as she smiled and they walked off down the hall. 'Lan Fan' Edward thought as he studied the dark haired beauties ass as she walked off.

"I see you found your new conquest?" Mustang said walking up behind him and putting his hand on Edward's shoulder "Watch out for the guy I hear he's like a watch dog over her." Edward turned and smiled "Well then I better get some dog biscuits to keep him busy." Mustang smiled as they both walked to class. Upon entering Physics class Edward saw Winry flirting with some guy and he rolled his eyes as he walked over to a desk and sat down. As she saw him she turned and walked over and sat on his desk "Ed I'm sorry about this morning but after learning about you and that bitch Rose I couldn't control myself."

He looked at her and slightly smiled as he thought how hot she looked when she was jealous "Really" he said placing his hand on her thigh and moving it up as she reached down and caught it before it made it under her skirt. She never could resist his advances and she loved the sex they had. "I tell you what Ed, give me a ride to work later and I'll rock your world." His little soldier in his pants did a jump as she winked and got off the desk and walked to her seat. He never was able to resist a freebie from Winry 'Damn that girl's hot' he thought to himself 'Now tell me again why you broke up with her you fucking idiot?' he thought for a minute and then remembered all the fights and her throwing shit at him 'Oh yeah' the visions still haunted him in his sleep but he couldn't say no to her…..eveeer and she knew she had him by the balls. He put his hands on each side of his head as he gathered his hair into a ponytail and put the hair tie in it then he relaxed for class as the teacher came in.

After class he met up with Michael Envy another grade school friend of his. "Hey Ed I heard you were with that chick who works at the mini mart." He demonstrated big boobs with his hands "You know the one." Ed just shook his head "Yeah she didn't last long." He gestured with his hands "A lot here but not much for stamina." Envy got a puzzled look "Really one would have thought she could go all night." Ed shook his head "Nope" then he went to walk off "Are you gonna need a ride home Mike?" Envy smiled "Yeah my cars in the shop again." Walking off Edward waved over his shoulder "Alright meet me here after school. I have to give Winry a ride to work." Envy snarled knowing the hell that girl had put his friend through the last time they were together "Why do you still do things for her?" Edward turned and smiled "It's the fringe benefits that keep me going back." Shaking his head Michael had to agree "Yeah I guess I would too." He whispered under his breath walking to class.

Edward walked down the hall and saw Alina getting a drink of water trying not to bend over that much due to her skirt being too short. He thought this was the perfect opportunity to goose her. So he walked up behind her really close and bumped his crotch to her ass "Nice buns Squeak" she jumped and turned around "Ahh" squeaked in a high pitch then punched him in the stomach "Edward what the hell I almost ate the drinking fountain."

He gave her a once over "You better watch bending over like that one day you're gonna get more than you bargain for." She smiled shyly "And I suppose you're the one who'll give it to me?" He gave her a smirk "Any time baby, Anytime" she rolled her eyes "In your dreams Ed" he laughed as he walked off "No I've already had you there." She watched him strut off "He is such a playboy" looking at his ass "But what a hot one at that" she looked around to make sure no one heard her.

Getting through the rest of the day was easy as classes ended and everyone met at Edward's car. His car was a 1969 charger with a V-8 engine in it, Painted cobalt blue with white stripes, black leather interior and in mint condition. Noah, Envy, Winry, and Lyle were all waiting beside it as he walked up. Unlocking the doors they all piled in and he started the car and drove out of the parking lot.

"I'm taking you guys home then I'll take Winry to work" He told them all as he turned and smiled a sly smile at Winry and she blushed. Just then his cell phone rang "Shit" he reached up to the blue tooth in his ear "What! I'm driving" upon listening to the person on the phone he swerved the car as he screamed "WHAT! YOU HAVE FUCKING GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" shaking his head "FIIIINE I'm ON MY WAY!" he pushed the gas pedal and apologized to everyone "Sorry people we have to make a detour. It seems my brother is drunk and streaking down Main Street with a cucumber duck taped to his crotch" Edward looked at Envy in the rearview mirror "You remembered to put extra clothes in the trunk after last time right?" Envy grinned "Yeees and I also have rope to."

Edward smiled a huge smile "Good man" he turned to Winry "Don't worry baby I'll have you to work on time if we have to hog tie him and stuff him in the trunk."

Driving into town "Everybody keep your eyes open last time he popped out of a dumpster and scared an old lady and almost gave her a heart attack." Edward said scanning the streets as he looked in the rearview mirror at Lyle "This better not have been you're doing." Lyle looked at Edward with his half open eyes and gave him a 'I'm totally high grin' "Duuuuude I was with you all day. It wasn't like last time when I gave him tequila and ecstasy."

Just then out of the corner of her eye "Edward there" Winry pointed as they saw Al standing in front of a store naked having a conversation through the window with a mannequin.

"Envy, get the rope and clothes" Edward said pulling the car over to the curb and getting out. "ALPHONSE! WHAT IN ALL THAT'S HOLY ARE YOU DOING?"

Al turned with a stupid jacked up grin on his face "Heeeey Bro" he looked down "Do you like my maaanhooood?" he sang wiggling his hips back and forth.

"Al that's a cucumber not your real pecker." Edward said walking towards him as Al tried to bolt off running "ENVY THE ROPE NOW!" Envy hung out the window and began to swing the rope around in the air like a lasso then he let it fly lassoing Al's feet and bringing him to the ground as Edward tackled him 'Geez this is one thing I wasn't planning on doing today. Wrestling a naked guy who happens to be my brother to the ground.' Envy jumped out of the car with Al's clothes "Quick get them on him" Edward said struggling to get Al's clothes on.

"I can't get them past his crotch" Envy said yanking on Al's pants.

"CUT IT OFF!" Edward yelled putting his shirt over his head. Envy froze "What the cucumber or his-"Edward cut him off "THE CUCUMBER OF COURSE!" Envy took out his knife and sliced off the cucumber then they hog tied him and threw him in the trunk.

Jumping back in the car Edward checked his watch "See that only took twelve minutes. Now back on schedule." He turned the car on and started to drive again as Al's cries from the trunk slowly turned into silence and Edward hoped he had passed out and not threw up in his trunk. But he was smart after the last time with Al he had his trunk lined with plastic. Driving up to their house Edward dropped Envy, Noah, and Lyle off at the six bedroom, four bathroom mansion on the hill. Then looking over to Winry he smiled "Are you ready to rock my world baby." She smiled as she gave him a seductive look "Just drive the car Elric and I'll drive you." Winry remembered the first time she and Edward ever had sex and from that point on she realized she never wanted anyone else and she hadn't slept with anyone since him even though she had a lot of boyfriends. After they broke up they still had there occasional sexual encounters and each time it had gotten more extreme but this time she wanted to blow his mind.